GLASS: THE FAMILY, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND

The pep talk I give myself after an imperfect day (so basically every day)

2019-09-18T01:19:00.000-07:00

Do you know what I FAILED to do today!? I failed to talk about Constitution Day with my kids! I also failed to watch President Nelson's BYU devotional, because honestly, I forgot about both things.

I miss home schooling because there is more time available for the things that matter MOST.
I am beginning to wonder, now that all my school aged children are in actual regular school this year, how anyone accomplishes anything this way!? I suppose conventional wisdom (and experience) would say that having your kids home all day would make it difficult for you to accomplish anything. But having them gone isn't a bit easier - at least when it comes to the most important things.

In my opinion, the most important things that happen in a day happen once the kids come home and the family is together. The most important part of motherhood is interacting with and teaching my children! Yet once they come home, everything is a mad rush. Rush to activities. Rush to fulfill commitments. Rush to make and eat dinner. Rush to read scriptures as a family. Rush to get kids off to bed. The space between after school & bed is a mad rush! There is just so. little. time.

But since this is the position I am in right now, I will resolve to discuss Constitution Day with my kids tomorrow (maybe during dinner?) and we will find time at some point this week to watch President Nelson's devotional. Meanwhile, I'd like to take a moment and pat myself on the back for the things I DID do today (because if I don't, who will!?):

* I made sourdough starter waffles with freshly made whip cream for breakfast. The kids didn't appreciate it, but it was seriously awesome - both delicious and mostly healthy!
* I went over our finances with a fine toothed comb. I really dug in and got it done - I crunched those numbers like a champ!
* I took a shower! I didn't actually do my hair, but at least I'm clean, right?
* I made a delicious dinner from scratch. Ok, so I do this most days. It still counts.
* I remembered to take a cute picture of Jason and Summer reading on the couch together. I even took a little video! This alone practically makes me a superhero. Ha ha ha!
* I led what was at least a semi-meaningful discussion about the verse: "Ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you." I think at least one of the kids got something out of it.
* I did animal kisses with Brighton tonight before bed. I dread the day he decides they aren't cool any more!
* I found the shirt Weston wants to wear tomorrow buried in the depths of the clean clothes pile, therefore relieving myself of the burden of staying up to do an extra load of laundry tonight. I'm seriously so thrilled. I'd probably be more thrilled if all the clothes were folded and put away already - but hey, baby steps.
* I didn't eat after dinner. Major accomplishment (I love to snack at night)!

Aside from the fact that it is almost 1:00 AM and I still have to make kids' lunches, I'd say bravo! Oh yeah, I didn't help anyone with homework tonight. Darn, I was almost impressed!

"Tomorrow I will do more and be better," is sometimes the line that I use on myself. Even though I know tomorrow will be filled with some successes and some failures, I do hope I am a little better...and that I actually do my hair.

Success is found in the honest reality of our flawed lives, as long as we are striving. My goal is not to be perfect, as it once was. My goal is to keep striving with a hopeful heart. Sometimes it takes courage to keep going when constantly faced with the discouraging truth of our imperfect lives, but there really is value in pausing to appreciate the positive. It can be brutal thinking about all that is out of our control, or all that we did not get done. But taking a moment to applaud what we WERE able to do that day can be so liberating - even when all we can say for the day is that we survived! So give yourself a pat on the back. You did it! Now quickly go get a few insufficient hours of sleep so you can wake up tomorrow morning and do it all again!

Measuring success in motherhood

2017-02-22T00:37:00.003-08:00

I have decided that I need a checklist - not the typical one that is full of all the tasks I need and want to accomplish in a day, but a realistic one that reflects my highest values and goals. Concrete measurements for success as a mother really don’t exist. I mean, come on - I don’t think any of us will really know how effective we have been until our kids turn 18 and leave the house. Even then, they have agency to act for themselves, so who is to say their behavior is reflective of MY success as their mother? I find the ambiguity of measuring my success in life discouraging. I long for a feeling of real accomplishment - and most days it completely eludes me. Often I feel like a failure. I am striving to look at myself differently, though, because I want to live an empowered life. I want to inspire others, not by showing them how perfect I can be (which is a joke anyway, because I am so painfully far from perfect in every aspect of life), but by exuding happiness and genuine confidence in the face of life’s challenges. I always think of my mom - cheerful and positive, encouraging and hopeful, never pessimistic and virtually never expressing disappointment in us! I want to be more like that.

Being negative is not in my nature…so when I start feeling pessimistic or critical of people, something is off. The kind of positivity I want to exude is borne of genuine happiness, and happiness is only possible through a feeling of progress - of working towards a defined goal that inspires and motivates me. I think most people are this way! My mom remains my main life mentor, so I first think of her. She found her sense of motivation, progress, and enthusiasm for life largely through her professional goals. The happiness that came from her pursuit to serve others through her business truly created a sense of excitement and progress in our home. I never heard my mom complain about the difficulty of life (although she faced a fair number of extraordinary challenges)! Instead, there was a lot of emphasis on goals and on focusing on what we wanted to create in our lives.

I want to be this way, too! I have come to the realization recently that what I lack is the feeling of happiness borne of PROGRESS. For too long I have been in a state of survival. Sometimes that is ok, but I think over the long haul it can suffocate a person. I understand now how easy it is to just get into the rut of survival mode. It begins with a legitimate crisis. But regular life can feel like an endless barrage of difficulties, even when there is no real crisis. It is hard to reach higher to attain some goal beyond surviving when you already have way more on your plate than you can handle! And that is one of the lessons I have learned these past 10 years as a mother - you will NEVER have a manageable number of things on your preverbal plate. NEVER. People say you ought to prioritize. Well, what are you supposed to do when the VERY most important priorities aren’t all doable in the same day? The realization that I am utterly incapable of staying on top of even the most basic “must-do’s” in life has been a difficult pill to swallow. I have fought against it for years. Surely, there must be some way to do it all! And by do it all, I really just mean do the basics. I would be rich if I had a dollar for every unrealistic to-do list that I have written and failed to complete in a day.

Just recently, I have had a new idea. I am tired of struggling with disappointment and living in survival mode. 10 years from now, if I were to look back on this day, how would I gauge my success? Certainly it wouldn’t be determined by how clean my house was, or ruined by the fact that I didn’t get dressed until 3pm that day and went to the store looking like a hobo (and inevitably ran into someone I knew).

Looking through a clearer, more perfect lens, what does a successful day look like at this point in my life?

This is the question I seek to answer for myself. My goal is to create a checklist, one that I can look at throughout the day to keep myself on track, and by which I can reflect honestly on my success at the conclusion of each day.

I know it is going to be a work in progress, and I know that this method will be flawed too. But this feels like a better direction - one that will lead me to be more authentic and hopefully find a greater degree of satisfaction. Here are some of the ideas for this check list so far:

* Did I offer a genuine prayer today, humbly pleading for the Lord’s inspiration and sincerely thanking Him?

* Did I strive to keep the Spirit with me today and stay open to any promptings I might receive?

* Did I strive to let love dominate my interactions with my children (and others)?

* Did I spend at least 5 minutes of one-on-one time having real conversation, playing a game, learning together, or doing something with each child today?

* Did I spend at least 10 minutes doing one of the following: reading, playing piano, writing, or creating

something that brings me joy?

* Did I do real exercise for at least 10 minutes today?

* Did we do family scripture study and both morning and nightly prayer?

* Did I read to the kids?

* Did the kids do math, reading, and writing today of some kind? (I homeschool, so this is a must!)

* Did I learn something new with the kids today?

* Did I find a reason to thank each of my kids today for something?

* Did I tell Jason how much I love and appreciate him?

* Did I reach out to someone today, if even just through a text?

* Did I make at least one really good, nourishing meal for my family today?

* Did I take my supplements and have the kids take theirs?

* Did I go to bed before midnight?

Weekly:

Monday: FHE - was the Spirit felt, even if just for a brief time?

Sunday: Did we write in our family journal? Did I ask the kids all about what they learned in church today?

I will inevitably need to make adjustments, but it is a start. And certainly some things on this list are more important than others, but I am trying to introduce an element of progress in there without overwhelming myself (hence only 10 minutes of exercise a day)! What do you think? I am interested in suggestions, although obviously this is the type of thing that is highly personal. The goal is to essentially determine what success means to you, and then focus on creating it by consistently doing the small and simple things to create it each day. And even when a million things go undone that do need to be done (but that don’t determine your true progress as a human), you can avoid the ache of despair that sometimes accompanies such a day. You will know that your day was, in fact, very much in line with your larger life goals - and recognize a genuinely successful day for what it is. Is this not one one the most formidable challenges of motherhood!? Please share any insights you may have on this topic! How do you measure your success as a mother?

This lil' wild one

2015-12-11T17:20:00.000-08:00

Brighton just turned 3 on December 8th. I thought I should record some facts about him as he begins a new year of life:

1. He often puts his underwear on backwards
2. He always says, "way go!" What he means is, "there you go!"
3. He loves to flex his muscles and, in a semi-grunting manly voice tell us that he is "Strong!" But actually, it sounds more like he is saying "frong," because anything with an "s" sounds like an "f." Just don't ask him to say truck...

4. He loves the Hulk even though he has never seen the Hulk in any movie.
5. His nick name is Bri Bri.
5. He gives such strong hugs that sometimes it hurts.
6. He gives very wet kisses! He also LOVES to give me Eskimo kisses and butterfly kisses, too. I feel special, because he reserves these kinds of kisses only for his mommy.
7. He loves to wield knives and cut things. About 6 months ago I had to hide all the sharp knives, but that doesn't stop him from using butter knives to cut tomatoes or cheese, or anything he can get his hands on (maybe he'll be my sous chef in a few years)!

8. He has unusual balance and LOVES to climb. He also like to challenge himself physically and jump from high places.
9. Brighton says everything with great enthusiasm. And he talks a lot!
10. When he is in a snuggly mood, we all enjoy the moment. We know it won't last for long! This kid is almost always on the go.

10. He likes to pretend to be a cat or dog, and often tries to lick us. He thinks it is hilarious to tease us all with that slobbery tongue!
11. He is a mischevious stinker, but he is so darn cute that Weston and Sophie readily forgive even his most egregious offenses! I mean really, who can resist that precious little face!?

12. Brighton has a BYU shirt that he LOVES to wear. He calls it his B-I-U shirt, but ever since we started learning vowels, he calls it his "B-I-U and sometimes Y" shirt.
13. He is a serious sugar addict. He will climb up the cupboards just to find some sprinkles and eat them all! There are no means beneath him, if the end result is sugar (much to my aggravation)!
14. He likes to take off his clothes, especially when it is hot (then again, who doesn't)?

14. Although he is quite a little rascal, he sits very still when he's getting his hair cut. He is also still and obedient while having his picture taken - at least most of the time!

15. He is really into Ghostbusters. Sometimes he sings the Ghostbuster theme song for hours and hours. We'll be at the grocery store, and suddenly he'll bust out with: "I ain't 'fraid of no ghosts!!"

15. If Sophie is doing it, Brighton wants to do it too!

16. He really likes spray bottles...probably because he knows he is forbidden from touching them - I could write an entire blog post on the disasters resulting from him spraying things all over the house (hair spray, paint, air freshener, etc). He knows he is going to get it when he is caught, so he is creative about hiding once he knows I'm on to him! Here, he is hiding in a big laundry hamper.

16. He LOVES his big brother and sister and is proud of being a big boy. He can certainly hold his own!

17. Even though I love pictures with my "baby," there are very few that don't end up looking awful - like this one where he isn't smiling and I'm sporting an extra chin due to the bad angle!

Jason has had a little more luck, but only because I am the picture taker in the family!!

We are all so thankful this sweet, wild boy!

Pressing Forward

2015-05-31T23:45:00.000-07:00

May 7, 2015

Tonight I am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated...and tired. There is always so much more to do than can realistically be accomplished. And lately, every little extra thing just makes me feel crazy! I cannot do one or two or ten extra things. I need a break! Every night I write the most crucial things to be accomplished the next day. I stress and agonize over which important things can be postponed. I pray for direction and wisdom. I say many silent prayers for guidance each day, pleading with the Lord to help me hear and understand His voice. I am sad at my lack of capacity and the deep desires of my heart which are very often ignored out of necessity.

I long to read more, write more, organize more, clean more, teach more, sleep more, workout more, explore more with my kids, connect more with friends and family, ponder and pray more, serve more, go to the temple more, prepare more for everything that matters and implement the things I already know more. I want to make progress. For many years now, I feel like I have just been keeping my head above water. There have been lots and lots of meaningful experiences, don’t misunderstand. But I feel completely inept in every area of my life. I mean, sure, I have successes here and there. But real, solid progress – in ANY one area of life, totally eludes me. Maybe I’m just getting better at treading water.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning with a song in my head. I’ve noticed that there is always a message in the song that I need that day. The other night I had a dream that I was teaching Jason’s institute class for a day. Only in the dream, I hadn’t prepared for the class at all, because I had found out only moments earlier that I’d be teaching. Right before class began, I frantically scrambled for an idea of what to teach. A scripture immediately popped into my head: “Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” In the dream, I mentally went through each aspect of this scripture that we could discuss together. When I woke up, the phrase that seemed glued to my brain was “press forward.”

