Boy on Top

I'm back

2023-08-01T17:42:00.002+01:00

I don't know if anyone is still looking, but maybe perhaps I'll start blogging again. I won't necessarily post here so much, but you can find me at www.boyontop.net. Have a lovely life.

Happy Camper

2011-10-11T11:12:00.002+01:00

I'm really not sure where September went, let along the start of October, but here it is anyway.

I am, to be simple, a very happy camper. Finally sorted out a new job, and its a good one. I mean a really good one. On the board of a globally recognised brand in a completely different industry. I keep having people tell me this was meant to be, not getting all those other jobs so I'd get this one.

I don't know about that, but I do know that if I lined up all the jobs I've interviewed for, this would easily be at the top of the list. It is both daunting and exciting in equal measure. An enormous amount to do, even more to learn, but it feels well within my capabilities.

I don't start until November 1st, I still have to finish out the contract I'm currently working on. I have spent a few days there already, meeting my new team, spending a strategy day with the board. All good stuff.

I'm treating myself with a new car. Which is a very middle aged male stereotype, but I can live with it for the moment. LL is indulging me, on top of other things (some rather fantastic benefits), this pays rather nicely. Frankly its just a relief to both of us to have things sorted again. We were doing all right with me contracting, but this is just that bit more secure.

In other fronts the family is doing well. Son number 1 is prepping for his common entrance exams, and I am a bit angst ridden about the amount of testing UK youth have to go through. This is multiplied by Son Number 2 having to do his 11+. I hate having to crack the whip to get them to study, but needs must. They are frankly both very happy otherwise, so its not all bad. Princess thankfully has no life changing exams this year, so just happily skips along through life. She's made the first team in Netball this year, so is very pleased with herself. So, all in all, life is not bad at all.

Bittersweet

2011-09-05T11:40:00.003+01:00

I'm not quite sure where August went. First it was here, then it was gone... So, a few catch up posts. We start with my holiday in Vancouver. It had a two fold purpose, get the family somewhere fun, and visit my mother.

The first purpose was a huge success. We had a great time. Mountains where climbed, huge trees were found, whales were watched in abundance, fish were not caught unfortunately, but fun was had trying, waterslides were slid, and we all learned to surf. We'll, I already knew mentally, though my body had quite forgotten. The kids and LL did brilliantly. My daughter was the best of us all, just popping up and surfing back and forth as if she was born to stand on a board. Finally got the kids hooked on sushi. Hard not to like it when it is that fresh and well prepared. It was also blueberry and cherry season, so we rather gorged on cheap and marvelous fruit. From that standpoint we had a marvelous time.

The visit with my mother though, was good, but just a bit sad. For those that have read for a long (long) while I started blogging when my father died. It was a follow on from a car accident that left my mother with ever so little brain damage. Odd things were changed, a sporadic loss of short term memory, a lessening of cognitive functions, her balance went a bit wobbly. All in all enough that she could mostly live on her own, but needed help.

Thankfully her sunny personality (mostly) remained the same, but it has meant we had a lodger living with her who got paid a bit to keep an eye out, and we've had a service in every day to take care of the house. But... she's been slowly deteriorating. What hurts is that my mother is not entirely my mother any more, there are parts of her that are lost, and, sadly, more are getting lost each year. So it was a bittersweet visit. So lovely to see her, but also sad.

The big decision was had with my sister. She's the one who lives in Vancouver and does so much in terms of taking care of our mum. She wanted a spare set of eyes, and a clearer head to talk to about this. With another sister who lives in the US, we cogitated and talked, and decided it was time that mum needed a different lifestyle that assisted living was a good answer, and one closer to where my sister lives.

Its a big step, mum values her independence, but then, part of the damage is she doesn't realise that she's damaged. Hard, hard, hard. We all worried at the decision, and also how she would take it. Clearly she had to be involved in the decision, it couldn't be a fait accompli.

Thankfully, though I left Vancouver in trepidation, as we were still talking it through, it has all worked out fine. Mum not only agreed with the decision, she was enthusiastic about it. Turns out, when she saw the option, it was closer to old friends, and would give her more freedom than she had today to do things, like the Opera, that she loves. So all's well that ends well.

But... it is still bittersweet...

Report Cards and Holidays

2011-07-14T15:24:00.002+01:00

They do often go together.

So it was the boys last day at school yesterday. Mucking about then speach day, then a curry with the family. Nice.

No surprise awards for the boys, which is a shame for them, but I'm not really bothered. They've both had a great year. Lots of successes, plus they seem to be really enjoying their childhood. Which is a goodness.

