The Wendy Diaries

Work for it.

2012-11-04T13:27:00.001-07:00

(This post was originally started in February of 2011.)

This Wendy hat
The irony of my life- I am surrounded by lost boys and pirates (dangerous lost boys). They seem to just flock to me and I can't beat them away with stick. (Mostly because my eyes do that sparkling thing and my smile engrosses my entire head). I DON'T WANT YOU, YOU LOST BOYS! (I am throwing a huge foot stomping tantrum).
There... I said it! I don't want the douchebag, the jerk, or the social reject.
I want the nice guy! The one that makes you feel like you are a better person just because he sent you a text that day. Don't even get me started about how uplifted you feel when you are actually with him and having a conversation.

EVERYONE I have ever met, has brought me down. Even the slightest degree. Well maybe not EVERYONE and down - but never uplifted.

However, there is that person that makes you want to be perfect, because he is perfect.
Obviously, no one is really perfect. But it is a rarity for me to not see fault in a boy. I have ways of sniffing out the skeletons from boys' closets.

So I have seen this infamous perfect creature hidden in this creep filled world. It is almost like seeing a unicorn slide down a rainbow.

Here's the issue... I am not used to actually having to work for a relationship that I want. Well... I haven't really even wanted a relationship until this point. I am at the cross roads. I am graduating from college, and now it is time for me to start a grown up life.
I have know the perfection "subject" for only a small amount of time.

Super funny.... but I actually married this perfect subject almost a year ago. It is a long story all on its own... But I will write how this Wendy Bird stopped flying away and found her Man.

Vomit your life issues all over me

2012-11-04T13:23:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I accept the fact that I am a Wendy.

I had been working for a company as a little greeter once a week. This is what my "role" entailed:
I had to get myself all lookin' spicy, and go but the particular soda flavors "the boss" wanted. I showed up to large building's small lobby and waited for my absolute jerk of a boss to show up. Then he would walk me through exxactly what he wanted me to say and do.
As young guys walked into the lobby, I was to greet them with " Hi, I am Cara, are you here for Waste your Life Industries ( name changed) ? Great and what is your name? ( at this point I had to check off the name from the list) Then I was to push the elevator button, instruct them to Go to the 11th floor, exit the elevator, turn to the right and then there would be someone up there to take them the rest of the way. At that point I had to push the 11th floor button for them and tell them to have a great night. All with grace, a large perfect smile, and a little bit of flirtation.

Anyways, At this stupid recuruitment meeting for pest control / security sales, There was a guy who was to be the "Special Guest Speaker" we will call him GUY
He was very nice and always treated me with a little respect, which is what I definitely was not getting from "the boss (whom I had previously gone out with a few times in the past)". I didn't know much about him.... but I would later find out much much more.

At the casino: I was out of town with my sister helping her with a photo shoot in Vegas. We had gone to a casino for dinner. While there I got a facebook friend request.. Which made it much better to stalk him.
There were a lot of pictures of him with some kids. Nieces and nephew????

The message:
The following week I went through the whol routine and quickly took off when I was done. I got paid like $20 a night to stand there.... But I didn't ever want to be there over 2 hours.
Soon after I left I got this lovely note in my facebook messages:
Whats up! :)

Hey I wanted to talk to u after the presentation but u had already taken off. I wanted to see if you'd like to go out and do something tonight (see a movie, get some ice-cream or hot chocolate, etc...). Hopefully you get this message in the next little bit. Call or text me at 555-5555

The night: He was kinda an attractive guy... and I was always open for saying yes to dates with older guys... They have money :)..... USUALLY :(

So I did tell him he could come over and we would see. Well this was a great decision on my part.
He was there a very long time.
My best girl friend was my roommate and luckly pretty much had my back that night.
Our conversation included these topics:
He was 36
Just recently devorced.
3 kids --- he loved his kids
Porn addition
Pain killer addiction
Depression
Suicide
Lives with his parents
His Ex- wife was planning on getting remarried already
I was 21.

He just kept talking and talking and talking. I listened. I knew that this was not going anywhere with him. But more so, I could tell that he just needed a friend. Someone to listen to him.
Around midnight, my girl told me she needed to go to the store. GUY asked if he could come along. We say ok... if he drove.
When we got back, he convinced the two of us to buy gym memebrships from him. Pretty soon after that, I finally conviced him to leave. Wheww
Night number 2
The following week I believe, he came back. We reviewed most of this guys issues that he had previously vomited all over my lap.
The highlight of that night however, was him showing me all sorts of videos of draining cycts. That stuff is nasty.
I could tell that all of my older roommates were getting really sick of him and wanted him to go.
My apartment had a midnight curfew for boys during the week, so one of my roommates decided to tell him that he needed to go and point out that I was breaking curfew. I thanked her for her help wince I really couldn't get him out of there. She was still ticked off at me though. Most of my roommates thought I was a little bit of a tramp....
I actually wore make up and went out on a lot of dates, OK?!?!

Well after he left I got this message: Sorry about tonight

Please tell your room mates that I'm sorry. I had no idea about a BYU housing curfew nor did I even realize what time it was. In all honesty my biggest apology should go to you. I'm sure that you were relieved beyond measure that she spoke up when she did so that I would leave. By not planning anything for our date tonight I'm sure it came across as a lack of caring or interest. The sad reality is that I'm a self-admitted social misfit right now. Cara you definitely have a talent in that you just make people around you feel comfortable regardless of who they are or the situation. You are easy to talk to and seemed genuinely interested in whatever I was blathering on about when, let's be honest, you'd have probably rather stuck a knife in your leg. I am carrying a lot of baggage and have self confidence that's been shot to pieces because of everything that I've gone through recently and tonight I took advantage of your good nature. I was awful, inconsiderate, boring company. For this, I'm sorry. I guess that deep down I haven't fully come to terms with the reality of where my life is, and that notion was manifested in full force tonight. The truth is, however, that I really enjoy your company. You are fun, attractive, smart, and a plethora of other positive adjectives. In reality I can be a lot of fun too, even though tonight's events would indicate the complete opposite. I would completely understand if you didn't ever want to go out again (not that what we did tonight could ever be considered as "going out"). I'm not looking to start up or pursue any sort of relationship. Even if I was, I'd be the first to advise you to steer clear of the mangled train wreck that represents me and my life. You have much better options out there as you indeed know. In spite of all of this, you have extended to me your hand in friendship and taken the time to get to know me. Last week when we spent all night talking, I had just come out of the worst few days of my entire life. Without really even knowing me, you displayed true kindness and lent me your ears in a time that I just needed someone to listen. I can't adequately thank you for this. I would like to make tonight up to you and take you on a proper date like you deserve. Something that has been planned and requires effort. I desperately need to surround myself with good friends and I would love for you to be one of them. I've painted a pretty clear picture of all my negative qualities, revealing more than you probably wanted to know. I can say however that I am a good and loyal friend that can be depended on. That is about all I'm really good for at this moment.
I hope you have a good weekend and I'm sorry that because of me it got off to a bad start. If you would like to go to dinner and a movie sometime in the next couple weeks I would love to take you. If not, I completely understand.
I hope to hear back from you.
-------

Kinda heavy huh?? Well I thanked him for his kind words and told him we could be friends.
I think that I actually didn't end up working for that guy there anymore. We ended up only speaking a few times, and never "went out" again.
I learned something though. I am a Wendy. Sometimes that is a gift.Sometimes people do just need an ear. And it is ok to listen and be that. I learned to set up new boudaries. I knew I couldn't really go out with this guy. So I never did. But I could be he friend from a distance for a little while. And THAT I was.
I think I helped him. I think I showed him a little light. And THAT is what is great about being a Wendy.

An Old Dream... I am so weird

2012-11-04T12:37:00.001-07:00

I had a very interesting dream the other night. 2/11/11 -- old - never published

This is how it went:

My sister Alyssa and I were out and about somewhere, when all f a sudden we get pushed on this very small and ancient charter bus. This was no ordinary charter bus. It was filled with the elderly.
There were no more seats on the bus so I took a standing position against a window. (I think this appeared in my dream because I had to stand against the wall at the social security office for an hour that day.)
It was raining something nasty as we were paraded onto the bus. I kept looking down at my phone to see what time is was (I had to be back at school by 1) It was 12. We had time.
The rain stopped and the driver of this bus was taking some sharp turns.
As we turned a corner, one of the old ladies yells "There are people behind us, watch out". I turned to see who was behind us.

A geriatric bicycle gang. These were absolutely the oldest people on the planet. Then men were wearing shorts, and everyone had on little sun hats (male/female versions)

Then she yells out out the back window, "Watch out for the puddles! There are bees in there!" She seemed very concerned about her geriatric comrades.
However, the bike gang members hissed at me through the window.

We then pulled up into a very ritzy neighborhood. Apparently the elderly like to take walks and look at really expensive homes.
As we pulled up to the first house on the stop, and piled out of the bus, I recognized the house. I had seen it in a magazine.
Then it all clicked.
This house was famous because the girl that owned it was a millionaire made by babysitting.
I scanned the rest of the neighborhood and then recollected the article.
She lived in a millionaire singles neighborhood.(A kind of millionaires club -if you have seen "The Millionaire Matchmaker").
This neighborhood was special. The homeowners association of that 'hood want everyone to know who lived where.

How was this achieved?
Every house had a giant,framed picture of the resident hung above the front door. Oh yes.

Let me describe our little babysitting millionaire house.
A large town house sized brick house. There was a white picket face surrounding the little property. From the fence hung sparkly, bedazzled jewels.

Bahaa---- so this was a dream I decided to write down in February of 2011. I don't really remember where I was going with this... but it sure is funny.

Perfect Pumpkin Soup

2012-11-02T00:16:00.002-06:00

My sister and I created this a couple years ago. I am ready to share it. Thanks to Alyssa Vincent for her photography talents.
2 Tbsp. olive oil 1 medium to large onion chopoped
2 Tbsp. chopped garlic
2 cups chicken broth
2 cups 100% pure pumpkin (not to be confused with the sweetened spiced pumpkin epie filling in a can.)
1 cup cooked and blended butternut squash ( optional - I do it with and without . Makes it a little thicker)
1 13.5 oz. can of classic, not light, coconut milk
1 tsp. of salt or more or less to taste
1 - 2 pinches of fresh sage
1-2 pinches of fresh thyme
In a large pot sauté onion and garlic in olive oil over medium heat, until onions are soft. Be sure they do not brown. Once soft, add the pumpkin, coconut milk and chicken broth. Simmer and stir until well blended (If you have a hand blender, that is the best way to get it really smooth. You could put it all in a upright blender if you wish), about 5 to 10 minutes. Add salt and other herbs to taste and serve.

