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  • In the Darkness, I mend

    Sharing my old notes from May 11, 2026

    I walked in the darkness, consuming my entire soul, my life filled with negativity, and struggling to find the light to brighten my spirit. I walked through the narrow road. I felt empty, lost, and alone. My heart was full of melancholy. I lost my spark and gradually lost hope. How I wish to disappear, for a moment to breathe, to mend myself again.

    But that’s life. Life goes on. It never stops, even though you are lost in the labyrinth. It never stops, even though you are devastated. It feels like feelings are not valid in a world where each of us carries a burden, a different one, and a different pain. A trauma that has never healed. A brokenness that has never been mended. Every pain is just pain. Life goes on. You must be courageous. Stand on your own feet. Face it with a broken heart. That’s how life is.

    I wish I could go back in time to when I was young, with no pain, no sorrow••• just a dumb, silly, and naughty kid. I wish I could go back in time to when I was naive. Everything now is so fucking shit. Adulting is truly overwhelming. Everything is so fucking hard to explain. How was I supposed to think adulthood would be amazing when, all along, I was wrong? How? Life still goes on, no matter what.

    How I wish I were still young, dumb, and naive.

    How I wish I could go back in time, back when everything felt ecstatic.

    How I wish I could teleport to my younger self and enjoy life••• stress-free.

    If I could ever go back in time, I would never waste it, but enjoy every single moment. Life sucks. Adulting is fucking hard. But that’s just the way life goes. You are not that special. You are not exempt. You are just a human••• experiencing the normal weight of being human.

    You need to repair yourself by pretending to be okay all the time. That’s life. That’s how life goes.

    —

    xoxo,

    J.

  • The Silence Between My Words

    It’s been a while since I’ve written on this platform. I’m honestly writing every day, but I missed the opportunity to share publicly. For some reason, I just needed to stay quiet for a moment and let my notepad hear all my rants.

    For two months of not posting at all, during those moments of silence, a cruel world surrounded me so well. Looking back at my old notes, I’ve only seen those times when I was very optimistic and resilient. But as time goes by, I gradually lose the spark that I built last year. In those scenes where I no longer shared my tale, I felt my heart melt and grow melancholy. I carried so many tears that were not meant to leave me. But in my silence, I found my greatest therapy. I found comfort in solace•••solitude with my notepad is my greatest comfort. Through writing, I found myself enjoying life.

    To those people who never stop reading my blog, your uplifting words carry massive healing for my well-being. Thank you for all the love and support. You are my greatest companions. I am blessed and deeply pleased with how you read and love my entire blog.

    With such love and care,

    J.

    xoxo

  • Where Silence Learns to Heal

    Silence.
    I hear every step,
    every clock,
    every bark—
    in every corner, I hear sound.
    It’s too loud,
    hard to bear.

    Loneliness.
    I’m alone,
    without someone to lean on,
    without someone to cry on,
    without someone to pat my back.
    Engulfed within myself,
    no one saves me from this loneliness.

    Comfort.
    Every carve,
    every write,
    every line,
    every sentence,
    every word—
    I find comfort and harmony within my soul.

    Peace.
    The words I place into every sentence
    bring illumination—
    a quiet brightness to my melancholy heart.
    They release the tension in my spirit:
    angst, betrayal, and hopelessness.
    Through writing,
    I begin to heal.
    I feel free.
    I feel peace.

    __

    Thank you for all the love and support; this truly means a lot to me! ❤️🙌

    J.

  • The Comparison Trap and the Art of Mending

    It looks pretty savage the way people flex their achievements, travels, food, or lifestyles. Sometimes you find yourself wondering when you’ll ever be able to flex those kinds of moments. As a human being, I get jealous too, especially when they’re living the life I yearn for.

    During a quarter-life crisis, it’s hard to mend yourself immediately. It takes time to find the place where everything truly brings you happiness where you enjoy life and want to experience it again and again. A place where nothing feels like a burden or a heavy weight, but instead leaves a positive impact on your soul.

    Sometimes I question the universe and wonder how life seems so unevenly distributed among us. Some people are simply trying to make it through each day. Some live life to the fullest. And some seem to be doing nothing at all.