What was pleasing was their report cards. They go to a highly accademic school. Before you all roll your eyes and say "poor boys" I like it as much for the atmosphere as the results. When I'm there the odd time during the day it is not uncommon to hear laughter roll out of the classrooms, and the boys run about and be boys during break. There's been no hint of bullying, and quite unusually you do see boys from different year groups playing with each other. Even older boys helping younger boys with whatever. Really nice to see.

However, it is both selective and accademic. It took me a while to get used to the report cards. If a boy meets the standards expected for the school (and these are high) they get a 'C'. Which means, a solid 'C' grade means they're doing pretty darn good. 'B's are more rare and means they're up at the top end of the class. 'A's almost never happen. If one boy in a year in one subject gets an 'A' he's essentially rewritten Einstein's theory of relativity before reaching puberty.

This time around both boys got about half 'C's and half 'B's. Most importantly the 'B's were clustered around English, Maths and Science. Not only though, much to my surprise and I am sure the delight of the spirit of my father (who was a vicar), they both got 'B's in religious education. I am quite chuffed and very pleased for them both. So please forgive a bit of parental bragging. Is it possible to be more proud of the achievements of your offspring than yourself? I think so.

Report cards in hand, it is now time to depart on holiday. Two weeks in Vancouver visiting my family and taking off to learn surfing and do a bit of whale watching. Should be fun. Normal service will resume in August.

Oh so tired...

2011-07-12T10:45:00.002+01:00

Its summer, the sun is shining, the kids are finishing off a happy year at school, I am employed (albeit on contract) and my wife is equally so.

Yet... I am absolutely knackered, totally shattered. Just... tired. Partially I think its just middle aged disease. Career, kids, relationship. It feels like there's just no time for anything other than working my ass off. I can't remember the last time I was able to put my feet up and read the Sunday papers, or just sit with LL and watch a movie. We haven't had a night out together in months. Well, that's not strictly true, there's been a few parties and dinners with friends, but those types of social occasions, which I can enjoy, also tire me out. The treadmill just keeps turning.

I know LL feels exactly the same. The burden of keeping up a house, garden and busy active kids is relentless. I think it is fair to say we're both border line depressed and exhausted.

Roll on the weekend and a two week holiday in Canada. Unfortunately it is also a holiday to see my aging mother. Which is necessary, and she's lovely, but it may not be totally relaxing. A few late morning lie ins are in order though. Nothing like visiting a parent to regress to child like behavior. At least I've organised some time the second week to head off and kick back at a beach. We're all going to learn surfing. Should be fun I think (I hope (I dream...))...

On the making of Jam

2011-06-28T15:39:00.002+01:00

I, and my family of course, are very fond of our toast, and therefore jam. Breakfast, pudding after tea, snacks any time of the day, it's a quick and more healthy than some option. We like our brown bread for toast, though an occasional foray into a quality white bread will do. On top, lashings of butter, and marmalade, jam, jelly or sometimes Marmite (not my favourite, but hey).

As such, over the years, I've moved into two different areas of cooking. On the one hand, I make bread. I quite like making bread. Its a very satisfying exercise. Once in a blue moon I get my hands dirty and hand kneed and bash the hell out of the door. Mostly I rely on a very good bread making machine, and partake of my usual pastime of playing with recipies. I have, by the way, perfected a very fine oatmeal and brown flour loaf. I've got it light, fluffy, with a lovely nutty flavour and little of the gritty nastiness many brown breads have. But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

I've also ventured into making jam. There really are very few really good commercial jams and marmalades. The food industry as a whole, relies extremely heavily on adding pectin, and the results are thick and chewy. I like it soft and gooey. Commercial ones also often lack much flavour other than the sugar. So, I rolled up my sleves and started making marmalade first, then jam. I've had a few failures,one match of marmalade, with repeated attempts, just didn't set. Mostly though, its great. There is nothing quite like a really good marmalade or blackcurrent jam.

But... Unlike baking, this is not a task I enjoy. It is laborious (topping and tailing blackcurrents is a pain, though I now don't bother and the little flower bits seems to just disolve, which is a bonus), hot, often boring as you're waiting about for something to happen. It can be painful, I have had more than a few burns over the years. And, well, its just not very much fun. But I persevere, sometimes the result is worth the pain and agony. Sometimes...

Busy Bee

2011-06-22T14:46:00.003+01:00

For a few months I have been doing a contract for a reputable firm in the media space. A bit old, a bit stade, and frankly, not all that good at technology. Initially I was brought in to sort out the website launch from one of its most venerable titles. Blimey it had gone wrong, costs out of control, timelines no longer timely, staff stressed. It looked a disaster, but frankly was easy peasy to sort out. All it needed was a bit of calm, I'm good at calm, a bit of common sense and a very sparing use of the words "No" and "Yes" in the right context.

Its funny how many people get no and yes confused, hey ho.

