ExplodingChef

2006-03-02T23:55:00.000+00:00

Exploding chef is resting. Take a trip to Nappy Mountain.

Nice. Honest.

2005-08-25T20:03:00.000+00:00

Ok, so this is probably very weird, but had forgotten how jolly nice scrambled eggs on toast was with a side order of Branston pickle. Before you accuse me of being all pregnancy cravings and such (which I've not had any of, before you ask), it's something I used to eat when I was small, and I've never grown out of it. Rather like peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and Marmite soldiers with boiled eggs. Which of course I fully intend to foist upon my darling offspring in about a year's time, so that I get the chance to eat them legitimately again...

Oh boy

2005-08-23T12:29:00.000+00:00

It would take me 3,549 cups of instant coffee to suffer death by overdose of caffeine...check out the damage at Energy Fiend. Worryingly, it only needs 644 cups of hot cocoa to have the same effect.

So is anyone actually cooking out there?

2005-08-14T18:37:00.000+00:00

Today's scary statistic (from the Observer Food Monthly magazine): 8% of meals are cooked from scratch at home each day. Apparently the UK spent £18 billion on convenience foods last year.

Maybe it's time to bring back rationing...

Invisible crusts

2005-08-12T15:57:00.000+00:00

Crustless bread? Whatever next? Surely that's the best bit?! Where would you be without the crispy bit round the edges when you make toast? Can you imagine a baguette without the crust? Sacrilege. These people must be stopped...

Food fight!

2005-08-11T09:02:00.000+00:00

There seems to be something of a bun fight going on in the world of pies - all about who can describe their pork pies as being "Melton Mowbray". More info at the excellent pie-man.com site. I can't claim extensive knowledge, so I might have to go out and buy a Melton Mowbray one, just to see. And eat it with Branston pickle, of course.

Miles of food

2005-08-03T07:51:00.000+00:00

The Guardian takes up the issue of food miles again, pointing out that not only is it almost impossible in a supermarket to work out where ingredients apart from fruit and veg are coming from (take muesli, for example) but also we're all travelling in our cars to get to said supermarket, and adding yet more food miles to the total. I have to admit I'm as guilty as anyone here - we try and shop locally for fruit and veg, and try and get meat from the farmers' market, but it's still Morrisons or Tesco that gets our custom for everything else. What's worse, Morrisons is about 8 minutes walk away...but I usually take the car because I can't carry everything back. I know I've got a good excuse (being pregnant sometimes comes in handy), but it doesn't stop you feeling any less guilty...

Monstrous, I tell you

2005-07-29T16:00:00.000+00:00

Have just finished eating the world's most mammoth chicken, bacon and advocado club sandwich at Belle & Herbs (on Heaton Road in Newcastle, for those of you who are interested - thoroughly recommended for the homemadeness and the very good smoothies). Could get to like this being on maternity leave and popping out for lunch business...horror of horrors, could I be turning into a 'lady who lunches'? Mind, I don't really have the handbags or gold sandals to really do justice to the stereotype.

Actually, the other good thing about being at home and having cable is being able to watch all the cookery programmes that are on (UKTV Food has a lot to answer for). Mind, I had to turn off the River Cafe Cookbook as Rose Grey and Ruth Rodgers were driving me up the wall - they are just so patronising. The food looks amazing, and I'd love to eat in their restaurant, but as tv presenters they really need to lighten up.

Olive oil

2005-07-28T08:28:00.000+00:00

ok, ok, so I've not been around for a while. Can't even use the excuse of a new baby - it's not due for another 5 weeks (and counting...). But I'm back (for a short while anyway, until the lack of sleep kicks in).

And to kick off with, an interesting article in the Guardian, on how the British have become a nation of olive oil lovers. Never knew Crisp and Dry was such a big thing in the 70s though - I may have missed out there. Mum wasn't big on fried stuff - chips were strictly cooked in the oven, and we didn't have a deep fat fryer.

The food mountain

2005-04-14T12:30:00.000+00:00

Not only do we buy crap, but then we don't get round to eating it - about a third of food in the UK gets chucked out each year, costing each adult £420. Whatever happened to making things from leftovers? (We just don't eat enough soup, obviously...)

Mind, it's all very well Lord Haskins complaining that we're obsessed with sell-by dates "so that we throw away perfectly good food which happens to be out of code". He should try being pregnant and being bombarded with information about what you should and shouldn't eat, and how not to go near anything that may have been out of the fridge longer than 10 minutes or something that's a second past its sell-by date. It's enough to drive you to distraction.

No more cookies...

2005-04-12T15:02:00.000+00:00

Just as I'm getting larger and larger, it seems like the whole world is going on a diet - even the Cookie Monster is giving up cookies in favour of fruit and veg.

Feed me better (2)

2005-04-06T11:26:00.000+00:00

Ok, an update on school dinners so far...

Ruth Kelly (education secretary) announced an extra £280 million for school dinners, which comes to at least 50p in ingredients per day for primary school kids and 60p per day for secondary. Hey, now they're getting the same as the Army dogs!
The BBC had a look at school dinners around the world - not surprisingly, French and Norwegian kids eat well, and the Americans are probably even worse off then we are.
Now we can get really worried, and look at what children in nurseries are eating (and the prospect here is even scarier, as they're often getting breakfast, lunch and tea.