You know when you are in your early 20’s, so full of vigor and excitement for life, not knowing what the heck you are doing yet, but just so thrilled at the seemingly endless possibilities? And then, do you remember looking at people older than you – maybe in their mid thirties to mid fifties, who seemed totally burnt out and just settling for mediocrity – as though their loftiest goal was simply to survive life? I determined early on that I would NEVER be that way. But now that I am in the thick of it, there are moments when I just think, all I want is to rest for awhile! And I feel so darn exhausted (physically and emotionally), that I slip from working hard to be my best and live life intentionally to just sort of surviving. But just sort of surviving is not why I am on earth. It is not honoring the purpose of my existence; it is NOT pressing forward. There is such a forceful spiritual current moving society backwards, that if we do not press forward with steadfastness in Christ, we will be swept away with it. What a destructive force is apathy!

Perhaps the true frustration is that despite all the pressing forward, I feel like I am virtually in the same spot as always. I don’t like the feeling, but it does occur to me that standing still has some positive connotations as well - especially when I take all the powerful, insidious currents into consideration. If I am steadfast and immovable in this world, it means that I am strong – or at least getting stronger. Pressing forward has tremendous value, then, even when progress is not evident. I don’t feel that this thought is fully formed, but the idea of it gives me hope. Since I don’t have any super powers, doing more of all the meaningful things is often not an option. But Christ makes up the difference each day as I truly give my all (and how I wish my all were SO much more)!!! Sometimes my all seems pretty darn pitiful. Still, I am encouraged. I hope you are encouraged, too. I trust that more is at work here than what I can see with my mortal eyes, and I have hope that I can change! I may never be the perfect person that I envision, but I have hope that the journey I am on is molding me into something even better.

This Mother's Day

2015-05-18T17:10:00.001-07:00

I recently read an article written by a woman my age. It was about her mom, for her mom. It was beautiful, and it made me realize that I don't need to write about my mom's death to process it any more. What I need and long to do is write about her life! I started writing on Mother's Day weekend, and soon realized that what I had to say would be much longer than a blog post - or even 10. So here it is - just a few words of tribute to my beloved mother, Ruth.

This is my mom when she was a little girl. I don't know what age she is in this photo, but I think maybe around 10. I love this for so many reasons. When I look at this picture, I feel like I'm looking at myself too.

Here she is as a college student - beautiful, ambitious and ready to take on the world! I never could tire of her vivacious energy or warm smile.

I think one of the things that made mom so great is that she never tried to fit any mold. She never fretted about how to be a good mom. She never sat around reading articles about how to perfectly discipline a child, how to create chore lists, or how to make the perfect birthday party. In fact, my mom was not a disciplinarian at all. She never was super organized about chores (or about anything, really), and stressing about a birthday party was the last thing on her mind. Don’t get me wrong. Her kids were her life! We were the very heart beating in her chest! To me, mom’s genius was that she just lived her life with all the integrity, courage, and gusto she possessed…and it was a lot! She didn’t stress out constantly about whether things were perfect, and she certainly wasn’t comparing herself to others (frankly, she was too busy to notice what they were doing)! She just lived well. We were along for the ride, and what we learned was huge.

(Me and my mom when I was 4)

(Me and mom at my wedding - 9 years ago)

Our birthdays were amazing even though she usually threw something together last minute. She was just so incredibly good at getting 8 million things done at once! When I turned 5, she made the most perfect Strawberry Shortcake Cake ever. She didn’t spend the month before trying to figure how to make a perfect cake, she just bought the cake pan from the grocery store and whipped it up like it was no biggie - as though she had worked in a bakery half her life! She had so much talent for decorating and beautifying, that I’m sure she’d have been a pinterest guru if pinterest were around when she was raising us. But she would have never had the time for that – or the interest. There were bigger priorities on her mind than cake tutorials.

(This is the only picture of that birthday party that I have - I wish I had been looking at the camera or that we could get a better look at the cake, but this was the 80's, people. Regular moms did not take 300 pictures at every event back then. Nor did they fancy themselves photographers. So, I guess it'll do!)

She could whip up a mouth-watering meal in 30 minutes out of scraps…and she often did! I can’t tell you how many times we’d ask her on the way home from church what was for dinner, and her enthusiastic and cheerful reply would be, “it’s a surprise!” Amazingly, the surprise was always delicious. And no matter how hungry she was, she would ALWAYS give us what she had to eat if we wanted it. I know it seems trivial, but this really underscores her generosity.

(Here mom is baking up a storm, or maybe just modeling a new apron on Christmas Eve a few years ago)

Mom led a purposeful life, full of many meaningful ventures. She loved her business because her business gave her the opportunity to change lives. She was all about inspiring people to fulfill their purpose on earth…to live intentionally. Her intensity and drive to pursue goals gave us the opportunity to do the same. To me, it seemed like the only normal way to live! I won’t lie and say how much I loved her being on business calls all the time or having endless meetings. What I loved most were the times that she wasn’t working…like the week before Christmas when we’d bake cookies and make wreaths and decorate and beautify and play games every night as a family!

(Mom spending some quality holiday time with Weston and Sophie - 2010 and 2011)

I loved weekends, just like all kids do. On Saturdays, my brother often had soccer games. My mom rarely missed any game Mike played in. Even though it was fun, I was sometimes embarrassed by her excessive enthusiasm and over-involvement. I can still see her on the side-lines repeatedly shouting, “be aggressive Mike!!” I’m sure it never occurred to her that the other moms didn’t do that. Why should it? I also remember going to the Price Club and watching Star Search on Saturday night. Those were the days!

I loved Sundays too because mom NEVER did work on Sunday. She would play the piano and I would sing hymns (cheesy perhaps, but we loved it)! We often baked on Sunday, and during the warmer months we’d lay out by the pool and talk and do our nails.

(Mom and me in Hawaii when I was 9 years old - that trip is a truly sweet memory from my childhood. I love the way my mom is looking at me in this pic! I wonder what book I was reading...)

Every time mom prayed, she would thank God for allowing us the privilege of living on the earth at this time. She seemed to always have uppermost in her mind the importance of preparing for the return of Jesus Christ. She emphasized that we should never waste anything – not our time, our talents, our intelligence, or our opportunities. She constantly taught by her actions and words that we should anxiously be engaged in the things that truly matter (learning, serving, working, doing). I love that about her! She certainly wasn’t perfect, but you could never say she was lukewarm about anything. She didn’t let her imperfections prevent her from pressing forward with genuine enthusiasm. She’d try to improve, but not waste time on regrets. Her positive attitude permeated our life. I didn’t fully appreciate these golden traits until I was older.

(Mom doing business in Europe - it is so like her to take a pic next to some gorgeous flower arrangement!)

(Proof that mom didn't always work. Yes, those are UNO cards in her hands!)

It seems that motherhood was effortless for my mom. Life wasn’t effortless, but lovingly bringing us along for the ride was second nature for her. All of her pursuits would have felt meaningless without us. She adored and admired us, and seemed to have confidence that we could do anything…which she told us all the time! No challenge was too great that we couldn’t succeed with flying colors (according to her)! She would have us help her with business presentations – whenever she could convince us to, anyway. She once had me fly to Ireland (when I was 19) to do a couple days of business training before she even got there. I seriously didn’t think I had a clue what to do, but I guess I did well enough, because she seemed pleased with how it all went. It is impossible to measure how much confidence she instilled in us with her sheer certainty that we were brilliant and could do anything, but I know I want to instill this same confidence in my own children. I realize now that she saw our weaknesses, but didn’t focus on them.

(My mother's greatest achievements. How I love this picture of my brother and me!)

Mom was in no way perfect, but for every flaw she had, there were a million ways that she made up for it. For example, she made huge messes, especially when cooking. And she usually cooked everything on high because she was in a hurry. But she never got mad at us when we spilled things or messed something up, or locked her out of her room without a key. Yeah, I did that once on accident. She didn’t waste one second being upset with me. She didn’t ever waste her time getting upset over the mistakes kids are bound to make – even if it meant huge inconvenience or added stress on her. We never felt that we were a disappointment to her, and we never wanted to. She loved us so well and esteemed us so highly, that I don’t think either of us could bear the thought of disappointing her. I know I couldn’t.

(Me and mom at my high school graduation)

After she passed away, I became quickly and painfully aware that no one else was as proud of me as was she, and if they were, I certainly wasn't going to hear about it on a daily basis! Her encouragement didn't make me arrogant. It made me feel loved and capable. I am still surrounded by people that love me and are kind to me, but I sure miss the lady who knew my weakest spots and still believed in me one hundred percent of the time without reservation. I am pretty sure this quality she possessed to truly believe in others is the reason that at least 15 different people told me after she died that she was their best friend. She made everyone feel amazing, important, glorious. The truth is, she believed that they were!

(My mom with her dad, on the day my grandpa and grandma remarried each other (I was 12). I found a letter recently that my mom had written me when he died (I was on my mission at the time)...she talked of how much she would miss his frequent phone calls, enthusiasm, and constant encouragement. I know the feeling, mom!)

She especially could think no evil of her children, or so it seemed. I am not sure really how this fierce conviction in our absolute goodness didn't produce conceited, ridiculous humans, but I think it had to do with something deeper. She didn't think we were perfect, but she had an amazing way of reminding us of who we were and of what we were capable. Once, when I was wasting my time hanging out with a boyfriend on a Sunday, not really feeling like going to church, she responded in a genius way that I'm sure she never thought twice about...it was the only way she would ever think to respond in a situation like that. Instead of lecturing us or trying to force us in any way to get our butts to church, she simply asked, "Are you two noble spirits going to church today?" She was so sincere and earnest in her praise of our noble nature, it was nearly impossible to resist the invitation! And that was her way.

(Mom was always an affectionate person...and she certainly was never too busy or preoccupied to

snuggle with one of her grand kids!)

(My mom with her lovely mom a few years ago.)

This Mother’s day, I am strengthening my resolve to be more like my mom - to love my kids more perfectly, to encourage them more continuously, and to choose patience over regret. I won’t waste time obsessing about my imperfections; instead, I will push forward with gratitude for the opportunities that each new day brings.

I love you, mom!!!!

Missing mom...

2015-05-03T22:58:00.000-07:00

11/12/14
I have wanted to sit down and write for a long, long time. There is a unending dialogue in my mind of all the things I want to write, but today I have one thing on my mind: my mom. It has been exactly 18 months since we watched her slip away from this life. I remember well those last moments. Time stood still and there was a thick, rich heaviness in the room. It is difficult to put into words, but the heaviness I am talking about was a deep sense of solemnity and immense peace. It was powerful, but not overpowering. It was richly comforting, and seemed to cover our grief like a thick blanket, although there was still so much sadness too. It was a day full of intense hours after a night of no sleep and many, many intense days before it. It was painful and beautiful all at once, because we could feel mom's transition from physical life to the spiritual realm. I know there were others there we couldn't see. Loved ones who were there to greet her. I could feel them close. I hate that I had to lose my mom, but I am thankful for the peacefulness of her passing and the fact that I was there. I cannot imagine how much harder it would have been to let her go had I not been with her as it happened.

4/17/15
For a long time after her death, I kept thinking about those last couple of days. I couldn't get the images of my mom on her deathbed out of my mind. I kept reliving the experience, wondering why I didn't say this or do that and just wishing I had been able to get there sooner. I forced regrets out of my mind, because my mom would never want me wasting my time on those. For a very long time, the last day of her life felt recent. Now it feels foggy, like a distant memory...holding Sophie up so she could kiss her grandma on her face one last time, seeing my brother's and my husband's tears, asking my mom questions even though I knew she couldn't answer because she was unable to speak.
I'm glad I almost never relive those moments anymore. But I hate that her absence has been so long now. Oh how long these two years have felt to me!

2/8/15

A while ago I had a dream that I was on a boat, on some kind of a trip. The details are all hazy, but I was with my mom. We weren’t having any kind of profound conversation in the dream. In fact, I’m pretty sure we were just kind of making small talk about the weather and other such things. In the dream, she had never died, so I just felt normal. When I woke up, I was instantly aware of how much I missed her. Not all the things she did for me or said to me…just her presence. I miss her every single day in many different ways, but since I haven’t spent time with her in awhile, I forgot how comforting her very presence is to me. A few days ago I was looking at the calendar to see what day the 12^th is (because I always do that now), and I was shocked to realize that this month it will have been 21 months since she died. 21 MONTHS!?!?! That just seems like such a long time. That is longer than the time I was on my mission - which officially makes this our longest separation ever.

I think of her many, many times each day. I felt like I was swimming in thoughts of her the entire month of December, which brought me joy but simultaneously made me want to crawl up into a ball and cry my eyes out every single day. Right after losing a loved-one, you are inundated with concern and love (which is amazing). You are also conspicuously ignored by a few who probably just don’t know how to react, but that is a post yet to be written (seriously, I have pondered it for awhile now). After a few weeks, people stop asking how you are doing. We all have to move on with our lives, and frankly, that is good. And really, in my case, I did feel an immense amount of peace and comfort, so I was okay. I continued to push forward with the important responsibilities in life and sometimes I would even go a whole week without even feeling super sad.

