Life After Love

If I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free!

2011-06-27T02:53:00.000-07:00

This week sees me celebrating an anniversary of sorts. It's not one I've experienced in a long time, but I'm happy to say that it's a whole year of being single. As anyone who's read this from the beginning will understand, I was pretty gutted when things broke up with the ex and I would go as far as saying it was the single most horrific moment of my life. It took me a long time to get over him and bounce back to where I am today, none of which I would have been able to do without my friends. It's these people and the offers I've had over the past year which have turned things dramatically around and made it into one of the best years of my life so far.

To name but a few things, I've been kayaking, salsa dancing, burlesque dancing, to bingo, paraglyding, to Amsterdam & Turkey. I've been to the cinema by myself, dramatically restyled my hair (on numerous occasions now) and lost a little bit of weight at least. I'd dread to think how much alcohol I've consumed in the last year, but they've all been pretty damn good nights out and the memories and pictures still make me laugh. The night I face planted and bled everywhere is possibly an exception to this, but at least I can say I've done it once!

I'm still saying 'yes' to as many things as possible and my hectic social life proves that I don't spend much time sitting around doing nothing! I miss the days of cosy nights in, but I'm glad that I no longer miss out on everything else. I used to hate it when people would reminisce 'about the time we...' but I hadn't been there because I was trying to be good and save money for the wedding, or hadn't spent any quality time with the ex that week. At the time, those sacrifices were worth it, but now I'm glad that everything's changed.

Had things still be the way they were, in the next 3 months I would have put a deposit down on a house, taken on a mortgage and end up married to (as I know now) the wrong person. It seems crazy to think about the responsibility I was shouldering and my new and improved 3 month plan is far more appealing. Go to my friends weddings, have fun and appreciate the extra time that I now have, go sky diving and enjoy another holiday, but this time to Morocco. In the long term, I'm looking at going travelling for a couple of months next year. This is something that hasn't really appealed to me before, but I finally feel that the time is right and as I've learnt over the past year, you need to make your own memories.

I'm not trying to be a martyr and say that it's really easy to move on after a relationship ends. It took me a long, long time and a couple of weeks worth of medication to get my head around what had happened. I wasn't offered any closure or reasoning behind his actions, which really didn't help me at all. I was fortunate enough however to be surrounded by some amazing people and be given the best advice I've ever received. 'Just say yes to everything'. I live my life by this and the motto 'no regrets'. Without these, life after love could have been very different, but fortunately for me, I've landed on my feet and have no intention on ever looking back.

To Infinity and Beyond!

2011-06-06T14:16:00.000-07:00

Standing on the edge of the precipice I barely had time to gather my thoughts before I started running. My instinct was to squeeze my eyes shut and pray to the Universe, but I forced myself to focus and savour every second. It only took a couple of steps before I felt the wind sweep into the parachute and lift us up and out over the mountaintop where the pull of gravity teased us towards the rocky terrain below. I'd only just met the man I was now trusting with my life, but carpe diem, right?

Earlier that day I had found out that my Grandmother had passed away in her sleep in the early hours of the morning. Not the happiest of news when you're on a girly holiday in Turkey, but it made me realise and appreciate how precious life is. This may sound a bit ridiculous considering I then threw myself off the top of a moutain, but I can't remember a more poignant moment. As we circled the Blue Lagoon and I gazed out over the stunning scenery, everything just felt so right. It was possibly the best thing I've ever done and one of the (although there were quite a few!) highlights of my holiday.

The most ridiculous part of it is that I'm actually a nervous flyer and the thought of coasting at 1600 feet in a massive airplane is enough to raise my hearbeat. But, I've always said I don't believe in regrets, which is the beauty of life after love. Saying yes to everything I was previously scared to do means lots of fun, fantastic memories and no disappointment.

Sex, Drugs and Sunbathing

2011-04-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

I've just been flicking through a trashy magazine and seen Amsterdam advertised as a destination for a girly holiday. Had I not just returned from such a trip to the aforementioned place, then I would have been a little bit confused. Surely, Amsterdam's main appeal is the Red Light district, the legalisation of cannabis and the row upon row of bars that seem to line every single street? Stereotypically not very girly, but I suppose that's how much times have changed!

We have a friend who very thoughtfully moved to the Dam so that we could all go over and stay with him for a couple of days at a time. In return for our delightful company, he got the pleasure of showing us round and making sure we got on the right trams as we headed off to see the sites. Unfortunately he also had to work (let's face it, he needed a break!) so somehow the responsibility of 'mother' fell to me. I've got quite a good memory - take me anywhere once and I'll find my way back again - but it was interesting trying to find our way around a city where we don't speak the language and don't really have a clue as to where anything is. In London, the Eye, the Houses of Parliament, even Buckingham Palace stand out as landmarks, but in our case, Anne Frank's house and the Zoo, blended in somewhat. Everyone speaks English as well as Dutch, but there's something about not being too touristy and inept when you're on holiday. Eventually we got the hang of it and I'm still pretty impressed that despite drinking an unmentionable amount of alcohol, I managed to get us back to our hotel without so much as a wrong-turn!

It was great to have an insiders view into the city. We visited bars and restaurants that were down the back streets and not so touristy. I've never met so many friendly barmen in my life! Maybe it's the old English trick of matching your outlook with the weather, but they could certainly learn something from these guys. We also took a wander (how could you not?!) through Amsterdam's notorious Red Light district. I don't know what I'd imagined, but it was so much more. There seemed to be loads of tiny alleyways lined with shop windows and doors with half-naked women posing in them. The look of boredom and the amount that were playing with their phones was quite amusing! I don't normally, but being where we were, we also had a slice of space cake. I honestly didn't feel anything, but it was possible the best chocolate cake I've had in ages!