    I know it’s hard to manifest something that hasn’t happened in real life yet. There will be moments when you feel like you’re losing, a moment when you find yourself in the same painful situations again. But the difference between then and now is that you can tolerate the pain without hurting yourself further.

    Entering a new beginning is often far from what you expected. There is a phase of contemplation and anxiety about the next move. Your mind fills with “what-if” scenarios. You imagine yourself in a beautiful destination, only to wake up and realize that it isn’t your reality yet. What hurts most about that imagination is seeing it happen for others.

    But to protect your soul, you try to fix the situation, mending it piece by piece as you recover from the damage.

    It’s hard to admit, but sometimes I feel lost. I am here now, slowly recovering from this uneasy place. For a moment, I tried to escape reality, but the universe woke me up and reminded me to stay focused, to stay with what I’ve started, and bring back the light and the scorching fire burning in my soul.

    As I always tell myself: one step at a time. Don’t pressure yourself. Everything will fall into place. You will get there. Cherish every moment and never give up.

    In achieving triumph, remember that you will experience failure, mistakes, and downfalls. But action must speak louder than self-doubt. Discipline is a must.

    I am always proud of you, and I cheer for you every single day.

    I love you deeply.

    __
    Thank you for all the love and support; this truly means a lot to me! ❤️🙌

    J.

  • From Shadows to Self-Love: My Journey Through Decades of Healing

    In honor of Women’s Month, I want to share my experience as a woman who has faced backlash, cruelty, and discrimination regarding my abilities and appearance. I want to honor myself for being strong enough to face those challenges and for healing in my own way.

    When I was young, I was often called ugly, dark (“negra”), and kulot (curly-haired). At the time, I thought my natural hair was hideous. My own relatives mocked my looks, and I grew up never hearing a single compliment from them. These childhood experiences led me to believe I wasn’t beautiful. Trapped in negativity, the pain stayed with me well into my teens. I carried that trauma with me, becoming shy and struggling with low self-esteem, self-doubt, and a deep fear of socializing. Eventually, I fell into a pattern of self-sabotage.

    When I started grade school, I was terrified of being judged. I feared that people wouldn’t want to be near me because of my appearance, and it reached a point where I no longer wanted to attend school at all. However, I eventually found the courage to continue my studies and make friends. For the first time, I felt seen and loved.

    However, that feeling didn’t last.

    In 2016, I experienced one of my biggest traumas. I was in high school, and everything felt overwhelming. I was bullied again for my looks and felt as though no one wanted to be my friend. I felt alone, unvalued, and invisible. I was in such a dark place, yet I was afraid to share this with my family because I had always struggled to talk about my experiences. This was when I started having suicidal thoughts; it felt as though all the traumatic events of my youth were returning at once.

    The cycle repeated in college, where I was bullied—not for my looks, but for my abilities. During that time, I began to self-harm. It was a dark period—a roller coaster of haunting experiences where I constantly felt trapped.

    Eventually, I grew tired of the pain. I started to heal from within, and the books A Gentle Reminder by Bianca Sparacino and The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest became turning points in my journey. For so long, I struggled to find a better place. No one uplifted me or gave me encouraging words, but these books provided the clarity and tools I needed to begin healing. They helped me reclaim my sense of worth and purpose. I am now freeing myself from self-harm and fully embracing every part of who I am. I am learning to be gentle with myself every single day.

    2025 has been a year of self-discovery. After years of struggling, I am finally fighting for my peace. This year has given me hope and the courage to face every storm, to believe in myself, and to love myself more than ever. Reflecting on my old notes, I saw only negativity. Now, I realize the importance of self-kindness. I have started to embrace both my flaws and my strengths, refusing to be engulfed by the past.

    Sharing my story here is part of my healing. I am so happy to be part of this community, and I will never stop sharing my journey in the hope of touching others. You are my companions and motivators. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.

    To anyone feeling unloved, unvalued, or lost: I highly recommend these books for your healing. You and I have the power to change the world with kindness, genuine love, and empathy—for others and for ourselves.

    __

    Thank you for all the love and support; this truly means a lot to me! ❤️🙌

    J.