The kicker for me is that life is peppered with periods of high stress. In those highly stressful times, the grief and pain come flooding back. My mom was always the one to help me feel sane when I was overwhelmed with anxiety or self doubt. She built my confidence and encouraged me in ways that no one else could. I ache for her wisdom, comfort and voice of reassurance! I know that I have everything I need to make it successfully through life, but the stressful times are worse than they used to be. I miss my biggest fan cheering me on!

Also, strangely, many surges of heartache are completely unpredictable. Sometimes when I think I should feel sad, I feel awesome! Other times, when everything seems to be great, the sense of loss is suddenly palpable and I'm mourning all over again. This year we watched “You’ve Got Mail” a couple of weeks before Christmas. I have always really enjoyed that movie. It’s just cute. Anyway, there is a scene when Meg Ryan is decorating the Christmas tree in her quaint little book shop. She is narrating her email to Tom Hanks and says, “tonight I missed my mom so much I could hardly breathe.” It is a simple line, but it struck me straight through the heart. I knew exactly how she felt...

Some things get easier with time, but I am not convinced that this is one of them.

Saturday afternoon at the park

2015-03-08T23:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we just had to go do something outside, because it was such a beautiful day! This entire Winter has felt more like Spring, and yesterday was no exception. Weston had just purchased a football with some of his birthday money and wanted to play catch with dad...but it wasn't long before everyone else - especially Brighton - was in on the action. Although Brighton has rarely been around football, we have noticed that he is extremely drawn to it. He once saw it on the Wolff's TV when we went over to their house and he was instantly mesmerized. Then, when he saw Weston's football on Friday afternoon, he practically went ballistic! Needless to say, everyone was excited...plus, it is a rare treat for dad to come to the park!

We can hardly believe how grown up Weston is looking. I got a few great pics of him playing too...

Sophie had just as much fun running around, rolling in the grass, and picking dandelions...

I think we had all forgotten how much fun the Butterfly Park is. The kids had a blast on all the play equipment, too. We finished our fun family day with a trip to Target, some home-made nachos grande, and a movie we had never seen - The Book of Life. Weston was disgruntled that we didn't watch Indiana Jones or another favorite, but it was fun to watch something new (although he will disagree). Mainly, I just love it when we get to spend the day together!

Weston's birthday week and baptism

2015-03-08T00:07:00.001-08:00

Sometime back in December I had a moment where I was completely overwhelmed with emotion, realizing that Weston would soon be turning 8. I was strongly impressed that I needed to begin preparing for and thinking about his baptism, and I suspect this was largely to give me time to process the deluge of emotion attached to such a significant occasion! As every parent knows, a milestone in your child's life is also a milestone in yours. This is definitely the most important event to take place in our family since my mom's death, which certainly added to the emotion of it all. Because there were so many special things going on the weekend of his baptism, I hadn't really planned anything for Weston's birthday (which was the Tuesday before).

Suddenly, on Monday morning, I realized that I had darn well better figure out a way to make his day feel special! I called Carrie (my sister in law, who always has great ideas) who suggested doing a scavenger hunt. Although it seemed like way more work than I was interested in doing (because I had just come off a long, exhausting weekend), I decided to give it a try. I was so proud of myself for being creative! I made a fun scavenger hunt leading Weston all over the house and back yard until he finally came to his first birthday gift, which was hidden in the piano bench. I also did a little decorating (thanks to my friend, Katie, who bailed me out last minute with a banner)! Jason was out of town on business, so I couldn't very well run down to the store and grab a few decorations with Weston in tow. I also wrote happy birthday all over the mirror in his bathroom, and had another small gift sitting on his seat in the car waiting for him. I was amazed at how thrilled he was at each small thing I did, and even more amazed at the way he thanked me over and over again! He also got chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, and Sophie decorated his eating area with little blue and gold flowers (fake - from the craft closet), which was very thoughtful since those are his favorite colors. He won't admit it, but I actually think he sort of liked the flowers.

Brighton and I came to lunch that day at school, both to bring cookies to Weston's class in honor of his big day, but also to see Sophie, who had been chosen the Queen of Lunch! She had been chosen because of her excellent behavior.

I couldn't seem to get a real smile out of Weston until one of the cute little girls in his class suggested that he give his best "Indiana Jones" smile. It worked! Of course, his arm is also awkwardly positioned behind his head because of pretending to use a bull whip, but other than that, it's a pretty good one:

After I picked the kids up from school, we came home to quickly grab a snack and head for the park. It was so exciting to realized that we had been heart attacked! At first I thought it was just for Weston, but it seemed to be for the entire family, which was certainly heart-warming. It is amazing how such a small act of kindness can lift your burdens and make you feel better about life. I was feeling so burdened that day, even though it was a happy one! Sometimes being mom means making the special occasions special no matter how stressed or worried or overwhelmed you are feeling personally.

Next, we made our way over to the fun HUGE park on Craig. I thought it would be miserably crowded, but it totally wasn't! I had surprised the kids with bubbles, including this little battery operated bubble blower, which of course they couldn't wait to try out. It is amazing how much anticipation and fun can be purchased for $4! It was a beautiful, perfect day for the park.

My kids could spend ALL DAY on these slides!

After the park, we headed straight to the church for Weston's first day of cub scouts. He loved it! I was so happy that he loved it. He's been looking forward to that for a long time. After scouts, we had In-N-Out for dinner, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thrilled to not have to make food that night!! It really was a great birthday.

The next day, Jason came home from his business trip. We had arranged for Grandpa to come and hang out with Sophie and Brighton so that we could take Weston out for a special dinner alone with mom and dad. Sophie and Brighton didn't feel left out because they got to eat pizza and watch a movie with Grandpa, so it was a win-win. Weston had never been out for sushi, and that is what he wanted to do. We were more than happy to oblige!

After a truly delicious dinner, we headed over to Deseret Book for Weston to pick out his very own scriptures (something he had been anticipating for years)! He picked out the hard-cover kind, and was extremely happy with his choice. We had his name put on the front, and he was downright thrilled. He was so excited to read from his new scriptures, that the next night he began reading in Matthew 25 for his homework (he has to read 30 minutes a night). Amusingly, that particular chapter also led to a discussion about the meaning of the word "virgin." At this moment, Weston understands a virgin to be an unmarried woman, which is certainly a sufficient definition for now. I know it is only a matter of time before his probing, scientific mind demands more answers about the birds and the bees. But thankfully, for now we are good!

On Friday, family and friends from out of state began to arrive! Grandma Laurie came over Friday evening bearing belated Valentine's gifts for the kids. It was sweet, and they loved it!

This is Great-Grandma Rosemary, who shares a special bond with Brighton since they have the same birthday (82 years apart)!

The next day began bright and early! Jason and Weston had to be at the church by 8:30 to get ready.

The program was beautiful, and afterwards, I was able to snap some pictures with a few of the people that had come to support Weston on his special day. This is Weston's teacher, who has been such a great influence on him this year. He also gave him some Indiana Jones books as a gift, and I have to say that Weston has never been so excited to read!

Here are Alayna Abbott and Lisa Phillips, who did a lovely musical number. Lisa plays guitar and they both sing like angels. It was perfect! Esther and Hope decided to hop in the photo at the last minute...

I realized that I didn't want this to be an occasion where I was mysteriously missing from all the photos, so the very talented Rebecca Mathews helped me out with pics!

3 generations of Glass men...

So proud of my boy!

Cousins: we attempted to get Brighton in this picture, but he was too wild to be entreated at that moment...

Weston looks up so much to his Uncle Mike. He really wanted him to give a talk at his baptism, and Mike was happy to oblige.

Grandmas and uncle Chris...

After, we headed back to the house for some food

(because what is a special occasion without yummy food)!?

Apparently, Esther and Sophie headed straight for the piano...

Waiting to eat...

Jason with David Shinost and Alayna Abbott. He loves these guys (and so do I)!

I didn't actually realize that this balloon from grandpa was personalized for Weston until downloading pictures to the computer! I think it looks pretty awesome.

Brighton agreed! We ended up having to let it float up near the ceiling where he could no longer reach the string.

I had a lot of help getting the food quickly put out on platters and looking lovely!

Nicole Hafen is in the primary presidency, and we were thrilled to have her with us that day! And of course, what would I do without Carrie? Words cannot express how thankful I was for everyone that came to be with us that weekend. Our joy was magnified by being able to share the special occasion with so many we love!

YUM!

Hope and Emma Olsen - such sweet girls! I am so glad they were able to spend a little time with us that day.

Brothers

How I love my friend Stephanie!

Weston and Hope in the play house...

Eating outside is SO much more fun!

I never cease to be amazed by the frenzy of excitement among children who are waiting for someone to open a present! Although Weston's birthday had been well celebrated, we decided to have birthday cake and open presents while everyone was there on Saturday.

Cute kiddos!

I find it amazing that these two actually looked at the camera at the same time and smiled! What a darling picture of my precious nieces.

Brighton was pretty happy chilling with grandpa...

Snuggling with Grandma (and simultaneously posing)...because that is the Sophie way!

A look of pure contentment! Then again, who isn't happy while opening a pile of gifts!?

Much to Weston's delight, it turned out to be an Indiana Jones kind of birthday! He was so excited about the fedora that he took it to show and tell the next week. He was surprised and a bit disappointment that none of the other second graders in his class seemed interested in it. Most kids aren't interested in fashions older than their grandparents, I guess. Weston always has had different interests than the other kids his age. I have always liked that about him!

Weston and I got a complete (gluten free) cake all to ourselves...no complaints here!

Grandma Laurie, enjoying that super chocolatey cake!

Sometimes Aunt Carrie has all the right tricks up her sleeve...or maybe just a cool app on her phone. Either way, it was a pleasant surprise to discover that Brighton's silence (in this one instance) was not actually a sign of mischief!

There are few things that warm the soul like a house full of happy guests and a ton of good food! After a few hours, everyone had left besides Mike, Carrie and their girls. Carrie and I decided it was a good time to go through mom's jewelry to find some gifts from Grandma Ruth to Lily, Ester and Sophie over the next few years. It was relaxing and always makes me happy to look at mom's things...especially when I get to see them being enjoyed by her grand kids! We decided to let the girls play with some of the more indestructible pieces. They loved it!

These two were devastated to say good-bye to each other the next day!

Early Saturday evening, we got a surprise knock at the door. Imagine how overjoyed we were to see Jaime Wolff! She had spent more than twelve hours in airports trying to make it to Vegas! She wasn't able to make it for the actual baptism, but it meant the world to us that she had come to see us just the same. We had such a great time visiting, as though no time had passed at all since she moved to Florida. We wished we could have seen Jeff, too, but he was with us in spirit. :)

It was so hard to say good-bye, and Jaime was last person we had to say good-bye to. Sophie told me after she left, through her many tears, that it just wasn't fair that she had to say good-bye to Lily AND Sister Wolff on the same day! To her, it was an out-right crime! Sophie has such a tender heart, but fortunately this little super-hero is usually around to make us all laugh (and keep us on our toes)! These jammies from Grandma Laurie were a big hit!

For all of my anxiety and stress over Weston's baptism, I can honestly say that it was all rather successful! It was a special occasion that we will never forget! I am truly thankful for everyone that shared it with us, and especially for the monumental effort made by everyone who had to travel (Mike and Carrie, Grandma Laurie, Rosemary & Mark, The Olsens and Jaime). Our hearts are truly full!

Thoughts for today

2015-01-19T16:03:00.001-08:00

Today I am happy that my kids are having so much fun outside in their playhouse. They are having so much fun, in fact, that when I offered to take them to the park, they said no! Why did they say no? They discovered that I would read to them while they ate a snack outside in the playhouse, to which Weston shouted, “Really!?!? That is my DREAM!!” I love times like these, when it is so easy to make my kids’ dreams come true. I love that they are giggling so much, that they have a day off school, and that the weather is so gorgeous in the middle of January!! (See, people, there ARE benefits to living in Las Vegas!)

I am happy that we are healthy. Health is a gift that I do not take for granted any more. I am happy that I typed up my official week-day schedule today, one that I have been more or less staying true to for 2 weeks! That is really sort of a miracle for me. I am sad that I don’t have any time on the schedule for working out or writing, since those are two passions that make me feel fulfilled in life, but I simply do not have room in the schedule, and I am tired of chaos. Even with the schedule, I still am behind on pretty much everything. BUT, I am happy to feel a little bit more control over myself and what I need to do. In the past, I was always so overwhelmed that I didn’t know where to begin. Now, at least, I know what to expect of myself every day…I know it is less than what I want, but it is more than before! I am now avoiding the constant collision of overly lofty goals with reality that makes me feel like an utter failure. Expectation management has been a struggle in the past. At least I am improving a little bit. Baby steps, right?

Today I was also thinking that I am bummed I can’t have a break from making dinner, but realize at the same time how blessed I am to live now instead of, say, a hundred or more years ago. Sure, we’d all be saved from toxic gmo produce, excito-toxins, partially hydrogenated oils, and all the other crap that is so hard to avoid, but then I REALLY wouldn’t have time to pursue personal interests, because I’d spend ALL my energy growing, picking, grinding and making food. But seriously, I really am sick of planning dinners. Which again, makes me realized what a painfully selfish person I can be...but I think I’ll blame it on society, because that’s really in fashion right now. In the U.S., we literally have a higher standard of living than BILLIONS of people who have ever lived, and do currently live, on this earth. And yet, we constantly complain about every small inconvenience. Have you noticed that tendency? We are just a bunch of spoiled brats. Well, I’m sure that YOU aren’t. But you know, we Americans – generally speaking, of course – are pretty darn spoiled.