This is gluten free and it refrigerates for a few days really well... I think it's even better the next day.
Measuring really isn't critical to this recipe. Playing with it a little will make it perfect for you. I usually end up doubling the recipe while I adjust it to my desired tastes.

Good News

2011-07-03T14:06:00.000-06:00

So there are so many stories to be told, but I have some news. I am pretty sure I am done with the Lost Boys. I think I am in the final chapter of my book. Stay tuned to find out who he is.

Come off Conquerer...

2011-06-03T20:53:00.001-06:00

So here it is:
Just now I conquered my biggest fear. I told a boy that I wasn't interested.
Everyone always says that being up front and honest is the very best option! You don't waste his time(or money), and you definitely don't waste any of your precious time.
This is how it went down. This was a long process for me... but the words finally came.
Oh those words! They seem so simple, but letting them escape my lips seemed to feel like a strong flu-bug. I would rather just flee the state than say a few words.

So it all started innocent enough. There was a Monday night church activity at my house where several people showed up. I was not feeling very social at the moment, so I retreated to the dinning room to work on a blog post I had started, and to complete some nightly scheduled studying.
One young man approached me and started to ask me questions like: Are you new? What are you doing? Are you active in church? I explained to him I had lived in this house for like 6 months or more and that I was very active in church, and that I was blogging.
He wrote my blog address down from over my shoulder.
He showed up at my house the following Friday with hot chocolate mix at 11:30 at night. I was busy studying and writing a lesson that I had to teach on that Sunday. Also... I don't drink sugar. That was difficult to explain to him. He then asked if we could do ice cream or something. Umm... Duh... No sugar.
He was a good listener.
I finally got him to exit my home. It wasn't very easy. My roommates also gave me funny looks that said, "What is this random guy from church doing here watching Cara study? RANDOM!"
It really was random.
He proceeded to call me at about 7 o'clock the next day. He said to me, "So if someone could get tickets to Peter Pan tonight, would you go?"
I said," Are you trying to tell me that you somehow got sold out tickets and you are inviting me to go with you?"
He replied with a resounding,"Yeah".
The night previous, we had discussed my love of the musical Peter Pan, and that I was super bummed that the tickets had all been sold out for the last show that would be the next day.

So of course I would not turn down these miracle tickets, and an opportunity to see my favorite characters on stage.

He quickly showed up at my house, and we jumped over people in the dark to get to our seats just as the show started at 7:30.

The show was great! My face hurt from smiling the entire time.
I am a very nosey soul, so I just HAD to know how he got the tickets. I finally peer pressured the kid to spill the deets (details).
He explained that he held a little piece of paper that said " Need 2 tickets" in front of the door of the theater a half hour before the show started. A nice man had 2 extras and gave him them.

Well THAT was pretty dang sweet. What a nice kid right?

The next Monday, he texted me in class and asked if I and a friend would like to go to a basketball game that he had a bunch of tickets to. I really wanted to say no.
But I just couldn't. That ultra sick feeling came over me when I thought of turning him down and then having to see him at church again.
My thought process was this: " Ok Cara, go with him, bring a friend, and then the next time he asks you out, you can say that you gave it a shot, but you really just aren't in to him."

Marina agreed to join in the event.

Let's back up for a little detail... When he introduced himself to me originally, he introduced himself as his last name. He had a last name that was also a first name. This left me so very confused. I had to ask people what his name was. Everyone told me his real first name. I still to this day do not know why he kept referring to himself by only his last name.

Let's refer to him here as Last Name Guy.

Last Name Guy showed up to my house to pick Marina and I up for the basketball game. He was late. That was annoying.
We jump in the car, where I assumed there would be another guy. There was not. Then we drove straight to the game. No other guy showed up.
So I asked him, "Didn't you say you had 4 tickets and that a friend was coming?"
He said that they didn't end up getting a 4th ticket.
We were on a Polyga-date!! Precious!
But thank goodness for Marina! She makes life better.

He escorted us to the wrong seats, and we were then promptly asked to move to our really bad seats.
We just moved a little further away... not to our assigned seats. I do not like breaking rules, so this made me feel really awkward.

As the game went on awkward got even more awkward.
First of all, the league we were watching was way worse than even a high school varsity team. Therefore my interest was not peaked to watch the game like at all.

Then he put his arm around me. Yes, Marina was still sitting there next to us. She turned and looked at my with big eyes. Her eyes were making fun of me. How rude!

The next part was really great. He started saying things in Russian to Marina that his friend had taught him one time.
Marina wouldn't even translate those choice phrases in front of him because they were so very crude. When he left to go to the bathroom and get some sugary treat, she then whispered to me what he was saying.
They were pretty awful. They didn't really make sense though. It was just 2 dirty words thrown together. You would never actually call someone that.
When he sat back down I gave him a disappointed look. He then kept saying more Russian phrases that do not need to be discussed. We told him there were inappropriate, but he kept saying them.
It was almost sing-songy, like if he were a 5 year old running around the play ground singing a new bad word that an older kid had just told him.
I laughed at the fact that he didn't notice that it was even a little bit inappropriate to do that in front of 2 ladies. Oh my life is sweet!

When we got back to our house, Marina ran into the house a said, "Well I'll just leave you two alone!"
Little brat! Leaving me trapped on the porch. I just thanked him for the invite and retreated however.

This is a good part!
The next day he called Marina. She didn't answer, but he left her a message to please call him back.
Oh Sweet Mercy!
She called him back later that night while I cooked dinner. She went downstairs so that I could not hear any of the conversation.
He was all, "Hey sister, I just want your help with some stuff. Tell me more about Cara. I read her blog and I just don't get her. Tell me what she's into, what kind of guys she does want. How can I get her to date me. Tell me everything about her."
Yeah- creeper town.
Marina is a pretty dang good friend. She told him that I was waaaaay too busy to get involved with anyone. I really just didn't have time for him. Also, she informed him that I was still kind of into someone else. (Which was very true, and I wasn't even mad at her for saying that) This is where she went wrong though- She told him to just be my friend. If something fun was going on, then he should invite me and if I had time, I would go.
Marina, Marina, Marina, thanks for digging me a little hole!

Well... needless to say, the invitations began. Every single night he was inviting me to some activity or another. I really was way too busy.
I just informed him over, and over, and over again that I was just way too busy and that I seriously could not go out for the rest of the month. You see... I was studying for my dental hygiene board exams. I was maxing out studying every single night. I was not going to make room for this kid and his friends. For some reason, he just did not understand my predicament.

A few weeks later, he invited me to a sports documentary in the city. I said that I might be able to go. I was quite late for an appointment, so I had to scamper off the phone as quickly as possible.

I called and cancelled 2 days later. I just really couldn't tell him I wasn't interested! I know... I am a pretty awful human.

Two days after that, he invited me to a BYU basketball game. It was the last home game of the season, and I had not seen Jimmer Fredette in action yet. ( I, like every other Mormon young lady, had a little secret crush on the poor, talented basketball player.)
Naturally, I said I could go.

A couple days later, he asked if I was still up for going to the rugby game. Say whataat? I did not agree to go and watch rugby. I agreed to go watch Jimmer.
My sister had also asked me in a panic to be her model for a photo shoot that day.
I was torn.
What should I do???? :
1.Tell him I am not interested and please stop calling?
2. Say I am busy -Again?
3. Tell him I just need to go model?
4. Just go and pretend to have a fun time and sparkle away?

Well this is what went down-
I had decided that I just really did not want to force myself to smile through another date with Last Name Guy.
I would call him and tell him that I couldn't and wouldn't be going out with him again.
I started out not being as direct as I should have been.
I explained to him- I am moving away. I do not think that it is fair for you to invest anything in me and then not get any return on your investment.
He gave me a - "Dugh, I don't get it".
I explained to him a little more clearly- I do not think it is a good idea for either of us if we go out anymore.
He gave me a "Well, you can still come to the game."
I explained AGAIN- No, no, Last Name Guy, I can't go to the game with you. I am really just not interested in going out with you anymore. You're really nice, but this isn't going anywhere.

He then erupted in anger. He told me that I pretty much sucked and led him on, and that it was really stupid of me to turn him down. WE WERE BEING FRIENDS!

Oh my, my my. I was told that by being honest and telling a guy the truth that you just aren't interested, it was the best option. Last Name Guy just exploded at me for being honest.
Jerk!
But I do not care. I am the Champion! I conquered my biggest fear. It was a rough road, but I kicked that motha's trash. Oh yes.
This is a brilliant road I just stepped out on.
Look out Lost Boys! You are about to get turned down. (In a very polite and respectful manner.)
Woot! Woot!

Say Whaaaaat??

2011-03-02T22:21:00.004-07:00

These are some of the most memorable things that anyone has ever said to me. Yes these are all direct quotes. I have come to truly understand that boys have word vomit/ verbal diarrhea waaaay worse than I do. I thought I had no filter. No, no. I do. Boys don't.
This is just the beginning... I will continue to add things as they return to my mind.

You’re probably really good at the bend and snap.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really just want to hold you right now. Is that cool or just too soon?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can I hold your hand?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever been kissed like this before?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can I have a kiss?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have perfect teeth and very nice breasts. Your husband will be a very lucky man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you believe you are cute? Believe it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have the biggest tits ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I dream about you. A LOT!
Me: Like what?
They cannot be repeated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're asking me why I am 30 and single?! That's like me asking you why you have the most perfect and supple breasts in the entire world?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't you feel that intense attraction between us?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do I fit the criteria of your knight in shinning armor?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am just sitting here regretting that I missed my opportunity to hold you and kiss you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey it was nice to see u on Sunday. U always are so sweet and fun to talk to, not to mention so cute. If I was only 25 I would fly to Utah every other weekend to take u out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wanna join in the fun??
Please, please, please help me build this list. The plan is to have quotes like this be the beginning of every chapter in my book. So comment/ share with me and the world the best things that any Lost Boy/Girl has ever said to you!

ps. If you ever said any of this to me. I probably still like you as a person. Don't get offended. Be excited that something you said I will always remember. Also, some of these things weren't even bad. I just remembered... and it probably made me laugh at you a little to your face. And that is really ok!

