Penned

Writers block

2012-03-26T22:35:00.001+05:30

it is one thing

to write..when in pain.

quite the other,

to be in pain cause one cant write

2011-12-30T00:18:00.002+05:30

And so, yet again I tread into the waters

Not knowing how deep, not knowing how cold

For the flicker of hope is enough to imagine

A tranquil ocean where I can be

The yearn to experience is enough to crave

Of a new world beyond the sea

The subtle urges are enough to feel

The warmth of water- this time right

The delicate desire is enough to believe

That one sees pristine and not a blurry sight

The modest mind yet in its madness

And its philosophy chooses so..

The same old course which throttled me

Is the path which I must go

And so yet again I dive into another storm

With a prayer in my heart floating along

And as I merged into the waves without a melody

In that bout of silence the cosmos whispered to me

this is the only way for you, to set yourself free

For to Be is to Love, and to Love is to Be.

Broken Heart

2011-05-29T15:26:00.002+05:30

and the wave swelled

my eyes upto the brim, blurred

the crest casting itself to the skies

my throat filled with suffocation

only to crash and merge into the amorphous ocean

and break my heart into infinite pieces

and it broke my heart so to be lost forever

The Wanderer

2011-03-17T23:51:00.007+05:30

And I met....

I met the soul which had guts

to tread on the pathless track of discovery

to break the shackles and move away from the known

to give it all up with no motive

but just to wander

would you call it insanity

then it is that insanity i crave, i long, i love

to not have a passion, and not have a dream

the only dream is to find that passion, and the only passion is to follow that dream

for i met that soul that made me wet with desire

like the deer that would rather risk its life amongst lions

than share a cage with complacency

and i feel that soul which makes me spin with joy

for it knows the only way to belong, is to forever roam

and the only way to have it all, is to let it all go

and to let it all go is fanaah

Dawn to blue

2010-12-10T04:01:00.006+05:30

in all dark,

the heavy vision outlines

silhouettes in motion

the sea begins to define

the eye but blinks

to find an illusionary grey

each wave throwing light

from its crest unto the spray

and the gaze tries to focus

but the last thing it sees

is the surreal azure vision

and the link to you and me

An Afternoon

2010-08-12T16:23:00.005+05:30

I walked down my favourite promenade Carter Road at 1 pm.

Let me work my way down for you. The sky was filled with light grey clouds, which allowed the suns rays to glisten between few of them. As the clouds moved, the rays would withdraw, only to appear from from another crack in the sky. Just above the water, I could not make out whether it was plain cloud or plain sky, but I could see the imperceptible winds floating over the horizon.

The oh glorious sea, chose to wear her grey coat, and was dancing, her waves all in rhythm. Not one bit, not one bit of her calm demeanour which she oft displays. Every atom of her had motion, whether it was throwing herself to the sky, or splashing and merging into her wholeness.

It was one of those days when the tide was at its highest and the sea lashed on the promenade wetting all in its purview.

Bombay's population of 14 million ensures that no public place is ever empty at any time of the day. Thus the promenade was dotted with the usual suspects - a bunch of college students; the firangis; the lovers; the not-so-occasional dog; grandfathers & grandchildren; the lukha middle class; and me.

Just then it began to drizzle.

The college students- who had obviously bunked the drab books for the good weather (intelligent) giggled with delight ; The firangis - who were trying to take a photograph juggled their camera from the rain and the sea water; the lovers snuggled under one umbrella; the dog ran below a bench- where it shared space with (if you believe) a cat; the grandchild laughed and laughed loud; the lukha middle class sat exactly as they were; and I....

...and I saw all the sights, and delighted in the fact that Bombay can be such a harmonious city in the rains. And I saw the sea and marvelled at the creators glory. And I saw the skies and felt the lightness. And then I shut my eyes - just at peace...being me.

My lone moment

2010-06-17T19:41:00.004+05:30

It was my lone moment. While I walked on the sands, my feet sinking into the wet portion, and wobbling on the dry.

It was my lone moment. Under the pristine skies allowing every gentle drop of rain purify the earth.

It was my lone moment. With the glare of the sun, warming every molecule of my existence.

It was my lone moment. With the mesmerizing blue sea, playfully unfolding white swirls at me.

It was my lone moment. With the cosmos spiritual, for all existed at the same moment.

Yet I stared to the seas and wondered if I had lost connection with the divine. I breathed a prayer – let the waves crash over my feet, and let it be a sign that you have heard my breath in the plethora of souls.

I watched the a large wave come towards the shore, it rose high, and crashed against the shoreline, yet its froth ending nearly six feet ahead of where I stood.

