mango's madness

Does Nag only apply to horses?

2012-06-21T20:19:00.002-05:00

TSA strikes again!

2011-04-06T21:22:00.000-05:00

MANGO

Do We Always Take The Right Highway?

2011-04-06T20:04:00.000-05:00

When you come to a fork in the road, take it. - Yogi Berra

3 Buddies go to a Carnival

2011-03-23T22:28:00.000-05:00

There were these 3 guys that had been friends from the age of 5. Where you saw one, the other 2 were near by, inseparable to say the least. Because the 3 of them were always hanging out, none of them had ever been married, even though they were in their 20's. They were eating breakfast one Saturday when the idea of going to the Traveling Carnival show. There was a Gypsy Woman there that is supposed to tell the future. This is a great idea, maybe she can tell us where to find wives! They all excitedly agree to meet at 6 and go see the Gypsy Woman. The excitement overwhelms them and they all are early, looking for the tent that the woman is in. After searching for a short time of looking, success, they found it. They get in line and wait their turn for a view of the future. It is so hard to wait! Finally the first of the friends gets called in and his future is read. She finishes and sends him out the other side and calls the next one in. This continues until the third friend has been read. When the last of the friends came out and they gathered up and collectively said,"what did she say?" The first one said that she had told him that he was going to meet a rich girl, get married and become a big business man, live a long life and die happy. The second friend spoke up and said she told him he would marry 3 times, with the third wife being the one that will last, and we would never lack in our lives. Now the first 2 looked at the other and waited. The third friend spoke up and said that the woman told him he would be married several times, out living 4 of them. As a matter of fact I will live until the age of 116. So I asked her what was the purpose of such a long life, and how will I die? You will be the most popular man in the retirement center bringing joy to all the old women. As for your death, you will be shot by a jealous husband.

A Visit with an Old Man

2011-03-22T15:44:00.000-05:00

I was visiting with an older gentleman the other day, and it was a pleasant chat. We talked about the little house in the country that he lived in. This little house was very clean, nice furniture and a huge bed. He loved his home! He said" I hope to live here until the day I cross over to the other side!" He really loved his life and enjoyed sharing with others. With this much joy being shown, I had to ask for advice or a word of wisdom to carry me on the rest of my life.
He said,"well son it is like this, you can tell that you are getting old when the hair in your nose and ears grows faster than the hair on your head." So amazed at this revelation I responded with," Sir, you don't have any hair in your nose or ears." he then said,"I have tweezers and I pull them, and by the way that is how I padded my mattress!"

Mango

The Desire of Humans to be the only one Correct.

2011-01-23T13:30:00.000-06:00

Wow! I have never been so wrong about so many things, more importantly, according to recent conversations, life after death. It has been stressed to me by one individual that it is required of all of us to earn our place in heaven. However, another has firmly stated that we must call the creator by his proper name. Of course, his group is the only one that knows what it is. The list of all-knowing goes on forever.
When I was young and in the dating scene, many eligible dates were eliminated due to religious differences. Unequal yoke was the reference used most often by all the adult leaders. To ask why was a slap in their collective faces. Accept their authority and the lofty position that the creator had bestowed upon them. Why do people obsess over being right?
Of course it is not only matters of faith, every part of life is the same. The car you buy, yep heard that one. The house you buy, that to. Where you shop for food, clothes, furniture, gasoline, tacos, burgers. The Doctor you go to, where did they go to school. What team do you follow and believe in. Chocolate or vanilla, malt or shake. What if you want a hotdog instead of a burger. Damn, is there anything that the feeling of right does not come into play.

My Obituary

2011-01-08T13:56:00.000-06:00

The Tension is Thick!

2011-01-06T11:31:00.000-06:00

Congress

2011-01-03T20:20:00.002-06:00

In 2011, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.
It is an ironic juxtaposition of events: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we will
look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, while the other involves a groundhog.

Who would have thunkt it?

2010-12-30T19:37:00.000-06:00

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.

The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at

schools, the computer age, and just things in general..

The Grandmother replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

' television

' penicillin

' polio shots

' frozen foods

' Xerox

' contact lenses

' Frisbees and

' the pill

There wereno:

' credit cards

' laser beams or

' ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

' pantyhose

' air conditioners

' dishwashers

' clothes dryers

' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

' man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandfather and I got married first, .. ... ... and then lived together..

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".

And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title,

"Sir."

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and

group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common

sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up

and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger

privilege...

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and

weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or

guys wearing earrings.

We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our

radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy

Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam....

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a

nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps

to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one?

Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

' "grass" was mowed,

' "coke" was a cold drink,

' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and

' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.

' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,

' " chip" meant a piece of wood,

' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and

' "software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband

to have a baby.

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap.

How old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old lady in mind....you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same

time.

Are you ready ?????

This woman would be only 59 years old.