Lost Boys- defined

2011-02-28T18:33:00.002-07:00

I thought that it was time that I defined Lost Boys to the public masses. It is simple really. Lost Boys are the boys that you hate to love and love to hate. They can often be confused with Pirates, however, they are two different species.
Let us list off some characteristics. Lost Boys may be any or all of the following:
Socially retarded
Perverted
Not cute
Completely geeky
Needs to be taken care of
No direction in life
Rude
Stupid
Inappropriate
A Douche-bag
A puppy dog
Dense
Not a good listener
Follows a leader (probably a dumb one)
Manipulative
or Easily manipulated

* The need to be taken care of is one of the most irritating characteristics. You have a mother right? Let's not regress back to infancy when we are together. You can do that with your own mother during Christmas
break.
*Also, I really think that there should be classes to teach all boys the social graces of life. There are just a lot of things that it is not socially acceptable to talk about in front of a lady. Let's not embarrass me in public with your mouth alright?? Thank you.

Well.... those are the negative character traits. Often times, Lost Boys are masters of the charm! They can make a girl melt like a Popsicle on the Fourth of July if they are THAT kind of a Lost Boy.
The other ones are not charming. They really are just lost all the time. He'll just stare at you with lost little eyes, wishing you were his Wendy. Lost Boys often see girls as prizes and not as an actual human.
That gets old very quickly.

But Lost Boys are usually really fun! They have souls of adventure! A Lost Boy loves to leave the world behind, run away from being a man, and play games. He loves to have a Wendy hanging around for these games too. Girls make everything more fun. Especially when there is one to hold your hand or cuddle up with during the scary parts of the adventure.
As a Wendy, it can feel so good to have that intense pull at your heart strings when someone needs you around. And Lost Boys LOOOOOVE to have a girl on their arm. It feels even better to a Lost Boy to have a lovely lady with them. This can be a little toxic on both ends. Everyone just wants to feel loved and wanted.
Not to say that Lost Boys don't deserve love. They do! But it is all about timing people and finding the right match! Not all Lost Boys and Wendys are created equal. Chemistry and such have to come into play as well.
Wendy! Keep your pretty little eyes and perfect smile under control, or all the Lost Boys will fall for you!

Beware the eyes and the grin Lost Boys!!!! They are potent.

Lost Boys are not lost forever though!! There is hope! Wendy takes them home and finds them a real mother. They clean themselves up and become respectable men in British society. (I assume so at least- They were no longer living in the nursery with Wendy at the end of the play.)
They may be a little dirty and rough around the edges. But they can clean up. As a Wendy, you may have to be responsible for getting them on the path of cleaning up and growing up. This is the key though: Wendy didn't do all the work. She just brought them home to a mother and a father. Mothers and fathers clean boys up and teach them how to be men.

Wendy just has to marry one once he is man.
All children grow up but one.
If you are a Lost Boy, do not be lost in the illusion that you will never have to grow up. You will. Especially if you want a hot little woman to stand by your side for the rest of time.

You can protest: No! I Won't Grow Up! You can claim that you made a vow to your Peter (Your Lost Boy, best friend, leader in shenanigans) that you guys would never grow up. You'll never give in to "the man".
Trust me... you will. You'll grow up. And someone will love you for it.
Growing up does not mean that the adventures have to end. No, no. This is when the greatest adventures of your life will truly begin. Wendy wants nothing more than to take care of her man. When he is a grown up and takes care of her... oh she'll definitely take care of you. Mmhmm. That's exactly what I mean.
Because that, my dears, is how grown ups who love each other work. That is a healthy relationship.

Yes, Lost Boys can be very frustrating for a young Wendy. They can make her feel shot down and trapped under ground with them.
But all Lost Boys grow up. And then we will fall in love with them. Just please, don't keep us waiting for too long. Neverland is a hard place to be stuck in for more than a few years. Wendy's can forget who they are if they have been in Neverland too long. And trust me, you do not want a Lost Wendy. They can be a little eccentric, or even a little crazy.

We have hope for all of us! It takes two to tango ya'll! Wendys will learn to love and care for their men but not baby them, and Lost Boys will grow up to be respectable men!

Let's start today!

Because no one wants to be stuck in Neverland forever!

Follow Me!!!!!!

2011-02-15T01:28:00.001-07:00

Please become a follower.... that way I know who is reading, and then I don't have to make this private!

Word Gets Out

2011-02-15T00:38:00.003-07:00

Sometimes, the word gets out about my blog. A guy I might go out with will either find the link to my blog on my facebook, stumble in on me while I happen to be writing for it, or I might just mention it and then he'll look it up. Which ever the situation (they have all happened) the young man will always ask a lot of questions. He just seems to want to know everything about the individual that I have exploited through my words. He often asks questions that I really am not comfortable answering. (If I wanted just anyone to know that piece of info... then it would have been put in the story in the first place.)
The best part about going out with guys that have read my blog, is that they try to psychoanalyze me through my creative writing skills.
I love this!
He always seems to think that because he read a couple humorous stories from my escapades, that he knows me; that my personality is crystal clear and that I can be read just like my blog. (Don't talk to me like you knoooooow me!) *sassy voice*

Hehehehehehe (sneeky laugh)
The fun part is that I am so very complex. Oh and I am a decent actress. Actually I am pretty amazing at it.... not to toot my own horn.

Case and point: Once upon a time, there was a boy that I adored. I went to a party with him. He chose to talk to his long lost friends upon arrival. Oh I was not upset at all. I completely understand and I can take care of myself.
Moments later.... there was a commotion. Another short young man struck up a lively conversation about Arizona and dental school with me. I smiled. Oh how I smiled. I carried this dull conversation on for about 15 minutes.
Then... tada! Another young man seized an opportunity to jump into the conversation! I had actually run into this particular young man the night before at work. Ironic!
He struck up a similar conversation about my education and all my goals! (Smooth right? Get me talking about myself and pretend to be engrossed in the magic of my voice!) However, I noticed that every 10.4 seconds, he focused his energy at staring at my chest for a second before reverting back to eye contact.
Not awkward. (sarcasm) Nope not at all. (Actually, I have become aware that almost all males cannot have a conversation with me without looking down. And no... turtle neck sweaters do not make a difference. I have accepted that it will happen and I will not get become enraged or judge him too harshly.)

I then turned the conversation to him and got him to talk about himself a little (I was sick of hearing my own voice). When there wasn't much more to say, the new young man asked if I was dating the friend I had come with.
Well... no indeed was not dating this boy.
So he asked if he could take me out sometime and got my number.
I was hesitant. And I could hear it in my voice.
But he was a nice kid. I just wasn't really interested.

When I could walk back over to my "adored" friend, I told him that I couldn't believe he left me standing there for so long. His reply- "You looked like you were having fun." Hahahahhahaha..... oh oh oh. ***** Point made****
I can smile my way through any situation. My eyes just do that sparkling thing!!!!
He asked if that boy was a lost boy. I told him no- I just wasn't interested.
And then I blamed him for letting me get asked out because he left me standing there. Then I fake punched him in the stomach. Childish behavior- yes. But who cares?

Anyways... point made. I was not having fun.. I was just being polite and filling in space since I was standing alone. I am just a really great pretender.

It is an art-form really. Or I will just keep telling myself that since I do it all the time and I am getting really great at it.
But the thoughts were these:
-This kid is nice
-I still need to be dating (even though I kinda almost hate it)
-There are more experiences to be had and personalities and characteristic to be met.
-He may never call
-Be polite Cara

Yes be polite Cara. Always polite...

Dear boys... all boys (especially the ones that aren't lost)
Please do not be afraid of me even though I am a master of disguise. Don't let my outrageous experiences, my sparkling eyes, my ginormous smile, my award winning acting skills, nor my life dreams intimidate you.
Plus also.... please do not try to analyze me through my rantings.
The stories are true, but sometimes the energy displayed in the words is far more intense that I might actually present on the outside. You might be learning somethings from reading about my experience, but don't think you know who I am from them.
Just learn that it is not ok to kiss girls while they are asleep on the couch especially after she told you you were just friends; keep first dates short; never make fun of her hair- especially when it is your fault it is wet; and just don't ever ask a girl if she is a prostitute. Those are just real social faux pas.

Here is some more truth:
I am exaggerating a little bit about my acting. I do actually enjoy having conversations with people. I love meeting new people and I do actually get excited about topics and stories people tell me. I am still a genuine person. And once you get to know me... you will really know when my eyes are sparkling at you because I am in love with the moment I am sharing with you, or if they are just sparkling out of polite behaviors. It's ok to take a chance on me to find out.

This is how you should get to know me:
-ask me on a real date (fully planned but not too intense)
-ask me lots of questions
-tell me about yourself and watch my face carefully for my reactions
-*try to make me laugh (A real laugh. My ugly laugh.) It will tell you a lot about me.*
- ask me to include you in on something special in my life (If I let you spend time with my family- it's kind of a big deal)
-try to create a story that wouldn't end up here
-let me do something for you. (If I actively do something for someone... I am interested and yeah it's kind of a big deal)
-actively try to spend time with me. (my first love language attribute is time- so spend a little time with me)

My blog does not define me. Wendy does not define me.
Let me define me.

18 hour date guy- reposted

2011-02-05T23:59:00.001-07:00

This is a repost (back by popular demand!) - This is the first story I told and I wanted people to not have to search for it so hard

To start this story out... you must know... that I am a Wendy. My whole life I have attracted only lost boys. You know.. the boys that just haven't figured it out and just want someone to take care of them... that someone seems to always be me. Being a Wendy also means that I am just way too nice. I smile too big and my eyes just seem to twinkle all on their own. I'm enchanting... and I just haven't figured out how to say no.

Here's the real story of a girl gone nice.
It started out with a call from a cute new boy in my ward inviting me to dinner at someone's house. So of course I booked it over there and brought my big sister along with me.