The weather was gorgeous and we spent a lot of time out in the sun. I know it was only a four day trip to Amsterdam, but it's always nice to come back from a holiday with a little bit of a tan! The stress of the pedallo was far too much, but otherwise it was amazing to have such a relaxed trip. I've still got two more holidays to come, but life after love is proving that it's all about friends and very, very good times.

Reality, with a pinch of melodramatics

2011-04-15T07:28:00.000-07:00

Being single is like clinging onto a rock face, with no guide ropes or harness for support. You don’t want to let go and fall into inevitable doom, but you’re being battered from all directions by a harsh and unrelenting turbulence of questions. Why am I single? What’s wrong with me? Am I ever going to find anyone? What if I reach the age of 40 and I’ve still not found someone to spend my life with? Am I really going to end up a crazy cat lady?!

Occasionally you find respite in a crevice. In this new relationship you feel sheltered and safe. You are relaxed, happy and unconsciously try to forget the maelstrom you’ve just been pulled from. Sadly though, some things just don’t last and you find yourself thrust back out into the cold.

Things with the New Guy took a turn for the worse yesterday, when we both agreed that maybe now just isn’t the right time. He’s too busy with his new job and spends most of his spare time sleeping. I certainly don’t consider myself to be a high-maintenance sort of girl, but I do need some attention!

The moment when you know the relationship has to end, is always a hard one. I’m a bit of a coward and go out of my way to avoid awkward or confrontational situations. This means that I’ve never actually been the one to do the dumping. Some women may find this strange. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all up for empowered women who call the shots in their life, but I’m also quite wimpy when it comes to actually doing that. Fortunately, the New Guy and I were on the same wavelength and my procrastinating left him to say it out loud.

It hadn’t been long and we were only casual, but there’s still that strange feeling that the world has changed slightly since I went to bed the night before. It’s hard not to feel world-weary and disheartened at having to go through this all again, but I suppose that’s supposed to be the fun part, right? At least the timing was pretty spot-on, as I’m going on a short trip to Amsterdam with the girls, in a couple of days. Looks like life after love is back to being fun, free and single!

Gunfight at the O.K Corrale

2011-04-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for many things in my life, including my amazing group of friends. Even now, they still know how to put a smile on my face, even after a really bad day. Due to the wonder that is a certain social networking site, they even know exactly who we might encounter on a night out!

I was planning on going to the pub with a couple of friends when it was brought to my attention that the ex and my replacement would also be in town that same night. This eventuality had to happen sooner or later and I was determined it wasn't going to affect me. It's been long enough now and I've got nothing to hide. A couple of hours before we went out however, I was updated by a friend that unfortuantely I wouldn't encounter my nemesis as she had other plans. I couldn't help but be slightly disappointed as it would have been nice to finally get this over and done with, but I also couldn't stop laughing. I mean, before the invention of Facebook, I didn't know nearly as much about people as I do now. Where they're going, what time, who they're with etc. It really is a stalker's paradise! Although, in this case I stand by the fact that the stalking was for a good cause!

We still bumped into the ex that night, which resulted in us actually having a really good chat. I'd had a fair amount of vodka already so was feeling pretty mellow by this point. If he did notice the New Guy sitting next to me, he didn't say anything. I hadn't spoken to him in a while so it was nice to catch up and find out how he's doing. I suprised myself however when I heard my voice asking how his new girlfriend was (and by her actual name too, which I rarely utter), which left him gobsmacked. He seemed momentarily taken aback and to be honest, I can't really blame him. In the past I haven't exactly been the nicest about her, yet here I was casually bringing her up in the conversation and not even so I could be rude about her!

For me, this was just another moment of realisation of just how far I've come. I'm genuinely not really bothered about either of them anymore. Sometimes it's still quite nice to have a heads up as to who's going to be around, but life after love is full of surprises and you just have to deal with them as they appear.

Blast from the past

2011-03-16T06:10:00.000-07:00

So Mr R (the New Guy) is away at the moment and I find myself having a rather slow week in terms of my social life. I believe Sod and his law have something to do with the pure coincidence of pretty much everyone being busy at the same time and leaving me to my own devices.

I spent Saturday night with my best friend, drinking several bottles of rose and watching crappy tv. The highlight of the night was discovering a 'top 50 dance crazes of all time' show, which had us up and dancing along to such memorable hits such as '5,6,7,8', 'Tragedy', 'Saturday Night' and 'The Macarena'. Apparently this was brilliant timing as walking into Flares on (a very random and impromptu) Monday night, these were the songs we were greeted with. Unfortunately I'd chosen not to take advantage of the £1 a drink student night offer and was driving, but sadly to say that didn't stop me from getting rather excited when 5ive came on and breaking out the dance moves. It was just me and my friend Ben, but was possibly the most amusing Monday night I've had in ages!

Once upon a time I would have said 'no' to a last-minute offer on a Monday night. That was usually the night me and the ex both had off and we'd just stay in. Life after love isn't just about having a social life and not missing out on the good times, it's also about being proud to admit in public that you like 90s pop music.

Am I too old to be here?

