Cackling Library Hens

2006-06-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

Break

The students have taken their last final and the library books have all been returned (yeah right). Finally, the librarians have some peace and quiet for a brief interlude.

A library informant told us yesterday that there is a rumor that the librarians are not to be messed with. Students know that when they come to the library, no crap will be tolerated. It’s as if there is a sign that says: “No Fun Allowed.” When we heard this, we all laughed with glee! We broke the students’ spirit!

To be perfectly honest, I don’t give a damn if students play games online, chat, or check the most recent headlines. I only care that the place not be a wild zoo with cell phones ringing, people sitting on tables, or having loud raucous conversations.

Oddly enough I get this power trip, which is really out of character for me. When I hear students being loud, I’ll simply walk over and start straightening chairs or something like that. They shut right up. Amazing. I also recommend making eye contact with them. If they keep talking, just stare them down. You would think it wouldn’t faze them, but once that reputation is established, you just work it!

- Hen 1

2006-06-02T12:01:00.000-07:00

Painting

If I had my way, the library would be a nice soft peach hue. It would relax the students, I could look at a nice color and it would match my bedroom sheets.

The way things are done around here; one doesn’t expect much planning or thought to go into an event such as this. Originally, moving the shelving from the walls didn’t seem like such a big deal. But let’s consider the books on the shelves; they make everything much heavier and harder to move.

Today, two days from painting day, our facilities manager realizes there’s no way to move the shelving, unless you get a forklift. The solution: paint around the shelving…hopefully no one will notice the line where the old paint and new paint starts.

We’re going to half a half-assed paint job. Not only that, but we’re expecting new furniture within the next week and we’re going to rearrange the furniture anyway. Facilities solution: they’ll touch it up when the new furniture gets in. My solution: fire the facilities manager and get someone who knows how to plan.

Did I mention the elevator is also out of service? Apparently the local governing body that inspects for elevator safety shut us down. That’s right folks; they shut down our elevator because it WAS NOT safe. I’ve been riding up and down in the rickety thing with AV equipment and at any moment I could have plummeted to my death and be pinned underneath a huge TV and cart. I think OSHA would be very interested to hear about my working conditions…

- Hen 2

2006-05-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

Missing Pen

I was sitting in the office today and a student knocked on the door. He looked a bit lost when he asked: “Have you seen my pen? I left it by one of the computers last week.” I said, “Its not likely if you left it over a week ago; was it expensive?” “No” he said, “It was white and I just liked using it.”

Again, to clarify I was hearing properly, I asked: “Was it expensive or worth something?” He said “no” and said “that’s okay; I just liked that pen and wanted to see if you had it.” So he walked away and that was it.

Um, okay. Here I was thinking that an expensive Mont Blanc pen was possibly stolen or still in the library. Nope, this probably was a plain ole Bic pen with a fine point.

- Hen 1

2006-05-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

Undeserving

Why does everyone feel they are special? Why should I make exception to rules just for them? Why should I accommodate someone? Unless I’m mistaken, I was under the impression that academia meant red tape. The more red tape and the more hoops to jump through, the better you were doing your job.

Now I’m not talking about providing reference assistance to students or anything library related here. I believe I should jump through hoops for people who want to use the library for research and use librarians as resources. Bring it on!

What I’m talking about is my glorified photography stint as ID Card-Picture taker. First of all, we have signs posted, e-mails have been sent and I’ve spoken to tons of people about the dates and times for taking IDs. We aren’t a big operation here so taking pictures at anyone’s whim is not top priority.

So why do so many Joe Schmo professors come in wanting their ID’s taken when it’s not the scheduled time? I mean we’re talking about 1.5 hours earlier than the scheduled time. Even as I explain we have make-up dates for photos they insist they won’t be here or they need to do it now. What pissed me off was that the most recent beauty, Returning Prof, had to mention that he had a meeting with the top administrator now and needed his picture taken. Since he used his trump card, I had no choice but to do their photo, lest administration hear he was refused.