When I get there, the cutie patootie wasn't even talking to me. I couldn't really worry about it because this other guy followed me around the whole time. Picture this: he was wearing one of those "clubbin" dress shirts- you know the kind... the one with the swirly design that starts on the pocket and wraps over the shoulder and down the back. Unfortunately, this shirt was probably two sizes too small for this young man.
Despite the fact that I was completely distracted by the swirling effect of his shirt, I smiled and carried on the conversation, even when he kept asking me to go downstairs and watch a movie with him.
My sister needed to go home and cutie patootie left... so I made my exit.
I made it 3 feet from the door when shirt guy burst through the door and yelled my name. My sister took off to the car and left me there. Just a helpless Wendy.
He says," HEY CARAAAAA!!! Can I like, get your number so that maybe we can hangout sometime"?
In true Wendy fashion, I said, "Yeah suuure". I figured he wouldn't ever even call.

Little did I know, he was already making a plan. He texted me 5 minutes later to say "Hey.. It was totally awesome to meet you". Less than 42 hours later, I got THE TEXT.
"Hey a bunch of friends and I are going to the hot springs on Saturday. Do you want to come?"

I agonized over this. I had a rehearsal that day and a friend had invited me to drive home to Arizona too. But I also hadn't gotten to know ANYONE since moving to Provo.
I figured...Hey if it's a big group then I am bound to meet some cool people there.

He picked me up at 6:30 ...IN THE A.M ....
We met up for breakfast with ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE who were going with us... the other TWO PEOPLE!!!! So the big group I had planned on, turned out to be just a double. As we were eating breakfast I discovered that there was a hair through my whole pancake. I tried to eat around it and not be rude. As you can imagine, I didn't eat very much.
As we drove to our destination, I was enlightened. This is HIS story...."So When I was visiting your ward on Sunday, I totally looked up at you leading the music and I thought... WOW THAT IS A REAL WOMAN! (yes those were his exact words, 5 inches from my face) So I totally asked everyone at dinner if they had your number. Cutie Patootie said he did, so I had him call and invite you."
That is the moment that I felt waaaaay dumb for being so excited that Cutie Patootie called me. Plus also, I felt like a piece of meat.

Hiking the 2-3 miles up to the hot springs in the snow, the other couple decided to make-out the entire way there. They also decided to make comments like..."YOU guys should totally try this".
I had known shirt guy for a total of maybe 20 minutes. He kept calling me the wrong name.
My reaction to these comments... Ew.

We finally made it to the hot springs at the very top. There we were... the 4 of us sitting in sulfur water half naked- on a first date. I felt like a piece of meat again.
We were there for several hours. Enough for me to think that I would never become un-pruney again. It was pretty uneventful except for the frequent "you are sitting waaaay too close to me", and "please get your hand away from my knee" thoughts.

There was a lot of friendly conversation on the hike back down. Innocent enough.... Slightly uncomfortable because he liked to talk about his "tough times", "rebellious years" and "being offended by his ward" stories.
I tried to make his confessions less awkward, so I told him about the one time when I was 18 when I thought about getting a tattoo (for like 10 minutes).

On the car ride back he said he had really great Jazz seat tickets and asked if I would go with him. Again... in true Wendy fashion I forced a smile said, "Suuuure. That sounds like fun"
He was totally stoked about my acceptance.
He proceeded to ask me if I liked pick up lines. I do think that said by the right person and in the right situation, they can be quite entertaining. This I told him.

He dropped me off at my apartment and said he'd be back in 20 minutes.
I jumped into the shower as fast as a I could.
He was early.
He said he'd rather wait for me at my apartment than sit around at his friend's and wait.

The conversation on the way up to Salt Lake consisted of dieting talk, carbohydrate intake, more rebellious times..... and my family. oh baby oh baby. So interesting.
When we got to the game, he was trying really hard to make it a super cool thing.
Apparently, he works there, so he introduced me to all the people he works with. I probably got asked "What is a pretty thing like you doing with THIS guy?" at least 20 times.
I just smiled and let my eyes twinkle.

During the game he was really really loud. People kept turning around giving us looks. I was slightly uncomfortable.
Then it started.....
He said, "Weird, my knee is twitching. Do you feel that?"
I put a finger to his knee and said, "No", very confused.
He said, "Neither do I," and grabbed my hand.

I screamed like that in my head

It took me a good 3 seconds to figure out that it was supposed to be one of those "funny pick up lines". I forced out a laugh and said, "ooooh wooow, that was waaaay smooth. you totally got me!" Then I quickly pulled out my hand and clapped for a miracle basket!

The game finally ended. He said he needed to stop by his house in Sandy to pick up some church clothes, since he was going to go to my church tomorrow instead of his.
As we pulled up he asked, " So have you taken any really fun classes before, just for fun?" I said no because I just always took only the classes I had to take.
He tells me that he took an astronomy class that he really liked.

He said,"Get out of the car, I want to show you something".(AHHHH)
So I get out (AHHHHHHHHHHHH). He stands behind me and points me towards Orion's belt.

He says, "This is Orion's belt. (yeah I'm not dumb) But Orion's belt is part of his whole body. This is his head, these are his legs, and THESE ARE HIS ARMS, AND THEY WRAP AROUND THE BELT." At that intense moment, he wrapped his arms around my waist and put his head on my shoulder and whispered those last fateful words into my ear.

I cringed and screamed inside my head.
Again, I forced a laugh out and told him how smooth he was while I wiggled out of his grasp. He kept very close to me as he told me he'd be right back.
I jumped into the car and frantically texted my best guy friend from home for advice on how to get out! He freaked out at me for being so nice and told me to tell Star Guy that I was really tired.

When we were almost back to my apartment, he told me that the guy from the earlier part of the date wanted us to come and watch a movie at his place. I informed him that I was just pretty darn tired. He quickly began to explain that the guy only lives across the street from me and I don't have to watch the whole thing, and he promises to take me home the second I start to fall asleep.
Trapped in my Wendy condition, I agreed AGAIN. I figured I could get away in like under a half hour.

Inside the house I am surrounded by 4 boys. One of the others scooted too close and started a little flirt talk.

I scooted away, and found myself too close to Star Guy. He kept scooting closer and leaning in even closer than the scooting would allow.
I started out sitting in a comfortable position, but change to the Universal Rejection Position" of my arms folded into my armpits and hands deep inside the sleeves of my sweater. At least I THOUGHT it was universal.

Instead he thought I was cold. He asked me if I was 5 times and then leaned in closer, as if to give me his body heat.

Meanwhile, my bangs had fallen into my eyes. I began to release my sweater held hand from my armpit grasp to swipe away the fallen bangs. My hand made it only half way to my face when it was snatched from the air and pasted to my thigh, strangled by an outside death grip.
My hand still remained inside the protection of my dear sweater (best 40-something dollars I ever spent) except for the tips of my 3 longest fingers. I panicked for a moment, then calmed myself because the situation couldn't get worse. It would all be over soon.

He wouldn't let go. The thumb caressing started, and so did the primary songs in my head.
He started leaning forward to the coffee table in front of us a million times trying to reach his cell phone. He took my whole body with him in this effort not to let go of my hand. (I think I still have a little whiplash).

He started texting on his phone with his free hand.
I thought to myself... "If he texts my phone something, I will freakout!"

He didn't.
He decided to simply just hand me his phone. I carefully leaned over to read the message. (I hope you are sitting right now). This is what it said (seriously):

"Straight up, I really just want to hold you right now. Is that cool or just too soon?"

I am not sure the exact time it took me to stop the heavy dry heaving and then the flow of throwing up inside my mouth, but I finally was able to answer, "Yeah, it's definitely too soon". (Not going to lie, I think I even had forgotten his name around that time. I wasn't about to let a guy I didn't knows name HOLD ME!)

He chose to lay his head on my shoulder instead.

By some grace, there was a funny moment in the movie and I threw my hands up in the air at the humor. My fingers were FREE!!
About that time, I got a text from my roommate:
"Cara! Where are you?! We haven't seen you all day! Are you ok? Do you need an out??!?!?!"
I said,"No I'm fine. I think that I can make my exit in a minute!"

I looked at the time. 2:00... A.M.

My arms returned quickly to their armpit home. He turned and stared at my hidden hands.
A couple minutes later, I forced some yawns out and said I thought it was definitely time for me to go to bed.
He begrudgingly got up and we walked out to his car, and he drove me across the street.
He said, "So I like totally had an awesome time with you today..... and I'd.... Like totally like to take you out again."

I replied,"Oh yeah it was a fun, long day. Well just so you know, I'm going to be really busy for the next few weeks because of the play that I am in."

"Oh yeah, totally. I am going to be pretty busy too."

He walked me to my door. I hugged him quickly in order to not invite anymore touching and lingering.

Once I thought he was out of earshot, I screamed. My roommates were still awake waiting to comfort me.
Thank goodness for roommates!
The clock read 2:23 A.M.

Just shy of 18 hours.
The marathon date.

A few days later. He posted pictures on facebook of his 3 year old daughter.
18 hours.... That is like 3 or 4 dates. You would think that something like that would come up.

I'm 20 years old Mister. I ain't bein no baby mama.

Chikyle

2011-01-31T17:42:00.001-07:00

And then there was Chikyle...

I have this issue with attracting people from Sandy, Utah. Boys from Sandy seem to be a strange strain of human, who just don’t quite get it. (Well at least the ones that I meet.)

I actually met Chikyle the exact same night that I met 18 Hour Date Guy. Ironic, right?

Chikyle wasn’t very nice to me that night. As I was following Cutie Patootie around and looking at his hot motorcycle, Chikyle kept making jokes that alluded to him thinking that I was dumb or something. I really do not appreciate it when people treat me as if my hair color or the pitch of my voice reduce my IQ to a low functioning number. I will probably be very sarcastic back to you, or even throw down a slightly rude comment- so slight and dripping so thick with sarcasm, that you don’t even know that I am making fun of you.

Clearly, the rest of that evening was monopolized by 18 Hour Date Guy’s pursuits after me. However, I met Chikyle again. And again.

The Sunday following THE 18 HOUR DATE, I had a really rough day. I was damaged to my core from the night before, and the rest of that day did nothing but aggravate my unstable state. As I walked down the steps at church after leading the music to the congregation, I was approached by 4 old men- the ecclesiastical leaders of my area. Each of them said almost the exact same thing so me, “Thank you so much for leading the music. Did you know that you have the most beautiful, perfect smile? You are just gorgeous- You really just glow up there!”

