Aquileo | To China and Back... and Beyond

Aquileo | Our life today

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 15:00:00 +0000

So, Lil M has successfully gone through Kindergarten and is almost through 1st grade... She's 6.5 years old! My how time FLIES. She is still the most amazing thing in my life and I adore being her Mommy. She is a very loving, happy child. She knows how to read, and reads to me often. :) She is still very silly.

We've been walking through this crazy life together... with my fostering and all. I thought that fostering would be a way to expand our family (foster to adopt), but it hasn't happened, yet... This year, I've been exploring that thing that seemed to really scare me a couple of years ago... Special Focus adoption. Some of the needs aren't nearly as scary as I thought they would be. And there are many I really feel I could handle. I've also gotten to see a few people I know parent children with special needs and survive. :)

I have no idea what the future holds, except that I'll be done with school soon. After that, I'm waiting to see how long I have these two fosters and then will decide what to pursue next. If this foster situation doesn't turn to adoption, I very well could find an agency again and go for a SF adoption in China. Or it might end up being Lil M and I for the long haul. :)

Peace.

Aquileo | oh scarlett...

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 14:28:00 +0000

Mia and I were at Skyline for dinner tonight (she had a "fantastic" day today at shool and her teacher wrote me and told me so!! woot! So, I gave her her choice for dinner...)

At one point for some reason she fanned herself with her hand and said... OH Scarlett!!!! ..... little southern belle she is!!! ROFL SNORT!!!! she cracked me UP! i said... where did you learn that... she said, i made it up! hahahahahaha

Aquileo | Interview with Lil M

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 04:09:00 +0000

Mommy: What is your favorite color?
Lil M: all the colors

You don't have a favorite. Yes, Mommy... I like all the colors.

Mommy: What are your favorite toys?
Lil M: my princess phone that Auntie Ellen got me (well, got Mommy, but she's sure it was for her!)

Mommy: Aren't Meow and Monkey your favorite toys?
Lil M: Mommmmy. Meow and Monkey are animals.

Mommy: What do you sleep with at night?
Lil M: Meow and Monkey. Mommy, I thought the pink monkey in the picture you took [on my business trip last week] was big. Why is it so little?
Mommy: well, because it's little because it looked like your pink monkey and mommy wanted to get you one that looked like him.
Lil M: Oh.

Mommy: What color is your favorite blanket?
Lil M: Green and fuzzy
Mommy: What do you usually have Mommy do with your blanket?
Lil M: tie it around me like a princess dress
Mommy: What color is the blanket Mommy made you?
Lil M: green with teddy bears on it

Mommy: What is your favorite food?
Lil M: pasketti.
Mommy: Really? I thought you liked peanut butter
Lil M: yeah! Peanut butter, and pasketti, and apple sauce and macaroni and cheese and raisins

Mommy: What do you usually ask Mommy for breakfast?
Lil M: a peanut butter sandwich on waffle bread [the new bread rounds that have little waffle indents on them] or muffin bread [english muffins]

Mommy: Do you like pickles?
Lil M: NO
Mommy: Do you like lima beans?
Lil M: Yes! With corn at school! Mommy, can we have brussel sprouts? [me, haha, why sure!! :) somehow she's gotten it in her head that she likes them, but i'm not sure she's had them yet!]

.....

Lil M: Mommy, do you know what my favorite thing about today was?
Mommy: What was that?
Lil M: Being with you. [and on Dentist day, it was 'being with you... and going to the dentist.' no joke. haha]

And they all went.... awwwwww ;-)

Peace

Aquileo | Fourth 4th

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 13:47:00 +0000

Lil M and I celebrated our fourth 4th (of July) this year. :) I find it somewhat amazing that it's been FOUR years!! Amazing and awesome and ... boy, does time fly! She is such a blessing and I couldn't be more happy to have her as my daughter.

We didn't do anything super-special over the fourth... we did have T and baby G and baby B with us... so, it was a full house. By Sunday, though, everyone was gone and Lil M and I went to see some fireworks. That was fun. We sat on her Dora snuggie, lol, as it was sort of impromptu.

Lil M is in gymnastics and seens to really enjoy that. She's also starting piano and seems excited.