Any way, it was a fairly easy three months. Got the website launched, re-organised the team, and left them a roadmap for the next six months that was eminantely deliverable so long as they stayed calm and said no and yes at the right times.

As a reward I was given another problem child. This one overfed, quite grumpy and liable to tantrums. My liesurely life as a consultant has vanished. I'm still a consultant, but this time I'm more than a bit busy. Not in a bad way, but... All it will take is a bit of calm, a bit of common sense and a very sparing use of the words "No" and "Yes" in the right context. Just more of it!

Bah

2011-06-14T16:15:00.002+01:00

In short, I didn't get the job.

I received lots of lovely feedback that it had been very close, that I'd come across strongly, was an excellent candidate, blah, blah, but that they chose someone else. Intellectually I understand that when it comes to the crunch, a recruitment decision is as much about how you emotionally connected as it is about your background and talents.

But... that's just it. It means they 'liked' someone else better, and no matter how you cut it, that hurts.

I am not crushed, I'm more disappointed. So its stand up, take another step, then another, and carry on. I have some other job opportunities on the horizon, but none excite me like this one did. Needs must though, employed I must be, and neither of them are bad jobs. Far from it.

I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow, but today? Bah...

Examining exams

2011-06-10T10:15:00.002+01:00

So, number one son just finished his end of year exams. He is quite put out that his latin exam was below par. Not a failure by any means, but below the class average. I can't say I'm really that bothered. He got fabulous results in both maths and science, so I am finding it hard to get exercised about Latin.

LL is bothered though, feels we let him down by not adequately testing his revisions. Though I do understand her viewpoint, I do, I don't agree. He's getting of an age where he must be willing to study himself... or not. He then bears the results of his efforts.

To be fair, his result was a bit bellow where he needs it for his common entrance exams next year. The perversity of the independent sector is that at 13, boys and girls sit a set of exams that the state sector doesn't sit until GCSE's a couple years later. Then requires a base line result that is well above the national average. Such is the life of some teenagers. So, it will mean a bit more hard work, and I will have to sit down with him to see if he does understand this. That its hard work required, not him "being rubbish at Latin" and therefor never able to do it.

But I'm still not that bothered. Yes, a latin scholar would be fun to have in the family, but he got the second highest science score in the school, and to me that is much much more important and worth celebrating. Being rubbish at latin is no bad thing.

Physical Sunshine

2011-06-08T15:39:00.002+01:00

Our garden is a bit of a birds paradise. We have owls, swallows, woodpeckers (two different species), pigeons, doves, blackbirds, crows, a cock pheasant who acts as if he owns the place, finches and tits of every type and description and quite a few transients I occasionally fail to recognise. Generally, this is a good thing.

Except... for growing berries. We have a running war going on with the pigeons and blackbirds over the various berries we grow (of which we grow many). I've tried different types of netting, scarecrows, CDs hung and draped about, acoustic scarers, you name it. I have even occasionally dropped to new lows and got the rifle out. At best we split the balance 50:50.

Usually I just grind my teeth and bare it, but this year is worse. My god, the strawberries... With all this sunshine they are just sunshine in your mouth. Small orgasmlets of pleasure shivering through your body as they literally melt in your mouth. Pure soft flavour, rounded and sweet. I begrudge every single one a bird gets that I or my family don't.

I may have to resort to bird traps...

Hopefullness denied

2011-06-07T15:24:00.002+01:00

So, over the past six months I've interviewed for a number of jobs. Previously in my life, pretty well any job I interviewed for, I got an offer, some of which I turned down. A couple of exceptions, but... I wash up nice, and people tend to like me. Recently though, my shine appears to have dimmed. There was one job I really wasn't keen on, and it must have come through in my style, as I got feedback that I appeared distant and cool. Three others though, I walked out of the interview thinking it had gone really well, that I'd connected with the other person, and the conversation had been good.

On one I was told I hadn't asked many questions, so clearly wasn't interested. On another that I was too nice, and the organisation was a bit hardnosed so I likely wouldn't be a good fit. On the third I had feedback that I was great, intelligent, interesting, but missing that bit of experience they were really looking for. WTF? Its been a real blow to my self esteem.

Logically I tell myself that I hadn't prepared enough, or been engaging enough, and (to be honest with myself) I really hadn't asked many questions in the first. Still, to be rejected time and time again is not a pleasant experience. It has made me very sympathetic to all those new university grads who interview and interview and interview and just can't get a job. It hurts.

So... today I had the final round with the chairman for a job I really... really want. Great company, really interesting people, good remit to make some waves. I think it went well, but then I often has. He ended it saying that he had a good feeling about our meeting and about me, but he had other people to interview and would be in touch.

I am sitting here trying not to get too hopeful, that the market is tough, and competition for senior jobs tougher. I'll be up against extremely well qualified and articulate individuals. I am trying very hard not to be hopeful, to take it on the chin as another life learning if the news goes against me. That I will just walk on and not be crushed by another rejection.

