THE SASSY CHEF

I love cooking.
{I also love eating}.

I love the smell of fresh ingredients {especially from a garden or local produce stand/shop}, the sound of a knife on a chopping board, the feel of cold marble countertops {had to throw that in there}, and the taste of wine whilst I do it all {duh}.

I love planning a weekly menu when I can {which is maybe every other week if I have to be honest}, and planning out a grocery store run {coupons in tow and weekly specials researched, by myself preferably}.  While most of the meals I cook aren't really kid-in-the-kitchen-friendly, I try my best to include them in all the "measure and pour into a mixer" type endeavors.  They are still young, and there is only so much you can sanely do with kids their age in the kitchen, but I hope to gradually instill in them a love of good food and the process it takes to create it, as well as the skills to actually gather ingredients and create a meal themselves one day.
Bennett has been my helper for years, and I'm more than thrilled to have recently added this eager, sassy chef into the mix.

RESOLUTION

I've mentioned many times before that I have never been huge on "my diet starts Monday" or "I am going to fix 'X' about myself starting January 1"....I've always said why not start TODAY and do it NOW.

HOWEVER, that being said, I am loving New Years more and more and I get older.  Maybe it's because there are always so many "things" that seem to weigh a mom down...balance, time management, organization, cooking, chores, kids...that it's so attractive to consider a "new" start to things.  A day where you can say pish posh to all that is old, cluttered, and inefficient and decide to become that organized, put together, INTENTIONAL person you believe you could be.

INTENTIONAL is my key word here.  We have been discussing and praying a lot about being "intentional" in bible study recently, especially in reference to parenting.  It is way too easy in this day and age to be an overactive multitasker {guilty as charged}.  It leaves us in a place of doing so many things, we don't ever give our best to ANYTHING.  And this is very sad when one of those things {one of the most important things in my opinion} is your children.  And you aren't giving them your best.

Instead of making a list of all the things I am excited about starting anew this year, I figured setting an overall goal would be the most effective.  So this year, my goal is to be a more intentional

CHRISTIAN

WIFE

MOM

FRIEND

COOK

ORGANIZER

INTERIOR DESIGNER

The Interior Designer role comes last in this list.  I have been feeling a huge tug on me recently, and as work slowed towards the end of the year, I decided the best of me is mother to my children.  Part of me is Interior Designer, and I love that part.  But I cannot and have not been giving my children {or husband...or home...or friends...etc etc} the best of me, because the whole of me has been broken into so many parts...pulled so many different ways, that everything I am just gets pieces of me.  I want to be INTENTIONAL with the time spent with the people that mean the most to me.

This means not messing on my iphone while I'm playing/interacting with the kids.
This means not having so much work that the only conversations Bennett and I have at any point in the afternoon consist of "Bennett be QUIET I am on the phone for WORK!" and "Bennett I am SERIOUS Momma is working!".
This means possibly still working, but much less.
This means maybe taking a break from work altogether.  I don't know.  I am praying about it.
This means intentionally planning and shopping for our meals.
This means making a menu, searching for coupons if possible, and sticking to my list at the grocery store.
This means stepping foot into the kitchen before 6:30 at night, because by then cooking is the LAST thing I want to do and if I happen to start then I will not be finished until Stephen and I are ready to go to bed anyway.
This means being better about keeping in touch with those dear friends I love so much.  I am a terrible phone person...and can look up on Friday and realize I have not called a single friend back, or made a call to any of them anyway.
This means setting aside time away from the kids to spend with Stephen and my friends.  Quality, intentional time.  Date nights + coffee dates.
This means doing something more quality than watching TV when the kids go to bed {even though this is our only "down time," and many times TV is the most quality thing we can muster ;) }.
This means keeping myself busy, with tasks and important things.  {ps. Downton Abbey/Project Runway/Bachelor/etc, blogs, Instagram.  These things are all important.  But I will set aside a time for them and not intermingle it with everything else.}
This means doing the work on the front end, so things don't pile up {clothes in my closet/turning my blog into books/making kids photo books/toy organization/picture file organization/my office/etc}.

This may sound like a lot, but to me it seems more attainable than "organize my entire house" or "cook every night" or "stop eating ___" or "only look at my phone ___ minutes a day."  Honestly, I would probably break all of those Day Two ;)

What are your New Years Resolutions?
I would love any suggestions :)

DEAR JACOB, ON YOUR FIRST BIRTHDAY

 

 
Hey sweet boy

You are one today.  One whole, very full, year old.
I really don't even know where to begin with this, so I'll just dive right in to the meat of it.

I LOVE YOU.  So so much.  I physically feel my heart ACHE when I look at you.
Every time. {yes even when you are crying or won't take a nap or clinging to my legs while I try to cook dinner}

Let's go back to the beginning...

