Insights from the Life of Skyler

Pale Blue Dot

2014-06-09T18:44:00.002-06:00

The last picture taken by Voyager 1 as it passed Neptune.

"From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of any particular interest. But for us, it's different. Consider again that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity – in all this vastness – there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known, so far, to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment, the Earth is where we make our stand. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."

-Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space

Get Off Your High Horse

2014-06-05T21:07:00.002-06:00

I was pretty frustrated tonight. Why? Because the outside water had been left on, causing my garden hose to rupture and gush water all afternoon. Normally this wouldn't have phased me, but I was tired of spending money on useless things and annoyed that I had to water my garden using a watering can.

As I was filling the watering can with a (much shorter) hose, my downstairs neighbor came outside. Now let me describe this man before I go any farther: he's an older guy, probably in his 50s; he has his hair pulled back in a ponytail; he lives alone with his cats; and I'm pretty sure he isn't LDS (at least, he isn't active). He's a little bit different than your typical 50 year old man in Springville, but I'll be damned if he doesn't exhibit the true definition of Christlike love. This man came outside in his slippers to tell me that he had noticed the gaping hole in the hose and was planning on fixing it for me tomorrow. I tried to wave him off and tell him that I'd just buy a new hose, but he was very persistent.

In addition to fixing my garden hose, my neighbor pays for the TV and internet without any thought of compensation from the rest of us. He saves his used coffee grounds for me to put in my garden. He's been taking pictures of the Provo temple and plans to give a copy to me and my other neighbors (because he knows how important of a building it is). He bought new water faucets so I could water my garden. The list goes on and on and on...without any expectation of being repaid.

As I was watering my garden, I was thinking about this man and what it means to love those around us. I thought of the self-proclaimed righteous who have crossed my path and how little they truly know of love. I thought of people talking about "the Homosexuals" with disgust and contempt; I thought of people complaining about how much they "hate Utah" and how weird the culture is; I thought of people mocking the religiously-active; I thought of all the judgmental looks I've received for not serving a mission or going through the temple. I thought of all those who have made me feel guilty for my blessings and for living in a country where I have three meals a day and clean water from the tap. All these things were done or said by people I thought I respected; instead I pity them because they have missed the point of every major religion on the face of the planet, be it Mormonism or Islam or Judaism or Catholicism: love.

Stop hating. Seriously, stop. Why do you care how someone else lives their life? The vast majority of people aren't out there looking to tear you down, so why are you doing the exact opposite? Stop forcing your lifestyle on other people, stop casting judgmental looks, and stop thinking you're better than everyone else, because guess what? We're all sons and daughters of God and He loves us all equally. And as important as it is to go to church and pay your tithing, I think we'll be judged more on how we treat our neighbors. So stop hating the gays, stop hating the Mormons, stop hating white people, stop hating Hispanics, stop hating Obama (this is a big one), and start loving instead! You can disagree with someone and still be respectful and loving of their views. I know I'm not perfect, and I'm sure I have a long ways to go. But I am so fed up with all the hatred I see on a daily basis and couldn't hold it in any longer. So thank you for reading my rant.

P.S. I love you.

Who am I?

2013-04-17T17:47:00.000-06:00

I am a concert pianist.
I am a nutritional scientist.
I have an optimistic personality.
I have blond hair and blue eyes.
I sunburn easily and wish I could tan.
I never seem to be satisfied with my body image.
Many people come to me with problems and secrets.
My biggest goal in life is to help everyone I come in contact with feel loved.
My favorite sound is the coo of a mourning dove.
I forgive and forget way to easily.
My heart has been broken multiple times; I still haven't got over one of them.
My biggest fear is that no one will fall in love with me and I will be alone for the rest of my life.
I have an incredible family who loves me no matter what.
I am a son of God.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ and always will be.
I love it when things smell good and can't stand it when things stink.
My favorite flower is a red velvet rose, because it symbolizes love and romance.
I am passionate.
I am emotional.
I hate the mainstream.
I love people more than myself.
I enjoy my alone time.
I am very punctual.
Sometimes I like watching sad and somewhat dark movies.
I never quit. I have a hard time sympathizing with people that do.
My love is easy to earn but my respect is hard to get.
I think Tolkien was brilliant.
I love learning, but I hate how my intelligence is quantified by a GPA.
I have a green thumb.
I catch insects that are in the house and release them outside rather than killing them.
My favorite part about me is my smile and my laugh.
I find offensive jokes disgusting.
The sound of running water is soothing to me.
I can usually read people better than the average individual.
I am not afraid to stick up for myself and those I love.
I hate hypocrisy more than any other sin.
I wish I could change many things about society.
I hate being competitive.
I want to be the owner of a home, complete with a garden in the backyard.
I refuse to watch gory or evil movies.
I dream big and I'm not afraid to go after those dreams.
Sometimes I borrow my roommate's shampoo.
I'm frustrated by timid and dense people.
I'm open to changing a viewpoint if someone provides creditable evidence.
I hate that I sometimes stutter or forget words.
I'm surprised when people find me attractive.
I push myself in many things, sometimes too hard.
Sometimes I enjoy taking a bubble bath by candlelight.
I think most people underestimate me, and I can usually tell when they do.
I try to get to know someone on the inside before judging them on the outside.
I believe people should keep certain things to themselves unless specifically asked about them.
I hate touching paper after I have just washed my hands.
I am an affectionate and touch-feely person.
I love real-life romances.
I wish that some people could see themselves the way that I see them.
I love laying in bed with the sun shining on my face.
I am a master blanket-fort builder.
I tend to look to the glory of the past.
I hate change.