Which I will of course, as that is what you have to do.

But... if you think well of me, say a prayer, blow a kiss, think positive thoughts, anything you can think of... Cause I ... really ... want this job, and those others, I kind of didn't.

Oh to be young again...

2011-06-02T13:51:00.003+01:00

So, a couple weeks ago I had some visitors from Canada. The son of a close old friend and two of his mate. All 19, and all wide eyed about seeing a bit of the world. What I absolutely loved, and was completely horrified by, was the fact they had no plans. None. Not a clue what they wanted to do or see.

I'd exchanged a few emails in advance, and though they'd spend a night or two with us before heading off elsewhere. I knew the day they were flying in, but not even the airport. That day arrived... nothing. No call, no emails... I contacted the boy's dad, who said that they had indeed got on the flight, and he was pretty sure they were flying into Manchester (cheap flights from Vancouver, see).

Next day I finally get an email. "We're here, decided to head up to Edinbourgh. Still OK if we visit?" I replied that it would, and inquired of their plans. Got back a couple vague responses, scratched my forehead, and let it be. A few days later I finally get a phone call. "We're coming down to London today, though we might stop in York. Still OK if we stay?" I told them to call when they were close, and we'd meet at Waterloo station, under the clock.

We finally met the following day...

I found three gangly young men, two with overly large packs, one a bit more sensible. We got them home, and on the way I found out that they were hoping if they could stay a week. It made me laugh, but it was fine.

In the end, a week is what they did indeed stay. We did a bit of ferrying them about, but other than lots of advice on what to see, mostly left them to their own devices. I think they quite liked our place. We're properly 'int country' and they were all outdoorsy types. They did a lot of long hike to see what they could see, as well as trips to London, Bath, Oxford and anything else they could get to with mares shank and trains. Our kids were well played with, and my kids still miss them. One was a professional musician (in training) and I don't think our piano was ever so well played.

So, all in all it was a great visit. But I still couldn't help but feel more than a little nostagia for that part of life when you could just show up at the house of a friend, see what you could see with absolutely no plans, then eventually move on. That is how youth should be...

A Curious Argument

2011-06-01T09:52:00.002+01:00

LL and I have had a rather sad and bizarre argument. This is the result of us both having unintentional time off work (read, being bloomin sacked, not of our choice).

When LL was made "redundant" (lord I hate that word, in Canada we called it being "laid off", which is only slightly better), we were in the midst of building our extention. So, when she found herself at home, it was with a house full of builders. As we were doing work in the existing part of the house, as well as the new extention, there was, litereally, no escape. This had all finished by the time I was let go, so I had much of the day rattling around in a very nicely new and larger, but completely empty house.

Though we're probably both somewhat right, we each contend the other had the easier time. Me, by the fact that she had no choice but to get up and interact with other human beings, her, that I had the time and space to sort myself out.

As much as I would generally call myself a bit of a loner, I found it very hard to be alone so much. I am naturally shy, and avoid large noisy gatherings of people like the plague. Yet, I also understand myself enough to know that I need to be around other people. Even if I sit there quietly lost in my own mind, I like having others about. I'm naturally affectionate, the monkey in me, and need physical contact like I need air. So being totally alone, especially when fighting depression, was... not nice. The destructive thoughts would spiral, going from bad to worse.

For LL, she fekt she had NO time to herself. No space to properly think things though. No 'me' time. Yes, it forced her to get up and interact, but all she wanted to do was the opposite.

Like I said, I think there's truth in both positions. I think it was good she didn't have too much time alone, I think it could have been very self destructive. Yet, I entirely get the fact it meant she had no space to heal, and it meant dragging out the pain. I'm not entirely sure LL got my side of the argument. A lot of her anger that led to my sharp kick to the ass was down to her feeling I was being self indulgent and lazy, leaving all the work to her.

Quite painfully, there is a grain of truth in that, but it also denegrates the very real pain I was going through, so its been difficult lately. We're getting there, as we always do, It helps, a lot, that we're both gainfully employed again, and that the kids are blissfully happy in their own lives.

I commute therefore I am

2011-05-31T16:26:00.002+01:00

It is one of the horrors of my life that I inevitably seem to get jobs in central London. I keep trying to do otherwise, to be 'normal' and have a job close to home, but every time I've tried, as sure as the sun rises in the East I get moved to central London.

This is a problem.

For most of London it takes me in the region of one and one half hours door to door. In one job it was around two hours. That means three hours a day, 15 hours a week, or approximately 90 working days a year, essentially doing very little. Sure, I read, sometimes I snooze, I do what email I can, but its generally non productive, and non relaxing time. Yes, I can read, but reading stuffed in a too small seat jammed between others, with all of the attendant sights, smells and sounds of a crouded train carraige is NOT relaxing.

