L.A. - Madrid Files

I Love This Video About Spanish Bureaucracy

2025-08-29T07:10:00.000-07:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wtbQUaC9mE

Galaxy Quest .... For Real

2019-05-19T12:46:00.000-07:00

This article in El Pais – English version is very silly in many ways… A Spanish Colonel and historian, Esteban Vicente Boisseau says that the mysterious entity called “Hollywood”, is making a concerted effort to smear Spain and Spanish people by perpetuating the so-called leyenda negra. The leyenda negra was the bad press Spain received in the 16^th century and later when they were top dogs in the world. When you're on top, everyone wants to shoot you down.

First off, really Colonel ? Are we six years old? Who cares what Hollywood thinks or says?

Second, I am really sorry to have to report this to you, but “Hollywood” (whoever they are) does not think about Spain one way or another very much. The only thing Hollywood thinks about is making money. If Spain crops up every once in awhile to be used in movies - then fine.

Third, I also have to report to you that movies aren’t real, they are not an historical record and I think most everybody knows it. I am not sure why you would be taking silly movies so seriously but you should probably knock it off.

This military guy, Boisseau, also seems to hold particular hostility toward Theodore Roosevelt. I guess he is still pissed about the Spanish American war. He is very concerned that Roosevelt was portrayed positively in that serious cinematic vehicle “Night at the Museum”. Well, I don’t know about you, but I get all my historical facts from Ben Stiller movies.

No Box to Check for "Self-Employed"

2015-10-08T07:04:00.001-07:00

Typical! My Spanish bank, BBVA, is threatening to shut my account down if I don’t give information for the “Ley de Blanqueo de Capital” they want to make sure I am not spending government money on hookers and chalets, or something like that. BBVA wants my passport, they want to know how I make my money – here in the US! I tell them I don’t even live in Madrid, I just visit, I filled out the “form of no residente” I have a bank account to pay for my piso expenses, mortgage, gas, luz,. Not enough info, they want more would you please call us says BBVA?

So I call from California, they ask me their most obsessive question, “is your job in the US Temporary or Permanent? ” ONLY TWO CHOICES! Temporary or Permanent, always the same obsession – permanent job of course is the only correct answer that ANYBODY wants to hear. If you don’t have a permanent job you are a nobody, a low-life, and a nothing.

So, what do I answer at 5 am in the morning still slightly groggy? Well, first off, “Temporary” and “Permanent” mean nothing to an American, ALL jobs are temporary! Next, I own a company, a corporation, a small corporation, but a corporation none the less, with employees - of which I am one. So what am I? Temporary or Permanent? As far as I am concerned NOTHING is permanent, especially my corporation, my “job”, even if I have been 21 years in business. Market conditions could change and I could be out. So I make a fatal error, I say “Self-Employed”.

ALARMS GO OFF! The BBVA dude’s computer freezes up. He says, his computer will not accept “self-employed”. There are only two choices in Spain TEMPORARY or PERMANENT. I pause ... I say….. you know… I am an employee of my company so my job is permanent. Yes, please put down Permanent. TOO LATE! Can’t continue! Computer won't accept it! Please go to your bank branch – In Madrid! To finish the form.

So Spain, I’d like to say a few words in defense of the Self-Employed. Do you know how many people in the US are self-employed and who contribute to the economy? Give people jobs, create products and major innovations? A SHIT LOAD! You do know that Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, were all self-employed when they started, right?

No box to check for “self-employed” ? Spain, that’s a problem….

Lot's Happening in Spain

2012-07-15T16:39:00.000-07:00

And I'm MIA

But, interesting post by Martin Varsavsky

In L.A. This Would Be A Problem

2011-10-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

So I was in the metro the other day and I see this girl sitting in front of me. She is maybe about 17 - 20 years old, sitting with a nerdy looking guy. Nothing too out of the ordinary except she seemed to be packing two Smith and Wesson 9 mm police issue semi- automatics. Yes, she definitely is. One in an under arm carry position - perfect to hide under a suit jacket, and another strapped to her leg.