2011-02-25T04:51:00.000-08:00

I've happily managed to bypass the nightmare that is Valentine's Day. I got in early with the new guy and mentioned how much I detest that awful day. I mean, I hate it when I'm single and it would only be hypocritical if I my attitude towards it changed along with my circumstances. But, on my way to work, I noticed that seemingly every florist in the county seemed to be out delivering massive bouqets of flowers. I'm not one for pretentious bunches of flowers that have been purchased under recommendation from a total stranger, but a girl's allowed to change her mind, right? I'd been chatting to our projectionist at work and in response to the apparent whistful look on my face, he went to Sainsbury's and bought me a bunch of red roses. There was completely nothing in it, but it was possibly one of the sweetest gestures someone has made in a long time. Nothing like pity flowers from the wrong person on Valentine's Day!

As a birthday present, my best friend took me to a Burlesque dance class this week. We used whips, fans and even did a little striptease before learning this routine (do you remember the song from the Diet Coke ads?) Maybe it's the drama student in me that didn't mind being a bit of an exhibitionist in that class! We took the class in a different city, so we could have a crazy night out afterwards. We went to the first pub and were find for a while, until my friend thought it would be a great idea to accept a few free drinks off some guys at the bar. They came and sat at our table, despite the fact they were both pretty much old enough to be our dads. After a while of awful conversation and swift drinking in our attempt to get out of there quicker, we made our excuse of going to the loo. The barmaid was very helpful in pointing us towards a fire exit we could make our escape through and we literally ran to find a taxi.

We then headed to what has been described as the second worst nightclub in Britain. I bloody loved it! Think I cursed things with my last post, as the friend that was getting all loved up, isn't anymore. This meant that whilst she was dancing with this guy she'd met, I was feeling like a bit of a spare part. When it's only £2 for a double vodka and lemonade, you don't really think twice about drinking too quickly. At this point, there didn't seem to be much else for me to do other than drink, or dance by myself! Most of the burlesque moves were quite suggestive and with the new guy at home, I wasn't exactly on the pull. There was one amazing moment however, when I did one of the more subtle poses and it actually worked! The guy was lovely, but I think I ended up trying to set him up with his best (female) friend who was also really lovely. The sad tinge to the night however was realising that we were one of the oldest people in that club. At 24, I wouldn't say that I'm past it or even really that old, but the average age in there was 21. Doesn't sound like much of a difference, but it's still depressing nonetheless.

For a night that I don't really remember much of, I know it was fun. It's nice to get out of your comfort zone occasionally and do things that you wouldn't normally. If life after love involves more Burlesque dancing, then I'm definately going to enjoy it!

The sad, sad irony of it.

2011-02-07T15:42:00.000-08:00

So my best friend has just started seeing this guy. It's only been about 2 weeks and it's all pretty new still. I meet up with her tonight and she's telling me about how well things are going and how great he is etc etc, but (and you know there's going to be a BUT) she can already feel herself falling into the same pattern. 'He texted me last, so it's my turn to reply, but do I actually have anything to say, or shall I just leave it for a bit longer?'..or...'is it too soon to see him again, I want to make time for my friends too.'

I felt mature and in control of my life as I calmly replied 'stop thinking about it. Just text him back whenever.' I then explained the basis that the new guy and myself are operating on (well, at least in my head anyway). Friends come first, so give them the pick of the days you're free and then give this guy the times they can't do. Sounds a bit rubbish for him, but essentially you're keeping everyone happy and it lessens the amount of days off you spend at home doing nothing - unless by choice of course.

My friend laughed along, seemed flattered (rightly so!) that I put her over some guy and made noises to the effect that she might start following a similar philosophy. I felt exhilerated. I had proved to myself that after a long term relationship, I could be relaxed and easy going. It's all about me after all!

As I subtely checked my phone for the billionth time, I resigned myself to the fact that someone had clearly not explained the rules to the new guy. I sent the last two texts but am still yet to hear back. It seems that life after love involves being a hypocrite and sadly, that's something I certainly can't argue with.

A Quiet Life

2011-02-03T15:02:00.000-08:00

I'd like to say that in my absence from you I've been filling my time with wild parties, crazy drunken nights and spontaineous trips and plans with mates. Some of the previous have actually occurred but it's sad to say, that there's also been a lot of down time.

In the first six months following the split, I found myself caught up in a whirlwind of activity. I wanted to keep busy, stay distracted and obliterate as many of my memories as possible. As I've faced up to reality and the pace of life has started to slow down, I've begun falling into an anticlimax. I can't keep spending as much money as I was, on doing something different every night, so finding cheap/free alternatives has become my new challenge, which can ultimately leave me just staying in altogether. Great every now and again, but tedious if it happens too often.

My life isn't all bad however. I've got an abundance of time to focus on myself and what I want. Bit weird considering I'm used to wrapping my life around someone else, but when I eventually get past my lack of direction and make a decision, it's quite refreshing. Things with the new guy are still going well. Not really sure where we are, what the rules are etc but I'm loving the idea of it being very easygoing. I don't have to check in at a certain time, or alleviate my guilt by admitting to a cheeky little flirt with the delivery guy at work. I'm very conscious of not transferring the ex's downfalls onto this guy and I think I'm doing pretty well so far. Trust apparently is now a conscious decision, but I'm sure that'll improve with time.