Oceanography -As the wind blows over the water, it tries to force the surface of the water to be dragged with it. The surface water assumably cannot move as fast as air, so the water rises. After it rises, the water is pulled back down by gravity. The falling water's momentum is carried below the surface, and water pressure from below pushes this swell back up again. This tug of war between gravity and water pressure creates wave motion.

Wave size depends on wind speed, wind duration, and the distance of water over which the wind blows. The longer the distance the wind travels over water, or the harder it blows, the higher the waves. The rougher the water becomes, the easier it is for the wind to transfer its energy. Thus making the waves become steep and choppier.

A wave must be calculated as wave length and wave height. Wave length is the distance the wave covers on the sea surface (between troughs), whereas wave height is how high the wave jumps from the surface of the sea.

As waves enter shallow water, the wave finally breaks in the surf when depth becomes less than 1.3 times the height. The waves change shape in depths depending on their wave length, but break in shallows relating to their height.

The point to note is that long surface waves travel faster and further than short ones. Thus a large wave (in height) not necessarily indicates that the waters will cover a larger part of the shore.

I watched the tide recede, and as my heart sunk, my soul spoke to me, if the mountain did not go towards the Mohammed, Mohammed went towards the mountain.

I shut my eyes, my soul breathed the clichéd lines that have already held true to me so many a time ‘ take one step towards god, and he will take 10 steps towards you’.

I took one step forward in the sands. The sun glared and I could not stare to the seas , I gazed at my feet.

The wave was not high enough to be marveled, on any other day it would have been a simple long calm wave. But when it crashed on the shoreline, it swept across my feet, covering my ankles, the froth rose above my calf, and the swirls lashed at my knees. I turned my back against the sea to see it gush far behind me on the shoreline.

As I fell backward, I laughed out into the skies, I had engulfed Mohammed, and Mohammed had engulfed me.

Sub Rosa

2010-05-04T21:14:00.000+05:30

Just a secret, that slips off the shoulder
Harsh warm words, frozen water on the burnt tongue
A pinch, cold ice held towards the sun

That I wish I could tell
Just a secret, that slips off the shoulder

How Dark?

2010-03-01T17:31:00.003+05:30

light - the illustrious and revered light

the truth being you are only transient

for you depend on the impermanent sun

but the darkness, you are whole by yourself

and thus I love thee numinous darkness

for you are truly...forever

By the pyre

2009-12-20T15:05:00.004+05:30

And I had tears in my eye

not for you - you were gone

and noone knows where you will go to

but I had tears in my eye

for the ones that were alive

for it is they that have lost

And then I thought

but each one here, has lost only one person-you

but you- you had lost everyone here

And then I cried & cried for you

Kaboo

2009-09-26T12:37:00.004+05:30

You wont Believe what happened, I was scoring on facebook gaming when a pigeon got into my house at midnight! I really dunno how it got in,because we have box grills -but somehow Kaboo managed to get it the house.

Now i am scared of everything that flies (size doesnt matter - cockroaches to pigeons),so for 20 mins an arms pole away i tried to do shoo shoo with a stick. This was followed by my maid (who is also scared but not as scared) trying to get the pigeon out, however she managed to shove it a bit..but it just would not fly!!!
Then we had to wake father up who finally managed to get Kaboo out through the main door!

I woke up in the morning to find Kaboo was still sitting outside our door! I felt a sudden rush of pity and went inside to get kaboo water....just then the jamadar came caught kaboo, kaboo fluttered n fluttered in fear,but he managed to grab kaboo by its wings and took it down in the lift...n then let it fly into the open skies.

Lessons:
1. Fear disallows us to do what we should actually do
2. Me being nice-giving food , water etc....would still not set it free
3. Sometimes a lil harshness...free's us forever

Crash Boom Bang

2009-05-24T13:12:00.004+05:30

So I experienced my first car crash.

It was early dawn and we were speeding down the open road with an absolute sense of alacrity. It was a classic case of mis-judgement of the speed of the truck in front of us. By the time the realization sunk in,that his truck was too slow or my car too fast-I already knew its too late.

The screeching of the brakes have never been so deafening, and yet my eyes only focussed on the car speeding towards the back of the truck.

Not once could I close my eyes, not once could I blink- all I could think was 'this is it'

Going...going..gon...Bang

And I saw...I saw the side of the truck upheaving the bumper, I saw the bonnet being crumpled like a sheet of paper, I saw the trucks blue edge shattering the windscreen.....and then I saw the truck diminishing in the distance.

----

It may have been ironic that a black cat crossed our path as we left, but what was even more ironic was that noone was injured. The car was completely rammed-but we were fine.

