SO, let me begin by saying that I have a couple of glasses of wine. Therefore, if I seem confused, please forgive me.
I am re-reading Immortality, by Milan Kundera. It is one of the books that I have said "changed my life". I read it originally about 13 years ago. I think. It was either the summer after I graduated from high school or the summer after my first year of college. I'm not sure. Anyway - it was a while ago. However, when I would recommend it to people and they would ask me what it was about, I was always at a loss. It's metafiction, and I read it before I knew what metafiction was. Until I was rereading it starting last week, I didn't even remember that it was metafiction. Anyway...long story short, in rereading, I have found so many things in it that have influenced various parts of my life. What's so disturbing is that I didn't even realize that it was affectingme all these years, although there are clearly many things about the book that have shaped my thoughts and actions (because I identtifed with those parts of the book at the time and seeds were planted that would eventually lead to who I am now).
But, back to the point....
There is a chapter where Kundera starts talking about diferent types of coincidence. (I should mention that it is also the chapter where he mentions Rimbaud a lot....which, in turn, led to me reading Rimbaud, which, in turn, became common ground with me and Matt a couple of years later....also, a lage portion of the book discusses Goethe, knowledge of whom most likely directly led to my current job. So. one could say that everything important in my life right now - relationships, job, are in some way directly related to me reading this one book so many years ago)
COINCIDENCE
Mute Coincidence: a coincidence without any significance...."At the very moment that Professor Avenarius stepped into the Jacuzzi and felt the warm stream off water on his back, in a public park in Chicago a yellow leaf fell off a chestnut tree"
Poetic Coincidence: Coincidence with unexpected significance ...." At the very moment the first yellow leaf fell in Chicago, Professor Avenarius entered the Jacuzzi to massage his back"
Contrapuntal coincidence: no special significance, "yet it is a very valuable type of coincidence...like two melodies merging into one small composition"..."Professor Avenarius submered himself in tthe Jacuzzi at the very moment that, in the Swiss Alps, Agnes started her car"
Story-producing coincidence..."Professor Avenarius entered the Mottparnasse Metro at the very moment a beautiful woman was standing there with a red collection box in her hand"...Althouggh Kundera does not explicitly define this type of coincidence, I think he means a coincidence that leads to something great, something intriguing, at least in a novel.
Morbid Coincidence: A coincidence that seems so rare, but that has absolutely no meaning whatsoever, and impresses those involved with its absence of meaning..."As if we both knew that we were given the gift of an enormously valuable coincidence that will do us no good whatsoever. It seemed that someone was laughing at us, and we were ashamed in each other's eyes."
My coincidences for the past few days:
yesterday, matt and I went tto CBU to visit Preston's bench. The man at the guard shack looked very familiar, and when I pulled up and wrote my name down, he clearly recognized me as well. I realized that he is the man who stands at the corner (he is a guard for First Tennessee, and is stationed there since some of their employees park in the same garage as us). I originally thought that he was the former guard, but later learned that he is the current guard. THEN, when we were about to leave, I saw a girl and told Matt, " That's really weird. She WORKS at First Tennessee. I think. No, that's not her. She drives a Mini Cooper. Oh wait, there;s her Mini Cooper!" She is the girl who works at Fiirst Tennessee who cut me off in traffic and then was rear-ended the next day by a man in the IT department where I work , and I saw it all happen. This was months ago.
Morbid coincidence. The probability of seeing two people that I see on nearly a daily basis, who have no true connection to each other, and to whom I have no connection to, yet there they are. Seen in the same place, miles away, within the same 15 minutes.
Last night, in my dream, a co-worker of mine had posted a comment on my lj in some sort of code, and I remember that he signed it "Elliott" or maybe that was the pseudomyn that he was using for his book that he's writing or whatever. I checked my mail tonight and had an email from Elliott of the Elliott portraits (see icon). Once again, a complete coincidence that has absolutely no bearing on anything (but I find it fascinating, nevertheless).
So now I have rambled enough.