On a completely different tack, square tins. Yes, square tins. Very pretty. Call me old fashioned, but I rather liked the old ones.

And for the ultimate in Japanese food, take a look at these guys. Never knew that sumo wrestlers were such chefs.

Feed me better

2005-03-23T12:44:00.000+00:00

Ok, ok, I know I haven't posted anything for ages. But I do have a good excuse - there's something about being pregnant and throwing up/feeling queasy all the time that really puts you off thinking about/writing about/eating food. But hey, there's light at the end of the tunnel. Now I've got rid of the super-nasty metallic taste in my mouth, and the need to heave over toilet bowls, I'm feeling up to thinking about food again. Which is a good job, as lots seems to have happened while I've been away.

Now I don't know if future sprog is influencing my thinking at all, but I've been totally engrossed in the Jamie Oliver series, Jamie's School Dinners. And completely appalled at what we seem to be feeding children, and at what cost - 37p (apparently the Army spends more on feeding their dogs, at 50p a time). So it's not surprising to see that what the kids get looks like dog food, and probably tastes like it too. They've even stamped it into pretty shapes for them, like we do with dog biscuits.

Because of the hoo-ha, the government's actually decided to do something, albeit several years too late. But it's not nearly enough. Sign up to the Feed Me Better campaign now. When my kid gets to going to school or nursery I don't want it to be eating that crap. Yours shouldn't have to either.

Worcester sauce

2005-02-23T14:30:00.000+00:00

Phew. Worcestershire sauce is fine. Luckily, it seems to have escaped the whole furore about the Sudan 1 dye, which for those of you who don't know, is a red dye most commonly used in shoe and floor polish. Somehow, it's ended up in a batch of chilli powder, which was used by a company called Premier Foods to make a batch of Worcester sauce. That sauce was, in turn, used in all sorts of ready meals and convenience foods, for all the major supermarkets and manufacturers. It's carcinogenic in rats, so as a precaution thousands of products are being recalled and removed from the shelves. If ever there was a story to encourage people to make their own food from their own raw ingredients, that's the one.

As you may imagine, it's all over the newspapers, in various forms. The Guardian has an interesting article on how so many ready meals have been affected, because different supermarket brands all come from the same supplier. The Daily Mail points out that it's spread to school meals, and the Times that it's spread to some NHS wards. It all just goes to show how little cooking takes place anywhere these days - it's all reheated gloop which has been mass-processed in factories. And they wonder why, with people full of E-numbers, sugars, salts, additives and shoe polish dyes that the health of the population is going downhill.

Rant over. Back to my cheese on toast with Worcestershire sauce...

Chips chips chips chips

2005-02-17T12:58:00.000+00:00

If you fancy a few chips, get yourselves down to Plymouth, where a mad fish fryer, inspired by Ellen MacArthur, is going to attempt to make the world's biggest bag of chips. But if it's going to take 12 hours to cook them all, doesn't that mean that the first ones will be pretty soggy by that point? And there's nothing worse than greasy stone cold chips, that's for sure. Not even tomato ketchup will cover that one up.

Long time no see

2005-02-16T10:44:00.000+00:00

Well, you know how it is. One thing leads to another, and then you realise that you haven't updated the blog for a couple of weeks at least. It's been nice to have a break actually from the tyranny of thinking up food-related things. Not that I don't like posting. It's just that some days come easier than others.

Speaking of things that you haven't seen for a long time, I discovered one of the massive Channel 4 billboard posters for Green Wing on a streetcorner in Newcastle (for those of you who are interested, on the corner of the Haymarket and Leazes Arcade). I thought all those had vanished long ago. I keep meaning to go and take a photo and post it, but by the time I get round to doing so, it'll have disappeared, knowing my luck.

Anyway, here's today's food-related news:

A cheese firm in Yorkshire wants to keep making feta. The EU seems to think it should relocate to Greece. I suspect the weather's rather better there than it is in Thirsk.

I was also going to direct you to the rather wonderful website of California Tomatoes, but they seem to be in the middle of a redesign. Shame. It's not often you get to see an entire site just devoted to one vegetable.

Doesn't time fly...

2005-02-01T20:22:00.000+00:00

February. How the hell did it get to be February without me noticing? Next thing you know people will be telling me it's May and time to take off your vest. Or that Halloween is just round the corner or something. But yes, where is the year going to? Either the New Year hangover has lasted a very long time, or I've been missing something.

I suppose the good thing about February (apart from the mad delusional day that is Valentine's day) is that it'll be pancake day soon. Yay. Time to get out the Jif lemon and brown sugar, and get flipping. Although my pancakes will never be as good as the crepes we had in Paris one February, spread with chocolate sauce (ok, Nutella) and munched as we walked down the Champs Elysees. It's a bit hard to recreate that in Newcastle...