My reply: “Thank you. Yes I have heard that before.”

I know… I probably sounded a little full of myself, but I really didn’t know what to say to all of them over and over again. I felt very uncomfortable and even a little ill.I felt like I needed to hide and not be stared at for a second longer.

About 18 steps later, a boy jumps in front of me and asks, “So when are we going to make cookies together?” I really didn’t know who he was, nor did I know when I agreed to bake with him.

So I asked, “When did I agree to make cookies with you?”

He proceeded to explain that one time we talked for a second and he mentioned that I should make cookies and deliver them to manufacture opportunities to meet more people.

I scheduled a time with him for a couple days later in order to escape the close proximity of our bodies.

I made it about 20 more steps to the doorway of the meeting room, and then there was Chikyle. He stopped me, said hi, and struck up a casual conversation. One of my roommates had been following me through my walk and had thankfully stopped for this conversation.

I, naturally, was oh so charming and I just sparkled away. He followed me to my little Sunday school class and sat down next to me.

At one point, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket to replay from a text. As I started to put it away, he snatched it from my grasp and pulled the whole, “call myself from your phone so that I can get your number and not have to be a man and ask for it.”

He preceded to text me throughout the class, even though he was sitting so close to me that all of our limbs were touching. The type of text messages that I was receiving went something like this: “Oh my gosh you are so gorgeous. Did you know that? Thanks for sitting by me. Wow you are so funny. What are you doing later? I want to take a cutie thing like you out sometime. I wish I was with you right now. This would be way more interesting if you were here and teaching. Hey… babe, hun, cutie, sweetie…” These distasteful purging of all icky-ness went on throughout the day. Plus also… I hate being called pet names by people who I don't love. I am not your baby, your sweetie, and I am most definitely not your love. I just puked in my mouth a little.

I had a huge melt down. I got home from church and I started to cry- a lot. My roommates worried about my mental health as I sat on the kitchen counter and had a panic attack.

I called my mom and all she did was laugh at me. I filled her in on the night before with 18 Hour Date Guy, and then this day full of old men and lost boys.

I told her that I didn’t understand why I was attracting these kinds of people and that kind of negative attention. I explained that I had been praying to be led to people that would make me a better person and who would build me up etc.

She just burst out into uncontrollable, rolling laughter. Then she spit out these fateful words through her gasping laughter, “Maybe that is why you are meeting these lost boys. Maybe they are making you a better person?” Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

I cried even harder and yelled a nice, big, “Oh my gosh mom! Shut up! That was so mean. I can’t believe you just said that to me! I. Hate. My. Life! This isn’t a joke!”

She laughed harder, but tried to force out a fake apology.

I blamed her for my life. She branded me with the label of Wendy and bred me to believe that I had to always say yes to a first date and be lovely all the time!

She felt no remorse.

Chikyle did not disappear from my life even though I declined an invitation to go and play games with him and his hipster friends that night. It was progress though people. I didn’t go even though “the nice thing” would have been to just go and play a little game.

A few days later, I got a text from Chikyle asking me what I was up to. I told him the truth- My friend Brittani was coming over and we were going to jump in the hot tub and vent about life.

He mentioned that he might stop by my apartment and say hi. I just said ok, thinking Brittani and I wouldn’t even be there and I could easily get rid of him if he did show up. Brittani rolled in and it started to snow. We sat in my apartment and chatted, while we contemplated going in the hot tub even though it was snowing in April. I kept getting texts from Chikyle. He was confusing me with his comments. I thought he lived pretty close me and he might just drive on over and poke his head in.

Around ten that night he mentioned that the bus was just about to pull up to the stop near my neighborhood. BUS?!?!? I then asked where he was coming from. Sandy. At that point I didn’t know he was from Sandy. 18 Hour Date Guy was from Sandy and so were all his creepy little friends who made me feel like I needed to wear more clothing.

I had a panic attack again. Brittani watched as I ran around mumbling loudly, “Oh no! Sandy! Crap! He took a bus from Sandy? Ah! It is already so late. How do I get rid of a guy quickly who took a us from Sandy and it is snowing outside?”

Brittani laughed at me a lot, but provided a needed support when Chikyle finally burst through my door. Brittani stayed by my side on the couch for about an hour or so. She was also charming and nice and helped me facilitate conversation. We had made a plan that I would simply say to him, “Hey I have a bunch of stuff to do. Thanks for stopping by- I’ll see you again sometime.”

I realized that I had a serious problem. I simply can’t tell people to “get the heck out of my house”, or “Thanks, but no thanks. I really am not interested.”

Brittani was sick of watching me suffocate myself with the situation. She made her escape. I walked her out to her car and she gave me a quick pep talk. She is very supportive. I was just going to march in there and kick him out.

So I marched. And then I…. sat down and talked. However, I didn’t give up on my mission quite yet! I gave it another 10 minutes, threw out a little yawn, and told him that I was super tired and I had a few things to do before I needed to go to bed. I had a patient at 8 A.M. you know!

He kept talking… and talking… and talking. And then he would try to tickle me. Yes.

And that is where he crossed the line. Don’t tickle me. I get violent and lose control over my limbs. I think I warned him that if he didn’t stop, he would get hurt. (I had head-butted a friend once on accident while being tickled.- If he got head-butted that night- it wouldn’t have been an accident.)

He made a comment of something like, “So you are trying to kick me out egh? Well I am not leaving yet. I just got here, and I don’t want to go over to my friends’ house. I would WAAAAY rather be here with you.”

Oh now… isn’t THAT flattering?! (puke)

I don’t remember all of the conversation the rest of that night, but I do remember my facial expressions. Facial expressions like that get burned into your muscle memory and you never forget. These expressions were those of pure shock, discomfort, and abhorrence.

However, one of the topics that was discussed was that he didn’t go on a mission. He was shipped out to Utah to live with his sister so that he could get out of trouble, move out of his rebellious stage, and clean up his life.

Really? Why on earth do boys feel like they need to tell me how messed up they are? I really don’t want your dysfunction dripping onto my couch. Wipe that up before it makes a mess in my life.

My roommates kept a close eye on me and would sit down every once in awhile in order to not leave me feeling abandoned. At midnight, they gave me “the eyes”. The ones that say, “girl, get him the heck out of here. We hate him. Do you want me to cut him for you? Even if you don’t, I am going to anyways, because I want him gone that badly.”

You know… “THE eyes”.

So I did it. I pulled all my guts to the surface and I said it, “Ok Chikyle, get out of my apartment. You really need to go now.” (Of course I said it in the sweetest possible way.)

He whined with a, “Are you serious? Oh come on! We are having so much fun babe!”

Ummm…. No.

“Nope, Chikyle. Seriously, it’s time to scram.”

He packed up his backpack with his life in stow, and I pushed him out the door.

Luckily, I never let Chikyle back into my house or even saw him in that kind of social situation again.

However, to this day, I still get random texts from Chikyle asking, “Hey babe. How you doin’?”

Oh Chikyle! Get yourself a Tiger Lily or something.

Lost Girl / Shot down Wendy Bird

2011-01-24T20:18:00.001-07:00

(A Bipolar ranting from several different episodes in my life)

So this Wendy is going to take some convincing.

Falling in love is going to be hard to do I think. I have just had so many awful experiences and then some averages. I may have been in love before or even just been very excited about the possibility… but it has always ended in a little broken heart. Then my heart mends to a tougher state.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a bitter ol’ maid yet. My heart is not a heart of steel. I think I have gone from jello to a hard candy shell. It can be melted.

But… what is it going to take?

I have actually been dating quite a bit lately. More than ever before in my life as matter of fact , and so far, I have not been all that impressed. I haven’t had any overwhelming feelings of “I have to see him again”.

I have had the thought. “He was cool. I’d see him again if he asked.”

And I haven’t been too upset if they don’t call.

But a reality has set in, that love isn’t easy. I thought that once I found someone who wasn’t lost, I would be set and I would know it right away. Sounds easy, right? However, I have been surrounded by so many lost boys that I find myself a little lost in their world.

I don’t care about being committed

I would rather not see most boys again after kissing them.

I like having freedom to be whomever I want to whenever I want to.

So when I am getting called baby and love, all I want to do is puke in my mouth and run away,

Not so healthy for a 21 year old Mormon girl.

Pretty soon, the mother mafia is going to be after me. There will be too many questions about when I am going to finally get married or since I am not married, when am I going on a mission?

Ladies… not everyone has to go on a mission if she is 21 and not married.

I think that today I am a lost girl.

How could I have avoided this? It seems almost like a fate that karma has slapped me in the face with. I have been slapped in the face with a big slimy karma fish. But really, I put myself in this position. I wanted to be here. Free and independent with the wild side I never had. Why am I becoming less mature as my life is steadily progressing? It is probably fear; a fear of the unknown and the feelings that I possibly missed out on some grand adventure that I was supposed to have in college.

But hey, why not think like Peter?.... “To die would be an awfully big adventure”. But to “Live is an awfully big adventure” too! (Hook)

Why not make everything my new awfully big adventure?

I could do that.

I had taken a lot of personality type quizzes lately. One of them said that I am probably too optimistic. Being too optimistic can hinder your ability to use critical thinking and to problem solve.

Excuse me?!

I don’t think so. Optimism makes you burst from the cages in your mind.

That’s what I think.

I am a great problem solver. (Ask my old roommates… I fixed a lot of tires, and mended some broken hearts and got us out of icky situations.)

The Wendy Bird wasn’t really shot down. She just got stunned for a little bit. She was sleepy. (Maybe she had mono?) She may have felt a little lost sometimes, but she never really was. She knew where home was and she knew how to take care of herself and the people she loved.

She loved her brothers. And she loved the lost boys… like little brothers.

And she took them home with her and let her mom be their mother. Then she grew up. She left Neverland, and never went back. She left the nursery; she got married and had her own daughter. She let her own daughter go to Neverland and make her own life choices; which is what I will do.