I despise people who feel it necessary to name drop, threaten, or use other slimy tactics to get what they want. GRRRRrrrrrr.

- Hen 3

2006-05-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

Beauty School

I understand that sometimes the library isn’t the most exciting place for a student worker. But it is inexcusable to polish one’s nails while sitting at any service desk. Rooster walked in the other day and said, “I think Flirty Chick is polishing her nails.” I go to investigate and sure enough there was a bottle of polish sitting on the desk.

After I told Flirty Chick that this behavior was unacceptable, she said, “okay I won’t do it.” Since she has an attitude problem, I took a peek back and saw her complaining to some of her worker buddies. Complain all you want BITCH. Let’s consider the following: If we don’t allow students to polish their nails in the library, what makes you think its okay to polish yours?

Answers to last Post

Since no one bothered to respond to the last posting and play our little game, I am not revealing the answer to the mystery vendor. Quick recap: Southern vendor that has a sexy British woman while you wait for customer service. Last chance to answer!

- Hen 3

2006-05-05T12:28:00.000-07:00

Faux Accent

There’s a library vendor located in the South that has a very unusual welcome message when you call. You would expect a nice southern drawl like, “Y’all pick out some nice library supplies here.” Instead, a very sultry British woman says “Thank you for calling _______, if you want customer service…” I almost expect the woman to say, “For sexual fantasies, press one... “

Can you guess which vendor this is? Answers will be revealed at the next post.

- Hen 4

2006-05-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

Keeping busy

The key to happiness at any job is being busy and being caught up in your work. Yesterday I was in the foulest of moods because I had absolutely nothing to do. Sure I answered stupid questions at the reference desk and grunted, “No stapler, use paper clips,” but I didn’t use my brain once. These are the times when boredom is your undoing.

So I lost my sanity yesterday and consistently growled at Rooster who is probably seeking my replacement as I post this. I would imagine grunting that “I hate this job,” is not good for one’s job security.

Nevertheless I’m having a good day today since I actually helped some people today and I received a request to lecture to a class. Presenting to a class always interests me, especially when it’s a topic I have to research first. In this case I’m searching the Census and getting into marketing and finding demographics. Who would have thought a little research could cheer me up so much?

As much as I enjoy goofing off at times, I really would like to do something meaningful and not just surf the Web. There are only so many library blogs and New York Times articles to read. I suppose you could rationalize that I am very well informed which is a necessary part of my job. Yeah --If you believe that one, I can tell you another.

- Hen 3

2006-05-01T13:46:00.000-07:00

Put Your Head On My Shoulder

I happen to sit-on on quite a few committees and I had the opportunity to listen to our faculty talk about classroom management. At first, it went on with general tips on how to manage students with behavioral issues. The dean, A Pompous Ass, explained his method of allowing three strikes for students and the benefits of taking the student aside and speaking to them one-on-one.

Pompous Ass explains that once you get a student alone, they’re a different kid entirely. After a few picture-perfect examples that faculty members shared with the rest of us, it seemed that this technique was a good idea.

Finally, after all the positive feedback, some faculty members decided to speak up about their problem students. One instructor asks, “What do you do with students that do annoying stuff?” So Pompous Ass asks for some examples to clarify. So the instructor said this student asks, “How do you handle a student that says “Miss, are you going to bake me some cookies? Miss, can I put my head in your lap?”

After this was stated, everyone was appalled. How can anyone let this behavior happen in their classroom? Pompous Ass says “I still think my method will work, get the student alone, close the door, and talk one-on-one. The rest of us are looking at him like he’s grown another head. Close the door with a potential sexual predator? Obviously Pompous Ass is thinking with his ass.

Nevertheless, this makes me feel better for all the classes I’ve had to lecture in and that I survived unharmed. It also makes me wonder how we have any faculty remaining.

- Hen 1

2006-04-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

Spring is in the air…

And what does that mean to you? Budding flowers, birds and bees, and SEX! That’s right, bring on the sex! Well you see…some students were so full of Spring Fever that that they just forgot themselves and got caught in a very uncompromising position in one of our classrooms.