Time flies by at the moment and with the various holidays/parties etc that I've got booked in over the next few months, it's going to go even quicker. I feel like I'm living life as if I'm already on the next week, but at least I know what I've got to look forward to. Before, I only had the wedding, but life after love has given me a whole lot more.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T13:39:00.000-08:00

With Christmas flown by we find ourselves at that joyful time of year when people find it necessary to impose new rules upon themselves (although everyone knows that they'll be out the window by April). Personally, I've never seen the point of new year's resolutions. Don't get me wrong, I'm with everyone else in wanting to lose weight in an attempt to minimise the embarassment that can be me in a swimsuit, on the beach...in public, but the very thought of the word 'diet' has me reaching for a chocolate bar. Unfortunately I still have a vast amount of chocolate left over from the holiday season and as the thought of giving it to someone else chills me to my very core, I won't be thinking that word for a while. What a shame!

I feel like I've already had my new years however. I lost weight (slightl blip over Christmas but will be back on the treadmill again soon), I found a new improved look on life, the girly holiday is booked, I've started making some ambitious travel plans and I even found myself someone new.

The best resolution for 2011 should have been to find life after love, but I know I'm already there.

Too soon?

2010-12-24T06:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I should feel more guilty about having moved on with my life so quickly. I mean, 7 months ago, I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with the same person. I would have done anything for them and wouldn't even be able to comprehend the idea of being with anyone else. Now, I'm at the opposite end of the scale where I couldn't possibly imagine being with that same person again!

When I speak to relatives or friends I haven't seen in a while, they always ask how I am in that tone that implies 'we know how crap you are feeling, but we are just being polite in asking'. They always sound slightly surprised when I say in a cheerful voice how fine I am and that life couldn't be better at the moment. I know they are happy for me, but it always seems to be a shock to them that I've picked myself up and pieced my life back together already.

I went for a coffee with the ex's mum yesterday. I used to find her a bit overbearing when we were together, but now I don't see her on a daily basis and aren't stuck in the middle of any family arguments, we get on really well. I even miss her sometimes! I mentioned about the new guy and she was really pleased for me. I don't know how I expected her to take it, but on some level I think I expected her to be shocked that I still wasn't heartbroken over her son. Well that certainly wasn't the case!

I sometimes feel that I didn't love the ex enough if I've moved on so quickly, but I know that's not true. I suppose to know that he hasn't hung around moping over me has helped quite a bit! Either way, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, I've got my own way of working out my life after love.

2010-12-19T10:33:00.000-08:00

I've been a bit slack recently in keeping this updated. That doesn't mean I've been resting on my laurels, but rather I've found myself in a bit of a predicament. I've been hanging out with this guy recently and unfortunately for me, he reads my blog. Need I say more?

Anyway, I've decided to bite the bullet and have agreed with him that he can read it, but he is to never let on that he's read it, or I might actually die of embarassment! So here goes, deep breath...

It's fun being around someone new and remembering all the old feelings that you lose - or take for granted - in a long term relationship. I'm also enjoying the feeling of not knowing what I'm doing or where my life is going. I had a couple of Christmas cards recently which both commented on how bad 2010 must have been for me. Looking back, apart from the obvious train wreck, I actually wouldn't say that. I've had more fun in the last 6 months than I have in the past 2 years! You could say that it was this rediscovered spontaneity that found myself and the new guy on Brighton's sea front on a freezing cold December day.

It had sounded like a good idea, but whilst standing on the shingle and being battered by an icy wind, I couldn't seem to remember why. Our day then turned into another non-alcoholic pub crawl (yes, it is possible for me not to drink!) but I had no complaints. Particularly when it started to snow, I wanted to be in the warmest place possible. The company wasn't exactly bad either!

Life after love constantly surprises me with the thought of what I wouldn't have done had my life continued as it was before. It's a scary thought, because I couldn't imagine my life any other way than it is now.

Let the Good Times Roll

2010-12-07T16:29:00.000-08:00

There don't seem to be many areas of my life that haven't benefitted from my split with the ex. I've actually made good friends with some of my staff at work (bonding over the increasing stupidity of men worked a treat!) which I think - they may tell you different - has made me more relaxed and easy going. This goes round in turn and overally, everyone seems to work better!

As I've said before, I am surrounded by some pretty amazing people and I'm perplexed as to why I didn't see them so much before. I understand that spending quality time with your loved one is definately a priority, but if that comes at the cost of quality time with your friends, then you seriously need to rethink the situation! Ah, the beauty of hindsight. Honestly though, it's fun just to hang out, do random things and have a laugh. I like that I don't catch up with their social lives on facebook anymore, I get to be a part of it.

My bank balance isn't benefitting so much however. I've discovered that I need to spend an obscene amount of money in the hairdressers on a bi-monthly basis in order to maintain my new look. I say obscene but in reality it's probably not overly extravagent on some people's terms, but this is the person whose cut her own hair before, just to be a cheapskate. Those were not good days! I'm also enjoying the girly lunches, drinks down the pub, crazy nights out and uninhibited shopping. I don't have a wedding to pay for, so why not spend a little bit of money on the here and now?

There's one friend in particular who I definately get on with better than before. It was his newfound influence over me that found us surrounded by thousands of screaming teenage girls at Capital FM's Jingle Bell Ball. If he'd asked me six months ago - particularly after hearing the line up - I probably would have laughed in his face. I don't own a single song by any of the artists and couldn't even name you one anyway! But, in true 'yes man' fashion, I threw my sanity to the wind and spent four hours next to a girl who hadn't heard of deoderant. Despite the unfortunate location of our seats (we were right at the back as well) I had an awesome time. Turns out I did know most of the songs, I just had no idea that's who sung them. I even found myself competing with everyone else for the loudest scream whenever a boyband came on. I thought I might as well enjoy myself as I was there!