I like to think that there are patterns. I like to think that there is fate. I don't understand why things happen in a pattern if they lack meaning. Then I think, maybe the meaning will be discovered later. Sometimes much later. I should just be happy to be alive right now. That coincidence, fate, whatever, conspired to keep me alive. And then i think, to what purpose. Should I be glad that perhaps this means that I am not done yet? Maybe there is great happiness ahead, or at least great meaning / learning. Who knows? I'm not yet that consistently hopeful. I'm trying, though.
I am re-reading Immortality, by Milan Kundera. It is one of the books that I have said "changed my life". I read it originally about 13 years ago. I think. It was either the summer after I graduated from high school or the summer after my first year of college. I'm not sure. Anyway - it was a while ago. However, when I would recommend it to people and they would ask me what it was about, I was always at a loss. It's metafiction, and I read it before I knew what metafiction was. Until I was rereading it starting last week, I didn't even remember that it was metafiction. Anyway...long story short, in rereading, I have found so many things in it that have influenced various parts of my life. What's so disturbing is that I didn't even realize that it was affectingme all these years, although there are clearly many things about the book that have shaped my thoughts and actions (because I identtifed with those parts of the book at the time and seeds were planted that would eventually lead to who I am now).
But, back to the point....
There is a chapter where Kundera starts talking about diferent types of coincidence. (I should mention that it is also the chapter where he mentions Rimbaud a lot....which, in turn, led to me reading Rimbaud, which, in turn, became common ground with me and Matt a couple of years later....also, a lage portion of the book discusses Goethe, knowledge of whom most likely directly led to my current job. So. one could say that everything important in my life right now - relationships, job, are in some way directly related to me reading this one book so many years ago)
COINCIDENCE
Mute Coincidence: a coincidence without any significance...."At the very moment that Professor Avenarius stepped into the Jacuzzi and felt the warm stream off water on his back, in a public park in Chicago a yellow leaf fell off a chestnut tree"
Poetic Coincidence: Coincidence with unexpected significance ...." At the very moment the first yellow leaf fell in Chicago, Professor Avenarius entered the Jacuzzi to massage his back"
Contrapuntal coincidence: no special significance, "yet it is a very valuable type of coincidence...like two melodies merging into one small composition"..."Professor Avenarius submered himself in tthe Jacuzzi at the very moment that, in the Swiss Alps, Agnes started her car"
Story-producing coincidence..."Professor Avenarius entered the Mottparnasse Metro at the very moment a beautiful woman was standing there with a red collection box in her hand"...Althouggh Kundera does not explicitly define this type of coincidence, I think he means a coincidence that leads to something great, something intriguing, at least in a novel.
Morbid Coincidence: A coincidence that seems so rare, but that has absolutely no meaning whatsoever, and impresses those involved with its absence of meaning..."As if we both knew that we were given the gift of an enormously valuable coincidence that will do us no good whatsoever. It seemed that someone was laughing at us, and we were ashamed in each other's eyes."
My coincidences for the past few days:
yesterday, matt and I went tto CBU to visit Preston's bench. The man at the guard shack looked very familiar, and when I pulled up and wrote my name down, he clearly recognized me as well. I realized that he is the man who stands at the corner (he is a guard for First Tennessee, and is stationed there since some of their employees park in the same garage as us). I originally thought that he was the former guard, but later learned that he is the current guard. THEN, when we were about to leave, I saw a girl and told Matt, " That's really weird. She WORKS at First Tennessee. I think. No, that's not her. She drives a Mini Cooper. Oh wait, there;s her Mini Cooper!" She is the girl who works at Fiirst Tennessee who cut me off in traffic and then was rear-ended the next day by a man in the IT department where I work , and I saw it all happen. This was months ago.
Morbid coincidence. The probability of seeing two people that I see on nearly a daily basis, who have no true connection to each other, and to whom I have no connection to, yet there they are. Seen in the same place, miles away, within the same 15 minutes.
Last night, in my dream, a co-worker of mine had posted a comment on my lj in some sort of code, and I remember that he signed it "Elliott" or maybe that was the pseudomyn that he was using for his book that he's writing or whatever. I checked my mail tonight and had an email from Elliott of the Elliott portraits (see icon). Once again, a complete coincidence that has absolutely no bearing on anything (but I find it fascinating, nevertheless).