Apparently the Absent Minded Professor (ABM) happened to stroll into one of the unused classrooms and caught them with their pants down, literally. Since ABM is off his rocker, he failed to get much attention from the proper authorities when he tried to tell them two students were “going at it.” I can only imagine the trauma that ABM experienced since it was our very own resident Library Stalker that was guilty of committing the crime.

If you recall, Stalker had given us a scare regarding one of our library chicks a while back. On a positive note, I am so thankful that he did not attempt to use the library as his rendezvous with desire!

As for the ABM, his story was only believed when someone in administration heard some awfully funny noises coming from the unused classroom. In fact, that classroom has seen more “use” than ever before.

- Hen 4

2006-04-19T07:39:00.000-07:00

Ready for Action

It is our library’s policy that students must show their student ID before they can enter the library; I believe this is a common practice in most academic libraries. It is of course to demonstrate that we have some sort of security within the library and to keep out all those non-students (because they all want to come to our library). As for our security, I know that we don’t have any since I’m the one asking those students to show their ID’s.

Today as I was harassing, ahem, asking Gigolo to show his ID, he was annoyed because he had to dig into his fat wallet. Apparently his wallet isn’t full of cash, but of condoms. He inadvertently pulled out one of his Trojans during his search for his ID. [Side note: he isn’t named Gigolo for nothing.] I think I was more embarrassed than he was when I saw that pathetic and crushed condom. It looks like this prevention method would ultimately fail if it was ever used.

- Hen 2

2006-04-17T11:53:00.000-07:00

Got a Pulse?

After a hard weekend of Easter celebrations, our students had to drag themselves back to school for another challenging round of classes and learning. Those that managed to find the library (through half-open eyes), appeared to be the living dead with zombie stares and drool coming out of their slackened jaws.

“Do you have any comfortable couches for us to lie on?” said one “funny” student. Ummm No, there will be no ZZzzzz’s caught in the library. Nevertheless, more zombies slowly shuffled in and the place was as quiet as a grave. This certainly was a pleasant return back.

- Hen 3

2006-04-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

No, Means No

Before the weekend started, a student knocked politely on my office and asked if there were any library positions available in the library. I apologized and said there weren’t any positions available for student workers or for regular employees. Apparently, “No,” was not the answer he wanted to hear.

In response, the Persistent Student went on to say he was going to graduate soon and was an honors student and he noticed how busy it gets in the morning and how I answer all the questions quickly and efficiently. I thanked him and he continued to lay it on thick and said he wanted to work in the library because it was quiet and convenient and he wanted someplace to work while he continued his studies.

Yet again, I explained we didn’t have positions, but perhaps he could visit the career center to find what else is available or perhaps a paid or unpaid internship in the area. He said he went already and he didn’t really like what was out there, and that those offices were too busy. He said, again, he really wanted to work in this library. At this point, it was obvious to me that he didn’t believe me when I said there aren’t any positions available. Finally, after going around in circles for at least 10 minutes, I apologized and said we have nothing for you, try the career center or look at an online jobsite.

He didn’t get the hint because he came back later in the week while we had an IT person fixing one of the computers. Persistent Student asked “hey, do you work here?” I happened to overhear and say, NO, he doesn’t work in the library (SO GET LOST KID).

Geez, I never heard of anyone so desperate to work… I have a feeling our student workers have been sharing with their friends how little work they actually do. Who else will have I have to beat off?

- Hen 1

2006-04-13T11:51:00.000-07:00

Inbred Institution

It’s amazing how so many people that are related to one another, actually work for the College. What’s even more of a coincidence are their positions. They are ALL so qualified and hard working that they ALL hold key positions in institution. Wow! Sounds like a family of really hard workers who are dedicated to their jobs!

Yet one must tread very carefully around this nepotistic community. There are spies everywhere and who knows where one may just POP UP! You thought political views were taboo at the workplace? Well as long as you have the RIGHT view point, you’re in with the gang.