  • The Power of Choice: Healing from Within

    Over the years, I kept the tears in my eyes. I held onto the pain that swallowed me every night. I kept the sorrow and the tears I shed alone. I had to distance myself from the people I thought would uplift me, only to realize they were just people who never truly cared. I kept all the pain, trauma, and struggle I’ve been facing to myself. I endured the bullying from my classmates alone. I carried a melancholy heart when my father died. I kept everything to myself without telling my family.

    I remember those times when I felt too vulnerable for everything. I always cried whenever night fell. I used to self-sabotage whenever I felt emotional. No one ever saved me from my darkness; it was only me who carried the weight and healed from within.

    I’m not perfect. I always make a lot of mistakes. I have made many decisions that I sometimes regret for being too impulsive. I remember way back in July, I was alone in our house, cleaning, when I suddenly burst into tears without even realizing it. I was too overwhelmed by the weight of being an adult. I started questioning everything. I felt too fragile to face the challenges, and no one was there to cheer me on.

    I prayed to God to lessen the weight of my burden, begged Him for a spark, and asked Him to light up my life. However, life goes on. Life keeps spinning even when I feel stuck.


    As I enter 2026, even though challenges never cease, I am brave enough to face them without tears in my eyes. I have changed a lot—from being scared to being ready to conquer the world.

    I am currently at home, mending myself and becoming even stronger. I am praying that the opportunity I applied for will call me, and I hope the volunteer work I wish to do will open its doors to me.

    I know the universe is still forming me, molding the life I yearn for, and preparing me for the biggest plot twist of my life. I know I have been impulsive, but those actions molded me into a better version of myself. I have already found who I am and decluttered what is no longer meant for me.

    I know success seems impossible to achieve in my current situation, but I am still here, clapping for every small achievement I attain. I know it will take time for me to reach the pinnacle of success, but the hunger in my spirit is still alive; I am still here, rooting for myself.

    I may be lost for a moment in the labyrinth, but my eagerness to find a better place, fulfill the life I prayed for, and achieve everything I want remains in my spirit.

    I am proud to say that I no longer self-sabotage. Negative thoughts have left my soul, and I am ready to face what lies ahead. I can stand bravely, fearlessly, and optimistically through everything.

    __

    Thank you for all the love and support; this truly means a lot to me! ❤️🙌

    J.

  • When the Degree Isn’t Enough: My Journey

    I am 24, and I feel like all the dreams I’ve been pursuing are gradually disappearing. I can’t stop thinking about the path I need to take. I feel stuck; it seems like nothing is changing in my life despite my efforts to manifest change last year. I was full of hope that this would be my “best era,” but it’s now February and the universe still hasn’t aligned for me. I feel like I’ve spent all my energy trying to find a job, but I haven’t been lucky at all.

    I’ve been contemplating my life since last week, overthinking every next step. I’m tired of finding jobs that don’t align with my passion. I haven’t been able to stay in a role for more than a month because they just don’t feel like the right fit.

    After I graduated, I thought many doors would open for me because I’m a degree holder. I was wrong. It makes me want to cry because my degree feels like just a piece of paper here in my country. Even for an entry-level office position, they require years of experience. My degree isn’t enough. All the sacrifices I made to graduate weren’t enough to secure a better future.

    Or maybe I’m just being too picky? Maybe I need to lower my standards. Perhaps if I hadn’t let myself get so overwhelmed, I could have stayed, and maybe I’d be experiencing success by now.

    But, for the sake of my peace, I’m telling myself that I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m just still figuring things out.

    Could you please give me a piece of advice on how you achieved the success you have? I really need help redirecting to the right path.

    For now, I’m at home—reading, writing, and spending time with my family and pets.

    __

    Thank you for all the love and support; this truly means a lot to me! ❤️🙌

    J.

  • The 20s Paradox: Too Young to Know, Too Old to Waste

    Too young to know everything, too old to waste time trying to figure it all out.

    We live in a moment of uncertainty, trying to solve the puzzle of how our future will unfold and how to achieve the life we long for. We focus on the life we never lived, becoming anxious and depressed, forgetting to notice the present.

    They say our 20s are an age of uncertainty, yet we keep trying to fill the box once and for all. Too young to know everything, too old to waste time trying to figure it all out. As we mold our future, we feel pressure and pain that drain our souls. We pray for greatness, but if we give up too easily, we lose momentum.