We all need moments where we choose not to grow up; when we play pretend for just a little bit. It’s fun. But then we remember… it’s not real. We have to put down the toys, get some pixie-dust, high-tail it out of Neverland, book it from the nursery and decide that living is going to be our next awfully big adventure. When we decide that, no pirates can stand in our way; no other lost boys, no Tinker Bell, and no Tiger Lily.

It’s us, the real world, and another grown, up setting off into the awfully big adventure of life together; conquering any real life crocodiles in our way.

THAT is the real adventure; not the silly games, nor the dangerous feats!

This Wendy Bird just woke up… so I am flying away from the little house my lost boys have built around me, with the label on the front door. I am ready to start committing!

I am not your Wendy.

I don’t even need magic to get out of Neverland. I just need to open my eyes, open my own door, and leap.

My story is definitely not over. There are many more stories to be told. There are so many characters that you have not met, and you have not yet seen Neverland. So don’t you fret. You’ll see it all.

Plus also… To really live is my next awfully big adventure.

Dear lost girls/ Shot down Wendy Birds and/or Tiger Lilies and Tinker Bells,

Wake up. Open your labeled door. And get out of Neverland.

There is a grown up waiting for you at home.

Dear lost boys/ Pirates/ Peter’s,

Please grow up. Follow your Wendy out of Neverland. She has magic enough to help you a little too. If you won’t leave… then let her go. Her daughter might just come back later and maybe then you’ll be ready. But you’ll probably even meet her granddaughter if you aren’t ready now. But right now, there are some awfully big adventures going on in the real world. You don’t have to let Neverland define you either.

Xoxox,

Your (flying)Wendy Bird

Eyes Up Here

2011-01-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

Meet Marvin Marshalls. Marvin Marshalls is another boy whose eye I got caught in at church. (Yes I do know that the saying is “whose eye I caught”, but that is not what actually happened.)

It all started out because I was nice. Marvin Marshalls had come to visit a friend at our singles group at church. We also happened to have a dinner after church that day. In the line for food, I struck up a small, polite conversation. I asked him his name, if he was new, where he was from. You know… all the same old questions. He had just returned from a 2 year church mission from India, and was definitely still socially stunted. However, he conversed with me with great energy and excitement! I ended the conversation with a smile and an eye twinkle (my signature).

I sat down with my best girl friend to eat. Marvin Marshalls sat down with his guy friend. About 5 minutes later, he got up, brought his plate, and sat down next to me. I knew at that moment that I had just gotten myself into a little bit of a predicament. I still continued to smile and be nice throughout the meal, even though he decided to stare at me when he thought I wasn’t looking.

Exactly one month later, he showed back up at church on the Sunday dinner day. When he saw me, he decided he wanted to give me a hug. I don’t think that he had hugged a girl in way over two years, because the hug felt more like a truck hit me. A was probably a hundred pounds heavier than me and 6 or more inches taller than me, so when he chest ran into me at a more than casual walking speed and his arms flailed and slammed me in the back, I did not feel very good afterwords.

I replied to his hug with an “Oh wow that was aggressive”. It popped out of my mouth like word vomit, but he just blushed and said that it had been awhile since he’d hugged a girl. To recover from my lack of tact, I said, “Yeah, that’s one of those things you have to get more practice in once it has been awhile.” I don’t think I recovered well.

He proceeded to follow me around the building, to my table and to watch me eat for the rest of that evening. Just as I was getting up to go home and make my escape, he quickly stood up in front of me. SIDE NOTE: A member of the church was sponsoring a BBQ date night for everyone a month in the future.

He stumbled through his words, “So Cara, are you going to the BBQ?”

I replied, “Umm, well, no I am not.”

Marvin: “Well are you opposed to uh going to it? Or are you like busy, is that why you aren’t going?”

Me: “No…Marvin, are you trying to ask me if I would like to go to it? Are you trying to ask me on a date?”

Marvin: “Umm yeah. Would you like to go to the BBQ with me?”

Me: “Yeah Marvin, I would like to go with you. You definitely asked far enough in advance, so I should be able to make that work.”

(It is really hard to convey, but this whole dialogue was really awkward. I should have probably said no, but my mother always said that I needed to say yes to a first date. “Always give someone a chance”. Also, there were about 15 people who were very aware that he was trying to ask me on a date. The room was silent and 30 eyes were on us. Very uncomfortable.)

Throughout the rest of the month as we anxiously a waited the night of this glorious date, his friends teased me about going out with him (great friends huh?) and I continued to receive truck hugs in the hallways of church.

The night finally arrived! He picked me up for the date in his little sister’s car very early. He started driving and asked me where the date was to be held. I had never been there and I had told him that several times before. He failed to get directions even though I told him to do so previously. I started out this date in an annoyed state. We drove to his friend’s house and found a couple that was also on their way to the date and we followed them.

I was so feeling that I did not want to be with him any longer. One reason was because I had a very big midterm the next day, which I was not yet prepared to take. (I would use this to my advantage later however.)

Luckily, my girl friends showed up to the house a few minutes after we did. However, while I waited, I was faced with a situation I had never before been in, or at least I had never before noticed.

Marvin Marshalls was staring at my chest. I was modestly dressed, but felt like I needed to pull my tank top up to become a turtleneck. This is the first time in my life that I felt like an object or a piece of meat. I am sure that a guy has looked, but this guy was having a conversation with my cleavage. I was sitting higher than him, so in order to bring our eyes on the same plane, I moved from the arm of the couch down to the seat. It didn’t help.

I tried very hard to not get even more upset with this individual and to make anyone else uncomfortable. I made it through the dinner and through the game in a stellar fashion.

However, during some mingling, my best friend leaned over and whispered in my ear that Sammity Spamitty was staring at my chest the entire night. With wide eyes I turned to find, that yes, indeed, he was staring. I got a little upset and told her that Marvin Marshalls had also been staring. I asked her if my shirt was a lot lower than I perceived it. She said that I was totally fine.

Well Grrrrr!!! Stop staring at me!!

Meanwhile during conversation, I found out that this was Marvin Marshalls first date. Not his first date since being back from India…his first date EVER. He was 22 years old. This explained the weird comments, the painful hugs and icky looks. But I mean really, that is just ridiculous. TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD… you should have at least gone to a school dance or an ice cream date in high school. This behavior is just unacceptable. When I have kids, they will be required to go on dates so that they can become socialized.

Everyone else seemed to be dispersing from the house, but Marvin Marshalls was lingering. He asked if I wanted to go do something else fun. This is where my test came in handy. I had previously mentioned that I had a test in the morning, so when he asked if I wanted to go out and do something more, I was able to say, “Oh you know, I really need to go home and study a bit and get to bed earlier since I have that big midterm SOOOO early.”

Luckily, he said he understood. And I got to go home. At the door, I gave him a side hug, since my ribs were bruised from our greeting.

Future lost boys… Eyes up here please!

.... I am sick of hearing: " You have perfect teeth and breasts.", "You have the biggest boobs ever." "Your husband will be a lucky man". "Did you know your tits are huge?"

Yeah... I know. So please, eyes up here. I am not meat.

Here's The Deal

2011-01-16T15:57:00.000-07:00

So this is it... I will write more, if I know that more people are reading this thing! I have quite a few almost finished stories, but they are more intended for the book version of my life. However, if I find out how many people are actually reading and if I can get a few more, than I will post them. SOO... leave comments here and on my other posts if you are reading.... AND share it. I don't want to really write a book that no one is going to read. So help me find out if it is worth it!!

XOXO
Your Wendy Bird

Tinkerbell

2010-12-12T23:30:00.001-07:00

So thanks to my darling Lexie, I have come to recognize the Tinkerbells in this world and the moments that I have been a Tinkerbell.

Who is she you ask?

Tink is the girl that is stuck in the “friend zone”.

This is a really hard place to be stuck in. Why? Because it is a delusion. All the time you are spending with your Peter Pan, you feel like it is going somewhere, that there is a level of commitment and understanding. He however, is simply viewing you as his best friend. He speaks highly of you to other people and strings you along making you feel special. But you are “just friends”, and that is never going to change; even if you get jealous of the other girls in his life and try to sabotage them. You can start gossip, pull her hair or be mean to her in front of Peter, but he will only get upset with you and make you out to be the bad guy. He is completely innocent in this situation in his eyes. The poor clueless fool can't see beyond your constant companionship and loyalty to your real intentions and your puppy dog love for him.

Tinker Belle is really the best kind of friend even though she has jealousy issues. And oh these are some pretty big issues. Let’s discuss them for a moment. Territorial is one of the best ways to describe a Tink. She cannot stand to see Peter even talk or look at another girl, let alone like her. But all the while she tries to pretend that nothing is wrong and that yes, “we are friends”, “best friends”.

Warnings to Peter’s: Do not have a best friend be a girl. You may not know it, but she might be a Tinkerbell.

So the best qualities of a Tinker Belle: She is loyal, protective, always there when you need her, intuitive of your needs, super cute, charming to everyone around her, and fun. She will always whip out those perfect qualities in your presence.

Everyone will love her. But she is blind to the admiration of anyone else around her. Peter is the most important man in her life.

She would do anything for him; even drink poison.-which she does. Sometimes, over and over again, because she loves Peter and he is dumb and doesn’t listen to her. This poison is sometimes self inflicted, however, because Tink is selfless when with Peter. She does things that are bad for her to make him happy. What could some of these things include? She turns down other opportunities to make new friends or spend time with other people, because he needs her or she feels like she has to. She puts up with his stupid lost boy friends even though they might be crude, annoying and rude. She might just start to dream about their future together because she is trapped in the delusion.

She is resilient however! The applause from the audience always revives her. Who is her audience? It’s her girl friends who always know how to keep her alive. It can even be her mom cheering for her (mostly because she is afraid she will never get married).

To be continued….

While You were Sleeping

2010-11-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

About a month passed. I didn’t see CAT for quite some time, and if I did it was friendly and brief.

All of a sudden… I could feel him wiggling his way back into my life. But it was ok.. because he knew that we were JUST FRIENDS. I told him. He said he got it. We were buddies!!! Right?

So there I was. Sitting at home alone. Everyone was gone for that entire night.

So I started to watch a movie by myself. I then got a call from Carlton Archibald Toupee he said he was passing me and asked if he could stop by. I said, “yeah sure. I am just watching a movie and then I am going to go to bed. You can come say hi for a bit.”