I am many things. Everyone sees me differently.

I am Skyler J. Crouch.

Too busy?

2013-01-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

Over the past couple of months I've had some very close friends cancel, postpone, or completely forget about commitments they had with me. They're excuse: "Sorry, I am/was too busy." I was okay with this at first; I totally understand that sometimes things come up that are beyond our control. But now it's getting to the point where it's becoming completely ridiculous.

One of my very best friends told me that he believes his busyness is coming from God, that it's a trial that is preparing him for some future task. That may be, but I don't think a loving Heavenly Father would jeopardize the eternal relationships of friends and family, let alone take away from the spiritual growth that comes from pondering gospel principles in a quiet setting (not while rushing to school or work). Last November (2012), President Uchtdorf of the LDS First Presidency said (and I'm sorry this is long, I didn't know where to end it),

“I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

"I can’t see it.

“Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time.

“In our day it is easy to merely pretend to spend time with others. With the click of a mouse, we can ‘connect’ with thousands of ‘friends’ without ever having to face a single one of them. Technology can be a wonderful thing, and it is very useful when we cannot be near our loved ones...However, I believe that we are not headed in the right direction, individually and as a society, when we connect with family or friends mostly by reposting humorous pictures, forwarding trivial things, or linking our loved ones to sites on the Internet. If we fail to give our best personal self and undivided time to those who are truly important to us, one day we will regret it."

I don't mean to brag when I say this, but I am just as busy as anyone: I try to work 20 hours a week; I am finishing up the last year of my undergraduate degree with some very difficult and time-consuming classes; I participate in an internship and I am about to add another; I'm studying to take the GRE in March; I have two ward callings and a stake appointment, as well as hometeaching responsibilities; I have at least three people a month ask me to accompany them on the piano; I volunteer for the American Diabetes Association, the American Heart Association, and Bountiful Baskets; I cook the majority of my meals from scratch; and I practice the piano as often as I can and I am planning to have a recital sometime in the summer, just to name a few of the things I'm involved in. However, none of these things will EVER take precedence over a loved one or a person in need. I am always willing to stop my life to give blessings, lend a listening ear, or bake cookies for someone that I think needs them.
Additionally, none of those activities will ever take precedence over my spiritual growth. I make sure that I get enough sleep at night, I set aside time to read my scriptures free from distractions, I have quiet moments where I can ponder about life and gospel topics (usually while I take care of my plants), and I read my patriarchal blessing every morning before I start my day.
Please don't think that I'm bragging about myself or calling myself perfect, because I'm not. I'm far from it and I make mistakes just like everyone else. But I know what is important to me and I know that I don't regret it.
So stop and think about where your priorities are. If your schedule is so rigid that you can't stop by to visit a friend who had a bad day, pause to give a priesthood blessing or lend a listening ear, make dinner with your family, or you're so tired that you sleep through a commitment you made with a friend in need, then I think you seriously need to reconsider what is important to you. Because as President Uchtdorf said, "If we fail to give our best personal self and undivided time to those who are truly important to us, one day we will regret it." And that, my friends, will be a very lonely day.

The Real Skyler

2012-07-08T22:44:00.001-06:00

Ever wondered what goes on in this crazy head of mine? Here's some facts about me that you probably didn't know...

My favorite folk song is "Danny Boy." The melody is haunting and the lyrics are bittersweet. It reminds me of my favorite novel, "'Til the Boys Come Home."

Unless it's a mosquito or a spider that was crawling on me, I hate killing insects. If it's in the house, I will catch it and release it outside.

I am an independent person, but I am not afraid to ask for help (most of the time).

I love pushing myself and learning new things. So far this summer I have made a quilt, planted a garden, started learning the harmonica, hemmed all of my pants to the proper length, started building a cabinet, and fixed up my bike. That's just the beginning. I'm pretty proud of my handyman skills.

I hate most video games. I think it's a waste of time.

I am deeply offended when people make fun of any religion, especially Judaism.

I am proud of my ancestors. When people ask me if I'm cold, tired, hungry, etc. I usually respond, "No, I'm Scandinavian."

My sense of smell is my greatest sense. I love it when things smell good, more so than most people. I love the smell of fresh laundry, which is why it is my favorite household chore. I especially love it when people smell good, and I usually compliment them when they do.

My least favorite sport is basketball and I almost always refuse to play when asked to join in a game. I'm not sure why, but I probably had a bad experience when I was younger.