So now I have rambled enough.
I like to think that there are patterns. I like to think that there is fate. I don't understand why things happen in a pattern if they lack meaning. Then I think, maybe the meaning will be discovered later. Sometimes much later. I should just be happy to be alive right now. That coincidence, fate, whatever, conspired to keep me alive. And then i think, to what purpose. Should I be glad that perhaps this means that I am not done yet? Maybe there is great happiness ahead, or at least great meaning / learning. Who knows? I'm not yet that consistently hopeful. I'm trying, though.
That's what this weekend consisted of.
Friday night I stayed around here 'til late in the evening, then went to SSG where folks were hanging out.
Saturday, had lunch with !M!, then shopped the rest of the day, but didn't really buy a whole hell of a lot. Just some makeup, perfume and some camisoles.
Had fun hanging out last night, too.
Today, bought 10 gallons of vinegar (yes, really), some other stuff....AND the director's cut of Donnie Darko, which I am watching right now.
Got a lot of laundry done. Exercised Friday night and Saturday night (add in Wed. and Thurs. and that's 4 days in a row)!
Caught an ex in the act of driving by my house today, which was kind of weird and funny. He waved, I waved. Oddly, I saw HIS ex (who is also my other ex's wife) yesterday at Macy's.
Laundry is ALMOST done (again - wasn't I almost there a few weeks ago, too?)
Must get this place totally clean ASAP, cause it's driving me CRAZY! Hurrah for longer days and more sunlight!
I need to take some vacation days soon.
Friday night I stayed around here 'til late in the evening, then went to SSG where folks were hanging out.
Saturday, had lunch with !M!, then shopped the rest of the day, but didn't really buy a whole hell of a lot. Just some makeup, perfume and some camisoles.
Had fun hanging out last night, too.
Today, bought 10 gallons of vinegar (yes, really), some other stuff....AND the director's cut of Donnie Darko, which I am watching right now.
Got a lot of laundry done. Exercised Friday night and Saturday night (add in Wed. and Thurs. and that's 4 days in a row)!
Caught an ex in the act of driving by my house today, which was kind of weird and funny. He waved, I waved. Oddly, I saw HIS ex (who is also my other ex's wife) yesterday at Macy's.
Laundry is ALMOST done (again - wasn't I almost there a few weeks ago, too?)
Must get this place totally clean ASAP, cause it's driving me CRAZY! Hurrah for longer days and more sunlight!
I need to take some vacation days soon.
1. Name one of your flaws: Just one? I can give you tons: Fickleness, arrogance, being a slob, sloth, etc.etc.etc.
2. Have you ever won first place? I don't think so. Can't remember.
3. Who is the last person to make you smile? The guy at the mall who said "Smile" as I walked by (Do other people get this as much as I do? People are constantly telling me to smile.)
4. Describe a time when you should have tried harder: Oh, tons of times. College, relationships (romantic and familial), jobs...
5. What are you good at? Self-critiicism (oh, and pointing out the obvious), And guessing. I'm good at guessing.
2. Have you ever won first place? I don't think so. Can't remember.
3. Who is the last person to make you smile? The guy at the mall who said "Smile" as I walked by (Do other people get this as much as I do? People are constantly telling me to smile.)
4. Describe a time when you should have tried harder: Oh, tons of times. College, relationships (romantic and familial), jobs...
5. What are you good at? Self-critiicism (oh, and pointing out the obvious), And guessing. I'm good at guessing.
is it memory or premonition?
i hate drinking.
wine = self-pity in a bottle
actually, it's not even self-pity. it's just this maudlin depressed absorption with crap.
i don't have time for this feeling.
"stop asking questions that don't matter anyway."
wine = self-pity in a bottle
actually, it's not even self-pity. it's just this maudlin depressed absorption with crap.
i don't have time for this feeling.
"stop asking questions that don't matter anyway."
- Current Music:Pulp - Something Changed
Comments
I always mess up at least one question on these memes.
Paprika!
Go figure...you get yours from Target too?
¿Now you want more don't ya?