We had a foster with us from Feb until June 20... she was Baby B and is a beautiful little girl. Her mom (20) came to live with us from May 26 to June 21. She was a head case, and made it pretty stressful for all of us. I loved having Baby B around, but am glad the situation is over, as it was pretty terrible and stressful for me, in particular.

So, I'm glad to have some time with just me and Lil M for now. I've been asked to do respite for this weekend, and it seems ok. Otherwise, I'm just going to try to have fun with my 4 year old!! :)

Peace.

Aquileo | New rules

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 13 May 2011 19:51:00 +0000

So, any of my single mama's planning to try to adopt through the new rules in China? I'd love to know if anyone is. :)

As of 2007 we weren't allowed to adopt healthy infants anymore. As a matter of fact, singles weren't allowed to adopt at all from China. But a couple of months ago they opened China back up to singles... to adopt special, special needs children. The ones no one else wants. And while I'm happy that they are considering us again, I just find it a little disconcerting that we only get to adopt the worst of the worst health-wise.

But then again, those children need parents, too. Desperately.

As for me, I'm still praying for what I might do. The fostering is definitely hard some days. I feel like a glorified (and sometimes not-so-glorified) babysitter... I don't like that part so much. I'm licensed to foster-to-adopt, but am not sure how likely that would ever be. I like having a second child, though, I do realize how hard it would be sometimes. Especially cost and unknowns. A lot of people I know think I'm crazy for wanting a second. Which I find odd. lol But to each their own! :)

...ok, on a different note... Lil M "graduates" from pre-school tonight. I got her a cute little black sundress with yellow daisies on it. They get to wear caps and gowns and the whole bit. It's going to be cute. The end of an 'era' at the daycare. She will still go there until kindergarten starts in August. ... my baby is growing up!!!

Peace.

Aquileo | Mommy let's fly to China

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 10 May 2011 20:34:00 +0000

Lil M has a great imagination. Last night she decided that she and I were flying to china (on our couch), and had prepared her Dora bag for us with books and pretend water. She said, "Mommy, I have LOTS and LOTS of water for us!! In case we get thirsty!" I said, "oh? Great!", and took my requisite place on the couch beside her.

She decided that Mimi and C couldn't go because C was sick Mommy and Mimi has to take care of him. (She likely decided this because Baby B was sick yesterday and used that as the excuse for C instead, lol.)

She decided that B couldn't go because she was at her grandma's.

But we were going to see the Great Wall of China. Which turned out to be the baby gate. ;-) And needless to say, she had me cracking up.

Such is my life with an energetic, inquisitive, imaginative and funny 4.5 year old.

She also asks me regularly if something across the horizon is as far as China is. I have to say no... to which she finally asked if China was farther than Mars. I said, no, it isn't farther away than Mars! She now says that it may be farther than what we see, but it's closer than Mars Mommy!!! :)

She can spell her name backward (first and last), and forward. She knows our phone number and how to spell Mommy forward and backward, too. She loves sidewalk chalk and her trike, and to help me in the flower garden. She's immeasurably patient with me and helpful with B.

It's been a great spring, and I can't wait til we have more time over the summer to maybe take a trip somewhere. Although, it won't be China, yet.

Peace.

Aquileo | Keepin on

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Life's been good around here. We've all settled into a nice groove while B is here. She's a cutie pie. She starts visits with her grandparents this weekend and we'll see how that goes.

Lil M is doing well. She's 35lbs and 39" tall now. She's such a big girl!! We're waiting to hear if she got into the elementary school I want her to go to...and should know in the next couple of weeks. She enjoys her gymnastics. I thought we might do violin lessons now, but I think we'll wait a bit longer.

I've been disturbed and praying for the people of Japan this week. They had a horrible tsunami and earthquake and a ton of problems because of it, including some nuclear meltdowns... not good. I'm wondering how our country will help them, we usually are good about that type of support... and then what about the children and families!! Haiti had a lot of adoptions right away and not that I agreed with that, I'm wondering how Japan will handle this catastrophe. I am really praying for them.

Peace.

Aquileo | Been awhile...

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 16:28:00 +0000

The past few weeks have been quite busy around here. I am fostering again, this time a younger child, and taking classes for my Masters program.