When I was a teenager, I used to lay in bed at night and plan ways to rescue my younger siblings if there was a fire, earthquake, flood, tornado, or an intruder.

I have a super active imagination, which is why most horror films will scare me.

I tend to "fight" rather than "flight." If we're camping, please don't grab my arm and say, "What's that?!" unless you want to get smacked. I once almost stabbed an intruder to death when I was home alone (thank goodness it was just my imagination and not a real person).

I don't like chocolate flavored (insert food here) and I hate French toast. Other than that I will try everything at least once.

My evenings are my "Skyler time." This is the time I use to ponder, relax, and plan for tomorrow. I won't answer most phone calls past 9:00 on weeknights and 10:00 on weekends. I also don't answer my phone if I'm busy or talking to someone in person. Sorry.

I love schedules. I might not keep a day planner, but I have most of my day planned out in my head and I hate making last minute changes. It really frustrates me when people are late or don't keep appointments. My closest friends rely on me to be time keeper.

I hate touching paper when my hands have been wet and then recently dried. I also hate the sound of crunchy snow.

I am afraid of heights. I'm okay if I'm strapped to something, but I can't stand on the edge of high places without feeling panicked. I've tried to overcome it, but no luck so far.

I tend to laugh really loud. Sorry if I make you jump. I also tend to yell at characters in movies and TV shows.

My favorite movie as a kid was The Jungle Book. I used to watch it four times a day. My favorite song was the Bare Necessities... I used to dance along every time.

I want to live in a well-kept house that has a nice yard. It doesn't have to be a big house, but it has to be mine (if that makes any sense).

One of my biggest faults is that I forgive and forget too easily. The longest I can stay angry at someone is about two hours (and I have to be pretty darn angry to last that long).

I hate it when people use "LOL" and "LMAO" and abbreviations such as "plz" and "thnx."

I also hate talking on the phone. Take it as a huge compliment if I call you up to chat.

Peer pressure usually has the opposite effect on me. I like to make my own decisions and if people try to sway me one way, I usually go the other.

I love it when people have good manners.

I love baseball. There's nothing better than the sound of bats cracking in the air and the smell of freshly cut grass.

I've always been a super light sleeper.

I love all music, but my favorite genre is classical. My favorite era is the Romantic. I especially love it if the music is loud, deep, and involves a full chorus.

My favorite singer is Sissel Kyrkjebo. I once had a dream that I converted her to the gospel and we got married.

I love jellybeans!

And that's all I feel like writing for now. Hopefully this helps!

Love,

Skyler

Three Good Things

2012-01-22T18:55:00.002-07:00

I had a friend ask me the other day why I also seem so happy and positive. First of all, that isn't true. I have my low moments just like anybody else. But I feel that overall I am a happy person. It reminded me of the Positive Living class I took last semester. It was such an incredible class (I've posted about it a few times already). The assignments for that class were life changing and I've attempted to implement some of them into my daily life. Here's one of the assignments (all credit goes to Dallas Jensen of the Psychology Department at BYU).

Do the following three steps every night:

Step 1: Find three things that went well for you during the day. It can be anything, from speaking to a friend, doing well at something, having a nice meal, or anything that you would consider to have gone well for you.

Step 2: Write them down. Record the 3 Good Things somewhere so that you can keep an ongoing list. This can be in your journal, scrap piece of paper, or on the computer.

Step 3: Reflect on your role. In this step, think about what part you played in the 3 Good Things. It might have been an active role or a passive role; that's unimportant. Just reflect on what your role was. Perhaps your role was simply choosing to have a conversation with a friend, or noticing that you enjoyed your meal.

Sounds kind of cheesy, but these steps are easy enough, right? By doing these steps each night, you begin to notice more of the positive things around you and realize that things really are going your way. It's amazing how it can affect your attitude. And who doesn't like a positive person? It tends to rub off on other people. Try it!

Things that Make Life Awesome: Vacuuming

2011-10-03T11:33:00.002-06:00

Have you ever been vacuuming in your living room and come across a small piece of something (maybe a piece of paper) that the vacuum just wasn't picking up? So what do you do? You stand the vacuum upright, bend over, and pick up the annoying piece of paper. But rather than throw it away in a nearby garbage can, you throw it back on the floor and viciously move the vacuum back and forth over the stupid piece of paper. Usually this process is repeated until the little devil is finally sucked up. Just the image of this makes me laugh my head off. We all do it. Myself especially. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

What makes life awesome? Vacuuming.

Things that Make Life Awesome

2011-10-03T11:23:00.002-06:00

My "Science and Practice of Positive Living" class is amazing. Really. It has impacted my life so much! It's becoming easier for me to notice the beauty in the world around me. I'm focusing on strengthening my relationships. I'm trying to have a more positive attitude. I carry around a little book with me in which I write down my positive experiences throughout the day. I want to share my discoveries of positive living with everyone around me.