So he did.

We watched whatever movie I was watching and he sat a comfortable distance away from me.

But I was weak. I could not keep my eyes open. So I gave in and drifted off to sleep.

A FEW hours later, I was awakened in a very strange way. It took me several minutes to really realize what was going on.

The rest of this story is not nice. You do not have to continue reading. I am taking a more serious approach because this was not ok.

Carton Archibald Toupee had his tongue down my throat. But something was wrong with me. I could not fully wake up and process what was happening.

I was still asleep and my body was fighting to go back to that state. My mind was fighting to be in control.

My eyes rolled open and closed, but my contacts were all foggy and I couldn’t see. I couldn’t move my limbs.

He tried to. I could feel him lift my arms around his neck and position my chin.

I finally could sense how unsafe the situation really was. I got that panic fight or flight, tightness in my chest and was able to gain control of my arms. I put them to his chest and pushed away from him.

He asked me, “What’s wrong? Have you never been kissed like this before?”

Like THIS… umm… NO!

I told him he needed to get off of me and go home. I was able to stand and attempt to walk him out and slam the door.

However, I didn’t achieve my goal. I was slammed up against the door frame and again, his tongue went down my throat.

He pulled away for one second to whisper, “Oh man, you are just so hot.” Then he dove back in.

I finally built up enough strength to pry him off of me.

He asked, “What are you thinking?”

I replied with a look of pure disgust, “Well, I am thinking that you totally just crossed a line.”

He started freaking out a little bit saying things like: No, no, nothing happened. It’s ok. It was good. Now we are more than just friends.

I interrupted at that last comment with, “No Carlton. We are not more than friends now. I am never going to date you. THIS is never going anywhere.”

He pushed my hair behind my ear, smiled and said, “You are just really tired. I think you should go get some sleep and I think you’ll feel differently about it in the morning.”

That made me vomit in my mouth.

“No, Carlton. I will not feel differently in the morning. You need to go and you aren’t allowed to talk to me anymore.”

I pushed him from the door, closed it, and locked it.

Needless to say, I finally learned my lesson from Carlton Archibald Toupee.

Yes, I was really dumb. I should have decided to banish him long before. I was in a very unsafe situation, which could have gotten out of control in seconds. It was really a miracle that I was able to gain control of the situation.

Now I have rules that I don’t break.

You should make some too.

The DTR

2010-11-09T18:47:00.000-07:00

We have previously discussed Carlton Archibald Toupee (CAT). This particular lost boy has caused some serious grief in my life.

I had decided after the whole marching band competition, that I would simply let him be my friend. It was nice to have someone to talk to sometimes, so I kept him around but at a distance.

I hadn’t seen him much over the rest of that fall season, nor into the winter. When I got back from Christmas vacation, he could sense my return to Utah Valley. He texted me and asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie at his new place. I was hanging out with my brother at the time and one of his girl friends, so I said I could if they could come to. He was fine with that situation, but I could sense his displeasure through his words. When we arrived to his house, I chose the couch that was in the weird orientation to the TV, hoping he would return to his spot on the “good” couch. He didn’t. He plastered himself right next to me. My brother laughed a little at the swift move.

As the movie started (“Better off Dead”), I moved a little away from CAT, and he leaned in closer. I’d take a scoot and he’d slide over. My brother and his friend were laughing so hard at me. But poor CAT didn’t get it.

Then…check this… He decided he would like to touch me. Possibly attempt an arm around me? So how did he execute this desire? Oh… he decided to stick his arm into the crack between the back cushions and the seat cushions. His hand then reappeared on the small of my back. Then the grazing started. He continued to graze my back with his finger tips for about 10 minutes. All I could think was, “Just don’t move! If you don’t move, maybe he’ll go away!” Eventually that lovely moment ended.

But he didn’t stop there.

I started to fall asleep, so I leaned away from him, put my elbow into the couch, leaned my head on my hand, and closed my eyes.

Meanwhile, my extra hand that was nearest to him was half way in my front pocket. Only my pinky and ring finger remained exposed.

I drifted off for a few moments until I was awakened by a creeping on my hand.

There his hand was… stroking my pinky and ring finger that were open to the elements.

I ignored it, because who would continue that behavior if there was no response back.

My eyes remained close. Surely he knew I was asleep.

Oh no no.

And then he pounced.

His hand grabbed onto my little helpless fingers. There he held for many a minute. Again I just kept thinking, “Don’t move!” It had worked before, right?

He just kept holding on. With about 5 minutes of the movie to go, he finally realized I hadn’t moved… and assumed I wasn’t interested.

I was sleeping!!! Weird.

Left his house feeling so dumb and very bad. Poor kid just didn’t get it.

So I texted him and asked him if he would come over the next morning so that I could talk to him.

He came over bright and early. I proceeded to explain to him that I was sleeping when he initially grabbed my little fingers. (He wasn’t weirded out by this at all.)

Then I did it. I had the DTR (Define the relationship)

I said, “Carlton, you are a really great friend and I just want to keep it that way.”

He was so very confused. No matter what angle I came from in order to try not to out right say, “Carlton, you are creeping me out, I don’t want you to touch me and I am not going t date you!”, he just didn’t get it.

He kept saying, “I am a little confused. I feel like you are skating around the issue here.”

Really now?? How dense can you get?

So I stopped and took some deep breaths. “Carlton. We are just friends and that is all we are ever going to be.”

He said ok and then had to leave for work. I felt like he FINALLY got it. That’s what I felt.

Oh boy was I wrong….

To be continued…

Rules

2010-11-08T11:04:00.006-07:00

By a Wendy for a Wendy

When you are face to face with a lost boy:

Get out… don’t even get involved… but if you don’t- adhere to the following:
He has one hour to make an impression… after that you can get out
You never have to say yes, especially if you know he’s a lost boy
Always be in control of the situation- you are a woman and have the power
Know the limit/ line that will not be crossed and stick to it
Look moderately hot for the first date. You can tone it up or down depending on the first impression
Have a first date curfew- midnight is appropriate… earlier is better
Do not laugh and be charming if he isn’t funny or charming
Limit the super personal information- talk about broad topics
Maintain a neutral body language – don’t flirt unless he’s great
Try not to be alone
Always bring cash and a cell phone
Have an escape plan set up. Know where all your exits are and have that “emergency call” on standby
Don’t answer calls or texts after midnight- they are always booty calls
If you are nervous at all that he’s strange- Meet at the place—then he doesn’t know where you live and you have a car.
NEVER fall asleep in his presence. Trust me... the results are disturbing.
Remember- a hundred lost boys will never equal 1 great man. Drop them all if they can't find themselves when you show up

Marching Band Competition

2010-11-07T16:04:00.001-07:00

Marching Band Competition

So this one time….

When I had first moved to Provo, I met this boy- Carlton Archibald Toupee (CAT). The name has been changed… However his real name is worse!! Carlton Archibald Toupee called me one day and asked if I was available. I didn’t have any homework so I figured that I was.

He said he had a bunch of homework he needed to do. (OK-weird. Why ask me out if you have homework?)

I think that I actually asked him that.

He explained that he really just wanted to spend some time with me and asked if I would just come hang out with him for a bit.

I really wanted to get out of my apartment, so I accepted, thinking that the “hangout” would only be like an hour max.

A little side note. This was mid- October in Utah. Since I am from Arizona, I didn’t own a coat. I pulled on my light sweater and answered the door.

A light drizzling rain greeted me behind the tall string-bean of a 25 year old boy.

The rain did not faze me because he owned a car. We began walking away from my door. And then he turned. He turned towards the Provo River Trail that ran behind my building and just kept walking. I stopped and stared at the pitch black trail that he barreled toward.

This trail is historically not safe at night. A fear overcame me.

He finally realized that I was 30 feet behind him and turned to find me. He coaxed me over by saying we were just walking over to the football stadium and that he would protect me in the dark.

I commented slightly under my breath, “I have a better chance of protecting myself.”

The football stadium was about 2 miles away from my apartment. We walked and the rain picked up.

As we approached the stadium, I began to realize what was happening. Simultaneously, I was hearing 4 different bands practice their brassy tunes. There were hundreds of kids adorned in brightly colored marching band uniforms. Another few hundred kids running around thinking they are hip because they were at a college stadium.

I turned to Carlton Archibald Toupee and gave him a confused look and asked what we were doing exactly.

HE proceeded to explain that we were attending the annual regional high school marching band competition.

This was not my scene. In high school I avoided the band kids almost as if they had leprosy. You can’t blame me however, because the band kids were the ones doing the nasty in the hallways at school. I didn’t want their STDs to jump onto me!

He then explained that he hadn’t missed a year for 5 years in a row! He was SO EXCITED!!

We got in line for tickets and I felt the urge to run. This may have been because I was slowly entering in to a hypothermic state.

As we stood there in the rain, I ran my fingers through my hair to inspect the state that it was in.

Dear Carlton… that lost soul… then made fun of my hair. Yes. He said that I looked like a wet puppy.

My mouth dropped. How socially retarded CAN you get.

Every girl wants to be told they look like a wet dog- ESPECIALLY if she didn’t want to be standing in the frigid rain in the first place.

I fought back with some sort of sarcastic remark that he couldn’t read. So I gave up.

We made our way into the stadium and found our prime rib seating! Of course that kind of seating couldn’t come so easily. The bench was soaked. I stared at it for a moment trying to decide the best mode of action.

Do I take off my thin sweater and dry off the seat? Do I use my cold fingers to brush off as much water as I can? Or do I just sit in the puddle. I went with option number 2!! My poor little fingers paid the price for the rest of the night.

He made himself comfortable and whipped out his stats homework.

Oh yes. I am very serious about this people!

Meanwhile, I started to convulse from the cold.

I was very uninterested in the performances that were taking place in front of me and my fingers were turning blue. Every once in awhile CAT would try to start a small conversation. I tried very hard to contribute, but I couldn’t keep my jaw still enough to form words. I got scared I was going to crack a tooth.

He didn’t seem to notice the chattering, nor the blue color of my body.

I was desperate for heat!!

I sat as close to Him as possible and leaned in. I was thinking, “Carlton Archibald Toupee, this is your opportunity right now! Put your arm around me. For the love of all that is holy, please put an arm around me!”