Lil M has started gymnastics and seems to really like it. I'm trying to get her into piano or violin lessons, too, but not sure when that will start. She's my shining star. She's still a very happy girl, and I can't believe she'll start Kindergarten this fall. She likes to play dress-up, and has for about the last full year. She likes to color, paint, and read books together. She knows how to spell her name and Mommy, dog and stop. I haven't been pushing too much, since she does learn some at pre-school. She's ready to go to Kindergarten, IMO, and talks about it even now. She is a compassionate child who likes being a big sister to our foster, though, she does push the limits on what is allowed and likes to try to get the baby in trouble sometimes... mostly, I think it is because she is still feeling her way in being a role model and not just an only child.

That being said, I don't think there is much chance that this foster will turn into more. As I've always looked at having a second child, I'm not 100% convinced either of us need that long-term, nor do I think that God's made that path ultimately clearly available. I am open to whatever happens, and as usual am extremely happy to be Lil M's Mama for sure. :) She is my joy.

I will say that fostering has taught me to be a better parent, both when I had a teen and now that I have a little one. It teaches me to try to be sensitive and open to Lil M's needs and not just get bogged down with the day-to-day life stuff (other than her that stress me out, causing me to not always be pleasant). No one is pleasant all the time, but I know that I want to show her that Mommy won't take out a bad day on her. That's a continual process for me, as my parents were a bit standoffish in some ways.... and I find that I can have that tendency when I get home from a long day.

Actually, overall we're doing very well. Having a child does teach you where some of your flaw are, doesn't it? And since I want to be the very best parent to her as I can, I'd rather try to work on those thereby, hopefully, making her better for it, too. :)

Oh, and last weekend we went to a book signing at a local bookstore. I was recognized from this blog, and I just want to give a shout out to Laura (please tell me that I'm rembering correctly, I was a bit frazzled that day!!) ... I was shocked and honored that you stopped by and said hello. :D It was awesome! I have been addicted to following peoples' blogs for years, and to know that there are people out there who still follow our journey is amazing to me. :) Congrats to you and your little one, who was just adorable!! We enjoyed the book signing and Lil M did great. The littlest one didn't do as well, and cried when she saw the helper guy with a beard. Of course, later we found out that she was a bit fussy because she was on the verge of getting sick... but that's a story for another time. lol

Peace.

Aquileo | Article and self-esteem

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 17:47:00 +0000

I wanted to write an update regarding the article I posted about a week ago. I've read a lot about this woman's article from other parents and have re-read the article myself...

And while I think there are tidbits we can glean from her ideas around making her children actually practice their instruments and not get sidetracked with social networking... she really goes off the deepend, IMO. I want Lil M to succeed, of course, but I do NOT plan to beat her or degrade her if she can't master something for my own edification.

I know from personal experience how those things can really impact your life and your psyche. I have a great, great life, but I can tell you that I have struggled with low self-esteem all of my life, too. It has impacted my relationships, or lack thereof, with the opposite sex. Heck, it's impacted all of my relationships, if truth be told. Some for the better, some for the worse.

For example, I've found that I've put up with way more crap from some people in my life than I ever should (Sis does the same thing, actually). Like for some reason, I don't deserve better? It hadn't even been a real conscious thought, that I know of, until I had Lil M. I realized that I didn't want her to grow up feeling that same way.

It is OK to say NO sometimes. It is even necessary. Of course, sometimes we have to agree or follow something/one in a situation, but we have to be able to say NO and allow ourselves that ability/freedom.

What this means is that we aren't obligated to live everyone else's life or subjugate ourselves to them. It also means we're allowed to feel equal to other people.

If you teach your child that they CANNOT ever disagree or that they will get beaten because they can't get something, then that's not only physical abuse, but it is also abuses their will and their soul. That is tragic.

Set limits, yes. Expect success (even a measure), yes. Encourage, have standards... but let them be the children they are!! Berating and belittling, yelling and hitting only make a child feel bad. They want to please us, their parents. If they can't please us, who will they EVER be able to please (even if in their own head, which can be the worst, actually)??? That, that is failure.

It doesn't matter how much money you make in this world if you can't be in relationship with other people, which is what we were created for. What does it matter if you have all the money in the world if your soul is empty?

This kind of makes me want to write a series about my life. No, my childhood wasn't terrible, but it definitely impacted my adult life in ways I never imagined possible. Being reprimanded and belittled when I wasn't even a bad kid. Told I wouldn't succeed. Actually, it wasn't all my Mom, it was ALL the adults in my life, it seemed. But, I don't have the kind of relationship with my own mother that I wish I had... and I pray to God every day that I can always have a good mother/daughter relationship with Lil M. And I certainly wouldn't tolerate others talking to her like people did me.