I cried when I found out I was pregnant with you.  Not to give your siblings ammunition on your or anything, but I want you to know how much you have changed me.  I cried when I found out I was pregnant with you.  Cried because I was scared.
Almost all the big things in my life have been...A+B=C.  Of course there were normal setbacks and disappointments and misfires and teenage insecurities and MANY failed pursuits and unrequited loves.  But when it came to finding the love of my life, we found each other before we had to look.  We went to college.  We got engaged.  We got married.  We had two blissful years before deciding to plan a family.  We planned and got pregnant.  We had a baby.  We waited two wonderful years and decided to have another baby.  We got pregnant.  We had a baby.

And then we got pregnant.
Again.

And without a shadow of a doubt, it was THE best thing that has EVER happened to me.  For the first time I was made to give up my beloved CONTROL of my life.  Because I am NOT in control.  I always stated that I believed that, but it was just some principle I understood but did not comprehend. 

You my dear are the most precious tool that God used implicitly to change my life.  I still cannot believe that God chose your daddy and me to raise you and your precious brother and sister.  I feel like I won the children lottery jackpot.  I am fully aware most mothers feel this way and it makes me proud and humbled to be in their company.  Parents who are "obsessed" with their children as blessings... given to us to use to His glory... make me the MOST happy.

So, back to your story.  I was sick for 20 weeks, then just plain tired for the rest.  Emory was 5 months old when God made you and 7 months old when we found out about you.  She was 14 months old when your daddy and I got a MEAN {and I mean evil} bout of the stomach virus that married my nine-months-pregnant-body to the cold bathroom floor.  It also took us to the hospital at 6pm that night, where we were informed you were not coming... I was just severely dehydrated.

Again, you and God had other plans and the next morning at 8:55am, on December 11, 2011, your perfect little 8lb self came screaming into the world and I barely remember any of it.

And then you were ours, in the flesh.  You were an incredibly happy, beautiful, terrible nurser of a baby.  The fact that nursing was such a nightmare, after two successful experiences with your brother and sister, was so so hard.  You had RSV right after you started sleeping through the night and then you didn't start sleeping again {hardly at all} until after four months old.

Again, everything I thought I knew about being a mother or having an infant was challenged by you.  You taught me that I didn't know what I thought I knew.  You taught me what it feels like to not be able to do things by myself.  You taught me I can't do all the things I like to do, all the time.  You taught me it really isn't about me.

You taught me that all I really want to be when I grow up is your mother.

 
If you didn't know any better you would think these weren't fabulous things to learn.
But they were defining things for me.
Character building, life changing, purpose giving things.
I learned to ask for help, let the little things slide, get over myself and get real with the fact that I had three small children and life as I knew it is not real life.

YOU are real life.

You are my inheritance.  You and your brother and sister are the most important things that your daddy and I can leave as our impact on this world.

From the very beginning God made man and woman not to make a lot of money, or strive to the heights of "society," or fulfill the world's vision of success, or be perfect.  He made them in his image, to be fruitful and multiply, and share His gospel.  What better tools to fulfill His Will than the mighty blessings he entrusts us with from their very birth?

You taught me what was important.

And Jacob, oh Jacob, what a PRESENT you are.  You are a shining light.  A happy, cherubic face of pure JOY.

 

You laugh at everything.

You love your brother and sister...well, you have always loved your brother and turn to his voice with a smile, but over the past two months you have started to love your sister too :).  At first you would pouty face and whimper when you heard her coming but now the two of you can just make a face at each other or throw a glance the other's way and you both crack up.  And now if she gets too close you just start slapping at her face like she used to at yours :).

You cry if someone simply looks at you the wrong way.

 

Daddy calls you a puddin'.  I call you my puddin pop.

You love to be held and are happiest in my arms.  You, like your sister at this age, cannot get enough of your daddy.  I would not say you are independent at this point :).

Since you were born, one of your favorite places to be is cheek to cheek.  Even now if I put my cheek on yours you will lean in and press yours to mine.  And you are never the first to break that connection.

You are cruising everywhere, standing on your own and loving it, two steps away from walking.
You eat anything I put in front of you and get frustrated if we don't feed you fast enough.
You still love to dance.
You always raise your right arm and make your hand do this star-trek type thing.  I don't get it.  But it's you.
You say DaDa when Daddy comes near but no momma yet.
You woof when asked what a puppy says.

Your skin is like BUTTA and is almost too soft to even feel.  Seriously.  {it's nothing like butter but everything like BUTTA}

Bottom line {yeah, after all of that there is a bottom line :)}...you are such a GIFT.  A little blessing that was unplanned and heaven sent.  Sometimes God's greatest gifts aren't just unanswered prayers, but answered prayers that were answered before you even thought to ask.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

You will always be my baby and I will have to try very hard NOT to baby you as you grow up

I empathize with every "terrible" mother-in-law out there who turns Maleficent with the thought that her little boy might leave her...leave her for another GIRL

 

I will follow you to college and show up unannounced on your doorstep with soup and Kleenex when you are sick

You will never NOT fit in my lap

I will tell your future girlfriends/wife about your incredibly soft baby skin and your precious tushie

And on your thirtieth birthday you better believe my sixty year old self will place my cheek on yours...
but this time let YOU be the one to break the connection.