It is a best a divergance.

Sadly, of the two jobs I am currently in competition for, one is in central London, one is, horror of horrors, in the London suburbs and would require me to drive. Driving on a race track or off road, is fun, driving during peak school journey rush hour, is NOT fun.

I think if I could change just one thing about my life, it would be this. Poor me...

Please excuse me, but could you leave?

2011-05-26T13:38:00.002+01:00

My autumn last year was extremely odd, and extremely busy. On the one hand, I was hands down busy. A host of initiatives, changes on all side to the function I managed, and the setting of plans that would fundamentally change the way the business was supported. It all felt like it was going well.

On the other hand, my interaction with my senior colegues was slowly degrading. Just not in the same way. One of the men I was closest too started dodging meetings. Yet I knew he was also madly busy as well as travelling, so annoying as it was I understood it. Another, located on the other side of the earth, wasn't returning calls. Even though I was in deep discussion with his team about a staff re-organisation and interviewing new hires. My own boss never talked to me, but then he never did.

It all added up to a smell that wasn't particularly nice. I did gently probe with people I trusted, but was getting back positive, not negative noises.

Since then I found out that something else was going on in the background. My dear boss, an old school manager who understood my function not at all, but felt it important enough to have me report to him, had a little quibble with his boss, the chairman. It seems that in a board meeting the chairman asked him what the strategy for my division was, and he mumbled an answer. This wasn't because there wasn't a strategy, I'd talked him through it many times, I just don't think he understood it.

And so ensued a little power struggle of the sort those two frequently got into. Other non executive directors were involved, highly paid consultants were consulted, and my boss threw his hands up in the air, had the chairman's hand inserted up his backside into his mouth, and a 'strategy' was born.

All this I believe took some time. It happened with more and more people being talked to, and amazingly none of them talked to me. Very unusual in as leaky an organisation as mine. I like to believe this was primarily due to embaressment. That it was generally known I was doing a good job, and that everyone was a bit shame faced about what was to happen. Then again, maybe they are all self absorbed egoists and cared not a hoot about a collegue they'd worked with for years.

The end result was that I had a meeting with my boss put into my diary some weeks in the future. My understanding this was to discuss strategy, and I spent considerable time preparing.

When I got to his office and we sat down, the conversation when essentially thus, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've just done a strategic review of your function, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to re-organise. There won't be a position in the firm for you going forward. We'll be generous in recognition of your valuable contribution. Shall I call in our nice HR lady?" Then he scampered.

I paraphrase, but not much really. If the conversation took more than two minutes I'd be shocked. He really did scamper too. Got out of that room faster than I'd ever seen him move. At least he had the grace to look ever so slightly embaressed, but not much.

To put it lightly, I was gobsmacked. Here I was, in a glass walled conference room and it felt like my world had exploded. Given the stress of the previous six months I stood there, and had to physically pull my emotions into check.

The nice HR lady, who actually is nice, and I considered a friend, took one look at me and asked if I still needed a few minutes. I nodded, unable to speak for fear I'd burst into tears. It actually took me about ten minutes before I felt enough in control to walk the few paces down the hall to her office.

I got tea and sympathy, well, she is HR, then the cold hard facts. They were generous... enough. Not generous as I would term the word, but generous enough that it was not worth my while to fight. So I took my few scraps of paper, made some mumbled excuses to my PA and team, and did my own version of scampering. Then I walked, called my wife, walked, walked some more, found myself miles upon miles from the office and finally found it in me to get on the tube and train and got myself home.

The flying of time

2011-05-25T16:18:00.002+01:00

I can't quite believe its been as long as it has since my last short post. I did have the best of intentions to become a good loyal blogger again, but it didn't quite work out.

Partially that was due to going through a very bad place. I have had to realise that though I am by no means defined by my job, loosing my job the way I did got to me in ways I just did not expect. I ran head first into a lovely bout of depression.

I functioned, got up in the morning, got the kids ready for school, was there when they got back, made dinner, tidied the house, that sort of thing, but I wasn't functional. I hit moments when I could barely control my emotions, would find myself standing in a hall, tears streaming down my face, or realise I just lost an hour looking at a wall, not really thinking or doing anything.

I did get on with some things, kept just enough focus to get the job search going. It got off to a rather good start, but you know what? I really don't think I interviewed very well, despite having a pretty good track record in that regard. I lost out on three seperate jobs.

In all my life, and many many interviews, I think I'd only ever lost out on two jobs before. If I went for a job, I tended to get it. Not this time.

Didn't do much around the house either. I meant to. I wrote a long list of chores and tasks. I just didn't get to them, or if I did, didn't do them very well.