Peace.

Aquileo | Ameri-Asian friend and her daughter

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 04:27:00 +0000

We've made friends with a lady who is Japanese (Hawaiian), married to a caucasian man and they have a daughter who looks caucasian. Both of them are as cute as they could be. I like them a lot. So does Lil M. Anyway, we've been trying for months to get together with them. So, it finally worked out for us to meet tonight at the gymnastics place where her daughter takes classes.

The place let Lil M take a trial class tonight and they looked up class the class roster to see if they could get her in the real class. Basically, they only take 6 kids in a class at a time... but one of the kids in this class hadn't gone at all this session... so, they called the family and apparently, it opened up a spot for Lil M!! :)

I think I'm more excited about her doing this than I have been the other stuff, even... mostly because I always wanted to do gymnastics when I was a kid. So, now, I get to live vicariously through her! :) I hope she loves it. If she doesn't, I won't force her to do it... but if tonight and the weekend were any inclination, I think it's gonna be a good fit for now!

I'm mostly excited about her learning more balance and confidence and body-awareness. Plus, she's just TOO dang cute!!!! Looks like I need to go get her a cute pink leotard. :) what she has works fine (basic black)... but i bet she'd love something more girly soon.... if she ends up liking the class.

My friend and I did notice that we got some funny stares from people... who assumed Lil M was with her and her daughter was mine. We remarked on it and both laughed. :)

Peace.

Aquileo | Interesting Article

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 17:28:00 +0000

My brother send me this link to a very interesting article about one person's view of Chinese Parents and how they raise their children. Basically, they expect more from their children and therefore, that determines how they parent.

I don't know that I could be as strict at some parents are, but I feel like I'm more strict than a lot of parents I know. There is a fine line between having high expectations and expecting too much from our children.

For example, I expect that Lil M can tidy her room before bed each night. This means that she puts up her toys. Now, does she get them in the bins where I want them? Not necessarily. Instead, she puts them on the 2nd bed in her room. Have I made a big deal of this? Heck no. Why? Because she is getting the concept down of getting all the toys off the floor and making the room better. Once this is mastered, then I'll worry about the bins. :) To her, I think the other bed is just one big bin! LOL. (oops, MK, I didn't mean for that to come out!! hahaha) She does also learn about putting her toys away at school.

We've had a fairly slow start to the beginning of the year at home. T moved out, and Lil M and I are just taking a bit of time to ourselves. I'm still trying to decide how and when I will re-do her room. She's got a TON of toys from Christmas and even though we went through them before the holiday, I've clearly got to do it again! I'm not complaining. But I do notice that when she has that many out she doesn't play with some of the others. So, I try to rotate.

Oh, and one new toy I got her is a word building magnet game. She seems to like it. She adds letters to it and it makes 3 letter words. It has one option of giving her a word to find the letters for. It's great, actually. She's taken to coming to me with new Chinese words, too, and so I think we're ready to start looking at that more. She starts Kindergarten next August, so I want to get her ready for that. :)

Peace.

Aquileo | Our fun

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 02:06:00 +0000

Aquileo | So this is Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 16:50:00 +0000

Lil M and I went to Sis' for Christmas on Christmas Eve this year. Dad and Janice were there. It was our normal Christmas (sans Santa for that morning). We did our normal stuff, breakfast pizza and fruit salad. TONS of presents to open. It was a very big morning (preceeded by a very long night). After that, Lil M and I took a nap and then went to the Christmas Eve service with my Dad. It was nice. Lil M got a new dress at Christmas from Grandma and Grandpa. She wore it all day and the next. She seemed to like the service because the whole rest of the weekend she played "chorus" and said she was going to practice a lot. Brought me a book at one point and said we were going to sing the ABC's... that the "director" told us to stand up and all. LOL it was pretty cute.

By the time we got home it was 10:30pm or later and she didn't go to bed until probably almost midnight again. Yikes. So, Christmas morning wasn't quite as fun as I thought it might be... it was still fun, mind you, but we were both exhausted. She opened presents... and got her "batar" (guitar) from Santa that she wanted (except it wasn't "all pink"... she was a little disappointed in that for a little while). I got her some Kai Lan pajamas and she said she didn't like them, or Kai Lan as much as Dora. I knew then that she was tired from the big day before. So, we took a break on the presents.