And as we towed the car away, I saw the expressions of people staring aghast at the car-wondering how did they ever manage to crash it like that,thinking the same thought I always had 'this will never happen to me'.

----

I trembled even after everyone told me it is okay,

I trembled even after feeling the warm sun scorch down on me,

I trembled even after the usual cup of calming tea,

I trembled.....until I entered our usual adda and I saw that the people dearest to me were fine.

And we spread ourselves across the floor,over chai and maggi, watching tv as always...cuz we are those who will stick through the highest highs and the toughest lows.

To: our srk, 25, hookah man, dj, jithe, bhaii, universal bhabhi...Love you guys.

So you're down in the dumps

2009-01-26T15:03:00.007+05:30

So I'm down in the dumps, and there are those basic set of things to do...

1. Get a massage
I woke up in the morning and pondered, a head and shoulder massage would do. Close by, easy, and not too heavy on the pocket. So I strolled down to my regular parlour and found that Republic Day seemed synonymous with waxing day, the whole place was brimming with chattering people. I entered the cabin only to hear(rather see) belly laughter-I named her jiggle cheeks the second I saw her. (I hate sharing a cabin, even when I dont want solitude. )And the massage began...Jiggle cheeks updated the girls on how the latest casting couch was doing it from the back, Akshay insisted on it with Katrina, it was always Shahrukhs favourite (which explains why he has begun to resemble an ape i suppose). By the end of all the orgys the only thing that was lighter was my wallet.

2. Meditate

My room is peaceful- it really is, all I do is look at my blue walls and feel happy. What is not at peace however is my head. So I try to sit in an upright position and concentrate (not to be unfair, maybe the massage did a bit of good by making me tad drowsy). The thoughts move (just like when they show a conversation in that 70's show and camera moves from hyde, to eric to kelso and back to hyde) I think of light, a calm Buddha, and Jiggle cheeks. Jiggle cheeks is orchestrating a menage a trois with Akshay, Katrina and herself! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa.

3. Read

Nothing like a good book. I started a book called 'Lovely Bones'. It went on to unravel a story about a 14 year old who was brutually raped inspite of her 99 please dont hurt me's, and then murdered with a razor and shaving cream.

Just the kind of thing to lift me up. Next.

4. Shop

How easy is that, especially when youre a girl! So I set out with full intention of breaking my 2007 resolution of 'you donot go bezerk buying shoes when depressed'. I entered the usual linking road haunts and began browsing around. Its always amused me to see the way the man shouts a number and a shoe is just dropped down from a hole in the ceiling. So much so I was right under staring at the man, and was oblivious to the fact that he was staring at me back. Unfortunately a bemused child staring vis a vis a woman staring doesnt quite give the same connotation, and in his daydream joota no do so taitalees kaala colour came flinging down.

- - - - - - - - - - -

So I've decided next time I'm down i the dumps...I'm going to stay that way!

Grey turned to Black

2009-01-25T04:20:00.004+05:30

let me drift, yest i dreamt the sweetest
my reality was but a dream,
the centre of the ice was only the warmest,
the focus of the flame, cool is seem.

but you arose me, gold of dawn
as the coarse war dust slack
and i surfaced to a world
Grey had just turned to Black

Just another evening...

2008-12-25T11:38:00.008+05:30

Just another evening by my window

The sun blazed the whirlwinds fest

Yet how long will the fury last for

Will the fire burn after the sun has set

Tree Huggin'

2008-04-19T23:42:00.003+05:30

I admit. Its my new therapy-go hug a tree.

It all started one day, early morning walk in the garden behind my home.At 6:30am its quite pleasant, the Bombay humidity is still asleep. I decided to speed up a bit, and stumbled. My left hand pressed on to the trunk of the tree-and I a felt an electric vibe. The same vibes I feel when I meditate, the same ones when I practise Vipassana, the same vibes of peace.

The next morning, I tried it again and yet again. I tried it with different trees-it didnt work, just seemed to be this one! I discussed the same with Ani, who exclaimed his mother believes the very same-that trees let out healing and positive vibration.
It went on to become a routine, every morning I go and hold the tree with both my hands. Its no longer an experiment-its a feeling of bliss.

Do I sound nutty? What the hell you'll never know -- go find your hugging tree.

Damned

2008-03-06T12:01:00.004+05:30

I have dreams. So it is not your fault.Its mine.

Filmy Ghupchup

2008-02-28T00:33:00.003+05:30

So Ani and I are about to leave a party at SoBo, when a girl we chit-chatted with(abt her job in the film ad production) requested to be given a lift home. Sure! hop on, and it began...