Its not a time that I remember with much fondness, nor pride. I don't think well of myself through those months.

Then things started to turn, though it was a bit topsy turvey. Through a contact of a contact I managed to land some freelance consulting work. A bit below my previous job, but in a way that was good. I've managed to do it with my eyes closed.

Which was a good thing really, as I still wasn't that functional.

The turning point was my wife getting frustrated, as only she can, and shouting at me. It wasn't a pleasant moment. I crumpled, literally as well as figuratively. Just lost it, started sobbing, the works. Another memory I'm not that fond of, for a host of reasons.

I'm not sure my wife was remembering how she felt the previous year when she lost her job. She went though perhaps a darker time than I had. I was terribly worried about her at one stage. She got through it though.

And... though I could have wished for a more sympathetic trigger, so have I. It did the trick, kick started me into remembering who I am, and how, actually, I'm not the guy who crumples and cries, but can be pretty good at getting things done.

So I am now. The contract is good, and has been extended. It pays enough to cover our costs and keep most of my redundancy squirreled away. Which is a good thing. I've got a couple job conversations going, one of which I'm both really keen on, and at the moment they seem keen on me. Another couple weeks to go before that concludes, but I'm hopeful. And if it doesn't work out, there's two more also looking good. Choices are not a bad thing.

I'm doing more about the house, and, for the moment, the wife and I have patched things over Perhaps not well, I still feel a bit sore, as I think does she, but we'll work it out. Somehow.

So, for now, I think I'll take this up again. There are things I need to get off my chest, need to talk about. Some of that dark time was very dark indeed. If you can bear to listen, I'll try not to moan too much. To be honest, my life really isn't that bad, it just took a little shaking up for me to remember that. Plus, there are some good things to talk about too.

Anyone want to see pictures of how our epic 2 year house extention job worked out?

Then the world turns...

2010-12-10T10:41:00.002+00:00

Hello again. I was more than a little pleased to come back and see some old friends clearly still had the blog being tracked. A good thing as I am thinking its time to blog again.

My world, well, turned... Somewhat, but not totally, to my surprise I found myself sitting across from my boss, the world hopping CEO, being told that he was structuring my function and that he did not think there was a place for me ongoing. That it had nothing to do with my obvious successes at the firm, but how he wanted something "different". That they would be generous, but would I please just exit through the door to the left quietly.

Now, I am usually a big quietly confident man. The one everyone says is nice, and competant, and so very much in control. At that very moment I had to struggle very hard not to crumple into a heap on the floor and cry.

But I did, and managed to have a brief conversation with the friendly HR lady, who I actually do consider a friend, but clearly just then also had to be a professional. Then I stumbled downstairs, made a very poor excuse about an ill child to my PA, who I also consider a friend, and... well, just got out of there and walked... and walked... and walked a bit more.

I'm a couple weeks out of it, and life is changed, but becoming normal again. I think I've been more than a little numb of late, though having to deal with children's homework, and sports, and a bit of toboganning and snow days thrown in hasn't hurt. I am begining the interesting process of finding a new job. First time really I have been properly out of work, though redundancy had visited before.

This time though, feels very personal. Though I do understand the board room politics and maneuvering and face saving that brought me to this place, I also feel rather strongly that it is patently unfair. I am not leaving because I did a crap job, I am not really leaving because there is a fundamental restructuring of the business, I am leaving because of a failure not of my making. Pretty shit frankly.

But there we go. As I have oft told my children, life is not normally fair. Time to take that lesson to heart and move on...

More soon I think, and I shall start visiting again too

Hello World!

2010-11-01T17:00:00.002+00:00

I don't know if anyone is out there any more, but it struck me I hadn't blogged in a very... very... long time. So, a quick update on the life and times of the boy.

1) The building works are complete! This is a bigger achievement than it sounds. Almost two years of blood sweat and tears (seriously, all three of them, in varying but multiple degrees). Still doing bits and pieces of snagging, plus continually putting the garden back in order (mind you, we were continually putting the garden back in order before the building works). However, the results are grand. We are enjoying our new enlarged house considerably.

2) I am still married (see blood sweat and tears above). I think I can even say I am still happily married.

3) The wife is fine. She was not fine for a while. Lost her job, and disappeared into working on the house for a while. Well, thought she was working on the house, but though it wouldn't have got finished without her, it also dragged on horribly as this or that changed mid stream. However, the house is finished, and she found a new job. Thought the depression still stalks her, mostly she is fine, even happy.

4) I remain seriously and sadly busy. Need to do something about that, but job, house, wife and kids are not as in balance as I'd like them. But the mortgage needs paid, so insanely busy I remain. Work is a challenge, a boss who doesn't entirely understand what I do. An economy which struggles to provide the revenue we need. An industry going through massive change. It just keeps it all interesting.