Since we got a later start in the morning, her nap was also later. And I was determined to have her at least rest for awhile because she was up obscenely late two nights in a row... plus, I was exhausted and had a headache (due to my own lack of sleep, i'm sure). So... we missed Christmas at my best friend's. :( I know they missed us and I missed being with them, but I was just so tired. When we got up, Lil M opened the last of her presents and we sang Jesus Happy Birthday. She was in a much better mood and even said that she liked Kai Lan (unprovoked) more than Dora... to which I replied... does this mean you want to wear your new jammies? She said yes... and this was the first time I got the new dress off her in two days. LOL (ok, except during the one nap-time). I promise to post pics.

All in all, we had a really great Christmas. I was glad we didn't do Santa, per se, at my Sister's house this year. I thought that would be kind of confusing. Plus, we didn't really do much of Santa anyway. It was nice having Mommy Mia time, too. I think next year I'd like to take another day or two off to recouperate. :) Back to work this week and am still exhausted. Definitely got out of our normal routine this weekend. But it was worth it.

We didn't end up making a cupcake for Jesus' birthday, but as I mentioned, we did sing Happy Birthday. We also read the birth story every day for over a week. Lil M likes the story about the woman with the baby in her belly. We might make the cupcake tonight and read the stories again.

Oh, and I tried to find A Charlie Brown Christmas movie and couldn't right before Christmas. My Dad got Lil M a book, though, that has the music and we read that, too. :) Great minds.

Last night, she made a 'lemonade' stand out of boxes in the family room and served me lemonade and strawberry lemonade using her new toy mixer. (all pretend, of course) She also served me cupcakes and cookies. Last week, she had a tea party with her animals in her room using her cups and some puzzle pieces as cookies. LOVE her imagination. :D

Peace.

Aquileo | Cold and snowy

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 07:14:00 +0000

It is very cold tonight, and there is maybe 4" of snow on the ground... and T is not here. She's somewhere where it is even colder inside... due in 5 weeks... and I wish she was home.

I thank God for a warm house and a wonderful family. Lil M and I had a quiet day at home. Though, we did make it out for a short bit to run to the store after the snow started.

I moved the Christmas tree downstairs this year for the first time. I think I like it. I just wanted something different, and it wasn't sitting where I wanted it to in the living room. Lil M really wants a barbie guitar (bu-tar) for Christmas. I better see if I can find it again.

I'd like to get Lil M's room re-done this Christmas, and have gotten a couple of things for it. But I might hold off for a little while longer, because I want to get her a twin bed. She likes sleeping with her animals and baby right now... the current selection is Meow, Monkey, Baby, Teddy with blanket and Bunny. Has to have everything 'just so'. It is too cute.

She also gives me the whole kiss/hug routine each night... daddy bear hug, mommy bear hug, baby bear hug, fish hug. daddy bear kiss, mommy bear kiss, baby bear kiss, fish kiss. then she kisses my right cheek, left cheek, forehead, nose, chin and neck. and i do the same in return. SHE came up with this all on her own and I do love it.

Peace.

Aquileo | Masters

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 03:25:00 +0000

I started back to school this fall to work on my Master's degree. I have a BSCS and am looking to get an MSCIT (computer info. technology). So far, I like my class list. This semester I'm taking a Systems Analysis class that is right up my alley. It's very similar to what I do on a daily basis and I've found it fairly easy. Gotta love that. I'm hoping to get an A in the class, and if I get a B it'll be ok (though, I'll be a little disappointed).

T is due next month and we're getting ready for that. One thing I did was register for a couple of online classes so that I can continue my program and be home when needed. Let's see how that works out. I've never actually taken an online college course before. I could take them in class, seeing as it is so close, but I'd like to try online at least once. I like the in-class kind, but with Lil M it makes it a bit more challenging.

I'd like to get through this program in the next year or year and a half... so that when Lil M is in real school I can do the Mommy things required.