I feel bad in a way because I spend a fair amount of time saying how much better my life is now, that it makes my ex seem like a horrible, boring person. We had an amazing time together, don't get me wrong, but it's not until I look back now that I realise what a rut we were stuck in. I will never condone his behaviour at the end, but life after love is so much more and in true Hot Fuzz style, it was all for 'the greater good'.

I'm a total fraud.

2010-11-29T02:53:00.000-08:00

Writing down my feelings as they've come up over the past few months has given me the chance to really work out what's going on in my head. I always try to be practical about things and as you can see from previous posts, I'm determined not to make the same mistakes again. I even ridiculed my 'old self' for the teenage drama that seems to surround texting a guy. 'I texted him last, so can't text him again', 'Ooh, I got a kiss on the end of this text' etc etc...

So imagine the disappointment I felt when I found myself making these same mistakes again. I thought I was cool, calm and collected, but apparently I'm a total fraud. The worst moment is when you realise that you are behaving completely irrationally, but you still can't help but check your phone every 30 seconds, just in case you missed a message arriving. Then there's that moment when you've got a message, but it's from someone else (my mum's the best at bad timing)! It's alright when I'm in the office at work and no one can see me being so sad, but when I'm around my friends and they pull me up on it...now that's embarassing!

I seem to have fallen at the first hurdle, but I'm not going to let that stop me. Life after love isn't about me behaving like an idiot, but I suppose you just can't help yourself sometimes.

A good night out

2010-11-27T11:24:00.000-08:00

I've discovered yet another regret. I went out for an early Christmas meal with a group of the ex's female friends last night and without wanting to sound really bland, had a really nice evening. What surprised me on the way home was the thought that if this had been the previous year, I would have gone, but I don't think I would have had quite as good a time. I can't pin point why, but it's just a sneaking suspicion I have.

I used to get on great with the guys, let's face it, that's not exactly a whole load of intellectual conversation you have to tax your brain with! The girls however were a tougher nut to crack and although I never felt left out or ignored, I guess I always felt like I was invited just because I was X's girlfriend. Since the split, I've been really chuffed to be invited out with them still and every time I go, I'm really glad I do. I suppose it's nice to feel that they actually want me there, it's not just a gesture.

The only weird thing with going out with girls slightly older than me is the moment when the conversation swings round to people's 'plans' (see, it's not just me!!). It's genuinely scary to hear someone announce that they're getting pregnant at the end of next year, so the baby will be born the year after. Now that's what I call organised! A fight then nearly broke out about which baby names had already been shotgunned and I actually felt relieved to be single and not really a participant in these kind of conversations anymore. If I'm learning anything throughout this whole process, it's that I have a shed load of time ahead of me and the most serious decision I have to make is whether to drink wine or vodka!

I regret not seeing things for what they actually were all along, but you can't change the past and the newfound optimist in me is all about the future. I know that inevitably my replacement will become part of this group too and to avoid any awkwardness it may be place to step away and relinquish any attachment I have, but in the meantime I love being included and let's face it, it's always a laugh!

Life during love can lose you friendships in some cases, but life after love is all about making them.

Winter Mornings

2010-11-26T03:28:00.000-08:00

I miss not having someone to cuddle in bed at night but as I keep learning, for every downside, there is an up. For this point in particular, it is waking up with the duvet cover still on me. No more do I have to suffer the feeble excuse of 'the duvet thieves' who mysteriously come in the night and slide the cover off me and onto the person next to me. Instead, as I lie in the middle, diagonally or like a starfish in my lovely double bed, I can wake up warm, cosy and weirdly happy that I have the whole bed to myself. It didn't bother me one bit when we were together, but now that it's a given, I really like it. Life after love is great for those self indulgent moments you just don't get when you're with someone else.

The Plan

2010-11-15T15:31:00.000-08:00

My completely irrational fear of running out of time is starting to catch up with me again. I'm only 24 but I want at least one child before I'm 30. So, lets say at least three years together before we get engaged, a year to plan the wedding and then another year before the baby comes, that only gives me a years leeway. Interesting, considering my current single situation...no pressure then!

I was explaining 'the plan' to someone at work and felt like a complete idiot as I stressed the limited time frame I now found myself fighting against. I think the embarassment of sounding totally neurotic shocked me back to reality. Well, for a while at least.

I went out for lunch a couple of days ago with three friends, all of whom are engaged. Two of them have been planning their weddings for ages (it's kind of sad to think I used to wedding dress shopping with them) but the third friend, although they've been engaged for what seems like an eternity, never before showed any inclination of setting a date and making it official. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely thrilled for them all and am really looking forward to their weddings (and the chance to dress up!) but it made me realise that I'm now becoming one of the rare, single friends of the group. I used to be part of the 'smug married couples club' before being deposited back on the shelf. I have no complaints about my current situation, but it's just funny to compare myself to Bridget Jones - someone I never thought I'd be. Not all my friends are getting married young, but quite a few of them are. Am I going to be one of the last? Am I going to be the token singleton at each of their weddings? Am I going to become the subject of ridicule as they all slowly pair off, one by one??!

This is where the head banging technique that I learned several months ago, again comes into play. This is probably not anything that any potential suitors who may be reading this will want to hear, but if I'm being honest throughout this whole process, I figured it was something I should admit to.

When everyone around is moving on with their lives and mine appears to stand stationary in comparison, it's hard to know what to think. My short term life is amazing. It's fun, spontaineous and all about me, but what about the long term?