Oh No

2010-12-17T11:59:00.002-06:00

Will Prince William and Kate snub the Obamas?

Kevin Lamarque / Reuters

The president and first lady were dressed to the nines for a Kennedy Center Honorees Reception at the White House earlier this month -- but if the U.K. Daily Mail has it right, they won't need to break out their glad rags for Will and Kate's wedding.

The U.K. Daily Mail is reporting that President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama will not be invited to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton next April. The British tabloid cites "a senior courtier" as saying that "The guest list is still being drawn up and could change, but as things stand it’s right (to say Mr Obama will not be invited)."
The Mail claims that because William is not yet heir to the throne, the wedding is not an official state occasion and Will and Kate are more interested in having people who work for William's many charities and just plain folks among the 2,000 guests at their "people's wedding" than dignitaries and VIPs. However, the Mail says that French President Nicolas Sarkozy and wife Carla Bruni will likely be invited.
But state occasion or not, not inviting the Obamas would certainly be a break from tradition. In 1981, for example, President Ronald Reagan and wife Nancy were invited to the wedding of Charles and Diana (Nancy came, but the president, recovering from an assassination attempt, stayed home).
In assessing the credibility of the Mail's report, it should be noted that the tabloid has had to pay out hundreds of thousands of pounds in high-profile libel cases involving celebrities over the past decade alone. On the other hand, the newspaper has broken its share of scoops as well.

Memories of a 5 year old!

2010-12-09T10:26:00.000-06:00

It is a funny thing the way we remember things. It can be a picture, a conversation, a smell, a toy, just about anything. This is a picture of the car we had when I was 5. There was a big controversy in the family when got this car, so it has always stood out as a point of time in my life. Trips that we took to distant relatives homes, vacations, going to weddings, and funerals.
Seeing this picture brought memories of my Dad's Grandma Nora cascading out. Oh the visits we made to her in her little house in that little town. She was the sweetest lady, and how much my Dad adored her! Very crafty, making little monkey dolls out of socks that looked real to this 5 year old. I wanted one so badly, that she gave me one to take back home. Joy, joy, joy!!!! I loved her so much.
It was this same car that took us to something new, a funeral. Grandma Nora's Funeral. I asked my Dad, "why won't Grandma talk to me?" Dad explained me the best he could why she wouldn't talk to me. Of course this made me so sad that I cried. After the services we went to Grandma's house to eat. I loved eating at Grandma's house, but she wasn't there. There was a bunch of people there that I did not know. There was 2 old women fighting over one of Grandmas special plates. Grandma's house was not the way it was supposed to be! That was in 1959, and I have never been to that house again. Sometimes it is tough being 5.

Mango

Dear Abby,

2010-12-08T14:57:00.000-06:00

Dear Abby,
My husband has a long record of money problems.
He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month,
if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money.
He says “pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest”,
but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.
Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us.
The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics
and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ,
and the next he's with Muslums.
Finally, the last straw…..

He's demanding that before anyone can
be in the same room with him,
they must sign a loyalty oath.
It's just so horribly creepy!
Can you help?

Signed, Lost in DC
_______________________________

Dear Lost:

Stop whining, Michelle!! You can divorce the jerk any time you want.
The rest of us are stuck with him for two more years!

The Magic Trick

2010-12-07T15:35:00.000-06:00

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so
the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and
began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he
started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!"
or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all
the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the
captain's parrot.

Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the
middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went
on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

"OK, I give up. Where's the f------ship?"

Christmas 2010

2010-12-04T10:07:00.002-06:00

Nancy Pelosi, Bless her heart!

2010-12-04T10:06:00.000-06:00

Poor thing! How is she going to make it now that she lost her super powers? As we say in Texas, Bless Her Heart!

Mango

Garbage Trucks

2010-12-04T10:01:00.002-06:00

Law of The Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.

We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!

The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy --and I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of The Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.

They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.

As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.

Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

So -- Love the people who treat you right.

Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is 10 percent what you MAKE IT and 90 percent how you TAKE IT!
Have a Garbage-Free Day!

More Signs and Sayings

2010-12-01T14:48:00.000-06:00

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'

**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:

'Time wounds all heels.'

**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

'We repair what your husband fixed.'

**************************

On another Plumber's truck:

'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.'

**************************

On a Church's Bill board:

'7 days without God makes one weak.'

**************************

At a Tire Store

'Invite us to your next blowout..'

**************************

On an Electrician's truck:

'Let us remove your shorts.'

**************************

In a Non-smoking Area:

'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'

**************************

On a Maternity Room door:

'Push. Push. Push..'

**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:

'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'

**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:

'We really know our stuff.'

**************************

On a Fence:

'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'

**************************

At a Car Dealership:

'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.'

**************************

Outside a Car Exhaust Store:

'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'

**************************

In a Vets waiting room:

'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'

**************************

In a Restaurant window:

'Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.'