Haggis update

2005-01-28T13:46:00.000+00:00

No pictures of the haggis - sorry. I clean forgot. But it did taste rather good - if you bake them in the oven for an hour, wrapped up in foil, they go all crispy inside (as opposed to the slightly watery version you get if you boil them). Ooh, and crannachan wasn't bad either - a bit chewy with all that pinhead oatmeal (and incredibly filling), but the raspberries worked their magic. But the star of the evening was a haggis, tatties and neaps pie, from a Yorkshire company called I's Pies. A complete dinner all in one dish. How cool is that?

Anyway, for my next trick, I'm going to have to try this recipe from Who Wants Seconds? - Puy lentil salad with feta cheese. Sounds lovely, and again, I'm seduced by the pictures. Must stop drooling. Although the burgers are calling from today's Times...maybe the two together in a pitta bread?

25th January=Burns Night

2005-01-25T13:45:00.000+00:00

=haggis! (Although, sadly not a Macsween one this year.) And neaps, tatties and the rest of the works too, of course. And probably some whisky somewhere along the line, I would guess. Tonight I'm also going to try out crannachan for pudding for the first time. It sounds a doddle. Anything that involves blending a few raspberries and whipping a bit of cream can't be that hard. Will report back later (maybe even with some photos, if you're lucky).

Ooh, I could crush a grape

2005-01-21T13:08:00.000+00:00

If you've ever fancied having tea with Stu Francis (special requirements: a bunch of grapes - this'll mean nothing to you unless you were a child of the 1970s and watched Crackerjack), then check out Supper with the Stars. Can't quite work out if this is a piss take or not, but if it isn't, I'd love to know how much they charge...

Oh, and while you're about it, have a look at the Hitman website. Absolutely nothing to do with food (although I guess it could come in handy if you had a terrible meal out somewhere and wanted revenge...), but ridiculously funny.

Water water everywhere...

2005-01-19T13:53:00.000+00:00

Can you believe we spend £1bn a year in this country on bottled water? When you can get it free (well, apart from your water rates, that is) from the tap. And for all those of you complaining about the stuff in tap water, you can always go and buy a water filter. It's still a damn sight cheaper than Volvic.

Oh, and on a GW-related note, February 2006. FEBRUARY 2006. It's just not fair...

Pegg on the brain

2005-01-17T13:22:00.000+00:00

I made muffins yesterday - carrot, walnut and marmalade muffins to be precise. Don't worry, they taste far better than they sound. They even have raisins in and everything. But now I have the line that Simon Pegg says in Black Books in my head - you know, the bit in series three where he's the evil bookshop owner welcoming Bill Bailey to his new job and telling him he's a valued staff member - "Muffins are for customers". If you say it fast, and in an evil tone of voice, you'll be just about right. You have to imagine the look of panic on Bill Bailey's face too. And I definitely want one of those rotating muffin machines, that looks suspiciously like an automatic cd rack. Would look fantastic on my desk at work...

Exorbitant beans

2005-01-14T13:20:00.000+00:00

Jamie Oliver's in trouble for charging £7 for a dish of baked beans on toast, which used to be served at his restaurant in London, Fifteen. OK, so it was ciabatta bread, and olive oil, parmesan and rocket were mixed in with the baked beans, but £7? £7?? Just goes to show you Londoners really will pay anything...if you tried that in Newcastle you'd get laughed out of town.

In other news, not content with the Virgin Mary's picture on a toasted cheese sandwich, a bar manager in Switzerland is trying to convince people that he's got an oyster shell with Jesus' face on it. Whatever next? Answers on a postcard, please.

Ooh, and before I forget, here's 100 things we didn't know this time last year. Aside from a group of rhinos being called a "crash", I particularly like the fact that herrings "break wind to communicate and keep the school together".

Toast. And Marmite.

2005-01-12T13:46:00.000+00:00

I'll start off in a vaguely intellectual manner (as opposed to my usual meanderings), with a startling fact that I heard on the Radio 4 Today programme yesterday morning. Apparently, honey has now overtaken marmalade as the spread of choice at breakfast. More money is now spent on honey of various types than all the thin shred, thick cut and Dundee marmalade put together. What, not everyone eats Marmite first thing in a morning? I thought it was obligatory? Ever since I was small I've had Marmite on my toast. Every day at university I used to line up in the breakfast queue, clutching my Marmite jar (and I wasn't the only one) to spread on the beautifully lukewarm toast that Mary the Toast Dragon doled out (two slices if you were lucky, three if you smiled and four if you were over 6ft tall and played rugby). And it's continued ever since (although, obviously, I don't have Mary the Toast Dragon in my kitchen supplying lukewarm toast anymore. Which is probably a good thing). Even my cat likes the corner of the toast with a bit of Marmite on. What's wrong with you people?

Sage (Parsley, Rosemary and Thyme)

2005-01-09T17:05:00.000+00:00

Lunch at the Sage Gateshead cafe today - they make a storming carrot and orange soup, and a pretty good hot chocolate. It's expensive of course, but you're partly paying for the ambience, the magnificent building, and some fantastic views across the river Tyne to Newcastle city centre. Definitely worth it.