I'm not neurotic, I'm not crazy and I certainly don't want to be classed as controlling, but I do want to find the right person. It's hard to admit that this might not happen for a long time yet, but I only have to look around me and see the people who have already found their match to know that my turn will come. Reading this back it sounds so corny, but if all else fails in life, you can only be positive!

Life after love can be scary and lonely, but it's the unpredictability of it that makes it worthwhile. Nothing ever goes to plan (you've just got to read my first post to understand that!) but it always makes sense to have a rough idea. I'm only 24 and have my whole life ahead of me. Life after love has given me that.

Life is a Rollercoaster

2010-11-10T16:36:00.000-08:00

The last girls holiday I had was about four years ago. My ex and I had been seeing each other for a couple of months and as I found myself relaxing with 3 friends by a pool in sunny Crete, all I could think about was him. I had a good holiday, don't get me wrong, but I remember vowing to myself once I was back home that if I wanted a really great holiday, I wouldn't go without him again. Skip forward a few years and I find myself alone and questioning why I found it so damned hard to go a whole day without hearing from him. I manage pretty well now, after all!

It was a random, flippant remark that a friend said to me in the pub (where else?!) that led a group of us to sample the delights of Blackpool for a weekend. It was nearly a month after my birthday, but I can be like the Queen and have two birthdays if I want, right?

We drank lots, took pictures of stupid things, went to the Pleasure Beach, went to a drag show, drank some more...and not once did I even get a hint of that old feeling of missing something. I know it's easy to say now, but why did I really go that long without weekend away with my mates? It's amazing going on holiday with your boyfriend - everything's fluffy and lovely and perfect, but sometimes it's fun just to let loose. 'Pub' was about the only direction I found myself giving the whole weekend. Nothing wrong with that!

The Pleasure Beach is a brilliant theme park which is full of some historical (they even have dated plaques by them so you know exactly how old the death trap you're riding on is!) and some newer rides. I realised as I stood in the queue for the Pepsi Max Big One that perhaps drinking a mixture of vodka, wine and cider hadn't been such a great idea the night before.

Just so you have an idea of how high this ride goes, it was the first thing we saw when we came into Blackpool - from the other end of the town! I've wimped out of rides before and done the walk of shame past the people behind in the queue and it's really embarassing. The 'obviously can't hack it' comment still haunts me to this day! My other option of escaping the embarassment of vomiting over myself on the ride was to wait until it was our turn before quickly running through the carriage and down the exit ramp. I found myself trying to work out if I was experiencing a 'Final Destination 3' moment. Am I getting a premonition that the cars are going to de-rail and we're all going to die?! Sadly no, I think that's my stomach wondering if it'll make the trip too.

I love my friends, but they did gang up on me and point out a major flaw in my 'yes man' theory if I didn't go through with the ride. I cursed them and called them some lovely names as we climbed to the top of the first peak - which coincidentally is also the tallest bit. There was a stunning view of the sea, but it only seemed to remind me that the further up we went, the further there was to fall. I filled my lungs with air and bellowed with all my might as we tipped over the edge and began our descent, but much to my amazement I found my screams turning to a 'whoop' of delight. This was fun (and vomit free in case you were wondering)!

I repeated this experience on most of the other rollercoasters that day and each one, made me realise that although it sounds incredibly corny (and not just quoting a Ronan Keating song), life kind of is like a rollercoaster. I didn't want to break up with the ex and desperately went through the options trying to find a way out, to no avail. I went through all kind of emotions and undoubtedly called him all kinds of names before breaching the crest and disappearing over the other side to what can only be described as a bloody brilliant time. I would even repeat the whole experience again!

I don't want this to reflect badly on him as I had an amazing time when we were together, but my priorities have changed now and it ultimately results in me having more fun! If he hadn't done what he did and we were still together, I can honestly say that this weekend would never have happened. In terms of girls (and boy) holidays, this was definately one of the best!

Life after love isn't just about saying 'yes' to everything, but about taking risks and wanting to try new things. I felt proud of myself as I stepped off the Big One. I haven't pushed my boundaries in a long time and although my comfort zone is a great place to be, I don't want to miss out on anything life has to offer.

Bingo!

2010-11-01T16:45:00.000-07:00

'It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possesion of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.'

I used to look on this as my favourite quote from my favourite book (Pride & Prejudice, if you were a little lost) but I seem to have taken it a little bit too much to heart as I disembarked on my most recent adventure. Where better to find a rich man, than at bingo?!...Oh, how wrong I was!

Some people had taken great pleasure in advising me of the amount of elderly patrons I was to encounter on my latest trip, but I was fortunately graced with an even mix of ages as we stepped into the bingo hall. I've never been before (I hold my hands up to playing a couple of games online, but as it turns out, I wasn't playing proper bingo at all!) and was surprised to see a mixture of the blue-rinse brigade ranging through to the early 20s - excluding myself and my friends of course.

I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and giggled like a pubescent school child throughtout most of the games. Did I win? Well, I am delighted to announce that I won't be giving up my day job anytime soon, despite my amazing win of £1.67! I'd like to call it sod's law that despite the ONE line that I get, 3 other people also call out 'Wahey!' on. 'Just my luck' doesn't really describe it!! Did I get a single bean during the line that could have won my £1,000? No, I've realised that my luck is best saved for the games where £5 is at stake...

A special thanks has to go out to two of my best friends that went with me tonight, as without their incredibly bad losing streak, my amazing £1.67 win wouldn't really count as anything! I dutifully bought them a round of drinks in the pub afterwards, but I somehow feel that they didn't truely appreciate the debt that I'd paid to them, particularly as one drink of blackcurrant cider (yes, it's every bit as bad as it sounds) went untouched.