This may be no problem in Texas - although two hand guns is kind of excessive even there. But I do know that in L.A. there would be a major problem if she encountered our friendly neighborhood LAPD (police). They really don't like people walking around with very real looking - but fake - guns. Actually, they tend to shoot people waving those around.

Not sure if this is some kind of Madrid fashion statement. Thoughts?

Hey, I saw this one..

2011-04-17T08:49:00.000-07:00

Hey, I saw this O'Reilly factor segment on the Spanish Breast Feeding Doll and I don't remember any "Rage" or any talk about the doll "Inciting Pedophelia". I did hear them say that perhaps six year old girls should not be thinking about breast feeding and maybe they should be little girls first. Besides, I thought it was sexist to train all little girls to be mothers?

But I'm sure El Pais would never mislead their readers about a Fox news report though... Right?

It's Rough Out There for Young Spanish People

2011-01-18T16:19:00.000-08:00

Interesting Article in the New York Times. Pretty right on I'm afraid - and it has been like this for as long as I can remember. Employment laws meant to "protect the worker" have ended up screwing young people. Employers won't hire because they can't fire anyone if the business climate changes. At the same time, everyone runs around obsessing about the "permanent job" a concept that has never existed in the U.S. save some government employees - and that is changing too.

I like what this guy says regarding pensions, healthcare and what will happen when Spain's low birthrate continues:

“What we have is a Ponzi scheme,” said Laurence J. Kotlikoff, an economist at Boston University and an expert in fiscal policy. He said that pay-as-you-go social security and health care were a looming fiscal disaster in Southern Europe and beyond. “If these fertility rates continue through time, you won’t have Italians, Spanish, Greeks, Portuguese or Russians,” he said. “I imagine the Chinese will just move into Southern Europe.”

El Roto Thinks the Same as Me?

2010-04-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

I don't see any good coming from Spain's Historical Memory Law, the one that literally looks for the buried bodies from the past. A lot of nasty shit went down during the civil war - on both sides. Now that PSOE is in power, they are looking for all the nasty stuff that Franco did. As soon as PP gets back in there, will they start looking for the nasty stuff the communists did on behalf of the Republic?

If I am reading El Roto correctly, and that usually is not an easy task, it seems he also doesn't think the wounds from the war last through the generations.

Maybe it's time to, if not forgive or forget, time to move on and solve some present problems?

Really? They Still Don't Ask a Native Speaker?

2010-04-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

It seems like such a simple thing to do. Let's say I'm a Spanish advertising executive and I have a great idea building on Obama's famous campaign slogan, "Yes We Can", and oh yeah, I really don't speak English - I just think I do. Why wouldn't I run my idea past a couple of native speakers? In fact, why aren't there native speakers on staff of my advertising firm if I am selling English language ads?

We all know that this used to happen all the time in Spain, the English on commercials, bill boards, t-shirts, etc. just isn't quite right, but in 2010, on a big ad campaign, this still happens?

What's funny about this story is the supposed English language expert from the Complutense University tries to correct the awkward "Yes We Want!" slogan and she still gets it wrong...

They could have found any American student on the street or Brit in a pub, to tell them that the correct response to, "We want to learn another language!" is... "YES WE DO!"

Just a Picture - Sol Finally Finished

2010-01-02T01:32:00.000-08:00

Okupa Nightmare

2009-11-20T07:31:00.001-08:00

Can someone please tell me how this is possible? Do Spanish authorities live in some parallel universe where normal logic doesn't apply?

These people live in an apartment for 21 years, they go on vacation and have to rush back because Okupas have taken over their place. How long does it take to get the lowlifes out? 16 months! My favorite quote is when the judge on the case wouldn't evict the criminals because, "The squatters don't have funds to find another place"!

"Human rights" have run amok. No wonder no one will rent out an apartment in Spain. You can't even get people you didn't rent to - out of your piso.

If this happens to me I might be going to jail because I'm going in my place swinging a baseball bat.

Burying your Lead

2009-10-22T07:18:00.001-07:00

On the front page of El Pais' English language Herald we have this story headline. Sounds like another boring budget article:
Continue to page 3 and now the story says "One in Five Spaniards Lives in Poverty"

Sounds like that whole "living in poverty" thing should be the lead of the story - but then El Pais would be reporting bad news about the current situation and government handling of it - can't have that can we?