5) I have high blood pressure (see being sadly busy above). Never expected that, and though drugs help keep things in check I am puzzling how to make this right. Other than tired, I don't feel ill, so just troop on.

6) The kids are happy and healthy. This, though last, is perhaps the most important point of the lot. They are having a good childhood, and have friends, and successes and learn things, and its all grand really.

So, life to date in a nutshell.

Goodbye, Farewell, Tara...

2008-10-06T09:36:00.002+01:00

You may have noticed I haven't blogged much lately. Well, blogged at all. On thinking about it this morning I realised it had been a long long time since I last blogged, and I'd even stopped trawling all those sites of you out there I know and love.

So, for the record, I haven't died, I am fit and well, the family is fit and well, even the building works are fit and well (though a bit slower than planned). Its just, well, life... Its all a bit manic at the moment, not overwhelming or depressing, just very very busy. As much as I enjoy blogging I have to admit to myself its a pleasure that I'm putting aside.

Probably only for the moment. I will still stop by once and a while out of the blue, or even post if something momentous happens. I just find myself not devoting the time to it I once did. So to all of you, I will be around. Offers of a cup of coffee or something stronger are always welcome. You are all a part of my life that I didn't expect, so do stay in touch. As I'll try to do.

But for now, on this website. Farewell.

The Pit

2008-08-01T15:25:00.002+01:00

For those that enjoy piccies, the hole in our garden. It will get deeper still, partially so I get a cellar to store my wine, partially because of the horendously over specified foundations we have to put in. You could build a scyscraper on these babies, I swear. Please notice the dilligently working builders. This is not a shame, they are actually dilligent. They show up on time, work hard, leave late and don't break for tea every 5 minutes. They are not even Polish, but are actual Englishmen!

Happy Campers

2008-07-30T11:10:00.002+01:00

If I look at the blessings in my life, perhaps the biggest is happy children. They are human, of course, and we get the odd arguements or stroppiness, but really not much. They get along with each other the vast majority of time. They seem to enjoy school and their friends and love playing outside and all that stuff. It is very very good.

Take last night, for example. I got home early enough to read to the boys. Call us old fashioned but we still read books aloud before bedtime more often than not. My oldest, the nine year old, has started taking the odd turn, but even he just likes to lay back and be read to. We're currently reading a very silly book about a boy viking and his dragon.

I love putting on all the voices and pauses and noises. They really get into it. We had laughter at the silly bits, boys curled into corners of the sofa at the exciting bits and groans of dismay when it was time to close the book and go to bed. I only get to do it once a week, maybe twice. To be perfectly honest its one of my favourite times of the week. I love it. Then its tooth brush time and big hugs as they get into bed. I know they'll grow out of it some day, but I so hope that won't be for a long long time...

Works Ahoy

2008-07-29T14:23:00.004+01:00

My second post in two days. I feel quite faint, must go have a lie down now. I don't promise to keep it going, but the mood has taken me so far.

So, just before our jaunty holiday to florida our Builder and team finally arrived. Three delays isn't so bad in these sorts of things. They got off to a grand old start. The garage was demolished in no time flat, and a good start was made on a moved stone wall and new bit of fencing we needed (some hedge had died away under a growing tree, the tree was definately staying so no replacement hedge).

Within two days we had our first complaint from our joyful neighbour I've mentioned before. They really are quite something. We often wonder what they do when they don't have anything to complain about.

Off then we went on holiday. No calls from the builder while we were away, though on comimg back looks like there should have been. Nothing serious but some confusion between the builder, architect and structural engineer that it took them all some days to sort out. I probably could have done it faster, but there we go. Our current house needed underpining, which our builder hadn't understood. Lost us a few days.

Still, good progress. The rainwater harvesting tank is now in, as is a new soakaway. All fences and walls are done and a new shed is up. Vast amounts of soil have been removed to make way for the cellar and foundations. Its all going well. Within the week the foundations should be down, then the real fun begins as the walls start going up. Overall? Still happy. We have a good relationship with our builder, and for once I feel he's actively working in our interest.

As long as we can keep happy with our neighbours (angry neighbour has now complained in a email at great length) I think its going to be good. I'm quite excited about it all!

Jus Checkin In

2008-07-28T11:59:00.002+01:00

No, I'm not dead. Yes, everything is fine.

Am just back from a two week trip to the wonder of the world that is Orlando. There is a mound of work to get on with, nothing drastic, just a lot of it. All is well with the world. The kids terms ended with a grand round of sports days and assemblies. Pirate Pete got one of his class prizes as well as a stellar report card. He was marked above average in all but a smattering of subjects, sometimes well above average. This in a selective school where the average is already high. He was chuffed and we were well pleased. The other two got great feedback as well, though they are too young to be so formally marked. It is a fine fine thing to have happy kids, it is a finer thing to have happy kids who are getting along well with life.