Life after love is all about saying 'yes' to things you never really thought you would do. I used to laugh at my ex's group of 'girl'-friends who went to bingo on a montly basis. Honestly! Who does that at our age?! It was kind of sad seeing the little old ladies perched on the edge of their seats, right at the front of the room, but it made me feel positive about my life. If all else goes wrong, I've always got Bingo - and believe me, if I win as many times as they did, I won't be very upset!

Life should be a Sophie Kinsella novel

2010-10-26T04:51:00.000-07:00

I've always been a fan of 'Chick-Lit' as my mum so eloquently puts it, but it wasn't until recently that I found myself plowing through these light-hearted, funny, romantic novels, like I can't get enough of them. There's something so satisfying in reading a fictional story about someone else's perfect life.

The characters are normally quite plump, drink copious amounts of wine and make erratic decisions that I normally wouldn't dream of. Somehow, it always works out for them though. They dramatically quit their job and without so much of a panic attack, find themselves set up in a cushy new job, where they happen to coincidentally meet their perfect man. Each and every book, whatever the storyline, follows the same pattern. There's always a few problems, a big secret that isn't revealed until the moment when it might ruin her chances with Mr. Right, but you always know that it's going to end up the same way. Happily ever after.

If life were a Sophie Kinsella (author of the brilliant Shopaholic series) novel, then right now I should be bouncing back from my 'problem' and embarking on a frisson with the gardner, or moody landlord. Somehow, I don't see this happening - particularly as our gardner is my brother and my landlord is my mother! - but that doesn't mean to say that I can't have my happy ending. I'll just have to look further afield! I'm guessing it won't be as easily accomplished however and may take more than 300 pages, but let's hope I get there in the end.

Life after love can't exactly be a Sophie Kinsella novel, but there's nothing to stop me from trying!

It's all about the hips

2010-10-19T03:06:00.000-07:00

My best friend and I decided to go crazy last night. We ventured out of our comfort zone and into unknown territory as we stepped through the doors of a Working Men's Social Club. The smell of must greeted our nostrils and we couldn't help but notice the peeling wallpaper and 1970s retro light fittings along the bar front. There were others there too, but none looking so nervous - they had alcohol, maybe that was the key.

As we watched more people turn up, we realised that without a doubt we were going to be the youngest there. Not so bad, but quite amusing when paired up later on with a short, round (but incredibly happy) gentleman in his mid-50s. We were made to rotate partners throughout the evening and I found myself wiggling my body alongside some very 'interesting' men, including Mr. Snake Hips. It took every ounce of my being to concentrate on my feet as he was very distracting!

It wasn't until I stood in front of the last gentleman who stared intently into my eyes, that I knew that this time was going to be perfect. He stood closer than the others and gently moved my hands around as we paced through our steps. 1, 2, 3..5, 6, 7...with him, I was Queen of the Salsa. As we moved our separate ways and I joined my next partner, I was relegated to more of a Princess role, but I knew my time with him would come again.

I wasn't sure how the evening would go, but I can honestly say that was one of the funnest things I've done in a while. Despite the age gaps, everyone was really friendly and both my friend and I agreed that we might actually make it a regular thing. Somehow, I don't forsee me meeting any potential new boyfriends there, but at least I'll know how to shake my hips when I do meet someone!

Life after love has been all about pushing boundaries and creating new experiences. I still relapse very occassionally, but hand on heart, I would never want to go back to life during love (at least, not with a certain you-know-who) as I've now got a pretty cool life. If I want to try something, then there's nothing to hold me back. Bring on the next challenge!

Some of the nicest people you will every meet.

2010-10-18T04:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen this guy in over a month, but the first thing he says to me is 'Your hair looks nice, have you had it done?'. Cue blushing red face! To illustrate my point, it took my ex around 20 minutes to notice the same thing!

I see a different couple of guys once a week and yes, some of them can be incredibly moody, but on the whole, most of them are pretty nice. Little bit of banter, few compliments (funnily enough generally followed by a request for a coffee) before I sign their slip of paper and off they go again. I don't have a favourite, but some of the guys can keep me smiling for the rest of the morning.

Who are they? They are the big, burly, mostly tattoo-covered drivers who deliver our beer at work. They've taught me not to judge a book by its cover and that, is what life after love is all about.

This one's for you

2010-10-11T12:13:00.000-07:00

They say it takes a tough time in your life for you to really discover who your friends are and although I always thought I knew, my recent 'blip' has only cemented this knowledge even more. It sounds so cheesy, but I'm incredibly proud to say that I am surrounded by some pretty amazing people in my life. However rough, depressing or just plain rubbish my life seems to get, I know that there's an amazing team on hand to help me up. People I never expected to come through so much have certainly surprised me the most and to them and my best friends, I owe a massive bundle of thanks.

It's because of these people that when I drove home today listening to Simple Plan's 'I'd Do Anything', I found myself crying out loud. The title of the song pretty much sums up the lyrics and it made me cringe that a mere 2 months ago, this would have epitomized the soundtrack to my life. 'I'd do anything just to hold you in my arms, to try to make you laugh, I can't put you in the past'...etc. I feel almost embarassed that I literally could have written this song for my own situation, but now as I found myself looking slightly crazy, driving along with the window down and a Simple Plan song unashamedly playing loudly, I can do nothing else but cry with laughter. I never thought I would change my tune, but the combination of amazing friends and copious amounts of wine, really work a trick!