What am I even saying? One of my goals is to not act like a spoiled brat in life. I am owed nothing, and I refuse to get caught in the trap of entitlement mentality. I feel like it is something that has to be fought with a vengeance, and since our society is saturated in it, that means training our children against it too!! I think I will start putting notes around the house for myself that say “No Complaining!” Maybe I should make myself plank every time I utter a complaint…although that would lead to more complaining, so maybe not.

I sat down to write something, and now I wish I knew what it was. I’m pretty sure I just can’t take the NOT writing any more. 2014 was one year, but it was filled with at least 10 years worth of unexpressed feelings, deeply probing thoughts and questions, random insights and basic loss-processing that went unrecorded for me. I literally craved writing. I have at least 25 unwritten blog posts in my head, several partially written ones on my computer and, sadly, several poignant journal entries that are lost. I think the losing of them is related to an irresistibly cute little destructor that lives in my house. I made him. So why does he destroy my things? I almost cried when I realized the few journal entries that I did make time to write (almost always past midnight), were destroyed. But then I just got over it. Getting over it so easily was definitely a small miracle. I love small miracles, don’t you?

With all of my longing to write, 2014 ended up being the year unwritten. I’m afraid it is all a rambly mess today, but the flood gates had to burst. And now it is a new year, and I am still, even on this 19^th day of January, determined to turn over a new leaf (as my dad would say, leaf #486). So off I go to read to the creative, silly, good looking kiddos in the play house. My fervent daily desire is that I will strengthen my weaknesses so that they can avoid the unnecessary struggles that I have gone through. I’m sure life will dole out plenty of struggles for them, but I never want them to suffer because of one of my failures! I’m sure every decent mom feels that way, too. On days when I just want to be a sloth, that is what I hang on to. I am happy for kids that make me want to push myself to be better. Because frankly, they deserve the best.

Halloween week...

2014-11-01T12:46:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or do all holidays last at least a week now? Our Halloween started with the trunk-or-treat on Saturday night. This is a tradition that we always look forward to. It was a different experience this year since Jason wasn't running the show, but we still had a great time!

I love this

Sophie was excited to put flowers in her hair...

Sophie is Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) and I am Maleficent here...from the recent movie which expands on the story and emphasizes the complex character of the "bad" witch, who in this version of the story isn't really bad after all. It was fun even though most people had no idea who we were. Plus, having Sophie and I dress up together as these characters made her forget about being Elsa, which was kind of a relief. I don't know about you, but I am *slightly* burnt out on Frozen at this point!

Jason outdid himself again, with a little nudging from me. I used to dread the long hours he put into his costumes, but this year I encouraged it because it just didn't seem like October around here without his costume fanaticism! He built this awesome boom box/ghetto blaster in 3 days...it is just perfect, and he had it playing a few 80's favorites like Ghost busters (of course), Ice Ice Baby, What is Love, Rappers Delight, and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song.

Mommy/daughter selfie...because you just can't have too many of those!

On Monday we went to an awesome FHE activity (Halloween carnival) with the single's ward...I was so impressed with all the amazing costumes everyone was wearing! They were all pretty awesome. The kids had a blast, and so did we. I would have taken more pictures, but I spent a lot of time making sure the kids were being safe while throwing darts...they liked it so much that they told me it was their new favorite "sport" on their way home! Here is a cute pic of Megan McGhie (Cheshire cat) holding Bri Bri:

On Tuesday, Weston's class got to go to the shark reef for a field trip, and Jason went as a chaperon. They had lots of fun, but Sophie and I were kind of jealous! Here is a picture that morning before they left...

On Wednesday we did pumpkin painting, which the kids loved...

Brighton really wanted to get in on the action, but I couldn't very well let him loose with a paintbrush, so I helped him paint on some huge paper...eventually Weston got involved and turned it into this masterpiece. He wasn't finished at this point, but once he did he signed it with Brighton's name and put in on the wall in Sophie's room as a poster...I have a feeling it won't be there for long though!

Of course, Weston did a Ghostbusters themed pumpkin.

Thursday we went to the Fall Festival at school. Jason dressed up in his Ghostbuster uniform and we spent a good hour or so playing carnival games and collecting candy.

Jaime came and spent some time with us at the carnival too, which was great because she makes everything more fun!

Sophie spent the evening hugging every teacher she recognized at the school...it was really sweet. This is her teacher this year for kindergarten, Miss Lee.

Brighton won a game and got these little goggle glasses.

Sophie got to have her face painted, too, which she was pretty excited about...

That night, Grandma Laurie rolled into town. She came over the next day with great-grandma, and we got to spend the entire day together! Weston was super excited because she helped him put up spider webs and other decorations, which he had been trying to get me to do all month.

We went out to lunch and then let the kids play at the park for awhile

It was a perfect, lovely day!

That night Jason and the kids got dressed up and we went trick-or-treating. Jason got a LOT of attention as usual, and there were kids yelling, "Who you gonna call!?!? GHOST BUSTERS!!" Brighton got a lot of attention, too, mostly because he is so darn cute. When he runs, his little fish tale wiggle-waggles with his bum. He just melts hearts where ever he goes (that is, when he's not breaking things)!!

Weston was pretty thrilled with his cowboy cap gun, which I'm sure you hadn't noticed!

Pooped after a fun evening...

The next day (today) is November 1. It is the first post-summer chilly day, and we are all excited! It is so chilly, in fact, that I made sure the baby was wearing a jacket before going outside, which obviously did a lot of good...

After re-dressing him, I took one more pic before completely ignoring everything else I need to be doing right now to put together this blog post! Priorities, people. Since there are always so many high priorities, I have found that haphazardly juggling them is the best I can do sometimes.

At least I have a smile on my face, right!?

More summertime moments...

2014-08-06T16:55:00.002-07:00

Mid-June, Jason decided the boys needed haircuts...usually little kids hate haircuts, but Brighton LOVED his. Meanwhile, poor Weston was just miserable.

I never get tired of this beautiful face...

In June and July we were so lucky to have both Uncle Chris and Uncle Trevor come over a few times for dinner while they were in town working. The kids adore their uncles!

Watching Frozen...

My little watermelon thief...

During the season Jason isn't around much, but we invited the Wolff's over as much as possible.

feeling brave...

Jason's birthday is sometimes the most difficult day of his entire year since it's the first day of fireworks sales, so this year, we did something to start it off on the right foot!

Mom's birthday is the same week as Jason's...I wanted to make sure it was a great day, so we started it off by heading to the park with some friends! Here is Sophie, ever the eager helper, with baby Benjamin.

Some (most?) days it seems like all I do is clean...at least this guy has learned to eat without making a mess...

Yeah, right!

Brighton does everything he sees Weston and Sophie do...which explains a whole lot. In particular, it explains his obsession with both guns and shoes!

When we moved into this house 4 years ago, the smallness of the backyard didn't bother me at all because I had a 3 year old and a baby! To them, the yard was a wonderland (maybe just a slight exaggeration). Even though it seems smaller now that they are so much bigger, I never cease to be amazed at the fun they create back there!

Weston goes through phases where he refuses to wear anything but jeans and boots. And on this particular day, a long sleeved shirt, too! You can't really tell, but he had massive amounts of eyeliner on his eyebrows that day that all dripped off with sweat after playing outside. He had been using eyeliner to make himself look like an Egyptian pharoah, but I'm pretty much he decided never to do that again. Ha!

Visiting dad's office during the week of sales...I believe this picture was taken on July 3rd. Nothing like the added bonus of seeing Chris and Trevor! I would like to point out the Ron Swanson pyramid of greatness poster in the background...

For the 4th of July we went to see our friends, the Bairds. The kids all had a great time swimming until some extremely loud claps of thunder scared them right out of the pool!

Enjoying the fireworks in the rain...(good thing they were already wearing swim clothes)!

The fireworks were extra fun in the rain, I thought. There were a lot of aerial fireworks around us too, which added to the fun for sure. I would have taken pics of the kids with their sparklers, but Brighton was terrified and clung to me with super human force, so picture taking was mostly out of the question. Poor little munchkin!

Major toy dump here. We were looking for something that we had lost. I don't think we ever found it, but it is amazing what you find when you do that!

Like these sunglasses, for instance:

Not sure what was going on here...but it involved a lot of weapons!

I think they were playing Revolutionary war based on the flag tucked in to Sophie's skirt. My kids do drive me crazy at times, but they also make me laugh on a daily basis!

I love Monsoon season and the sudden moments of dramatically cooler weather that allow for more outside play!

I tend to forget that 90 degrees with a billion percent humidity is still pretty dang hot (as demonstrated by these red-faced beauties):

Ahhh, park days. Can't get enough of 'em! Especially when there are boys for Weston to play with.

Maybe it was a little ambitious to try and get 9 kids to all look in the same direction at the same time. Ha!

Obviously it didn't happen, but we still got a few cute pics.

I can't seem to keep the camera away from this cute face!

I seriously don't know why the kids look like they're running from a live bomb, but I think this is a pretty funny shot!

One night Sophie WOULD NOT fall asleep. After at least an hour of silence, I went in her room to check on her before going to bed myself. To my surprise, I found her lounging on her bed all dramatically in a dress and fancy coat. What a girlie girl!!

Me and Brighton...because if I don't take a selfie once in a while, I will never show up in a single picture with my children! This particular night Jason and I had finally been able to spend time together after the season! We had gone out to eat at Bahama Breeze while grandpa watched the kids. What a blessing that was.

This little dude melts my heart every. single. day.

The joys of June

2014-06-28T07:42:00.002-07:00

I am almost consumed with the need to keep a record of our life, and to remember so many sweet and precious little things. Today while leaving the gym, Weston found two pennies, which he was overwhelmingly excited about! He couldn't wait to put them in his piggy bank to save for BYU and his mission. I love how excited he is about learning to swim. Today he sort of did a handstand. I almost don't know what I am going to do when swim lessons are over on Friday...the kids have loved it so much! Weston talks a lot about history. It is definitely his passion right now.

Brighton has a new sippy that he just loves to drink out of. Today I asked him if he wanted water or milk. Though he doesn't really talk yet, he uttered something that sounded very much like the word "beer!" It was so cute. He has started to really like T.V. - cartoons and kid movies (although he would always rather be playing outside). Tonight we watched "Enchanted" and HE was enchanted! He is getting better at communicating, and is so absolutely adorable. His smile just melts my heart.

Sophie still changes her clothes a million times a day, makes up absurd excuses for anything she does wrong (like her dad), and is slightly obsessed with princesses and people falling in love and getting married. And, since Jason is gone so much this time of year, she is really missing him. I am thankful that she is so affectionate. She is almost always in the mood to cuddle or be close to us. Sometimes I worry about her having the desire to be obedient, but she also is so willing to help and serve. She likes to be doing (unless TV is on that is)!

As far as my goals this summer, I have been frustrated with my seemingly dismal progress...although it has occurred to me that I have had some success so far in getting a few small projects done finally. I think my dissatisfaction comes because I am not as focused as I would like to be with my goals and schedule. Trying to create any kind of structure for myself is monumentally difficult! However, there are some things we have kept on task with:

1. Studying scriptures every day with the kids
2. Making sure that the night time routine stays firm.
3. Having Weston read to me for 15 minutes a day.
4. Reading to the kids.
5. Working out daily (for me, not the kids)
6. Teaching the kids something new that they would like to learn about. Sometimes this ends up being all about Weston. Sophie isn't as interested. I haven't decided if I need to change this, or just let her frolic and play. She is only 4, after all!
7. Keeping their rooms cleaned up.

There are so many other things I need to do, but at least we are on the right track of maintaining basic order. Well, at least I'd like to think so!

On to the fun stuff...I just love the silliness and creativity that blossoms in the summer when school is out! On Monday Weston decided to make some history displays in his room...

Then he wrote a sign for the door saying that mean kids aren't allowed unless they pay $1000. The sign also says that entry is free for nice kids...and that the display is cool (he said he wrote that to entice the "nice" kids to enter). A few nights later after he lost his tooth, he wrote this note:

"to tooth fairy. Please look at my room and look at my display. From Weston. WPG"

One magical night I didn't have to exert any effort in getting the kids to bed...I think I went to get the baby down, and when I came out of the room there was silence. I found Weston and Sophie cuddled and asleep! Sophie didn't even wake up when I moved her to her bed.

Weston and Sophie are endlessly building forts...and trying to keep Brighton away from them lest he destroy them like the little human tornado that he is! Here Weston is guarding the entrance. Also, you may notice something missing in his mouth. He lost his 6th tooth on Sunday morning! I knew it wouldn't be long once he told me he was going to "work" on it and spent over an hour in the bathroom! That night the kids decided to sleep in their fort. Sophie swears she SAW the tooth fairy that night. I wondered if I should punish her for lying, but she is very convinced! She gave us all a rather detailed description of what she looks like. Maybe she dreamed about the tooth fairy?

