Thighs Wide Shut

excuse me?????

and what is a this??? 🤔 🧐

for the record, my nom de plume isn’t Hayley, it’s Thighmaster

Being a father has given me so much. Although for the first few years of this incredible duty and journey, it robbed me of my once great passion of seeing movies. Alas, I pushed movie-going on my daughter about as early as I could, and now she’s beyond game to go, although we’re not quite ready for a repertory screening of A Clockwork Orange quite yet. I was able to see over ten new movies in 2024, which means I can finally create a list of the “best” that I saw. Enjoy!

10. Harold and The Purple Crayon

This movie made a major mistake by not being a fully animated one, and thus robbing us of the wonder of Harold drawing his way in and out of trouble. Still, Zachary Levi brings a winning goofiness as the boy leaping off the page, who ultimately has to deal with a deliciously devious Jemaine Clement.

9. Alien: Romulus

Rare movie seen without my kid, and not sure how this was the one I choose, but I enjoyed it for what it was, essentially a typical Alien movie where humans never stood a chance. What I particularly liked about this one was seeing Ian Holm’s face again, and the wild facial expressions being expressly expressed by actor David Jonsson.

8. Moana 2

It was basically Moana 1 all over again, although somehow Moana quadrupled the amount of facial expressions she made in the first movie, and somehow tried to outdo Alien: Romulus’ David Jonsson’s manic facial expressions. The highlight of this movie were the songs, and I’m always happy to ask Alexa to play the Rock’s killer track, “Can I Get A Chee Hoo?” A Moana 3 is a no-brainer to happen, but how can they come up with something new when it will probably just be another sea journey to fight some gigantic sea monster? It’s like Harry Potter all over again.

7. Inside Out 2

The writers of the Inside Out movies are so fcuking clever. They really are. All the mind games and brainy puns to use, coupled with excellent voice work of Amy Poehler as Joy trying to tame the insanity of Maya Hawke’s Anxiety. This movie actually ended up being a little too stressful to watch for the whole family, and I’m not sure I believe that Riley would EVER break into her coach’s office. Again, a third installment is a no-brainer, but I’m starting to grow a little tired of the mainly darkened insides of Riley’s mind. Perhaps Joy can spread her wings by escaping into the outside world? Btw — my kid told me I had to go as Embarrassment for Halloween, joining her as Joy, and the Mrs as Disgust.

6. Flow

Might I interest you in a Latvian-animated film with no words? There are almost no words to describe this epic journey of a movie that finds a cat awash in problems, and banding together with other animals to stay afloat. The animation is a bit different than were accustomed to, but the story’s strength of camaraderie for survival has real heart to it. I guess there WERE words to describe it.

5. Mufasa

I think they already made a “live-action” Lion King movie already, and if they did I didn’t see it. I did see Mufasa, and after doing so, it’s easy to say that this is how you make an excellent prequel to a beloved movie. If only George Lucas could have found such depth, adventure, and fun when creating his “Star Wars” prequels. Mufasa is a visual splendor, with the animals’ faces capturing both animal-like motions, and human-like talking and emotions. I just wonder, is anything I saw on screen actually real, or essentially a cartoon made by a computer made to look real. 🤷‍♂️

4. My Penguin Friend

Although he had played assassins in the last, Jean Reno always give them a sympathetic heart that turned into the pulse of the movie. In this movie, he has a broken heart and it’s mended by a lost penguin that takes refuge in his and his wife’s rustic beachy home. The penguin eventually migrates each year, but comes back to visit Reno’s again and again. This movie hit the sweet spot, and is made even better by the fact that it’s based on a too good to be true story!

3. Robot Dreams

It’s the 80s, and a lonely dog finds companionship with a mail-order robot. While some hilarity ensues between the two, a lot of touching melancholy fills the rest of this cartoon’s space in just a super wonderful movie to behold. Like Flow, this one skimps on dialogue, but more than makes up for it by speaking to the viewer emotionally.

2. Wicked

I had never seen the musical “Wicked,” so had zero attachment to it before settling in for 2 hours 45 minutes. Even after laughing at the dumbness of the school being called Shiz University, I was completely captivated by this expanded world of Oz from start to finish. Cynthia Ervo brings real pathos (I hate that word, but alas) to her outcast Elphaba character, but the real star of this is Ariana Grande’s Glinda. The screen loves her, as she gives it her all in every scene, as she acts and sings her guts out, while running and dancing around each magical set. Can’t wait for Wicked 2!

1. Piece by Piece

Lego movies are easy home runs because they contain Legos, and their storytelling possibilities are endless. Telling the story of multi-hyphenate Pharrell Williams’ life in the form of Lego bricks, with help from director Morgan Neville, was not only a stroke of genius, but the greatest movie going experience I engaged in for all of 2024. My kid loved it so much, particularly the McDonald’s sequence, that we saw it twice in theaters. My favorite part — a Lego recreation of the music video for Wreckx-n-Effect’s “Rump Shaker.” Never in my life’s wildest imagination would I ever believe the bikini-clad woman playing a sax on the beach would have ever been Lego-sized. Bless you “Piece by Piece.” Also, the soundtrack is A++++++

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Other thoughts — although it was nice to see the band back together, a second “Beetlejuice” proved unnecessary. Why did they have to suck the life out of Winona’s Lydia Deetz’ character? She was the pulse of the original, and they flatlined her. My daughter prefers the Steve Carell version of “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” from “Despicable Me 4” over the Tears For Fears original. I may actually prefer Jack Black’s “Hit Me Baby (One More Time)” from “Kung Fu Panda 4” over Britney’s original. I give Joe Krysydyzelskkki credit for letting the ideas run rampant in his imaginary friend “IF” flick, but how family friendly is a movie if one parent is dead and the other on their way to being dead? Nice try Jim.

And the worst movie I saw in theaters in 2024 is “Gracie & Pedro: Pets to the Rescue!” While the dog mildly resembled house favorite Skye from Paw Patrol, this movie was a fcuking eyesore. It made the animation in the Dire Straits video for “Money For Nothing” look like Vincent Van Gogh if he ran Pixar. The abso worst!

One final note — blessed to call NY home for so many reasons, and one I’ve always loved is the amount of movie theaters showing repertory screenings. Where else could my daughter see such old delights on the big screen like Sleeping Beauty, Bambi, Aladdin, The Rescuers Down Under, and An American Tail: Fievel Goes West

Which yellow phone should we buy Richard?

[Pleasant Family Shopping]

more like dregs salad machine!

[meatsohorny]

if Biden loses, I’m moving to Canada Dry