So, in honor of my class, I'm going to (try) blog each day about something that makes life awesome. Stay tuned. :)

Happiness

2011-09-19T11:28:00.002-06:00

We've been talking about happiness in my Positive Living class the past couple of days. As such, I've been doing quite a bit of reflecting on happiness and what it means to me. So many people in our culture view happiness hedonisticly- that is, the pursuit of pleasurable things and the absence of painful things. I feel like happiness is so much more than that. The scriptures say that there must be opposition in all things. It's okay to feel sad, or angry, or depressed; it's part of human nature and I would actually be worried if you never experienced those things. It's impossible to be completely happy all of the time. It just is.

But!

It is possible to always try to have a positive attitude. I feel like there's a big difference. Bad things are going to happen. I can promise you that with 100% assurance. It all depends on how you react to those bad things. That's what I'm trying to do- be positive. It's so hard at times. But I've found myself to be more "happy" as I try to have a positive outlook on life. And it has honestly made all of the difference. I'm less stressed, it's easier for me to love and forgive, I'm able to focus more on others, my trials don't seem nearly as impossible as they used to. It truly is incredible.

My instructor challenged us to write down three things, every day, that went well for us that day. I want to challenge you to do the same thing. You'll be amazed by how your attitude has changed.

Nerd Time!

2011-08-04T23:01:00.002-06:00

I have a confession to make: I am probably the biggest nerd you will ever meet (big shocker, right?). Tonight I found myself sitting bored and alone in my apartment. So what do I do? I watch an hour long documentary on Pompeii and the eruption of Mount Vesuvius.... and I was glued to the screen the entire time. Afterward I spent over thirty minutes looking up volcano eruptions on Youtube. I was completely fascinated by it! And I always have been. When I was in elementary school and my classmates would be checking out Goosebumps books from the library, I would be checking out books about earthquakes, volcanoes, tornadoes, bigfoot, and the Titanic. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, National Geographic was doing a week-long series on the Titanic... I watched it every night.

My favorite movies growing up were Twister and Dante's Peak; I still love those two movies and would probably be watching them right now if I could. When I was bored in class I would doodle "tornado scenes," usually complete with a flying car and a tree that was broken in half. When I grew up I wanted to be a storm chaser, just like in the movies. I knew that I would be the one that could discover what cause tornadoes and to come up with a way to predict them. And after that I wanted to be the weatherman on the news... until I realized how boring of a job it could be.

In short, I am fascinated with the dark side of nature. Just the sheer power of it all sends shivers down my spine. Pompeii was obliterated; there was nothing left. I can only imagine what the inhabitants of America experienced as a result of Christ's death. The destruction is almost incomprehensible. It's very humbling to really think of the power that God has.

So there you go! Little known fact about Skyler- not only can I get a song stuck in my head from listening to two doors closing at the same time, but I am obsessed with natural disasters (and the Titanic). Yep, I am a nerd. And proud of it!

Ballroom Camp?

2011-07-25T08:45:00.002-06:00

The first thing Maraina, my coworker, said to me when I walked in to work today was, "I hate ballroom camp." The first thing the Cannon Center cafeteria workers said to me when I walked in for breakfast was, "Skyler, we found a camp worse then EFY: Ballroom." Surprised? Not me.

When I was working late Saturday night, this older gentleman checked in to camp a couple of days early (which is perfectly fine). However, he asked fifty questions the answers to which my coworker and I thought to be pretty obvious. And we had to explain things to him fifty times! And then he kept coming back to ask more questions (even at 11:50 PM). I had to keep telling myself to be patient.

When Maraina walked in to work this morning at 6:00 AM, there was already a guy here, ready to yell at her for things that we're not even in charge of. People have been coming in all morning asking us (very rudely) where the shuttle is. Even after explaining to them that we have no idea what they're talking about and that they need to talk to Dance Camps about that, they still yell at us. Also, apparently there is an old man staying all the way up in May Hall who walks with a cane..... what the heck is he doing at ballroom camp if he can't even walk?!

These people expect five star hotel service while staying in the (dare I say it?) dorms. It's worse then Education Week and Women's Conference combined. They demand extra blankets, internet, front door shuttle service, complete silence at 10:00 PM. Heck, I'd even take EFY over this! At least their demands are realistic.

Oh ballroom dancers... why must you be so..... I can't even think of a word. Dramatic? Demanding? Persnickety? Flat out annoying? Yes to all of those words.

(Side note: I shouldn't say that all ballroom dancers are this way. There just seems to be more of them.)

Perception

2011-07-07T19:36:00.001-06:00

This is so worth taking the two minutes to read.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1mbQUh/www.jeffbridges.com/perception.html

Unhappiness

2011-06-29T07:23:00.002-06:00

Remember all of the "woe is me" posts I've been writing lately? What was I thinking! I have so much to live for and so much to be grateful for! Look at what I found. Check it out.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/8RX4si/www.marcandangel.com/2011/05/29/12-common-causes-and-proven-cures-for-unhappiness/

Best Friend?

2011-06-20T23:01:00.002-06:00

I couldn't sleep tonight, so I decided to blog in an attempt to clear my thoughts.