Shahrukh Khan is gay. Karan, Manish Malhotra and his orgies are toh regular news,but he keeps picking up young boys from Hum Safar (a gay organization). Dont feel bad about Gauri..she's bi too............N dont ask about Aishwarya, she slept with Amitabh during Mohabatein days-n now married to Abhishek cheeeee. n ofcourse she slept with that full-of-boils face Subhash Ghai for Taal..............Preity is a chain smoker is not the eye raising fact but shes hooked onto cocaine, all that bubbly nature is cause of the bubbles she sees post hash............Shaahid slept with Vidya Balan, so Kareena ditched him,n poor K is made out to be the bitch............oh one of the best couples is Anil Kapoor-no rumours/affairs so far........Akshay Kumar toh cheats left right n centre-slept with everyone............n Aamir is nice,he didnt have any affairs until his marriage with Reena was rocky-the longest one being with Nandita Das.......if you believe Salman is loyal.dead loyal.Katrina is not (Akshay kumar u see)...........n u think the Dubai shows are for the NRI public, noone sees the Sheikh 'Maha-boob' in the corner deciding who is going to sleep with. And no actress says no the Sheikhs...........Shilpa Shetty may have official estimated 8 crore earning, but the unofficial money she has earned because of sleeping with sheikhs would put Julia Roberts to shame.....its a million dollar industry out there!........

Oi! I have to get off here. Sccreeeech. Uff!.....

2008-01-25T23:17:00.000+05:30

Like the black dust from my lips
that float into space, and laid there
there, until it was time
to come back into the winds
float like a leaf in autumn
to burn back into dust
and land
in the same cold traingle of steel
setting it to light
so to be proved yet again
the anguish is not the way
for I am beyond

For the harsher words are better
than the silent curse
the anguish was not the way
I am beyond.

Infidelity

2008-01-13T03:06:00.000+05:30

We gave up our dream
to make a path

between reality and compromise;

Disloyal to oneself

True to the eclipse

And we named it Life

Tagged!! 8 Random things about me

2007-10-23T22:48:00.000+05:30

I got tagged..by Non-Sequitur. 8 hard facts it is....

Me on Love
You can love me with all your heart, but if you dont love me the way I want to be loved...then your not happening. Good chemistry, good fun, good looks, good money, good intellect, good nature- you think thats good enough? your still not happening.

Me on Romantic
I love watching construction sites, high cranes, tall buildings. The most romantic moment is being amongst tall skyscrapers, watching them be created block by block. Its just the concept that 'somethings being built'.

Me on Tears
A mere 'shut up' can make me cry. I cry when.. Im upset, angry, very relieved, irritated, im in pain, see loved ones in pain, see strangers in pain. I howl when I see injustice.

Me on Sacred
Life...the only thing I consider sacred on this earth.

Me on my Interests
The only thing thats interests me- is when the interests go on changing. If one cannot be open to try it all, and experience it all-then it cant be interesting enough for me.

Me on Friends
Water thicker than blood....anyday.

Me on Work
As long as I can learn n grow, meet new people id like to know,
As long as the moolah flows in too, Work is all im gonna do!

Me on Spirituality
Its my ultimate goal in life-to set myself free. I believe humans can leave their bodies, walk on water, make the winds change direction,simply do anything one wants to do. As someones favourite quote goes "Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream of things that never were and say-why not"..Yeah!

And Tagged....Parag, 666, Vbv...

Perfection Blues

2007-10-02T18:32:00.000+05:30

As you can see...

every hue of joyful blue

is in me!

------------------------------------

As you can see...

a net lies behind me

But am I trapped under it

Or am I free above it

Or I am only,what my mind lets me be?

-------------------------------------

As I can see...

We would be perfect together

But i am imperfect now

So us not being together is perfect

And this fight for freedom...

left bound me forever.

-------------------------------------

Such kinda days...

2007-09-12T00:22:00.000+05:30

Remember, when my mom insisted I go all the way into town to buy train tickets for Poona (the days when there was no expressway nor online booking). I was almost irritated being dragged on a public holiday.
I dressed up my casualest best-track pants and a tee; you saw me and said lets goto Pearl of the Orient.And so we did,as the rain beat against the windows,as college students having no money, as I could watch the seas.

Such carefree kinda days...
---------
You remember the day I bunked office for the morning;it was those perfect kind of days-cloudy and cool. We went to watch Shrek, ate at crepe station and drove by the sea-side. I was so happy through out the day.

Such fun kinda days...
---------
Remember, at the snow park, everyone was enjoying all the snow rides. Post 40 mins, we looked at each other and just ran out. Went straight to the tea store and ordered two pots of piping hot chai.Then after few sips, we looked at each other and just laughed.