I think, however, that Brighton is actually beginning to appreciate the coolness of forts. Now the kids let him in, and he doesn't destroy them...well, at least not every time! Anyway, who can resist that cute smile?

Cuddling on the couch is a new thing for Brighton. He usually wants to be moving ALL of the time, but there are now occasional moments of relaxing, for which I am truly thankful!

Speaking of quite, magical moments...the other evening it got quiet, which usually means the baby is up to something. When I finally found him, Brighton was under the blanket in Weston's bed looking at a book! I'm so glad he actually stayed put long enough for me to snap a little picture.

Soon they were all jumping or dancing on the bed...

A couple of nights ago I told the kids we could watch a movie together since they had cleaned up their rooms so well and finished everything they had to do early enough. Jason had passed out on the couch, as he often does this time of year, so the kids didn't have their usual spots to sit. Brighton crawled up on the edge of the couch to be by daddy, and before it was even bed time, he was fast asleep on the couch!

For my birthday, Dad & Linda sent me a DVD of some home videos from the summer of 1989. What a treasure!! Me and the kids had SO much fun watching it! Something about childhood is so magical...I hope my kids feel the same way one day when they think about their "growing up"years.

I was able to get a few great pics at swim lessons the other day...I guess they are out of order since the first few are of the kids after they got out of the water. Their teacher gives them a popsicle and lets them jump on her trampoline for a few minutes when they're done each day.

Sophie getting ready to start...

Weston preparing for a sit-dive...

I was hoping for a mid-action shot, but I was too late. He was in the water before I knew it!

And of course, Sophie wants to do anything she sees Weston doing...

I love this lady who teaches my kids how to swim! She is awesome. I am thankful to have found her. :)

Sophie is still afraid to get her face wet!

This was at the drive-in movie, where we went to see Maleficent...the kids were so excited to watch from the bed of the truck, but half way through the movie I realized they couldn't even hear the movie from up there!

One lovely morning, I was awakened by a baby with a gun (toy, of course)...

And a sleepy, stretchy boy who was reading the Fearless Flyer from Trader Joe's. He really likes it, I finally realized, because it kind of looks like an old fashioned newspaper.

Three cute munchkins ready for a new summer day filled with fun! I figure if I ever get a picture of the three of them with their eyes open, smiling and looking at the camera all at the SAME TIME, it will be a miracle!

Sophie loves it when I take pictures of the back of her hair so she can see what it looks like.

And since Elsa wears a braid, braids are what she wants! I love braids, too, but I'm not that great at them. Maybe if I practice all summer I'll be good at it by the time school starts again.

I love moments like this when I am reminded that Sophie is still a silly, playful little girl! She spends most of the time acting so much older than her age...and sometimes I miss her littleness so much!

A couple of selfies with the kids...

Don't even ask why we own the movie Spaceballs! I had a vague recollection of it being funny when I was a kid, but quickly realized that not only is it completely un-funny (unless you are a teenager and it is 3 in the morning?), but that it is totally NOT kid appropriate. Apparently the picture on the front of the movie is appealing, though - at least to Sophie, who carried it around for half the day trying to get me to let her watch it! Uh, no.

Something else that we started doing this week is going to the YMCA every day so I can workout. Let me just say that doing zumba after more than 2 years was a little rough, as were all of the other workouts I did! How do these women (at least some of whom, I presume, have given birth) jump around like that? Am I the only one that prefers NOT to jump since having children? However, it has been GREAT working out again. I really love it. It is a great release, and I am happy to say that Brighton and Sophie love the kids play area. Weston is a little bored, but kids have to learn at some point that life doesn't revolve around them, so I'm ok with him being bored for an hour every day. :)

Summer has begun!

2014-06-11T01:02:00.000-07:00

The first day of Summer vacay, we went to the park and splash pad down the street with some friends and had a great time. I didn't take any pictures that day, but the next day, Friday, we headed down to Henderson to meet up with the Abbotts at a really great park there. We always look forward to seeing the Abbott gang, and I am so thankful my kids love to visit them as much as I do. Rachelle and I have known each other for 17 years!!

I shot quite a few pics of Brighton exploring the park. The one place I did not get a picture of him playing was a particular water feature that he gravitated to again and again...this kid is ALWAYS on the move...it's a wonder I get any pictures of him at all!

Forever undeterred...one thing I have noticed about Brighton is that no matter how much something scares him, he does it over and over again. I love the tenacity and courage, but I wish he were a *little* more cautious!

This kid is always pointing. He is forever excited about something new and pretty much never stops moving.

Here are Weston and Flint having a great time together...

When we had been at the park long enough, we all went back to the Abbott's house to play/visit for awhile longer...here are Sophie and Savannah, who generously shared her nail polish...too bad she didn't have more colors to choose from (note sarcasm)! Sophie and Savannah are both ALL girl...

Saturday morning I went to the annual Children's orchard sale where you stuff as many clothes as possible in a bag and pay $5 for it. I always find great success at the sale, and this year was no exception. I wish I would have taken a picture of all my loot. I got 10 pairs of shorts, 10 shirts, 3 skirts, 2 perfect summer onesies, one pair of leggings, one pair of shoes, and one adorable little baby overalls all for $20! I am pretty thrilled with the adorable clothes I was able to find, especially for Brighton.

That evening we went out to eat with some friends and had such a fun time. I am so thankful to have had an entire week of fun for my birthday!

When Monday morning rolled around, I think we were all filled with the excitement of the first full week of vacation...Sophie put on this fun little get-up, which I thought was picture worthy. Lately she has been extra focused on the concept of modesty. In fact, on Saturday she was jumping around the house, boisterously declaring, "I'm hottest, because I'm modest!!" Of course, I'm pretty sure she had no idea what "hottest" actually means in that context...and hopefully we can keep it that way for a while longer!

I think what has really made this first full week of summer feel officially like vacation is swimming lessons. They are LOVING it!

Sophie really does not like the water on her face though. I'm hoping she'll get over that this year, since it is kind of hard to swim without getting your face wet.

Again pointing, Brighton really enjoys watching the kids in the pool...although he would much rather be IN the water with them.

And oh how exhausting it is to be out in the sun! Yesterday Brighton fell asleep on Sophie's leg after we got home.

He really is a handsome little devil...

Running around the piano bench at full speed, I'm pretty sure I don't know how this picture even turned out!

This munchkin is always on the move...

We are off to a great start! I love having time to study scriptures in the morning with the kids, being able to sleep until the baby wakes up and just generally feeling that I am not on someone else's schedule. We have a lot to accomplish and learn this summer, but I am just thrilled to have the change and a little freedom!

My birthday and the last day of school

2014-06-09T20:02:00.001-07:00

Since Sophie's birthday is in the summer, we decided to celebrate it at school on the last full day...which happened to be my birthday! It was fun to visit her class, as always. It is so hard to believe this little lady is going to be 5 and in kindergarten in less than 3 months!!

She has absolutely loved her teachers these past two years! Mrs Solem is giving Sophie her certificate of completion in this little picture. She also taught Weston his second year of pre-school and has interacted with Sophie on a daily basis for almost 3 years!

Mrs. Kimball has also been wonderful!

For the past couple of weeks, Jason kept asking what I wanted to do on my birthday, to which I kept responding, "see the young women!" I have missed them so much. Luckily, I got invited to join the Laurels that night for mutual, which was so much fun! Rebecca, Emily, Makenzie, Kaitlan, Kira and Cami were all there at Jaime Wolff's house. There was food and games, but mostly just visiting and reminiscing.

These two beauties are about to graduate from high school, so it was their last activity in Young Women's after 6 years. I was so happy I got to be there with them.

Earlier in the day I was pleasantly surprised by a few visitors! Curtis came by with some pasteries (gluten free) and a nice gift. After that I literally had visitors all day! I was so spoiled. The Crowthers brought me these beautiful lilies (and a gift card to my favorite restaurant)!

The mini roses are from the Wolff's, and the beautiful daisy plant is from Julie! Katie also dropped by with a lovely gift. I am truly surrounded by wonderful friends!

The next day, June 4, was the last day of school. Sophie's class did a water play day, so me and Brighton joined in on the fun. Here are just a couple of Sophie's friends. I love the sassy hands on her hips pose she's got going on in these pics. That stance pretty much sums up her no-nonsense attitude!

After Sophie's pre-k was dismissed, we headed over to Weston's class, which was watching Frozen and eating ice cream. Brighton knocked over a bottle of sprinkles...but at least he was helpful and tried to sweep them all up!

Once Weston spent a moment sitting in the stroller, every kid in his class wanted to try it too...and they all wanted me to take their pictures!

This last gem was actually from my birthday, I believe, but I just had to include it...little Brighton looking like such a big boy! He fell asleep watching Curious George, and believe me when I say that I really didn't want to move him!

And now that school is over, bring on summer!

A few little events

2014-05-28T00:10:00.000-07:00

On April 25th, Sophie had a field trip to visit a fire station. Since Weston never got to do that when he was in preschool, I decided to let him leave school a little early to join us. I'd love to say that it was an amazing tour and that we all learned a ton, but actually there were so many kids and parents there that it was hard to hear what was being said half the time!

Sophie and her classmates listening attentively...

Taking a selfie with this little stud!

Brighton was a little intimidated and extremely intrigued by the big, huge fire engine!

Sophie with her class in front of the fire engine

If I want a picture with my kids, I usually have to take it myself...I really like this one of me and Brighton. I especially love the way he is cutely gazing at me!

So, the last Sunday in April we had some very special friends, the Beckstrands, visit us from Utah. It was SO MUCH fun to see them! Here is a pic of Sophie holding their newest addition:

The next morning we did breakfast buffet and then the park later that day. Why I didn't get a single pic of me and my awesome friend, Jolee, I will never know! But here are a few of the kiddos:

I love the candid expression is on Weston's face. It's not often that I capture a real, un-posed moment like this on camera!

Brighton really keeps me on my toes! This kid is an adventurer. Everything intrigues him; nothing scares him (except loud noises). He is 17 months old and I am absolutely LOVING this age with him (even though he has broken half the things in our house)!

How can you be mad at a kid that gives you a look like that!? His playful little smile is the BEST!

Is this one great, or what!

A few snapshots of Sophie and Brighton in the back yard...she likes to shuttle him around on her tricycle, which he likes, despite the high frequency of falls that result!

That evening after we had been at the park with the Beckstrands, Jason, I, and the kids all went to the single's ward FHE. The bishop was having everyone over to roast marshmallows and socialize (oh, and I think there was a spiritual thought in there somewhere, too)! Jason normally goes every week to the FHE activity, but this one seemed like something we could all go to as a family. Of course, we didn't consider in advanced the potential danger of having a curious and fearless toddler around three different fire pits! Fortunately, Brighton has a new friend who was happy to hold him for nearly 2 hours!! Jonathan is going to make some girl very happy and be an amazing father to boot. I am glad I didn't have to worry about Brighton that night. Meanwhile, Weston stuffed his face with an obscene number of roasted marshmallows, Sophie roasted marshmallows for everyone who would let her, and I actually got to visit with people! All around it was a great evening.

The first Saturday in May, we surprised the kids by taking them to Disney on Ice! Jason's dad got us tickets, and we decided to make it a surprise...as an added bonus, when we arrived, Grandpa was there already! It was SO much fun. I was blown away by the ice dancing. It was truly impressive.

Sophie with her Beauty and the Beast rose...

Since Uncle Chris was in town, he came over for dinner that night.

Sophie loves to dance with anyone who will dance with her!

Uncle Chris is very loved in our home. Can you tell?

The next morning was Sunday, and the kids asked us to stay in our bedroom for a little while because they had something they were preparing for us. For about 45 minutes we could hear them plotting and planning what they were going to do to make breakfast special...by decorating the table with tissue paper (although they did initially consider taping it to the walls or hanging it from the ceiling). They also put together little gift bags for us, and we each had a plastic egg with a note inside that said "I love you mom" or "I love you dad." Breakfast consisted of bananas, apples, string cheese, chips and cookies. It was absolutely precious. They were SO VERY excited about what they had done for us!

Sophie is super picky about her hair, so a lot of times I take a picture of it from the back to show her how pretty it actually looks. She is always happy with it, but then proceeds to mess it up within minutes...so sometimes I'm not sure why I even bother!

Jason's dad got the kids a program book from Disney on Ice which they have loved looking through - over and over and over again! Brighton especially loves to look at all the characters and thinks Pumba (the Warthog from Lion King) is a dog. He will spend 10 minutes searching for the picture of him in the book and then excitedly proclaim, "Dog! Dog! Dog!"

The other day as Sophie was watching Curious George, I realized that Brighton had become quiet...surprisingly, I found him relaxing on a big comfy chair, snuggling a baby doll and falling asleep while watching TV! I thought it was pretty cute.