There's only one thing that I've always wanted my entire life: a best guy friend. After all, so many other people seem to have one- my dad had Kelly, Jessica has Marie, Marcus has Cameron, Kara has Jana, Michael has Daniel, Annette has Elizabeth, Megan has Sidney, Tim had Lance, Andrew has Nichole (that one makes sense in some weird way). I've just always wanted a friend who's apartment I can walk in, open up the fridge, and grab a slice of pizza. Someone who sends me some random text about some girl he saw in Walmart. Someone who I can ask for advice on what to wear on a date, to vent about girls to, or to even ask for a blessing if I need it.

I know I have a lot of friends- making friends has never been difficult for me. Heck, I have a lot of really good, close friends. But there has never been just one guy who stands out as a best friend. It sounds pretty pathetic, I know; I should just be happy with the relationships I have. But I guess I've just always wanted to have someone to depend on me as much as I depend on them. To be one of the first people outside of the family to hear exciting or devastating news. Someone who just spontaneously drops by and drags me out on a double date. It's honestly what I've wanted my entire life and something that I've never had.

So now I am sitting in bed, thinking about how lonely I feel surrounded by so many close friends who seem to only be that: close friends. Good friends, to be sure. But friends who only view me as a good friend in return.

Camping!

2011-06-15T14:16:00.011-06:00

Guess who went camping this last weekend. Skyler Crouch and Andrew Brown! We both came to the conclusion that we needed to escape the city for a bit and experience nature the way God intended. So we packed the essentials (including toilet paper) and headed up Spanish Fork canyon to rough it. These are the adventures we had.

This is where we camped. It was beautiful! There was a huge river running right past the camp. Everything was so green! And there were pine trees everywhere!

Dinner!! Hobo dinners, complete with meat, carrots, potatoes, and onions. Cooked perfectly, thanks to Andrew. Yum!!

After dinner, we decided to climb up the side of a mountain (literally), through the thickest brush ever, in order to get service by standing on top of a peak. We didn't get service, but the view was beautiful!

This is Andrew starting the morning fire. Breakfast! Bacon and scrambled eggs cooked over charcoal. Not the best idea, but it was cheap and it worked (after an hour and a half).

Last but not least, this is the reservoir that we climbed up to. I, of course, decided to go swimming in my skivvies, which resulted in my entire body getting sunburned. But that's okay. Hopefully it will turn into a tan!

Video

2011-06-05T11:04:00.000-06:00

Please watch this. :)

http://lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/safety-for-the-soul?lang=eng&media=video

The Worst Blogger

2011-05-31T07:10:00.003-06:00

Sorry guys. I've started three different posts this morning but haven't had the motivation to finish them. I feel like I should blog, but I don't really have much to blog about. Unless you want to hear about my crappy weekend from hell. Or listen to me complain about how my siblings don't seem to appreciate the sacrifices I have made for them. Or listen to me describe the Father's and Son's Basketball Camp we had this past weekend and how men are nasty and let their kids run rampant destroying things (and finally pack up and leave their rooms two hours after they were supposed to check out, leaving the room a complete disaster and their linens and nast towels in the room for me to clean up). Or how competitive my cousins are at card games and how much I hate playing with them because they always take things too far (such as picking on my younger 11 year-old brother) until it gets to the point that I throw my cards down and leave because I can't take it anymore. To sum it all up, people are so insensitive to others' feelings and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of people who only think of themselves. I'm tired of being the one amongst certain friends who has to sacrifice and hide my true feelings in order to support them, because "that's what friends do." I'm tired of putting on a smile for snobby EFY coordinators who always look like they're sucking on a sour lemon when they talk to me. In fact, I'm tired of putting on a smile for everyone and listening to everyone's problems; just once I want someone to make me cookies and sit down on my couch to listen to my problems. But that has never once happened in my life and I guess I should just keep on expecting it not to happen.

So this is my blog post. And that was my weekend. And now I am going to put on a smile and greet the EFY counselors who forgot their meal card. Because I'm good at faking it and that's what I have to do.

My New Responsibility.

2011-05-22T14:56:00.004-06:00

Yesterday, Jessica Callahan gave me a small patch of dirt behind her apartment building to plant a garden. It isn't a big garden, just a couple of tomato plants, a row of carrots and radishes, some green pepper and lettuce plants, and a cucumber plant. But it is my garden and those are my plants. If they die, it is my fault. Whatever they produce is mine. It felt extremely rewarding to work hard to clear that patch of dirt of weeds and rocks, to kneel on the ground and feel the earth beneath my fingers as I dug holes to plant my vegetables. The feel of a shovel in my hand, the sun shining down, birds chirping in the air, the smell of the earth, the company of a good friend.... it all led to a very happy day. It felt so good to look at my neat rows of plants and say, "I did that." Later on this summer, I will be able to cook a meal and proudly proclaim, "I grew that." I provided it. This is the fruit of my labor.

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I worried about those plants. The hose that we were hoping to use to water them wasn't working, so we ended up leaving them with the hopes that it would rain last night. It didn't. But as I was walking out of church today, it started sprinkling. It didn't rain very hard or for very long, but just enough to give the soil a good drink. And I was very grateful for that moisture.