In the library we have to be a little bit careful not to put out anything too LLLL….LL…liberal. There, I said it. Although I pride myself on sneaking in some rather daring content while doing large book orders. Okay, it’s not daring but certainly notable, even though some may not agree. Yes, I think of devious ways to infiltrate the hard conservative shell and slowly it will start working. Maybe not next week, maybe not next year….but it will start working, oh yes…

- Hen 4

2006-04-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

Small Talk

On the topic of a past job...

Jesus Boy: So how did you like working there?

Hen 3: It was a job.

Jesus Boy: I guess the whole point is to find a job that you really want to do everyday and doesn't feel like work.

Hen 3: Good luck with that.

2006-04-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

Mutiny in the Library

Our hints for the student workers to get lost have hit a raw nerve. Cutting back on their hours has really left them pissed off. We're not awful managers, really. Actually, if we were better managers we probably would have these kids trained so well that they would form a queue every time we said "Boo." But honestly now, how many academic libraries have student workers that are perfect little angels?

To date, I've been confronted by two angry chicks. These two "darlings," Sporty Chick and Flirty Chick are notorious for slacking off, changing their own hours at their whim, chatting/flirting with friends and constantly getting the most basic of instructions botched up. What can I say? It just so happens that their schedules were the least flexible and I had to cut back.

Needless to say, the two chicks tag-teamed and confronted me at the same time. As their supervisor, I can only make nice nice and say if they weren't happy to work elsewhere. But what surprised me the most is that they would backstab the newest chick that really is not at fault.

The rest of the chicks are content since their schedules are only mildly affected by the cutback in hours. I confess it just so happens that our best workers got to keep most their hours.

Still, the winds seem to be picking up and I feel a storm brewing. I'm waiting for a huge rush of chicks and to be torn apart piece by piece. Then again, our chicks are sneaky so I wouldn't put poison past them. I better keep an eye out for my water bottle.

- Hen 1

2006-04-04T11:06:00.000-07:00

Shelter for the Chicks

If you want a job in the library, you're hired! We're looking for a ridiculous amount of student workers to sit around all day, surf the web, eat chips, and chat with friends. In fact, the only requirement we have is that you have a pulse. If this sounds like you, then step right up! You're hired!

This semester, we have a surplus of student workers due to a series of misfortunate events. I dare not rehash them, as I pity anyone who as to listen. But....if you recall, we had Library Stalker making a muck of things and we were worried for the safety of our little chicks. That's passed and now we're stuck with a whole flock.

Here are a few incentives to get some of them to fly off:

1) Cut-back in hours
2) Offering other glamorous positions throughout the college
3) Forced seating assignments
4) Actually having to work!!

Does anyone have any other suggestions? They would be most welcome.

- Hen 1

2006-03-31T07:02:00.000-08:00

Mrs. Pummelhorse, I'd Like to Get Down Now

Well, we have been on a partial break and all is quiet -- too quiet -- on the library front. Sure we enjoy time to actually work on things that are important to us but we do miss the anecdotal fruits our students' bear. I am sure we will be wishing for the quiet next week.

The library has been so quiet and is so far removed from the rest of the college that pretty much anyone could walk in and kill us and it would probably be a couple of days before anyone realized. It is especially eerie when the power goes out which happens from time to time. Seeing as our offices are enclosed in glass running to hide and save ourselves is simply not an option...great design folks.

We are sorry for not posting more regularly but without our student fodder we are really not that interesting a bunch. Okay, we are, but you know what they say..."What happens in the library...". But do stay tuned because things will be picking up next week and we will try to get on a more regular cycle.

2006-03-27T08:12:00.000-08:00

Back from CIL

This year I had the privilege of attending one conference of my choice. Yes, the perks of academia are working in my favor! I got back this weekend after a weeks worth of information explosion and inspiration. The biggest crowd pleaser was the Wiki's. All the movers and shakers have a wiki these days! This explains a lot since I don't have one; that will change shortly.