    Too young to know everything—that is exactly what we need to hear. In our 20s, life feels tighter, as if we are in a state of survival mode. We are hastily chasing the victory. If we fall, we become fragile and vulnerable. We forget everything. Yet if we face challenges fearlessly, we are unstoppable.

    Still, we feel too old not to know everything. This phrase contradicts itself, reminding us that we stand at the edge of decisions—what to keep, what to let go. We wrestle with our subconscious, asking whether to remain in our comfort zone or step beyond it. The words urge us not to stay hidden in a corner but to discover ourselves, our desires, and the things that excite us most. We must push our limits, try something new, and leave our comfort zone for the sake of growth.

    Everything is scary, but the light still shines. We are alive, and we have the power to change our fate. If we show courage and refuse to give up, even in our darkest moments, we can overcome agony. We can figure things out one step at a time—not all at once.

    • Too young to know everything: Because we are still discovering what is truly meant for us.
    • Too old to waste time: Because we are here in this world to wander and find our real purpose—leave your comfort zone.

    Go, live the life you yearn for. At the end of the day, you are too young to know everything, but too old to remain in the corner.

    __

    Thank you for all the love and support; this truly means a lot to me! ❤️🙌

    J.

  • The Blueprint: From Scratch to Victory

    A personal letter on grit, the beauty of uncertainty, and the simple formula for success. From scratch to victory—this is the blueprint for the life you yearn for.

    Dear Self,

    Go, live the life you yearn for → grit for success → fight for it → don’t ever give up → leave your comfort zone → stay positive and dodge a bullet → challenge yourself.

    These will lead you to triumph!

    I’m proud of you. Keep going, because you’ve come so far on your journey.

    If you stumble → rise up. If you fail → reset and start over.

    Every successful person comes from uncertainty.

    From scratch to victory.

    They never give up; instead, they face challenges fearlessly, willing to try and to risk. And that’s the power to fulfill the life you yearn for.

    I know you will win if you show up and never stop pursuing your goals.

    Action + Consistency = Success

    With love and care.

    —J.

    __

    Thank you for all the love and support; this truly means a lot to me! ❤️🙌

    J.

  • The 10-Year Transformation: Why 2026 is My Year of Triumph

    They say that 2026 is the new 2016.

    However, as I reminisce about 2016, it feels like a nightmare. I experienced a painful event that I never wanted to wake up from. I was in a place of darkness where I couldn’t even describe how I survived that situation. It was a year of struggles, trauma, and the toughest journey.

    2016 was the year I first tasted the harshness of the world. I was bullied for my appearance—my hair, my teeth, and my skin. It was a time when it felt like no one wanted to be my friend because I wasn’t attractive enough for them. I didn’t fit the image of a friend they wanted.

    For me, 2016 was a year of darkness. This was when I shed my own tears at a young age—a melancholy feeling resulting in me not wanting to go to school. I remember feeling lost in every situation. I couldn’t handle the pain, and that was when I began to self-harm. I was terrified of being alone because I feared the devil’s voice in my head. I was far too young to be experiencing that.

    Back then, I was too scared to share my feelings with my family. I carried the pain alone and tried to resolve it in my own way. There was no shoulder to cry on that year, but only God, who was always there to comfort me. I fought those dark thoughts through the power of prayer. God lifted me out of that awful experience.

    As I reflect on my 2016 journey, I promise myself that I won’t let myself be that person anymore. My past is buried, and I am here now as a strong person. I will embrace my flaws wholeheartedly, unlocking my full potential and refusing to tolerate negativity. Looking back, I have changed so much—from struggling at rock bottom to showcasing my inner voice.

    That is what I am most proud of.

    No matter what happens, I will be forever grateful for the strength and the courage that God gave me, finding light in that year. 2016 was a year of heartbreak, but also a year of finding my self-worth.

    As I enter the year 2026, I am yearning for this to be my year of triumph.

    I promise myself that this year will be filled with positivity as I continue to embrace and root for myself. I am here, finding my inner power through God.

    To those people who bullied me and never apologized to me, these words are yours:

    In English, we say: “I forgive you.”

    In poetry, we say: “From the depths of my heart, I release the pain; I let go of the sorrow to move forward and keep my spirit at peace—I am finally moving.”

    __

    Live well and love deeply.

    J.

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