Additionally, yesterday my apartment welcomed a new houseplant, given to me by Marcus. I was very excited because I've always loved plants and growing things (I blame my mom for that one). I bought a new pot for it and replanted it, making sure that it had plenty of good soil. I sang to it on the drive home and gave it a tour of my apartment (I am a big believer that plants can sense positive energy). But when I came home from work late last night, some of the flowers petals were wilting. It had plenty of water, it had received plenty of sunlight, heck, I even sang to it! But still it was having a difficult time.

It kind of made me think of our Father in Heaven (in a weird way). How many times does He provide us with good soil, plenty of sunlight, and an unfathomable amount of love, and still we struggle? Everything is there for us to reach our full potential. We have what we need. But it's up to us to make use of our resources, of our sunlight, water, and heavenly love. It's up to us to look our trials and struggles dead in the eye and persevere.

I've been thinking a lot today about friends and family members who have everything they need to bloom, but wavered under the pressure of trials and gave in to the temptations of Satan. It's really sad. It makes me want to do a better job at overcoming my own trials so that some day I can turn around and help them climb up the steep steps of life. I have a long ways to go. I have so much left to overcome. For now I will just do my best to be worthy of the Spirit so that I can listen to His promptings.

Putting My Best Foot Forward

2011-05-10T11:16:00.008-06:00

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while now, but it was a blog post by my friend, LaDawnia, that truly inspired me to write this.

I love looking my best. Rare is the day when you will see me outside my apartment in basketball shorts (unless I'm going swimming or exercising). My hair is usually done; if it's not, then I at least have a hat on. You will never see me unshowered. When I work the front desk, I usually wear a collared shirt with a tie. If I wear a suit or a vest, then I will have a pocket square or a handkerchief folded in my pocket. My shoes are polished and clean, my teeth are brushed often, and my clothes are pressed and fresh.
My apartment is the same way. I vacuum and dust often. I make my bed first thing in the morning (or soon thereafter). I keep dirty clothes in the hamper and make sure that my laundry is sorted and tucked away neatly. My desk is organized and papers are filed for easy access. I keep my room neat and tidy, but not freakishly clean.

So why do I take the extra minutes to do this? Why do I make sure I get enough sleep, eat healthy, and get plenty of exercise? Why do I wake up with enough time to make sure I'm showered before breakfast? Because I want to look my best and present myself with my best foot forward. One of my favorite professors once told me to dress so that I don't have to worry about my appearance, and I've noticed that that simple thing has made all the difference. You never know who you will run into throughout your day. It could be your boss, the president of your university, or a prophet of God. When I walk out my door in the morning, I make sure that I am ready to meet everyone and anyone, with a smile on my face. My apartment is the same. I keep it clean, as if someone was going to drop by that afternoon. It's nice to know that if I bring friends over to watch a movie or something, I don't have to worry about the state of my apartment. Also, do you think that Joseph Smith's room was a mess when Moroni dropped in for a visit? I think not.

Additionally, despite what the world tells you, how you dress on the outside greatly reflects how you feel on the outside. Don't believe me? How confident do you feel when you roll out of bed after only four hours of sleep, throw on some sweats and a T-shirt, and head to class unshowered and without any breakfast? Probably not very confident, especially if you happen to run into your bishop or your boss. Think about what your professor thinks of you as you stumble into class. I doubt that he'll be very lenient about the homework assignment you forgot to turn in last night.Now contrast that scenario with this one:
You wake up at 7:00 AM after getting eight hours of sleep the night before (there's a reason why the scriptures say "Early to bed, early to rise") and hop in the shower. If you're a guy, you make sure you shave your face; if you're a girl, you make sure that you apply the usual amount of make-up. You put on a pair of clean jeans and a nicer looking shirt before doing your hair. Then you head to breakfast, where you have a bowl of cereal, a piece of fruit, and a glass of orange juice. After breakfast, you find that you have an extra ten minutes before you need to head to class, so you read a chapter out of the scriptures. You arrive to class a few minutes early to make sure that you are prepared for class to start on time. How confident do you feel now? How much more responsible and willing to learn does your professor think you are? I can promise you that you will learn better, work harder, and be more willing to go out of your way to help others. People will treat you with more respect and will be more willing to meet you half way, if not more.

You are also able to focus more on living and interacting with others if you're not worried about whether or not you look presentable. It's nice to not worry about a wrinkled T-shirt, a hole in your jeans, or a bad hair day. It allows you to really live (the way you were intended) and to focus on other things. That's one of the reasons why missionaries and members of the Church are encouraged to look clean cut. People aren't drawn to a stain on the shirt or ripped jeans; they're attention instead is drawn to the person. They see someone who appears to be educated, hard working, and trustworthy. They are able to focus on what is being said and to listen intently.