**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'

**************************

And don't forget the sign at a

RADIATOR SHOP:

'Best place in town to take a leak.'

**********************

Sign on the back of yet another

Septic Tank Truck:

'Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises'

Prayer

2010-12-01T11:32:00.000-06:00

Cowboy Poetry

Jake, the rancher, went one day
To fix a distant fence.
The wind was cold and gusty
And the clouds rolled gray and dense.

As he pounded the last staples in
And gathered tools to go,
The temperature had fallen,
And snow began to blow.

When he finally reached his pickup,
He felt a heavy heart.
From the sound of that ignition
He knew it wouldn't start.

So Jake did what most of us
Would do if we were there.
He humbly bowed his balding head
And sent aloft a prayer.

As he turned the key the last time,
He softly cursed his luck
They found him three days later,
Frozen stiff in that old truck.

Now Jake had been around in life
And done his share of roaming.
But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked --
It looked just like Wyoming !

Of all the saints in Heaven,
His favorite was St. Peter .
So they sat and talked a minute or two,
Or maybe it was three.
Nobody was keeping' score --
In Heaven, time is free.

'I've always heard,' Jake said to Pete ,
'that God will answer prayers,
But the one time I asked for help,
Well, he just wasn't there.'

'Does God answer prayers of some,
And ignore the prayers of others?
That don't seem exactly square --
I know all men are brothers.'

'Or does he randomly reply,
Without good rhyme or reason?
Maybe, it's the time of day,
The weather or the season.'

'Now I ain't trying to act smart,
It's just the way I feel.
And I was wondering', could you tell me
What the heck's the deal?!'

Peter listened very patiently
And when Jake was done,
There were smiles of recognition,
And he said, 'So, you're the one!!'

That day your truck, it wouldn't start,
And you sent your prayer a flying,
You gave us all a real bad time,
With hundreds of us trying.'

'A thousand angels rushed,
To check the status of your file,
But you know, Jake , we hadn't heard
From you in quite a while.'

'And though all prayers are answered,
And God ain't got no quota,
He didn't recognize your voice,
And started a truck in Minnesota '!

IT'S BEST TO KEEP I N TOUCH...

I am such a easy touch!

2010-11-27T20:08:00.000-06:00

Every once in a while we are requested to throw convention to the wind. The picture you see is the end result of my throwing. There is this little 7 year old girl that needed one more set of toes to work on, so guess who was selected. Yep, easy old me. It is hard to believe the power of hugs and kisses, along with sweet little words like "Please Pops, I promise you will be happy!"
Before you could shake a stick she was filing away on the nails. She worked on every part of my feet, spending about 20 minutes including a massage! After all of this pampering she asked the question,"what color do you want Pops?" I told her any one she wanted and of course she had her mind made up, 5 different colors it would be! She did such a fine job that a monthly appointment could be a part of my future. No, not really! However she did let me know that for Christmas the new job would be Red and Green, along with some little trees painted on. Can't wait!

Mango

Civic Duty!

2010-11-27T12:35:00.000-06:00

I saw a Muslim Extremist fall into the Rio Grande this morning. He was struggling to stay afloat, but he was failing, due to all the guns and bombs he was carrying! Along with him was a member of the Mexican Drug Cartel, who was struggling to stay afloat. Because of the large amount of drugs strapped to his back.
If they did not get help soon, they would surely drown! Because I always try to do my civic duty, I informed the El Paso Sheriffs Dept. and the Department of Homeland Security. It is now 4 pm and they still have not responded to help.
My question is "did i waste money on buying those two stamps?"

Oh Well,

Mango

Something to think about.

2010-11-23T16:11:00.000-06:00

As we advance in life, we learn the limits of our ability.
Henry Ford

I feel safer now!! Obama steps up searches on suspected terrorists!

2010-11-21T21:03:00.000-06:00

This suspect is a member of the Rosary Committee, an arm of the Radical Church Mothers, whose stated goal is make children behave at home and in public. Their goals are so evil and contrary to the Obama Administration, they felt a need for stepped up airport security. Paddles are the number 1 weapon of choice. Forced confessions and prayers also play a part in their method of operation. You have been warned!

Mango

Grey Hair!

2010-11-19T22:57:00.000-06:00

If you are one of those people that has weathered the storms of life, long enough to become grey headed. Congratulations are in order for you. That means you are now ready for the nursing home!
So now you are saying" I am in perfect health! I have all my teeth! Man, I am not even sixty years old yet, why the nursing home?"
Just as we did when we were 35, the grey hair means old. Old means that we forgot how to live and work. Old means we aren't capable of learning anything new. Anyway, that is what some kid, 30 years old told me the other day. His turn is coming!

Mango

I mad this mistake once. Just once!

2010-11-19T22:45:00.000-06:00

Bad mistake, women do not find that comment funny!

Mango