I happened to travel to DC with my boyfriend due to a coincidence that we both had work related conferences to attend. Now what are the odds of that happening? hmmmm. When we first arrived, I would point out all the librarians that arrived early. "Spotting one at 3 O 'clock and so forth. As much as I hate to say it, most of us in this field are really stereotyped for a reason. I admit it, I have the glasses and sensible shoes but I DO NOT wear a bun or god awful dowdy clothing. No sense in looking like a slob, have some pride I say!

On that note, there weren't too many offenders since the word is getting out that we need to update our style along with technology. As for CIL, I can honestly say I really enjoyed the presentations and I learned so much. I just wish that I felt as inspired at work today.

When I got in today, the building was freezing, and still is. Apparently, now that it's officially spring, the heat is officially off. Nevertheless, I do have a nice scarf and jacket to keep me warm. But what really pissed me off were the boxes left in my office. Some individuals decided to take advantage of my absence and decided to dump boxes of shit. I just love shit in my office. My office is so big that I have this huge desk, yeah, about the size of a podium. You see, I have a small desk because there's no room in here! We will have to work that out later when Rooster see's it.

There's so much more to tell about CIL...there were so many rowdy librarians. The only evening session was on Dead Technology and we had cat calls coming from one drunken librarian and several hoots and hollering from the audience. The presenters were also wild and one amusing fellow kept saying F*ck! Good times.

- Hen 2

2006-03-17T10:51:00.002-08:00

Librarians Never Forget

One of our old trouble makers came in to ask us a favor. Seems she lost her ID and has just graduated. The thing is she wants to have a student ID for all of the perks that come with it (health insurance, discounts, etc.). Perhaps if she was nicer to us in the past, we could have done something for her. But calling me, a BITCH, on the top of her lungs is not going to be forgotten so easily.

I remember that day fondly, my first real altercation with a student while enforcing the student ID requirement. It's very common in most colleges and universities, so to complain and call me a bitch in front of witnesses, is not acceptable. She got disciplined and learned her lesson, maybe. Nevertheless, whenever I've had the fortune to see her in the hallway, she looks away first.

Well it certainly is too bad that our system was down today and that she's likely to have been removed from it. Darn shame. I guess someone is going to have to pay for insurance at the higher level. If only she weren't such an evil bitch herself - things could have been different.

- Hen 1

2006-03-09T10:23:00.000-08:00

Sound Off

Apologies all around for the lack of postings in the past week. We've actually been busy in the library. As for everyone else, shame on you! We've been feeling down about the lack of comments on our blog and it's about time everyone spoke up and said hello! Oh, and thank you for the two people that posted awhile back. Let's hear a few comments from the rest of the peanut gallery!

While we lazy on postings, we were actually helping students with practice interviews. The students set up their appointments and we grade them on their overall performance. My students mostly giggled a little bit or were slightly uncomfortable (squirm kid, squirm), but for the most part did pretty well. Although, I have no doubt that they will bomb their first interview; only then do you learn what not to do.

We've also had some vendor issues lately, my favorite topic. Apparently there is this flaw (bug) in our library system software and they've known about it for some time. What I can't understand is why they try to place the blame on us and play dumb. If they looked into our complaints and did a little research, they would have immediately put two and two together. Meanwhile, I've been trying to think of any reason why a function won't work and how to fix it. This basically means that I wasted a week of my time when I could have been surfing the Internet. What nerve.

- Hen 4

2006-03-03T11:58:00.000-08:00

Gotta Go

22, that's the number of times I have visited the bathroom today. Not to be crass, but you would think I drank 4 gallons of water today. I was sitting at the reference desk, but it was hard to sit still for more than 20 minutes. I think someone slipped me a water pill while I wasn’t looking.