 

Happy first birthday baby
xoxoxo
Momma

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

HI, IT'S ME

 
hi

...and deep sigh

i seem to have taken an unplanned, wonderfully refreshing break from most things technological.  blog included.  being away from everything on the cruise made me realize just how much i loved being away from everything.  it always goes in cycles and im sure ill be right back in the midst of computer-time before i know it.

my iphone has been the only real outlet to the world beyond ours for the past few weeks and during that time i discovered instagram.  i mean ive used it for awhile now but i just thought those pictures were stored on my phone.  never knew other people could see them, or follow me, or anything.  yep.  they can.  and it is quite addicting {just what i need}.  take a look

i know some people hate pictures of food.  if im hungry, i love them.  if im not, i want to break the screen of whatever it is that is showing me the picture.  however, i learned a big lesson in the makings of pico de gallo and i thought i would share {including a picture}.  i made some absolutely disgusting homemade salsa two weeks ago.  putrid.  all it was was tomatoes with some onion, cilantro, garlic, salt, lime juice.  and then i discovered my problem.  good pico de gallo is not tomato plus other ingredients...thanks to mrs. PW i learned its almost equal parts tomatoes, onions, jalepeno, and cilantro.  wow what a difference.

tastes fabulous on her shrimp tacos {i substituted tilapia...UHmazing}

work has been picking back up, with several renovations, additions and floor plan work.  usually this would drag me to the computer, but in my current station of life it actually is easier for me to spread everything out on the dining room table and draw by hand...something that has both inspired and excited me.  working on the computer while home with the kids seems to make me slightly demon-ish to them, as i try to concentrate on its fluorescent-looking screen and use calculations and numbers and mind numbing repetition.  {CAD-monkey work as its commonly called}.  this does not make me a good mommy.
BUT with the birth of my third child i have also realized that my work is also one of the few things, and usually the ONLY thing, that brings me back to a happy place of natalie....as in ive tried to be good and go to lunch with friends without kids, get a pedicure, go run some errands by myself, etc...but it doesnt recharge me.  its quite the epiphany realizing work recharges me, but i feel blessed that i can work with my hobby...so im not complaining.  just taking it day by day and figuring out how to be the best mom and still keep some semblance of a business going :) let me know if you have any tips...whew

unfinished living room of some absolute favorite clients of mine:

 gorgeous custom sofa weve been waiting on for MONTHS

another nearly finished room at my parents house for all the kiddos:

this bunk room was made using a portion of an outdoor storage room that backed up to a room in the house.  we carved out a pocket door and took in most of the storage room.  its the perfect size for twin bunk beds {arranged like this}:

plan

elevation

everything in the room is painted BM white dove {a favorite white}, including the concrete floor.  im thinking a rug such as this in there:

and some framed prints on the wall would finish it right up!

im realizing as i look through pictures just how long its been since i blogged.
bennett finished pre k3 with a mothers day art show

and a swim party with his class

all i wanted for mothers day was a picture with my three children

and i got it...just not in the imaginary-pretend-world-perfectly-imperfect-candid-but-still-looks-awesome way i pictured it in my head...just better

emory and i had our first official girly date to a friends tutu birthday party
at first she was wary of the dress up and a little standoffish

but once the tutu and crown were on and the balloons were out...the girl woke up and had an absolute blast

{i did too :)}

after probably three days at home after school was out the kids and i got stir crazy and headed to the beach.

being with them, alone, for so many days by myself before and after memorial day weekend actually just solidified how awesome i think my kids are.  being a mom is so unbelievable when all you have to do is be a mom.  you know, instead of a laundromat and a cook and a wife and a housekeeper and a shuttle service and an errands runner and a bill payer and an interior designer and a good friend and everything else being at home requires you to do.

at the beach, it was just me and them.  do we...eat whats in the pantry or !yay! go to publix {seriously fun for all}. do we...put on sunscreen and walk outside or do we play with legos/watch a movie/roll around on the floor/dance to made up songs inside.  that was about the extent of our decision making for the past week.

i definitely can live that way.

so, i plan on living that way.
more purpose, more quality.
i really do get bogged down with the nothings of everyday and keeping it simple recently has made such a difference.  its true, the more kids you have the more complicated everything becomes but the simpler you need to make it all in order to survive.  being at the beach for a week and steering clear of mindless technology just reinforced it all.
so now, as i open my computer and blog while watching the bachelorette on dvr {:)} i will continue to pray that i find the balance, keep it simple, do what makes me and my husband and my children happy, and keep breathing in their infant/toddler/BIG KID-y goodness because MAN its going by so fast.

this rolly polly is almost six months and it makes me feel like someone punched me in the stomach

SLOW
DOWN

jacob, you need your own post baby.  there is so much to say

these other two arent so bad themselves ;)

ill try not to be a stranger
but if im not here, youll know where i am
:)