Again, he didn’t notice. What a shame!

FINALLY the last band played and we began our exit! And we walked. And walked. And walked. Did I mention… IT WAS STILL RAINING.

At that point I was soaked through and through. The puddles and mud we trudged through to get back to my apartment only made the experience more exciting… like a safari. The kind of safari where you are avoiding being the prey and the prey is a rapist on the Provo River Trail.

This reminds me of a song…. “ How do you solve a problem like Carlton Archibald Toupee?” Because this was only the beginning of much bigger problems.

Lefave Card # 2

2010-10-05T21:46:00.003-06:00

Imagine this little lovely-

There is a teddy bear in a dark corner. The top of the card reads

“Just when you think you’re alone…”

You open to read- “…Someone lets you know they’re thinking about you!”

And all the rest….

11/ 11/ 94

Hi!

Thought I would drop you a line- Saw this calendar and for some reason thought of you. (I really really really wish that this calendar was still in the package!)

Wasn’t for sure where you would be for thanksgiving or what you would be doing. But figured to send you this now before the rest of your fan mail started arriving.

My kids are going to Florida with their mother for 10 days over the holiday- I guess its tuna fish sandwiches again this year.

Enjoyed out conversation the last time we talked- Hope things are well for you- “Get some rest” & take care of yourself. Until next time- “May God Bless”.

Love,

Pat

P.S. For some reason your constantly on my mind….?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes as I read these words from Lefave, I feel as though he is writing to me. Poor, poor Carolyn. Pat is a super lost boy –creep. He has KIDS, and is fishing for an invite to Thanksgiving. I wonder if she succumbed to his manipulation? I also wonder why he always mentions her “fans”? Jealous and controlling? … I think YES!

Todd's First Date

2010-10-04T19:51:00.004-06:00

One of the first moments I realized that I was a Wendy, was when I was 16. I had been 16 for about 6 months and was allowed to start dating. I had been going on occasional first dates with young boys who were all slowly turning 16. Todd. He had turned 16 a month after I had turned 16 and he had yet to ask a girl on a date. I had known Todd for a couple of years, along with our mutual group of guy friends.

One warm Sunday afternoon in Arizona, I noticed a commotion in my front yard. I went to our large front window and watched 2 of my best guy friends, drag poor Todd up my driveway. When they got to my porch, I opened the door and stepped out. Todd was bright red, sweating, and yelling, “Don’t! Stop! Leave me alone!”

I knew what this was all about. The other two boys yelled back, “ Todd, be a man and just do it!”

He was supposed to ask me on a date. His first date.

They threw him into my house and ran a few steps away. Todd was having a hard time breathing, so I ran to get him a glass of water to prevent him passing out in my doorway.

It took him about 2 and a half minutes to recover. I just stood there patiently waiting for him to get the guts to ask me his question. He sat down on the piano bench and started to speak, still gasping for air every few words. “Cara, (gasp) do you want (gasp) to go on a date (gasp, gasp) on Friday (big exhaustion of air)?”

I smiled my lovely smile and replied, “Todd, I would love to go on a date with you on Friday.”

He said, “Ok, cool. I’ll let you know the details later on in the week.”

I replied, “That sounds perfect.” Then I turned to the 3 boys and said, “You guys are lucky that I am me, and so cool; because this could be pretty offensive to any other girl. But don’t worry, I am not offended.”

All three boys thought about it for a second, and realized that it wasn’t very nice to force Todd up to my door.

Todd’s dad made him call and apologize a couple of days later for his behavior.

...This pattern continued for many, many years in my life. I became THE WENDY. The girl that went on the first date with each boy. I was the practice girl, whom you could be comfortable and simply “get the first date over with”.

This state I was stuck in, didn’t start to bother me until college, when I was the first date of a 22 year old. I mean really?

LeFave

2010-09-28T20:51:00.004-06:00

When you live in an old house, sometimes you get to discover treasures. The treasure I discovered was a package. This package contained 3 letters. They are addressed to a Miss Carolyn from a Mr. Pat LeFave.

From what I can infer, Miss Carolyn is a Wendy. She has attracted a lost boy. Or actually, more like a lost man. This is the first letter of the series:

Picture This....
A card.
A picture of the Western Hemisphere.
A word bubble that says :"You're here" in the area of Utah
Another word bubble that says: "I'm here", pointing to New York.

Something kinda like that^

You open this card....

11/3/04

Hi!
Thought I would write and give your mind a break from Academia. Last time we talked it reminded me of the frat house I stayed as, 10 people answer the phone and no one takes a message- Signs "Girl in Bathroom", too much partying. Thinking your rich with $20.00 in your pocket- Striving with EGO's everyday. Thought about you since I've met you - seems these past 3 weeks my life has slowed down for some reason, and you have been on my mind often. I keep thinking back to the time we were sitting together during that testimony meeting - you said to stop that young girl because you wanted to speak to her. There was a tone in your voice that seemed to go right through me- I'd never experienced it before, and still can't put my finger on it. Hope you're enjoying life and that your struggles aren't too hard. (this is when the letter extended to the back of the card.) But if they (are/do)(the studies) remember the men are doing the hard stuff! Just kidding, I'll be your fan! Anyway I'm hoping to see you again soon- New Years- Love Pat Will call again - If you Don't rush me off the phone like the last two times.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

To me... this character screams lost boy. "If you don't rush me off the phone like the last two times," He is dripping with passive aggression.

Oh and don't worry... this story gets better.
ps.. This is not my spelling. I just transferred the letter exactly as written.
xoxox
Cara

Enjoy The Show

2010-09-27T21:58:00.001-06:00

So today this is my song. Sometimes you feel like your life is captured in a song. At least for the moment.... Enjoy the show... That's one of my goals for this year. I'm working on it and getting better! xoxox

So This One Time...

2010-09-27T21:11:00.006-06:00

Some of this blog is going to become part of a book. The Wendy Diaries are going to be very popular. Here is another old story.

SO THIS ONE TIME….

I was in a play and I was partnered with a boy just younger than me. This poor boy was so very unfortunate. Home-schooled. Sweaty. Doorbell ditching obesity’s doorstep. The most awkward human I have ever met. I was playing a prostitute in the show, and he was told to be a flirty gold miner in the bar. His idea of flirting: getting way to close to my face with his unbrushed breath and then wiggling his sweaty, dirty, fingers under my chin, squealing, “flirty, flirty, flirty!” I asked him to please stop doing that.

One time while we were waiting to run on stage for our scene, he decided to act out the love song scene currently happening on stage. He sang the loving words and proceeded to get closer and closer to my body and my face. I had a very confused look pasted on and sat frozen in my confused state. At the same moment the couple on stage dove into a passionate kiss, he pounced toward my mouth. In record time, I regained my composure and ducked for cover. We then ran on stage.

Days later, my mother got a call from this young man. He asked her if I was available the next weekend. She told him I was and ended the conversation.

Later that day she asked me if I was free the next week. I knew there was something fishy. I coaxed the information out of her that homeschooled kid had called. I was furious. I begged her to call him back and tell him that I wasn’t available. She said, “Cara that is so rude, give him just one chance. Be nice.” The reality was that I actually was not free that weekend. My best friend was in town and it was our mutual good friend’s birthday that night. I explained this to her in a panic. I also explained to her that, technically I wasn’t allowed to go on single dates at the time. I also explained that I was scared of the kid.

I finally convinced her to call. But she was bamboozled. She explained that out family rule was that I could not single date until I was 18. She asked him if he could please get a friend to come along. His reply: “I don’t have any friends.”

She broke down with remorse for the unfortunate child. She told him to go on ahead and ask me!

I cried.

A few days later, my mother told me to go clean my room for a while. I went. Five minutes later, my little sister burst into my room and teased me to go out in the front yard. I wouldn’t go. 20 minutes later my mom came and yelled at me and told me I was being rude.

So I stomped my way outside and found my front yard covered with lunch bags filled with sand and candles. There was some clever poem asking me to accompany him to the Riparian Preserve the next week for a luminary festival.

Something like this...>

I was so embarrassed at the level of intensity this date was having. Then I realized. I was going to be his first date ever. Oh joy.

I sent him an email with some kind of rhyme that said I would go. Only after another battle with my mother about me being nice and giving everyone a chance.

Surprise, surprise. The night of the date, my parents decided to go out of town. I was left alone with no one to threaten the kid to have me home on time or to treat me with respect.

So I called my best friend. He showed up at my door with our mutual friend; they both wore huge dark trench coats and reflective aviator sunglasses.

They answered the door when homeschooled kid showed up. They interviewed him with some of the funniest questions I have ever heard: How do you feel about the war in Iraq? How long have you had your driver’s license? Have you ever kissed a girl? What time do you plan on having Cara home this evening?

I hid in my room and laughed until I cried a little bit. At the end of the interview, I emerged. I wore my mother’s long coat with deep pockets. I wanted to be prepared for a sneaky hand attack.

We drove in his very small truck to the Riparian Preserve about 15 minutes away from my house.

We walked around in the night following the luminary lit pathways. I kept my hands safely tucked away in the deep pockets of my mother’s coat.

I talked incessantly in order to avoid awkward silence and even more awkward conversation from his mouth.

Once we had walked over every inch of that place, he walked me back to his truck. He drove to his neighborhood and we again walked. This time it was through the Christmas lights of the courtyard of his country club. I ran out of things to talk about. Therefore, he had room to talk. What did he choose…. The war in Iraq. We had conflicting opinions, but I was not about to have that discussion with him. We jumped into his truck and sat for a minute in quiet.

“So are we just watching other people drive in the parking lot?” I asked.

He then threw out his own conversation. “So are you anything like your character?”

“Umm, are you asking me if I am a prostitute?”

“Well I, I , I,”

“Seriously? No. It is definitely just a character. Not a part of me at all. No. I am not a whore.”

“Oh, I just… I mean…”

“Yeah… right…. I think we should go.”

He started the truck. We drove back to my neighborhood. It was my friend’s birthday, so we went to the party because I had previously mentioned it trying to get out of the date, but he just invited himself.

Through this party, he proceeded to “flirt” with my best friend, and definitely got her number. Of course I supported this action in order to sway his creepy attention away from me.

Poor, poor lost boy. I am not your Wendy.