“Thanks, Dawn! After the stream of shittalking I overheard from Wilbur about me, I felt really down; but then I thought about your haircut and realized if you don’t need external validation neither do I.” –Hibbleton
“You know how most phones will say ‘Possible Spam’ or something to that effect when an unknown number calls? April uses so many burner phones that her family just assumes unknown numbers are her at this point, and have set their phones accordingly.” –TheDiva
“Wilbur barely seems interested in what’s going on with Dawn and Tommy. He’s thinking, ‘Hey, what if everything I said was in a Sam Elliott voice? Y’know, that deep, laconic cowboy thing he’s got going on? That would be cool! I bet people would like me then! Also, has my daughter somehow become our neighbor’s drug counselor? Eh, it’ll probably be fine. I wonder if it’s lunchtime yet?’” –BigTed
“Some people would get aroused from watching fit young women in swimwear jumping around. But not Leroy. No, he has a much more elaborate fetish. He can only get off looking at spreadsheets of numbers relating to said fit young women in swimwear jumping around. The Orlando Valkyries are beating their ace ratio by 4.2 percentage points on the 2025 season? Oh yeahhhhhh, Leroy’s going need a cold shower.” –Schroduck
“I’m trying to determine the meaning of what Leroy is doing with his left hand. Is he doing the ‘money’ gesture where you rub your fingers and thumb together? After all, Loretta says he’s more than a mere participant in this fantasy league, he started it, which means even if he doesn’t win he gets to keep a portion of the pot. It’s kind of a relief to know that Leroy’s interest in these young women is mostly financial. He’s probably not even looking at stats, let alone actual games — he’s just seeing people join his league and hearing cash register noises.” –Vulpes
“What does ‘down the way‘ mean in a featureless desert? I think she’s telling him either that she’s some sort of burrowing animal, or that she’s a demon from Hell. Either way, he’s in love!” –Peanut Gallery
“ACAB (All Cops Are Born to serve gil thorp)” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“Yes, we’re home! And finally safe! Our enemies at the CIA are no longer a problem. Thanks to Bogdan. With his bare hands. And he only asked for one favor in return! That’s probably him at your door right now.” –cheech wizard
“Can these twins please watch Catch Me If You Can or something to get a sense of what sort of scams might be profitable? Or interesting to watch? ” –Rita Lake
“Move out of where? I have no idea of what his situation is. To be honest, I barely remember his name is ‘Phil’ and only know he’s a nurse because he never takes those moldy scrubs off.” –Artist formerly known as Ben
“Everyone must make sacrifices and suffer for Luann’s sake. It’s like she’s Christ, except the opposite — there must be a quicker way to say that.” –Ettorre
“Imagine walking around in real life, when you see a man whose suit is somehow made of static. It’s buzzing and glitching and generally violating all the laws of fabric, sewing, and good taste. There would be so many crashes as people take their eyes off the road to stare. This is why television and cars don’t mix.” –Lauralot
“Luann’s dream is to become a teacher in the mid-21st century. She’s never going to be able for afford rent, Phil.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“Oh, well, everyone knows that, when recovering from addiction, the first of the 12 steps is Sincerity.” –RoofPig, on Patreon
“‘If you blocked her, how do you know you got an online detention, Elmo?’ ‘Listen, Mr. Bumstead, I don’t write this stuff. They just draw a speech bubble next to me!”’ –Bob Tice
“‘Do hugs, not drugs’ might be a catchy slogan, but consider: what if the hug involved Wilbur?” –Blond Pardo
“Why is it even called Blondie instead of Dagwood? The strip doesn’t even have ‘Blondie Permanence.’ As soon as Blondie-the-character isn’t in a room with Dagwood-the-character, everything about her disappears, even her strangely placed chair in the TV room.” –Doc Wonmug
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