Brighton has had so many firsts lately. I am thoroughly enjoying him, although he does usually give me a few mini heart attacks every day. :)

On Loss, Change and Motherhood

2014-04-07T13:03:00.001-07:00

It has been an absolutely lovely, joyous weekend! I look forward to General Conference and love the traditions we have started with our little family over the last couple of years. Today was a day full of delicious food, powerful inspiration, beautiful music, our sweet children, and the company of some wonderful friends. The kids went to bed on time (something we have struggled with in the last week), and Jason had fallen asleep too, so I came out to the living room to listen to some peaceful music and rock the baby to sleep. As I snuggled my little man, soaking in the calm moment, I was suddenly overwhelmed with how much I miss my mom. So much has happened in the last 11 months! I can hardly believe I have lived almost a year without her. How I long to just talk to her and see her face!

They say that everything gets better with time, but I’m not so sure. It is true that I am used to life without my mom – I have adjusted to a new normal where I cannot pick up the phone and call her to talk about the big things or the little ones, and where she is less and less fresh in the minds of my children. I no longer jump when the phone rings and says “mom home.” (It may seem weird that I haven’t changed that, but I just can’t do it.) I am used to the fact that I can’t talk to my mom now, and that she isn’t coming over for dinner, and that she isn’t going to visit the fire station with Sophie’s preschool class this month, and that we aren’t getting together for our birthdays. But the feeling of vacancy is no less. I miss her when I’m sad. I miss her when I’m happy. I miss her when something great is happening and I am on top of the world, or when I have ideas I need to share, when I am overwhelmed, or worried or stressed. Just always.

The sense of loss varies, though. Sometimes there is a week or two or even three where things seem great. Then, the smallest thing will make me miss my mom with such intensity that I am instantly sick to my stomach. Without question, the most difficult times are those of change. Weston’s last day of kindergarten was a rough one. That was the first real change in our lives that she wasn’t a part of…and since I had spent the last 2 months of the school year completely consumed in her sudden cancer resurgence, aggressive decline, funeral, etc…it seemed so sudden that my baby was no longer a kindergartner! And then there we were, facing our first summer without her. We have had quite a few firsts without her, actually. I had my first birthday without her, and so have each of the kids. We had a Thanksgiving (which was brutal) without her, a Christmas, and now we’re coming up on Easter. The day that Brighton learned to crawl just broke my heart. No one would have cared as much as she would have about that small development in his life. It was so exciting, but I couldn’t share the excitement with her! Even though life has continued to move forward, up until about 2 months ago, life hadn’t changed dramatically.

The first major change in my life since mom’s passing was getting released as young women’s president in February. My involvement in that calling truly made life seem normal after she died and kept me very busy! It has been a significant part of my life – something that I threw myself into for over three and a half years. I spent many hours each week devoted to the young women. The feeling of loss after being released was huge. People kept asking me if I felt relieved, but nothing could have less accurately described my feelings!

Then a week ago, Jason was called to the bishopric of the singles ward. Although I am excited about this and know it will be a huge blessing for our family, I have struggled a lot with the fact that we will no longer be members of our Harmony Hills ward - at least not until Jason is released, which could be years from now, although no one ever really knows these things in advanced.

I have been trying to figure out why this is so emotionally traumatizing for me. At first I thought, "ok, this is a change, but not so huge - I mean, we still live in the same house, and we still have friends in the ward, so the only main difference will be Sunday." Technically, I suppose this is true. But we all know that in the church, your ward defines your life in many ways. It is true that many of the amazing Harmony Hills ward members know me and love me. And I love them. I have let them into my life, and they have let me into theirs. Being in a new ward, therefore, should not change these important realities. Certainly, I will get together with friends that I used to see or talk to at least once a week, and we will have lovely times together yet in the future. There is no doubt in my mind about this. Yet, there is something about the consistency of Sundays that makes you more connected, more like an extended family. I think I have finally pinpointed what it is - at least in part.

Before landing ourselves here in the Harmony Hills ward, I had never been in any ward for more than a year straight (since leaving home at age 18, that is). I am friendly, so I always jumped right in and tried to become a part of each ward, but with a few exceptions, I found that you don't forge deep bonds in less than a year. I was used to this from my almost 10 years of being a young single adult, so for the first few years of marriage it didn't bother me much. At any rate, no matter where we went, we still had family - for me, my mom - involved in the details of our lives. I talked to my mom almost daily (as I had my entire life), and we got together about once a week. It was a huge blessing to me that when she passed away, we were very much established in our ward. With my mom gone, I lacked the involvement of family in my daily or weekly life. While I am close to my dad, brother and other family members, they live far away which makes it difficult to see each other very often. My ward family, which had been a huge part of my life already, became that much more important to me. Who were the people involved in the weekly happenings of life? My ward, of course!

Usually when you leave a ward, you know it's coming, and you are the one to make the choice because you are physically moving out of the boundaries of the ward. Maybe you don't want to leave the ward, but you know that this move is in the best interest of your family, or perhaps it is necessary because of employment. Usually there is time to adjust to the idea of moving wards. You know it is going to happen in advanced, and you have a little time to mentally and emotionally prepare for your life to change. We, however, found out three days in advanced that our records were being moved to the singles ward! On our last Sunday in the Harmony Hills ward, we were required to keep the move a secret because Jason hadn't been sustained yet! It is a strange thing to move wards without actually moving physically.

I do genuinely believe and know that serving in the singles ward is going to be an amazing experience. I am just trying to process the change, and work through the feeling of loss. Yes, I will see my Harmony Hills family still. I will run into people at the store, we will attend the Easter egg hunt and the trunk or treat, and we will make the effort to get together with friends whenever possible. But we won't be involved in each others' lives on a weekly basis, and I think that is the loss I am feeling. And, it also explains why I am suddenly missing my mom so poignantly right now.

Last Sunday I kept thinking how she would have been there. My mom would have been there to see Jason sustained if she had to fly half-way across the world to be there! Oh, how I miss that about her! The consistency of her presence at every meaningful moment in life (as well as many others) is something that I will always miss. And there are SO MANY huge moments in our lives yet to occur.

Ultimately, I have come to realize how important I am as a mom. I will be the consistency in my children's lives (along with Jason, of course) through all the many changes they will experience. I will give them the foundation that will help them stand strong when I am gone one day, too, just like my mom did for me. I can give them a sure foundation of faith in Jesus Christ, unconditional love, confidence, belief and hope. I can give them all that I am – and in fact am doing that anyway, whether it is intentional or not! What greater motivation could I have for being the best person that I possibly can be?

Change is such a huge part of life, whether we like it or not. And let's face it, sometimes we don't. One of my favorite quotes is permanently at the top of this blog: "Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely." I can be sad because I miss the young women, and I can be sad because I am leaving the ward that has been my "family" these past few years. But although I wrote a whole blog post about it, I will not dwell on those feelings for too long (though I know they will resurface from time to time). I will teach my children to move forward. Life is so often not what we expect! I have learned, however, that when we move forward in optimism and faith, life turns out always to be better than what we expected it to be. And that, my friends, is such a hopeful way to end this post that I am compelled to end it now. Have a magnificent day!

Weston

2014-03-10T00:10:00.002-07:00

There are some days when I wish we just had some type of recording device on for hours because of the many hilarious little moments! I think I will remember everything, which of course I don't. But here are a couple of funny moments from this evening:

Me (as we are discussing the term): "Are you glad you're Mormon?"
Weston: "Yes, it's better than being a turtle."

Weston: "Where does Elder Holland live? New York?"
Jason: "No, he lives in Utah...which is unfortunate."
Weston (with great emphasis in his voice as though he really knows something about this): "Oh, so that means he must be a Utah driver."

Some of my favorite things that come out of Weston's mind are found in his school work. Just this weekend he brought home a project where he had to write a bunch of adjectives to describe himself. Here are his words:

* Hav Brittish Osum Haretj (Have Brittish Awesome Heritage)
* Smart
* frenlee (friendly)
* rtist (artist)
* like to no about histree (like to know about history)
* funee (funny)
* Nise (nice)
* jenris (generous)
* Map Makr (map maker)
* Broun har (brown hair)

I really enjoyed discovering what he found noteworthy about himself! I really got a chuckle out of "map maker" and "Brittish awesome heritage!" What a funny, wonderful kid.

Back in January they had a project where they, like Martin Luther King, got to share what their dream is for their community, country and world. One of the things Weston wrote was that there would be no more cheap toys from China containing lead paint! It is so funny how he hears something and latches on to it because it just doesn't sound good to him! Also, one of his dreams was that the constitution would not be broken. This was followed by: "Don't break the constitution!" I was proud of him for thinking outside the box on that, and saying something that actually seemed important to him rather than something he just heard the other kids say at school (because I can guarantee that none of the other kids were thinking a thing about the constitution)!

I look forward to the other ideas that Weston will have to share as his critical thinking and writing skills continue to grow...

Weston is 7!

2014-02-27T23:06:00.000-08:00

It is almost unbelievable to me that Weston is actually seven years old! It occurred to me on his birthday that I have now spent 20% of my life being a mom. Everything before that was just preparation for this most glorious adventure and I thank God each and every day for the chance to be mom to my kids! Weston made me a mommy, and I will never, ever forget the feeling I had while looking down at him, cuddled in my arms, only days after his birth. I was overwhelmed, as most moms are, with my love for him. I thought I would never be able to love anyone else as much as I loved this incredible, perfect creation! I was almost convinced that I could never have another child, because it just wouldn't be fair since I could never love another child the same way I loved Weston! Fortunately, I was wrong. Awww...these kids!

So, Weston's birthday started off in the typical manner. I told him I was picking him up for a special birthday lunch which he was thrilled about, since he is not a fan of eating in the lunch room at school. What he didn't know was that I actually had planned to take him out of school for the rest of the day! I had planned to go to the Children's Discovery Museum (one of his most favorite places in the world). After having a fabulous lunch with Jason, we headed off to the museum, but MUCH to our chagrin, it was closed! We all felt pretty sad, and Weston burst out into tears. I tried to think of how I could salvage our afternoon, and decided to head over to a large park that we hadn't spent much time exploring yet.
The kids had a BLAST! And, it was such a bright, warm day that we actually all got a little sweaty...not something most people around the country can say in the middle of February!
I had fun capturing a few moments at the park...

This picture may as well just be a flashback to when Weston was a baby... I can't get over how much they look alike.

Giggles...

This is the look Brighton always gives me right before he darts in the opposite direction. It's basically a tease to get me to pay attention to him and then prepare to run and catch him!

I loved that there were so many areas at the park suitable for Brighton to play! Weston just loved being at the park while all his friends were still at school. He kept asking me if everyone was still in school and what they were doing now. I thought it was so funny!

Brighton kept being drawn to this bench.. It's not every day you find a bench to match your jammies, after all!

Weston and Sophie couldn't get enough of these slides...they probably spent at least 45 minutes just doing slides...of course, Brighton jumped in too. I didn't get any pictures of him, though, because I was holding him every time. Although, if it were up to him I'm sure he would have just plunged ahead on his own! I have to admit that I kind of enjoyed the slides too...

Peek-a-boo!

Sophie is always ready for her turn in front of the camera...

Weston finds posing for a picture a pretty big nuisance, but it is worth the hassle. Just look at this handsome kid!

After getting home, I quickly whipped up a cake and made dinner (with Jason's help). Weston got to talk on the phone with some VIP's (grandparents and Uncle Mike), and eat his special sushi roll, which is what he wanted for his birthday dinner. I don't know if I've ever seen anyone inhale sushi with such enthusiasm! I thought it was amusing and cute that of all the food in the world, sushi was his choice.

Grandpa Bob and Curtis both came over for dinner, and after eating we had an abbreviated Family Home Evening. Weston was hoping it could be short so that we would move on to "Weston Home Evening," as he called it. After the brief spiritual portion of FHE, Curtis gave Weston a gift from Grandma Ruth. Mom wanted the kids to get something special of hers for their birthdays after she was gone, and I was thankful that Curtis picked this out for Weston. It was a bunch of treasure (rocks from different countries mom had been to) and a golden key. He related the gift to the scripture we had just read, and told Weston that the real treasure of life could be found through obedience to Heavenly Father and that is the key to happiness! I loved it, because these little things help the kids think of mom and remind them of what mattered (and still matters) most to her. I want her to have as much influence on them as possible, so I thought the gift was perfect.

Examining the golden key with great interest...

After tearing into the remaining presents, Weston gleefully spent most of the rest of the evening with this cowboy pistol. Apparently it was asking too much to put the darn thing down for a picture with Sophie...

How much joy can one holster bring? Apparently, quite a lot...

Grandpa's gifts were such a hit that this is the only non-blurry picture I was able to take of gift opening! I think it is safe to say that Weston made out like a bandit. Both Jason's mom and my dad sent legos, which is quickly becoming a new interest...and while I'm not a fan of all the spoiling, I figure that is what grandparents do. They have earned the right, after all.

Sophie chillin' with "Grampy"

Jason perusing one of the books Weston received...I believe this one is a book about the history of pirates.

It was a satisfying, wonderful day. I love spending the entire afternoon with Weston and just enjoying the company of family! What a great life! We are so blessed.

Feb 21, Friday

2014-02-25T13:32:00.000-08:00

These are the things on my mind right now, thoughts swirling around, intertwining, and fighting for my attention…

I read a quote today from President Hinckley: "We should work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it.”