So that, my dear friends, is part of the reason why I do what I do. Unfortunately, the culture here in Provo dictates otherwise. So many times, when I wear a pocket square or a vest, or even a colored shirt, people think that I am dressed to the nines. You'd think I'd left the apartment in a tux! I love it when people tell me I look handsome or nice. But when people say "You look nice" (almost accusingly) or "Why do you look so fancy?" (and I'm only wearing a colored shirt with the top button undone) I can't help but feel slightly annoyed. Please, by all means, tell me I look nice. But please don't accuse me of it.

If you take anything from this, please let me be this: dress to impress. It really does make all the difference.

P.S. If you have any questions about what you should wear for what event, I have plenty of advice. Or I have websites to which I could refer you.

Life

2011-05-07T23:31:00.004-06:00

I've recently stumbled upon the website "stumbleupon.com". (Thank you Jessica Callahan). It's a great way to spend boring shifts at the desk... and it's educational! I've learned about so many random things tonight. I came across the following short and simple insight and wanted to share it.

Ten Rules for Being Human

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you [and in the scriptures]. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

So true, right?

America's, no, MY Favorite Passtime

2011-05-05T20:16:00.003-06:00

Little known fact about me: I love baseball! There's just something about the feel of a glove on your hand, the smell of freshly cut grass, the sound of birds chirping and of baseballs hitting bats, the taste of a hotdog with plenty of relish, and the sight of fans donned in baseball caps. I'd definitely much rather be out in the field or at home plate with a bat in my hand. It's exhilarating to have a baseball flying 70 mph at you. And when your bat makes contact with that ball and you watch it zoom over the fence while the audience rises to their feet and your teammates run out onto the field... incredible. That has happened to me three times in my life.
I really wish that more people played baseball... or would at least be willing to pick up a bat and try it out. People don't like trying new things though. "What if I look stupid?" "What if I get hurt?" Think of all of the new experiences we miss out on because of those questions.
Someday I'll play a real game of baseball again. But for the time being, I'll be content with going to games and playing a couple of innings with my three siblings- that's good enough for now.

Women's Conference: Round Two

2011-05-04T11:41:00.003-06:00

I have survived yet another round of Women's Conference as a conference assistant. Luckily (and almost disappointingly) this year it was fairly uneventful. However, I still had a few experiences that keep me laughing.

Wednesday night, I did check ins for Women's Conference from 6:00 PM to 9:30 PM. I got stuck with the A-G line, so I was pretty busy the whole time. When it was finally time for my shift to be over, one of my coworkers asked me if I would let a woman, who had been locked out of her room, into her bedroom at Merrill Hall (the hall of my residence for the summer). I opened the door for the lady, but as I was exiting the floor I was approached by another lady who asked me if I worked there. I replied that I did (leaving out the fact that I was off duty) and she asked if I could fix her bed for her. Upon examining her bed, I noticed that the books that are used to adjust the bed height were bent. So I went to my room and got my hammer and one of my screwdrivers (good thing I'm a man and have enough tools to fix anything!). I pounded on that bed for a good twenty minutes before I could finally slide all of the hooks in place. I broke my screwdriver and did all of this while wearing a suit and tie. I personally think that the women just wanted to see a hot man.

I was working the late night desk shift at Helaman Halls Thursday night and it was a pretty slow night aside from the handful of women that would come in to complain about parking. Around 11:30 PM, I got a phone call from one of the camp participants. She said that her friend (we'll call her Susan) had just checked in, but Susan's roommate (we'll call her Sally) had taken Susan's mattress, barricaded the window with it, and refused to take the mattress down because her room was too cold and it was too late. (Side not: Sally had been complaining ALL day that her heater wasn't working, despite the fact that we had maintenance go through three times that day to fix it. We even called emergency maintenance via BYU police dispatch to fix it. If she was still cold than that was her problem). So Susan's friends wanted to know if I could just find and extra mattress for Susan and she could just stay in one of their rooms. Unfortunately the vast majority of mattresses were being used at the moment, but luckily all of our RA rooms were empty. I contacted one of the rovers and had her drag a mattress into the room.

Another time I was working the desk, some women came up to ask for parking. We somehow got on the topic of music and I mentioned that I played the piano. The women then went into detail about a concert that they had just been to for Women's Conference. They told me that next year they would make sure to put a good word in for me so that I could go. I thanked them while thinking, "I probably won't be around next year and even if I was, why would I go?" But it was a very thoughtful gesture.

And last but not least, I was kicked out of my room because my building was full of women (and it would be inappropriate for me to stay there) and I was temporarily moved to Building 9. The only problem is, Building 9 had no linen sets. So the first night I just slept there, on the mattress, because I was too tired to try to track down some linens. It was a rough night.

Other than that, it was just another Women's Conference of flirty women. Luckily we were unable to give out extra blankets and pillows this year, which was nice because we weren't running around 24/7. All in all, I love my job. I love having my own bedroom suite. I love my coworkers and supervisors. I love this weather. I knew this Church is true. I love my mom and dad and my brothers and my sisters. I know that President Monson is a true prophet...

He Lives!

2011-04-24T22:14:00.002-06:00

I'm sure all of you were expecting an Easter post today and I didn't want to disappoint, so here it is!