Whether it's a crazy night out in town, a 'quiet night' down the pub, or a chilled night in with a numerous bottles of wine and 'Crocodile' on DVD (awful, but amazing...you can't go wrong!), these are the good times. I only hope one day I can return the favour - but at the same time, I also hope I don't have to either, if it means someone's got to get dumped! I love life after love, but I love my friends even more. This one's for you guys.

I am a strong, independant woman.

2010-10-07T12:40:00.000-07:00

I mentioned this a while ago and after one thwarted attempt, I finally went to the cinema today and watched a film by myself. This sounds like a menial event that you wouldn't normally give a second thought to, but for me, it was a challenge. I am a social creature and don't tend to go places, or do things without someone else there - not to hold my hand, but to chat to and have a laugh with.

I was confident as I walked in and I didn't crumble as I brazenly asked the man selling tickets for 'just the one seat' for my film. He didn't smirk, or evenly looked remotely shocked that I was by myself (which I should know from my place of work - a cinema - but it's always different when it's actually you) and flattered me when he asked if I had a student card. Despite today being my 24th birthday, apparently I still look like a teenager. Score!

I joined the 2 other single people in the auditorium. We all glanced around, almost nervously, at various points, as if to reassure ourselves that it's perfectly normal to go the cinema by yourself - other people do it to you know! I contemplated that this might perhaps be an ideal time to make new friends, use the excuse of the 'scary' film to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Unfortunately, there was possibly a reason why those 2 men were sitting in the dark by themselves. I instead snuck into a 'premiere' seat, which I hadn't paid for. I can be crazy when I want to be!

As the lights came up at the end of the film, I left pretty quickly. It's one thing to be sitting in the dark by yourself, but as soon as everyone can clearly see you, that's an entirely different matter. I missed not being able to discuss the film with anyone afterwards, but it was also great in so many ways. I didn't have to hang around whilst someone goes to the loo, wrestle over the middle arm rest, or fight to get a fair share of the drink and popcorn. Call me greedy, but I did enjoy not sharing for once.

I feel as though I've made a big fuss about nothing. Whenever I said to people 'ooh, I'm going to the cinema by myself', I was generally met with the response of 'and?'. Now that I've done it, I'm in agreement that I don't understand what the big deal is. Yes, you can easily feel like a bit of a loner who doesn't have any friends, but the cinema staff don't care (I can guarantee they've got more pressing issues to think about - such as where they should get their dinner from) and no one else really cares either! All in all, I've proved to myself that I can do things without someone being there. I won't go as far as going for a quiet drink by myself (that would just prove I'm an alcoholic) but if my friends aren't available, then there isn't anything to stop me from going out anyway.

If you had asked me this time last year what my life would be like now, I would have described something incredbily different to what it actually is. I'm now a strong believer that you can't predict the future (fate plays a role, but that can be interpreted in many different ways) and by our actions, we can choose the kind of life we want to lead. I've half way through Jane Austen's 'Northanger Abbey' and found the following passage which sums up my life at the moment -

'To be disgraced in the eye of the world, to wear the appearance of infamy while her heart is all purity, her actions all innocence and the misconduct of another the true source of her debasement, is one of those circumstances which peculiarly belong to the heroine's life, and her fortitude under it what particularly dignifies her character.'

I can be a heroine in a Jane Austen novel. What more in life can you need to know than that?! Call me sad, call me a dreamer, or you could call me hopeful. Life after love has opened my Pandora's box and there's no going back, not that I'd want to, let's face it!

Effort!

2010-10-01T03:55:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm single, my whole life has become all about possibilities. I don't just have to stay in of an evening, I could go out and do something exciting, where - who knows! - I could meet Mr Right. To prepare myself for this meeting, which could happen at any point, I'm now really aware of my appearance. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not vain, but it definately helps boost my confidence when I know that I'm looking good. I won't go as far as not leaving the house without make-up or if a single strand of hair is out of place, but wearing nice (clean) clothes is certainly a start!

I was a woman on a mission yesterday as I trawled through the local shopping centre in search of a new wardrobe. I loved the thought that I don't have anyone at home who's going to tell me off for spending too much money, or I'm going to have to hide purchases from. The only guilt trip I had was the little voice at the back of my head telling me I already have a top very like that, but that's easily ignored!

I spent time trying out the new bits and pieces of make-up I bought and was feeling all 'new' when I went for a drink with my best friend last night. She'd had a bad day and we found ourselves plowing through bottles of wine whilst she tried to flirt with the group of guys at the table next to us. I lost track of how much we drank, but I was so proud of myself as I realised again how far I've moved on with my life. The temptation to drunk text the ex didn't even cross my mind and it was reassuring to know that I wasn't wrong the other day when I realised that I don't love him anymore.

I don't remember leaving the pub, or saying goodbye to my friend, but I do remember falling over and grazing the whole left hand side of my face on the concrete pavement. I don't remember getting home from there, but I do remember being found on my front doorstep by my mum and younger brother, covered in blood. I can certainly say that I have never done that before! I don't intend on drinking that much alcohol again (although, I'm definately not certain about it!) and am gutted that I've ruined one of my favourite tops. Apologies have to go to my family who were needless to say, pretty shocked by my appearance!

There's no point in me spending time trying to look good if I'm going to end the night covered in blood. Not a very attractive look, I must say! Despite the downfall of last night, I did have a brilliant time. Life after love is fun, flirty and full of lots of new experiences. I wouldn't change it for the world!