This thought underscores something I have been thinking about lately. I am not a terrible parent, and in some ways I am a fabulous mom. But in other ways, I stink. I lack self control at times and yell – something my own parents never did! Often, I find myself simply not knowing the wise way to handle a situation, or what kind of consequence would actually teach my kids what they need to learn. The whole goal is to guide and teach them to become capable, successful, emotionally intelligent, hard-working, responsible, respectful adults, right? Just like any other parent, I want to give them the best of what my parents gave me, and much more. I want them to be better prepared for life than I was in certain areas. I want them to want to do the right things for the right reasons. But I often find myself at a loss. How do I handle this situation, or that one? And more often than not, I don’t have time to think it through or even ponder it, because there are 50 million things pulling for my attention – things and people that cannot be neglected! However, in light of this quote from President Hinckley, I feel that I must focus myself more on improving my mom skills and tuning myself into the real needs of my children. I guess I have never been great at multi-tasking. It comes naturally to some, but not to me. How do I concentrate on so many vital things? Impossible. However, I WILL make this a higher priority.

Another thing on my mind – health. I started to make significant progress in 2013, but lately have dropped the ball. We’re not all sitting around eating twinkies, mind you, or even eating fast food. But I know this is an area where I have been slacking – not out of laziness, but maybe out of exhaustion! I can do better.

I want to be prepared. Self sufficient. We are so far away from this goal in almost every conceivable way, although I suppose we are better off than many because of the small preparations that we have already made. I just don’t know where to begin. It is absolutely overwhelming to me! One of the most significant dilemmas I face in this realm is food storage. Food that stores well is mostly crap – or at least lower quality than what I want to feed my family. I am ok with us all living on sub-par food in an emergency situation! The problem is that you are supposed to rotate the food…and eat it regularly. What to do?

Order and organization have never been my fortes. But it is slightly ridiculous how much organizing (and cleaning) I really need to do. Why am I typing this right now? Good question. I need to get my buns off the computer and start cleaning like a mad woman while the baby is asleep! My problem in this area is that I never seem to manage more than the bare minimum. IF I am able to keep the kitchen clean, the floor semi-vacuumed, and all the stuff put away, or mostly put away (including laundry) – even for just a short while - that is a small miracle. So I never really make it to the organizing, because I never get past the cleaning first! Deep cleaning is preceded by surface cleaning, right? I literally do not know how I will ever make progress on cleaning out the garage, or even just a closet, when it takes all of my best efforts to simply “maintain.”

These are just the largest, most pressing concerns on my mind. There are at least a hundred more, not the least of which is this decaying society. And I am so incredibly concerned about our freedoms being snatched away…because our government is absolutely, unabashedly, out of control! I want to do something to fight it! But I literally have no clue what to do…and the aforementioned responsibilities weigh so heavily on my mind that there is no room for more.

Keeping one’s head above water is a full time job, especially when you want to create the best for your family. The best health, education, knowledge, spiritual understanding, purpose and happiness – the pursuit of these things for those you love most literally requires all of your focus and energy. In fact, it requires more than your best. You need God’s help. And I suppose that is what this all comes down to. I will not be swept away by the tide of my own overwhelm caused by innumerable to-do lists! And I will not be swept away by my own feelings of inadequacy in the face of so many solemn responsibilities! I will live deliberately. I will push forward and not waver in my determination to create the life the Lord expects me to live and create for my children!

However, we need each other. I need your ideas and suggestions, and I suppose I may have something to offer that you need too. So please, share your insights about any of the above mentioned concerns… I would greatly appreciate it.

Red Letter Day

2014-02-16T20:16:00.003-08:00

Today began like any other hectic Sunday morning. Sophie woke up sad that she wasn't a mermaid. She said that she had made a wish and it didn't come true that she could be half girl and half mermaid. I gave her a pep talk about how Heavenly Father had sent her to earth to accomplish things that only SHE could do, and that she could only do as a GIRL...but alas, the pep talk didn't cheer her up at all. Then, because he was so sleepy, Weston wouldn't get out of bed. So Jason, with alarm in his voice, rousted Weston by telling him that he had been asleep for 5 years and that he was now turning 12! He told him that Sophie and Brighton were actually his new little sister and brother, Summer and Hammy (don't even ask), and that Sophie and Brighton were at church practicing for a primary program. Sophie thought it was funny and started calling herself Summer, while Weston grumbled but did at least get out of bed and get dressed.
Fast forward to church. Someone is giving a baby blessing. In the middle of the blessing, Brighton digs into the diaper bag, finds a container full of cheerios (an envied snack only to be had at church) and somehow figures out how to open the tupperwear. Mid-blessing, I am frantically trying to pick up all the cheerios while he manages to stuff at least 10 in his mouth. It turns out that was too many to eat at a time, so he spits a few out (some half chewed and slobbery, mind you) and then tries to re-eat them. Because today was a big day for me, I am trying to pay really close attention to what the bishop is saying.
Before we get to the part I dread (where I am released as young women's president), he says he has an award to present, and calls me out of the congregation to help "present"the award. Turns out he had an award for me! That did soften the blow of my aching heart, but I still braced myself for my last lesson to the girls. I had prayed and worried all week about what I would say to them. Thankfully, the words came out right. Thankfully, I was able to speak from the heart and tell them what I knew I needed and wanted to say to them.
There are literally no words to express how much they mean to me. I have treated them as an extension of my own family, and loved them, in some ways, as I would my own children. I have prayed for them every day, laughed with them...and heaven knows I have worried about them! I have spent many hours each week preparing to teach, guide, and plan terrific activities with and for them. I have reminded them of a million different assignments, and they probably wished at times that I would stop reminding them so often! We have had so much fun together and also many spiritual experiences...and they have taught me so very much. They are a part of me and always will be. I hope that just as my own young women's leaders left a lasting impression on me, that I have left something on them - my testimony, my belief in them, my faith in Jesus Christ. I hope that they are better because of our association. I know that I am better because of them. I am so thankful to have been chosen to serve them for a time! I would by lying if I said I wasn't a little (or a lot) broken-hearted about leaving them.
Today when Sandy had her moment to tell them good-bye and share her testimony with them, she said that she hopes her daughters grow up to be like these girls. I feel the same way! There is also a special bond that you forge with people you work so closely with on such a regular basis. I have been able to serve with some of the most incredible women I know. And I will miss that, too. Ultimately, I know that the young women will still be a part of my life. I will see them for a few minutes on Sundays and ward activities, and maybe I'll get them to go out to ice cream with me, or come over to hang out from time to time. But I will miss seeing their bright and shining faces on such a constant basis, miss their cute stories, their inspiring faith, their energy and zest for life - all the goodness that they radiate! And of course, all the love that they have shown me. I think I forgot to thank them for accepting me and showing me so much love. How could I have forgotten?
I used to be distressed thinking about the world that my kids would grow up in - afraid all of the rotten, degrading mess that our society as devolved to and the deplorable, crass influences all around them. But when I see these radiant young women - women of faith and strength and beauty - I know that as long as I teach my kids well, they still have a future full of bright possibility. They, too, can be a light in this darkening world.
I'm not sure how long it will take to get used to this "new normal." It is amazing how much you miss something the second that you no longer have it. I know that is a weird thing to say because a calling isn't something you have to keep. It is an opportunity to serve in a certain capacity for a certain time. But when you come to love people, you are never the same, and you don't want to let go of them! I know I don't have to let go of these cherished friendships, but I also know that it won't be the same...and that is the hard part. It is, in some ways, how I feel when a cherished friend moves away. The friendship remains so dear and precious to me, but I ache for their company and constancy in my every day life! I've had a few of those kind of major aches in the last year - the loss of my mom, of course, being the worst. But now I must focus on gratitude, and fill my heart with thanks for incredible bonds of love that have filled, and will continue to fill my life with rich joy!
Here are just a few pictures from a few activities over the last few years...

Cute conversations

2013-10-19T16:44:00.000-07:00

This morning while lazily waking up, I felt a soft little hand caressing my face, and heard a loving little Sophie voice say in almost a whisper, "it's ok mommy, just go back to sleep..."
At this point, I had already been attempting to sleep for awhile, since Saturday is the only day that holds hope for any amount of sleeping in at all. But it was 8:00, so lazy time was definitely over! Then, for some reason, Sophie started talking about "passing out," which she said is kind of like sleeping. Soon, I realized she was talking about mom. She talks A LOT about the last time we saw grandma, and I guess it just takes a long time to process watching someone die, especially someone you love so deeply. I can't blame her, I have thought about it way, way more than I want to admit. We talk about grandma a lot, but I have noticed that Sophie will often often start talking about grandma dying at a time when I am also thinking about it...which kind of startles me because it is always out of the blue. We must be on the same wavelength! I wonder what it would take to keep that similarity of wavelength into her teenage years??? But I digress...

So, this morning Sophie wanted to talk about passing out (which is what mom did the evening before she passed away since her blood pressure was so low). Sophie was saying it just means to sleep, because she saw grandma fall sleep...and then eventually stop breathing. I began explaining to her that passing out is more than just sleeping, but suddenly I had no idea how to explain going unconscious. She could obviously sense this, and said (while again caressing my face), "don't worry mama, just go back to sleep." Jason, a silent observer of the conversation asked Sophie why she is such a sweet little princess, to which she replied, "because I love my mommy and daddy so much!" Jason then said something about how that was why he was going to give her a pink corvette (what!?) one day, to which I obviously gave him a look...but since she doesn't know what a corvette is anyway, I guess for now we're safe.

Next thing, this little conversation ensued:
Jason (to me): "I wonder if so-and-so could sue so-and-so for slander..."
Weston: "What is 'slander?'"
Jason: "Oh, he's a guy I knew once from the Ukraine."
Weston: "Oh, did he have a pirate belt?"
Jason: "Yeah, actually, I think he had one very much like the one you're wearing."

We have these cute, entertaining little encounters with the kids almost continually. They are growing and learning and thinking and expressing so many wonderful things, and I just wish I could remember more of the great things they say! Here area a few memorable moments, some of them taken from facebook (where I often record such moments):

10/13:
Me: "What is your favorite thing about watching The Other Side of Heaven?" (because we watch it literally every Sunday.)
Sophie: "Oh, I like it because Jean gets married!!" (Which happens like the last 30 seconds of the movie...this is just another indication of her obsession with getting married! Do all little girls do this?)

10/18:
Sophie seems to think "gak" is a unit of measurement...as in, "I had three gaks of soup tonight!" She's been using the term for awhile now. I know I should correct her, but it is just so cute!

10/16:

Sophie wants to be the good witch from the Wizard of Oz, Glinda, for Halloween. Weston, however, is trying to convince her to be "Glinda the gangster."

While picking out her shoes for said costume, Weston was actually very helpful. He seemed to have a good sense about which ones most accurately portrayed the look and feel of Glinda. He told me to get rid of the other shoes, because this one pair just had "the spirit of Glinda!" He repeated it several times, because he felt so sure that those were the best ones. I thought it was hilarious that he explained his observation by saying that they had the "spirit of Glinda," lol!

10/12:
I heard Sophie crying and asked what happened:
Weston: "Um, I just moved her skin a little with my foot."
Sophie: "He stepped on me!!"

10/11:

Hello Ladies!

10/10:

Sophie(4 years old): Dad, I will pick a good boy to marry.
Me: What???
Sophie: Dad I'm gonna marry a prince, you know.
Me: Let's just focus on getting through preschool.

10/9:

Jason (to me): "Why don't we have a song? You know, one that only reminds us of each other?"
Me: "Probably because we don't like the same kind of music..."
Jason (jokingly): "I guess there's just not enough love in our relationship"
Weston (matter-of-factly): "It's because you don't have enough PIRATE LEGENDS in your relationship!"

10/8:

Tonight after watching The Little Mermaid, we discovered plastic forks in Sophie's hair! Guess she thought she'd try out a dinglehopper and see how it worked.

10/7:

Sophie: "I am helping Weston rebuild his fort. He really loves me when I do this! His heart is just beeping love for me!"

10/4:

I can always tell what Disney movie Sophie is into based on the name of her favorite baby doll. Her name used to be Rapunzel, but now it's Flounder (go figure)!

10/4:

Me: "Sophie, I don't want to have to take away your 'Little Mermaid' video!"
Sophie: "It's not a video, mom, it's a MOVIE!"
And that is when it occurred to me that she doesn't know what a video even is!

10/1:

Sophie getting ready to pick her reserved copy of The Little Mermaid.
#mydisneyprincess

9/29:

Jason: "Stop yelling, Weston!"
Weston: "I'm just in that phase of life, dad!"

9/25:

20 years ago today, at the age of 15, I was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was far and away the best decision I have ever made! Every good and meaningful and significant thing in my life has been shaped by that one important choice. I am eternally thankful for all of the people who helped me to take that courageous first step, and the many amazing and beautiful people who have been true friends along my path ever since!!

9/19:

Me: "Sophie, why did you take your ponytail out at school?"
Sophie (non-challantly): "Oh, I like to wear my hair down because that's my special glory."
I have no idea where she heard that, but I thought it was so cute!!

9/3:

In some homes, you have to be careful where you put your shoes so the dog doesn't get them and chew on them. In our home, you have to be careful where you put your shoes or the BABY will chew on them!! In other news, he took his first small step this weekend and also began saying "mama!"