It didn't feel much like Easter today, aside from the Music and the Spoken Word broadcast this morning and dying Easter eggs with Jessica and Megan this afternoon. For the most part I was concerned with getting settled into my new place, which I normally wouldn't do on a Sunday but I don't think I'll have many opportunities to unpack this week. However, I did take a few moments to reflect on our Savior today.
When I was driving in my car today, I decided to listen to some music. I turned to the "Sunday" playlist on my iPod and turned on one of my favorite Sunday blasting songs: the "Hallelujah Chorus" from Handel's The Messiah. I drove around Provo with that glorious piece of music blasting, singing at the top of my lungs. I probably got some funny looks, but I didn't care; there are few things more spiritually stimulating than singing "Hallelujah!" at the top of your lungs. If you haven't ever done it, I really recommend it. "Hallelujah! For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth. And He shall reign for ever and ever, King of Kings, Lord of Lords." What a simple, but true, statement.
I went with Jessica to a Messiah sing-along last December. To be surrounded by hundreds of people belting praises to their God was a humbling and moving experience. I'll never forget the feeling I had in joining with those many voices in singing "Hallelujah." It almost felt like angels joined in with us. Kind of cheesy, I know; but it was truly powerful.

With that said, I'll end with my testimony of our Lord, Jesus Christ. I know that He lives. I know it without a shadow of a doubt. I am so grateful for all that He did for us; for His life, His example, His atonement, His resurrection, and for His unbiased love. I am doing my best to follow His teachings and I am so grateful for His patience... I mess up many times.

I love you all and I hope you had a great Easter.

Talking with Grams

2011-04-21T16:35:00.003-06:00

Today I stopped by my Grandma Crouch's home in Perry to visit with her. I used to stop by everyday on my way home from high school and I know that it meant a lot to her (and me as well). It started out as just another normal visit. She asked me about the girls in my life and offered me cookies, a sandwich, jellybeans, and candy bars until I couldn't fit anymore food in my stomach. But then she said that she had something to show me. She went back in her bedroom and brought out a book, which was nothing out of the ordinary. But it turned out to be a book on the first pioneers into the Salt Lake Valley, one of which was one of my grandmother's ancestors. That got us talking about genealogy.

Grandma went back into her bedroom and brought out a folder containing some family history. She showed me a picture of her grandparents and told me stories about them. We were talking about the family and I told her how cool it would be if she could write some of her memories down. She said that my mom had been trying to get her to do that for years (which I was fully aware of). What happened next was totally unexpected though. She started talking about her early childhood- about how she had appendicitis when she was 5 and had to go to school a year late, about growing up in Taylor, Utah, about going on fishing trips with her grandpa. She told me about how she was a pitcher in junior high and how her team one the championship. I sat and listened with perfect attention. It wasn't often that my grandma opened up like this.

I've always felt a special bond with my grandma, more so than the other grandchildren, I guess. What happened this afternoon was a very special moment for me. Despite the fact that she's still gardening and going out to lunch with her lady friends, I know she doesn't have much time left and every moment I have with her means a lot to me. She's done so much for me and I always know that I can count on her for a cookie or a big hug.

Growing up she would always take me on trips with her lady friends. We would go to concerts in Salt Lake, out to the movies, to lunch in Ogden, shopping at the mall. As a little kid I would find it kind of boring hanging out with these "old" people. But looking back now I really cherish those memories. In fact, I went out to lunch with her and some of her friends last week and I was amazed by how comfortable I felt around them all. I have known these people for as long as I could remember and for the first time in my life I was having a conversation with them as an adult. I guess it was one of those "coming of age" experiences.

My Grams is one of the dearest people in my life and I am so grateful for the wonderful memories I have with her (there are many). She always makes sure that I have plenty of food and is always asking me if I need anything. She has sacrificed so much for the family and I am amazed by her charity. I hope that I can grow up to be just as selfless some day.

Poor But Not Homeless

2011-03-17T13:34:00.003-06:00

How poor am I right now? Extremely. I have been living off of spare change for the past week (thank heavens for careless EFYers). I'm sick of eating salt water taffy from the Resource Center. The cashiers at the Creamery know me as the bagel boy because I go in everyday to get a bagel for lunch (they're only 75 cents). I've discovered that you can make a type of pancake out of Bisquick and water (which I usually eat... if I have the time to make it).
Meals usually include: the Bisquick pancakes for breakfast (if at all), a bagel and taffy for lunch, and whatever I can scrounge up for dinner. I'm sick of potatoes. I can't remember the last time I had a slice of bread. And all I want is a good, hearty salad. Or steak.
However, I have so much to be grateful for. I definitely have a deeper appreciation of being able to go grocery shopping. I have my own bedroom and a warm bed. I have been blessed with incredible friends and a supportive family. So while I am sitting here starving and losing 5 pounds a day, I've realized how blessed I really am. I now understand why Jesus had such luck in teaching the poor... they're a lot more humble and have so much more to be grateful for.

(Disclaimer: I'm not starving that much. I do have Cream of Chicken soup that I can eat if I really have to).