Orlando was quite the experience. Not necessarily a relaxing holiday, we were out doing "things" every day. It was an enjoyable holiday though. Hard not to in that mecca of entertainment. We did ride after rollercoaster after ride. We did movies, we did a safari and watched whales behaving very unwhale like. We saw men joust on horse back. We saw
pirates fight on a pirate ship. We saw some absolutely fabulous clowns and acrobats.

It was my princesses fifth birthday, and it being Disney she got to wear a badge saying it was her birthday and I swear to god had more than 50 people stop and say a cheery "Happy Birthday" to her. She also got to have dinner with her favourite fairie tale princesses. Though she made her mother very happy when she also rolled her eyes and said in perfect sarcasm "That one gets to live happily ever after, how sweet!" Then she got to see a big fire works. She was one utterly happy five year old.

We got to go to a truly amazing water park with five story high slides and a wave pool that generated eight foot high waves every two minutes on the dot. That place we went back to four times. We had good food, and truly crap food. And it was hot, meltingly hot with thunderstorms every afternoon.

Still, it was America. Do they really truly need to serve a five year old a portion that would normally feed a family of six? Does everything, and I mean everything, have to be sweetened? I began to get paranoid and checked the ingredients on everything I could. With the expection of some (not all, just some) crisps (chips), I don't think we ate a single thing other than fruit that hadn't had sugar or sweetener added. And does everyone have to call my little girl "princess"? That's my word for her, I just never call her that to her face. It wouldn't be right!

Despite those minor griefs we really did have a fine time. Our kids (and ourselves) are exhausted, but content. Thankfully they don't need to go back next year, but they did inquire if they could just possibly go back when they were teens?

Identity Thefting

2008-06-30T18:14:00.002+01:00

Breaking the summer silence for a mo. My identity was stolen! Well, a small part of it anyway, just a credit card number. It is rather disturbing all the same.

I got an email from a particular bank I use for the card I restrict to use on the interweb. Appearently my online password had been change. I certainly hadn't changed it. A quick call to said bank showed that a whole host of charges had just been rung up. Large items for big amounts of money, other than a pizza, had been spent using my name and credit card. The total was a large number of thousands. Thankfully the bank is honouring their fraud protection promise and I won't have to pay for it. But... blimey...

Now, being in the business I guard my web presense very carefully. This is also a card that I had only recently been sent a new one. I can not, for the life of me, figure out how they got my details. To order they would have had to have had my name and address, the card number and the little security digits on the back. It must have been hacked from somewhere I had bought something from.

Very disturbing.

Blogging vs Life

2008-06-19T17:07:00.004+01:00

Hi, I haven't been doing well at blogging lately, have I? So, a couple of pictures. These are "life", our garden. One of the timesinks at the moment, albeit a very worthwhile one. We lost our gardener at the start of the year. He'd been with us for ages, but at the fine age of 72 had a heart attack and decided it was time to retire.

LL loves her gardening, so it didn't feel like a hardship, but a garden like this, it takes time! A lot of time. Thankfully I've now found someone to at least do the mowing, so it should return to acceptible levels. But... there will be other things to take up time.

Lots of things. Kids take time, a joyful time, but time. Keeping up with my lovely and sexy if sometimes moody dear wife takes time. Work in particular is taking a lot of time. I used to be able to better blog during the commute and at odd spare moments during the day, but the train has become very crowded of late and blogging then just doesn't work. Work doesn't work either. I'm really enjoying myself at the moment, and feel like I'm making great progress, but boy does it take time.

Thing is, I've rather enjoyed blogging. The funny bit, I've started to not to need to post. I don't miss it so much. Yet I've been feeling guilty about not posting. You see, there's a lot of you out there, that in a very real way have become friends. There's the Count, the lovely Z, the wonderful Lady in the Smoke, that Angry guy, one who was a bug, the irrascible Punk, a very peaceful empress, that boy, the man with the abreviated life, she who commented first, and many others. There's a whole lot of you out there I really like. I don't want to loose touch.

Yet feeling guilty and doing crap posts doesn't make sense. So, I'm not going to close down exactly, but the posts will likely become few and far between. There's things I still want to say, but I'll say them when the mood and time allows. I want to spend more time posting recipes, for example. Bizarelly some of the ones I've posted have had thousands of hits. People seem to like the way I describe cooking, so I'll keep that up. I'll still try to stop by and comment at yours, but even that won't happen as much as it should.

Yet I do want to stay in touch. So, for those in London, or passing through London, those that I've met or not, there's a drink and a meal on offer. You can find the email on the page, and that's open for just chatting too. Friendships should be able to survive the virtual world.

So, its not good bye, but it is adieu