No More Free Porn - Big Daddy Says

2009-10-20T07:56:00.000-07:00

Spain's Big Daddy, the European Union, says no more free porn on open air broadcast TV. The fun ends in 2010. The children (Spain) must behave and start acting like adults.

I wrote about this before here. The truth is I really could not believe that complete hard-core porno was on the air after around 11:00 pm. Obviously there are children awake at 11:00 PM in Spain that could watch it.

What's becoming obvious about the European Union is - they really are in control. All the bans and rules and regulations are coming, and will come from them and Spain really just has to say, "Yes sir"! Even if there is a so-called vote on EU rules, if the EU does not like the outcome they will just have another election until it turns out like they want.

So be prepared Spain for a whole bunch of changes coming from Big Daddy EU. Porno, booze laws, smoking, bullfighting of course, environmental laws, what else?

A Black Dove? El Pais?

2009-10-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

Ok. I'm as surprised as anyone that Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize after only a few months on the job. Man, Europe really, really, hated George Bush. Just having a new guy in there is getting them way excited - even if he hasn't done anything yet. Excited enough to give him the Nobel Peace Prize for ... not being Bush.

But what is going on with this Black Dove cartoon in El Pais by Forges? Or maybe it's a crow? Is it absolutely necessary to continue to obsess on this president's "Blackness"?

They really do not have a clue on how to deal with - or start ignoring - race do they?

C'mon El Roto, Is It Really the Same Thing?

2009-09-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

Well, El Roto, if there ever are Christian fundamentalists in the hills of Albacete who are chopping the heads off of non-Christians, blowing up girls' schools or killing girls who go to school, burying women accused of adultery up to their necks then stoning them to death, and just generally imposing their will on anyone and everyone - or you are dead .... and the Spanish authorities would not, or could not, do anything about it ... Then I would be OK with some Afghan troops coming to Spain to help us out.

I Absolutely would.

Prostitution Slaves from Abroad

2009-09-17T07:12:00.001-07:00

Some brilliant logic from "Equality Minister" Bibiana Aido here. She says that since 90 percent of Spain's prostitutes are from abroad and a lot of them are even slaves - the problem is not that prostitution is essentially legal in Spain (thereby creating a market) no, the problem is that there are evil people who come to take advantage of this market (the pimps).

Hmm let's see, if the market didn't exist would the pimps be enslaving woman? Forcing them to have sex for money? Can you believe they are even discussing the fact that there are slaves in modern day Spain without batting an eye?

I really don't understand this misplaced "freedom" Spain gives women in regards to prostitution. I guess it has something to do with a woman being able to do what she wants with her body - if she wants to hook, fine. The problem is.... men then turn them into slaves - nice freedom!

How does Spain combat this problem? By outlawing prostitution? No, they try to tell low-life scumbags (the male customers) to ... "Please don't exploit women, it's not nice, please don't bang hookers in the street..."

How's that working out? Not very well. Check out this article and photos in El Pais...

Poor Bastard ...

2009-09-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

Of course there are always two sides to every story but ... poor bastard. Maybe he is a wife beating son of a bitch, and I know there are children involved, but since I'm a man I'm thinking he is a poor bastard.

California used to be the center of the "woman takes your stuff" universe. But I have heard many stories like this one in Spain. I think Spain now tops California. In Spain it seems if there are children involved, the house and the kids go to the woman no matter what - and the man pays.

There must be some middle ground where both sides are able to have a life.

A Simpler Metro Time

2009-09-01T07:25:00.001-07:00

Take a look at that map. It's a beautiful and simple thing. This is the Madrid Metro as it existed in 1982. Looking at this map, it seems like maybe you could actually visit a good number of the stops - it's just not that complicated. This is how I saw the Madrid Metro when I first came to Spain.

Is it me or does the current Metro Map give you a headache?
Sure, you can go to a lot of places but it's a mess graphically. It also has nothing to do with the actual location of the stops in relation to each other. They need to make a simple "Centro only" metro map - something that can fit on a T-shirt.