Such warm kinda days...
---------
You recall the night,post an argument at 1:30 am, we went for a drive. And we drove and drove..out of the city, to the capital, only to discover the gorgeous palace.By 4am I was starved..only to see the Burger King on the opposite side of the freeway, so we drove round and round until the exit, and until I got my bean burger!

Such mad kinda days...
--------
72 floors above Singapore City,drinks at the bar,and a lovely dinner in the outdoors. Then chatting with you about everything and nothing through half the night.

Such treasured kinda days...
-------
I used to be so afraid to sit on your bike. And then we went for a ride, and just rode and rode and rode. From holding onto the bike to holding the winds in my hand.

Such free kinda days...
------

Such kinda days......

Painting the skies

2007-08-19T13:05:00.000+05:30

A typical early morning..... no dont imagine sun rise, tweeting birds, or quiet roads. It was a typical working early morning--honking of huge vegetable trucks, the wholesale bhaji walis dashing across the road and the occasional garbage van leaving for their daily rounds.

The car screeched to a halt behind a large yellow "Horn OK Please" , after observing and re-observing the pink lotus designs painted on the truck, the car managed to cut lanes and get ahead.....only this time to be stuck behind "Raja and Rani".

There were a string of taxis-she resigned to the fact that this was going to take a while. The entire stretch of the road is flanked by kothmir and methi (corriander and fenugreek respectively) sellers, and the smell is almost pungent and always gets one coughing.

Overhead the dark clouds floated by, but not a single drop fell, their destination was elsewhere. Her eyes wandered to the further skies a dark set of clouds were approaching covering the sun. She said the word -- 'Ghayath' (rain). Like a chant, Ghayath. The honking stopped, the road blurred, with her whole soul into the power of the word, Ghayath.

The first few drops of rain fell, she continued to chant, and put her hand outside the window to feel the creation. Her eye followed a drop as it fell onto the tip of her finger and slid gently down to the mount of her palm, just then a silver car skidded to a stop in the lane besides her. Her eyes wavered to see the driver, his eye was fixed on the last quarter of the sun going behind the clouds, but his lips were chanting, fervently chanting.

She didn't need to be Nostrodamus to know what he was chanting. The clouds slowly began to turn, and the drizzle grew fainter as the sun glared back onto the now completely covered kothmir street.

Honnnnnkkkkkk-everything came back to life, the babble of the wholesale sellers, the beggar kids playing in the muck, the crude marathi chatter. In that second, the silver car cut into her lane and sped away on the open road ahead. The realization of obnoxious smell lead her into a coughing frenzy, dotted with the abuses from the car drivers behind.

The car purred into the first gear finally, she looked into the rear view mirror and her eyes stopped at the unmistaken sight of the tip of a rainbow. She stopped the car to the side and got out- to see the glorious band of colours stretched across the skies.

She smiled. She sighed.

It would be a long time before she could create a rainbow on her own.

Calling?

2007-06-06T09:38:00.000+05:30

My eyes opened, it has been an uncanny dream, and I could feel a frown forming on my brow. The clock on the mantelpiece showed 3:38am. I sat upright and decided to meditate; my thoughts however chose to have me diving under Aussie seas chasing after my P.G.Wodehouse book. 'Blessed night', I cursed, falling back onto my bed.

I flashed back

---

It had been but 2 months back since I was at the Vipassana retreat at Igatpuri. For the un-initiated, Vipassana is a meditation technique promoted by Goenka. This 10 day rigorous course teaches the mind to be alert and notice sensations which emit from the internal body.

Each emotion experienced, we emote a range of sensations-positive vibrations or negative such as pain and discomfort. Every iota of our body is continuously experiencing a sensation which is ever changing. This technique enables one to observe those sensations.

The 10 days of absolute disconnect helps, as does the Arya Maun(complete silence), but not as much as the vibrations of that place.

On the 6th day of my course for the first time I managed to feel complete sensations all over my body, the sensation of a high frequency vibration on every part.

It was also the last time I felt it.

'R' my buddy who sent me there explained it to me, 'You wanted it so much, that you concentrated on recurring the same feeling rather than on what you were actually experiencing.' The main aim of Vipassana is to be detached to all the sensations-good or bad. To acknowledge and to know--that whatever comes...goes.

I confess though once I have been back, it has gotten harder to concentrate.

---

As I feLl back on my bed, I was beyond despair, beyond frustrated-I had simply given up. So I started again-and it came, slowly flowing over my entire skin, engulfing me with vibrations.

It was a blessed night indeed

---

PS- R...owe you one too many