Here are a few things I noticed while I visited the restroom:
1) There's a loud clanging noise that comes on with the heating system.
2) The first sink constantly drips.
3) People are not neat and do not wipe the seat.
4) Person X once flushed their watch down a toilet (overheard conversation).
5) Its quite nippy in there.
6) The men's bathroom smelled from the outside, glad I didn't have to go in there!

- Hen 3

2006-02-28T12:52:00.000-08:00

Unbalanced

There's something in the air that just doesn't bode well. Maybe it's the putrid odor that is permeating the air? We tend to catch a whiff of raw sewage now and then. But, the library has been so quiet lately that you know it's just the calm before the storm. Even the resentful student workers have been uncharacteristically quiet and cooperative.

The workers aren't the only ones that are a bit off. The hens have been cackling less but we've been at each others throats. You know what happens when you put together a bunch of hens that are grumpy? It's not pretty. Not to mention Rooster has been out of character lately due to a new medication that sedates. Things tend to get a little rough here and that's what it came down to: drugs or finding a new job. Only kidding, it's not one of those drugs.

- Hen 1

2006-02-24T12:04:00.000-08:00

Children of the Corn

Our student workers have been acting a bit strange lately; I fear they may be possessed by some evil force. We are barricaded in our offices and they are pounding on the door with bloodlust in their eyes! HELP! HELP!

Despite the tongue lashing our wonderful student workers received last week, it's obvious they didn't listen. The latest happenings:

Not So Innocent Chick has a new boy toy that's not a student here. This would be all well and fine if she didn't try to sneak him in at night. We do not allow non-students within the library and she's been sneaking him past security. We finally caught on and she's in a bit of trouble. It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for.

Sporty Chick is on the "watch list" because she's been holding court while on the job. She blatantly flirts, talks, and doesn't work within our viewing range; I think she's going to need another job soon.

Flirty Chick may need to get in line behind Sporty Chick since she hasn't been doing much of the flirting lately. She does however feel the need to brush her long beautiful locks while working. Hairdressing and books... not quite the mix we want to promote here.

And Male Chick he's just clueless but in a harmless way. Yet, if he hangs out with the rest of the beauties much longer, then there may be some trouble.

- Hen 3

2006-02-22T11:55:00.000-08:00

Obssessive Cleaning

In the past few weeks, items have been mysteriously moved. They reappear in a new order and are arranged elsewhere in the office. Our piles have been re-piled so to speak, and we can't find anything. Apparently our cleaning service has hired a new cleaning lady who is a bit obsessive compulsive about the way things are placed.

Despite the fact that we can't find anything, we aren't going to say a word to complain. She's the best cleaner (actually cleans) we've ever had and if I have to rummage through papers to find something, I'm fine with that. There's definitely something to be said for meticulous cleaning.

I just wonder why OCD Cleaner continues to move our water bottles. Apparently she thinks these items do not belong on one's desk; rather, they should be placed in a storage area. We never know what's going to be moved next, so we try not to anger the OCD Cleaner and keep our areas as neat as possible.

- Hen 2

2006-02-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

Catch Up Day

With the President's Day holiday upon us, we're dead as a door nail. What bliss! Even though classes are not in session until this evening, the library staff must be here bright 'n early! I actually enjoy these slow days, no students, easy commute, and basically just hanging out and catching up on various projects.

In light of our relaxing day, the past week was a full one. We had to read our student workers the Riot Act which incited some hateful feelings. Basically the Rooster laid down the law (again) and whipped those workers into shape until the next time that is.

More annoying than our student workers, our elevator is out or order, again. This rickety device would have Elisha Graves Otis rolling in his grave. It is really quite sad that the college is too damned cheap to purchase a new elevator. I believe DUMB ASS should be the new college name since they have to keep paying for replacement parts that will soon add up to the cost of a new elevator.

Other than that, all of the library staff is allergic to the building. For the past week we've been breaking out in hives and having allergic reactions to something in our environment. We can't prove the building is doing it, yet. But, I've started looking at those vents with suspicion lately; maybe we're being slowly poisoned? Now that would make a good mystery novel.

- Hen 4