Hey, notice how on the 1982 Metro map the stop for "Gran Via" on Line 1 was named "Jose Antonio" (an infamous Fascist). They changed it sometime in the late 80's? Perhaps the very first move for the future Historical Memory Law.

Alright, I will not cling to the past. Change is good, right? But it was a good looking map.

Does Anyone Know What This Means?

2009-07-23T17:37:00.000-07:00

Unbelievable Horror

2009-07-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

I have a friend in Madrid who was telling me a story about her mother who went into the hospital for a routine foot ailment - I don't know an ingrown toenail or something - she said that her mother got Hepatitis B in the hospital but it was no big deal this happened all the time. Naturally, being from the land of the lawyers, I was kind of shocked by this news and that no one was being sued.

Now this. This is really too much. This guy's wife had swine flu and went to the emergency room at least three times before they finally told her that Oh yeah, you have swine flu. By then it was too late - she died. What else? She was pregnant too. The good news? The baby was born healthy - no swine flu, the bad news? The nurse gave the premature baby milk formula intravenously instead of into the stomach through the nose - Result? Baby dead too.

I can't even begin to understand how this guy feels - but that picture gives me a clue.

What Cops Should Look Like

2009-06-18T05:37:00.000-07:00

I once wrote about how Spain seems to have better looking women working in government or doing non-traditional jobs such as security guards, mail carriers, etc. - and was roundly criticized for my trouble in the comment section as being "desperate". Well - no comment on the desperate part - but take a look at that friendly officer and I rest my case.

I'm just saying that L.A. lady cops do not look like that, but maybe they are just hiding their attributes behind bullet proof vests.

End of the Bullfight?

2009-05-25T06:34:00.000-07:00

Here is one part of globalization that I don't think the Americans can be blamed for. There are real live Spanish people who want the Bullfight to end and I'm sure the powers that be in the European Union would like to see it gone too.

I personally would still like Spain to be "different" - as the old tourism ad campaign once said. But I recognize that the Bullfight's days are numbered.

I See a Movie Coming Out of This One

2009-05-01T06:52:00.000-07:00

Two sixty year old woman partying on a luxury cruise, throwing money around and picking up old guys (or young) - all the while packing 27 kilos of cocaine.

There have to be millions of great plot lines to follow in this scenario for some talented (or hack) writer from Hollywood or Madrid.

I'm telling you there's a bad movie in there somewhere.

Personal Story

2009-04-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I was asked by my lawyer if I would let his son have a vacation in Piso Madrid for a coupla weeks. The son was living somewhere in France and was ending his stay there. My lawyer wanted to give the son and his fiancé a vacation in Madrid. What am I going to do? I don’t really like to let people stay in Piso Madrid but gotta keep the lawyer happy, I may need him.

I don't really like having anyone over who I don't know - well. But I have to get over it, so I said, "Sure". I know this does not sound like a big deal, but I stressed out about it. There are several things that could go wrong (in my mind at least). I imagined the worse case scenarios, like the calefaccion breaking down and everyone dying from carbon monoxide poisoning. I realize this is ridiculous and paranoid, but there it is.

So, they came and went - and I guess they liked it (although not much was said about if they enjoyed it, etc.) The fact is they can't really appreciate 20 years of planning and work - culminating in the stupid Piso in the center of Madrid. They hung out and went to Semana Santa processions and then they returned back to the states – or France or where ever. But what pissed me off is the keys. Namely, they were mailed back to me in a flimsy “airmail” envelope. The really thin kind to save weight. Now let me explain Piso Madrid keys to the uninitiated. I have a “puerta blindada” and the key to this kind of door is a major-league, big-ass key, along with the key to the door to the street. You can’t put those keys in flimsy "airmail" envelope and expect them to arrive in one piece. Well, they did not arrive. I got a very nice envelope - empty - ripped open - and no keys.

Sorry, but that pisses me off. I’ll get over it. End of personal story. Now I have to send my friend Fernando over there to make sure the water in the tub was not left running.

Earthquakes in the News

2009-04-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

As I wrote before, earthquakes and the way they build in Italy and Spain don't mix too well.