9/2:

As we were reading scriptures together the other night, the kids asked about the meaning of what we were reading:
Me: "Well, in this part it's talking about some of the really evil people that did terrible things, and warning us to keep such evil things out of our society."
Sophie: "But mom, there's no bad people like that in real life, just in the scriptures."
Me: "Actually, there are some people like that now too in the world."
Sophie (with great drama and emotion): "But Heavenly Father is watching over us! He is protecting us always...mom, for REALS! I am SERIOUS!!"
I have taught her well.

8/26:

I'm normally a little nervous with baby drivers, but Brighton is a very serious little boy. so I felt safe. #babydrivers (Jason)

8/26:

First Day of School (First Grade)

8/19:

Happy birthday to my sassy, bright, sweet Sophie. I cannot imagine life without her loving, lively, sparkling personality! I wish my mom were here to celebrate with us...but who knows, maybe she will be.

8/14:

In her prayer this morning, Sophie said the following:
"Please bless Brighton that he'll never throw up again, and that when he grows up he will be a good man."

8/13:

Weston: "Mom, I want to add something to my chore chart...something I need to do every day."
Me (intrigued): "What's that?"
Weston: "I need to learn about pirates and practice drawing pirate ships so I can get better and better at it, even though I am already so good at it....so maybe that can be the first chore I do today. Will I get paid a nickel for that?"

7/30:

Weston (shouting at me through the bathroom door, where I had hoped for 15 seconds alone): "Mom! I want to take a bath right now!"
Me: "We are about to have lunch, why don't you just wait until after you eat? Why are you in such a hurry?"
Sophie (shoving her Rapunzel Barbie doll through the crack in the bathroom door): "To baptize this little lady!!"
Well, I guess the time has come to have that talk with the kids about how inanimate objects don't need baptism...lol!

7/25:

Me: "Please close the door, Sophie."
Sophie: "But mommy, Weston is the one that opened it!"
Me: "Well, you are the one close to the door right now. Weston does lots of things for you, too. We are a family, so we all help each other out."
Sophie: "Actually, mom, we are a TEAM!"
Well that works too. I guess my usual lecture involves telling the kids that we are a team. I'm just glad someone has been listening!

7/21:

My kids right now are playing "missionary." They are dressed in their Sunday best, with missionary tags on and backpacks too...it is really cute.

7/7:

This is the conversation we had just now after watching The Other Side of Heaven:
Sophie: "That is a moving movie."
Me: "Did it touch your heart?"
Sophie: "yeah"
Weston: "It didn't touch my heart...it only got to my lungs. My mind wasn't very open this time so it only touched my lungs."

6/24:

Me: "Who ever finds the remote will earn a quarter!"
Weston: "I would prefer a dollar, actually."
You don't say...

6/5:

Sophie: "mom, did you ever have a boyfriend when you were a teenager?"
Weston: "yeah, mom, what was his name!?"
Me: "well, the first boy I dated was when I was 17. His name was John."
Sophie (bursting with enthusiasm): "you mean like John the Baptism!?!?"

Sophie's Princess Tea Party

2013-10-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

Sophie had quite a special birthday this year! We did a princess tea party, and it was so much fun! I am not super crafty, as you know, but I was really thrilled with how my decorations turned out.

Our friend, Amy Ramsey, did this gorgeous cake. That woman has talent!

I used a lovely lace tablecloth my mom gave me a few years ago that she bought in Mexico, I believe. I had never used it, but immediately knew that it would be perfect for this occasion!

I also used some of my mom's beautiful silver. I love this tea pot set. It totally makes me think of my classy mom, who got it out on many special occasions and holidays through the years, from the time I was a little girl.

Jason also worked hard on preparing for this party. I wish I had taken a picture of the invitations that he helped design. They were fancy and pretty, and we rolled them up like scrolls, sealing them with wax.

Sophie was excited for many reasons, one being that I let her wear a little pink lipstick. I like the disgruntled look on Weston's face in the background of this pic...for some reason it makes me chuckle!

Oh, and I also painted her nails...

Check out these beautiful "cake pops" that Jason made...he used special limited edition watermelon flavored oreos! Everyone always thinks that I am the one doing these creative things, and as much as I'd like to take credit, I have to admit my husband is pretty awesome at parties!

I also used this lovely china tea/dessert plate set from my mom. I absolutely loved using these beautiful items of my mom's. This was her kind of party! And it made me feel like she was a more involved part of the festivities to use her china and silver.

I got a little carried away taking pictures of the birthday girl! I really wanted to remember this birthday...and for her to look back on it and remember as well.

My handsome little "prince" was such a gracious host...every time someone would ring the doorbell, he would answer it by saying in his most proper and formal voice, "welcome to the royal tea party!" He would then laugh uproariously. Such a silly man!

Most of the princesses have arrived...

We began the party by making princess jewelry, which the girls all seemed to really enjoy. Weston even made himself a "pirate necklace" out of pearls...something a pirate would consider great booty, I guess.

Preparing the royal brunch...

Jason really went all out (as if that surprises anyone)! The delicacies included cream cheese and strawberry jam sandwiches, nutella and raspberry jam, strawberry cream cheese with sliced strawberries on raisin bread, roast beef with horseradish, pate with fancy mustard and red onion, smoked salmon and cream cheese with an olive on top, fruit, tea biscuits and fancy punch.

Father and son - two handsome men!

Jason was quite the attentive server, and I was very impressed with the manners of all our sweet guests!

Enjoying the food...

We had a little "dance party" between the food and the cake, but none of my pictures really turned out.

Opening presents...this particular one turned out to be a watch from Curtis, who could have never known that Weston had been begging for a watch for weeks. When he saw the watch, he immediately burst into tears! It was almost embarrassing. Poor guy. Curtis, being ever generous, took Weston out later on to get him a watch too!

Sophie is one lucky girl...she got so many toys and gifts that she plays with every day, including this tea set from Jason's dad.

And Brighton just keeps wooing us all with his handsome, charming little face!

Looking back

2013-10-05T16:08:00.000-07:00

Today I stumbled upon some pictures from about three years ago, and I was so overwhelmed! I can't believe how quickly my kids are growing, and how absolutely irresistibly cute they were (and still are, of course)! Just look at those chubby cheeks!

I honestly have no recollection of where this was taken...but it almost looks like a food court at a mall somewhere

Weston and Owen, at what looks to be the first Christmas party in the Harmony Hills ward. It is unbelievable to me how little they are in this picture. How can time fly so fast???

Seriously, those cheeks!

What's weird is that Sophie doesn't seem that much bigger in this picture than Brighton is right now. I remember when Grandpa gave the kids that table. In some ways, it seems like a lifetime ago...but in reality it was less than 3 years!

I think I might have forgotten that we ever went to this show were it not for the picture. What fun! I remember Weston trying to decide how real these characters actually were.

After just getting Sophie's hair cut this week (because it is so very long), it is crazy to see this super short hair...with that same adorable smile. :)

Minature golfing with some good friends in Utah...

Love these two little angels...and their little brother, too!

California Dreaming

2013-09-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

Some people grow up in a place they love. They graduate high school, move away for college to embark on life as an "adult," and come home to visit for holidays and in between semesters. They come back home to the awesome place they grew up, enjoy their family, reconnect with life-long friends, and get to go to many of the places they did while growing up.

I am lucky in that I did grow up in a beautiful place that I loved very much, but when I left for college, my mom moved to Las Vegas. I am grateful that she moved to Las Vegas because of the incredible friendships and experiences I have had here, but because of it, I have rarely gone back to the O.C. In fact, although I have been on a couple of hurried day trips to various parts of Cali with the youth in recent years, I haven't actually been back to the paradise where I grew up for 7 years...until this week.

Jason had a business trip and would be staying at the Irvine Marriott. How could I resist a free hotel stay? I had an ocean view from my bedroom window as a teenager in Dana Point, yet my children had never even seen the ocean!! I have been so overwhelmed lately. I mean, SO overwhelmed. I almost didn't go because my head felt like it might explode from all the things I had to do. But then I just closed my eyes and thought, "what would mom say?" Immediately I heard her voice in my head saying, "Go!"

I had little time to plan, but I figured it would be worth it, even if I only was able to see one good friend and take my kids to the beach for a little while. I was right! It was so awesome. Everything about being there soothed my soul! I wanted so badly to stay longer ~ my heart literally ached when it was time to leave. Somehow, I felt like my mom was there, soaking in the beauty and enjoying the whole experience right along with me.

I was surprised how at home I felt, even though I moved away 17 years ago! When I was there it felt like I had been gone just a little while, like I belonged there. I had that feeling you get when you see a close friend after years and it's as though no time has passed at all...like being together is the most natural thing in the world.

I felt my mom there, and it made me miss her more once I came home. It was also incredible reconnecting with a few friends...it was comforting to be with people who have known you through multiple stages of your life...something that I guess I missed out on to an extent when my mom moved away. And, I'm sure it doesn't help that I've moved more than 15 times in the past 17 years!

On our way, we stopped in Baker to eat at the Mad Greek where I snapped this pic - aren't they cute?

On Monday night we went to visit Bruce and Patti Spencer, who have been dear family friends for as long as I can remember. I must have been just a girl when Patti and my mom met! For some reason I didn't take any pictures that night, but we sure did have a lovely time visiting. And the kids really thought all their instruments were neat. :)
Tuesday morning we went to visit the Bells...Barbara (in the picture below) was both a seminary teacher and my piano teacher during high school. When I left for college she had just had her first baby - Lauren, the pretty girl in the next picture...

I wish I could have captured the moment when Brighton was grabbing Daisy's face, it was a cute moment!

After a brief but lovely visit at the Bell's home, we met up with Chad and Karen George and headed over to Doheny Beach. They brought food, towels, and everything necessary for a perfect afternoon (including themselves)!
Despite a slight obsession (as evidenced by at least a hundred questions) with the possibility of a tsunami on the California coast, the kids immediately fell in love with the beach...how could they not!?

How I miss this...sitting on the beach, just letting all of your troubles be washed away by the waves. There's nothing quite like it! Weston was a little squeamish about going out into the water (even up to his ankles) at first. In fact, when I asked him what he thought about it shortly after arriving, his comment was, "I really like the beach other than the waves!" Silly boy! By the time we left he had decided that he liked the waves after all.

I guess it goes without saying, but I was just thrilled to watch my sweet kiddos enjoying their time that day! And due to some generous people along the way, they had plenty of toys to play with in the sand.

Karen and me...

Chad and Karen's lovely daughter, Sophia, hanging out with Sophie. Their son, Campbell, was also there, but (sadly) I didn't get him in a pic!

Playing on the tramp...Brighton pretty much had the time of his life. And yes, he is eating pine needles in this picture!

I'm still trying to figure out where they saw people dancing this way...but it sure is cute. :)

Chad, Sophia, and Sophie...who is wearing Sophia's Little Red Riding Hood costume (and loving it).

Since Karen's birthday was the next day (Sept. 25), Weston made her a picture (rolled up into a scroll). What I found so funny was his response when Chad asked him how he wanted to tie it. He offered a few suggestions like string or ribbon, but Weston insisted on a wax seal. The average family may not happen to have sealing wax and stamps on hand, but of course this would never be a concern at the George's house! So Karen's card was sealed with a "P," for pirate of course!

Although it was late by the time we left, I decided that since we were on vacation, we'd stop and get some food. We ended up going to the Denny's right by my high school, which was practically empty. Even though I wasn't a Denny's regular in high school, it was still so fun to be there.

The kids were particularly excited because I let them get a strawberryshake. It really is the simple things...

Brighton was a good little munchkin and only dropped 3 or 4 pieces of silver wear on the floor. :)

As we drove back to the hotel that night, I got that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know, the feeling you get when you are being separated and you really don't want to be. It is the same feeling I had while driving away from the Nye's house after saying goodbye just before they moved in July...and the same feeling I get whenever I think about watching my mom slip away from me. I just hate saying good bye! It's not my thing! The only way I can handle it is by thinking, "until next time." Suffice it to say, I am already looking forward my next California trip. And I already have a plan for some of the places we will go that we missed this time. Can't wait!

The Discovery Museum

2013-08-28T00:12:00.002-07:00

We went to the Children's Discovery Museum a couple of times this Summer. That place is the best! And apparently, Brighton agrees!

Brighton is pretty much happy as long as he has something to chew on...or try to chew on.

One of the most fun trips to the museum was when we met some friends there near the beginning of August...here is my friend Chelcy with her son, Logan (who was in Weston's kindergarten class last year) and Weston too...

There are so many fun activities for the kids there, and as you can see, Brighton really wants to get in on the action. It was all good until he tried to eat the molecule model.

Weston playing one of the many large instruments:

Sophie getting some freshly baked goods out of the display case:

Brighton just enjoying the experience...

In the airport control center:

Here are Logan and Weston in the hurricane simulator. At first, all 4 kids were in there, but Sophie and Brayden got a little apprehensive and decided to get out of there!

Just chillin' by the skull replica...

It looks like Brighton is torturing poor Brayden in this picture! Isn't my friend Chelcy beautiful?

This moment was too perfect not to grab a quick picture...

At the end of the day, we finally went to an area of the museum suitable for babies, and Brighton just went to town! He could have played there for hours.

I am so glad we discovered the Discovery Museum (no punn intended)!