Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like “posts that a gnome would make” or like “are you a phone”
me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU
whenever i see a noir detective in the rain i’m like yeah man… that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be
Noir detectives are actually meant to be stressed, it’s their natural state. A Noir detective with nothing to be stressed about, will quickly revert to a more highly stressed state than normal.
Noir detectives require stress to be healthy, that’s why it’s a good idea to make sure that an Inside Detective has access to regular difficult and alarming cases to solve and also a shower they can stand in (fully clothed or not) to agonize, since they can’t go out in the rain. Don’t be alarmed if they bang their little fists on the tile and howl, that’s a normal part of the display. If they sit on the floor and cry, though, they may be overstimulated and need some hard alcohol and a nap to help them settle down.
It can be difficult, but if you have a friend with a Femme Fatale, arranging a (supervised) playdate can be enriching to both of them.
it’s important to allow your Noir Detective to bundle your Femme Fatale into an airplane at night at least once a year, as it provides them both with a rare excuse to let themselves openly cry for emotional catharsis and clear out vestigial tear ducts, which are dangerous to clean at home. in particularly difficult cases where neither has cried for years, artificial rain may be required to provide some cover (and will also provide a humidity boost, an underlooked but important part of trenchcoat health). Be sure to provide your Noir Detective with additional replacement trenchcoats after airplane enrichment, as the Femme Fatale will probably steal his to line her nest.