This class I'm taking has made me consider writing a book or a white paper for publication. I think that my area of expertise could use some more documentation and why not give it a try?! :)

Lil M and T are good. Nothing really new except Lil M finally hit 33 lbs and 38.75" at her last Dr appt (Nov 19). That put her in the 24th percentile for weight and 19th percentile for height. Those are both lower than they were before, but I need to look it up to see what that means.

Peace.

Aquileo | The icks

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 01:49:00 +0000

Well... Lil M and T (mostly T) have been coughing and hacking and blowing noses for awhile now. And, it looks like it's my turn. bah. I'm actually not feeling horrible, but definitely not good.

Oh, and I forgot I still need to make my bed tonight after washing the sheets and blankets today. Why is that a problem, you ask? Because there is a 16 month old sleeping in my room right now... oops. We've got guests tonight that will only be here until tomorrow. ...Don't wake a sleeping baby. Let's hope she's good and asleep when I need to move around in there.

My friend's surgery went well and she's healing. Thank God.

Lil M has been asking adoption questions lately. Tough ones... I need to sit down and think of better answers. I never knew how tough it would be to answer these questions until now. How do you answer a question that you honestly don't know the answer to without making it sound stupid? Or unbelievable. I guess that is how it does sound to people who don't know the whole story. This whole baby in the tummy... of another woman we don't know... is really tough to answer.

Peace.

Aquileo | My Dear Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 14:05:00 +0000

One of my best friends in the world has to have surgery this coming Monday morning. Please send up healing prayers for her. I really want to be there for her next week, and I'm not sure what all that will entail. But I know it will be a long, painful week for her and she's going to have a lot of recovery after that (6-8 weeks). I'm not going to go into details, but if you wouldn't mind sending up those healing prayers, that would be wonderful.

Peace.

Aquileo | Adoption Month

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 15:05:00 +0000

I am in the minority. I chose to create my family differently that most, or so 'they' say. Well, I guess it's a fact. :)

Adoption takes a leap of faith. It doesn't make logical sense to some. It infuriates others. It hurts people. The 'need' for adoption in the first place puzzles and disturbs. There should never be a need for a child to be separated from their family. Let alone go to a second. (or a third, or even many, in the case of foster placement.)

I'm a second. I'm a first mom to my daughter, but I'm not her first mom.

I was asked for the second time yesterday whether or not I will take Lil M back to her family in China. Yep, those words exactly. And, yes, she does have family there. But we don't know who they are, as I explained, and therefore, if we go back it'll be to learn more about her country of birth.

I digress.

What is really on my heart right now is two-fold. Adoption starts from a place of pain. Regardless of what anyone tells you. There is some kind of pain involved somehow, someday. Reunion shows and blogs will tell you that.

But adoption is also a blessing. I've been blessed. I hope to be a blessing to Lil M. And I hope we can bless others. The same goes with T. She is a blessing to me. She has a past, and it wasn't so rosy. There is pain there. And, I realize I've switched to fostering for a second, but the premise definitely holds. There is pain and there is blessing. My prayer every day is that I am a blessing to my children. That I can help guide them through the pain and through the life they are moving toward.

Adoption connects two families permanently... sometimes continents apart. And sometimes down the road. It also can teach new things if you are willing to be open. Taking that leap of faith was the BEST thing I've ever done. Period.

Blessings and peace.

Aquileo | Busy month

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 13:43:00 +0000

We've done a lot this month, hence my being a bit quieter than usual. T had a birthday and a baby shower. It's Halloween this weekend, so that's 3 weekends we've been busy. T's nephew also had a birthday recently, that we all went to.

Monday starts National Adoption Month, and I have some things I think I want to post for that.

Lil M is doing great. She was laying in her room last night, snuggled up with Manna. It was adorable. She is going to be a Southern Belle Princess this weekend. She made a t-shirt at school this week for Halloween. I need to get some pics of it and another piece of 'artwork' she did at school that I guess we can get made into gifts. Which is very cool.

Peace.

Aquileo | The Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 13:09:00 +0000

The heart wants what the heart wants. For me, that was to parent. I love being Mommy. ... Ma, Mama, Mom, Mother. Whatever the title, if it is said in love... that's all that matters. But I have to confess, I love Mommy most. Maybe it is because I didn't call my own Mom that for very long. She was always so serious. We had a different relationship, I guess, and it makes me a little sad sometimes. I love my Mom very much, of course, but some relationships don't work out quite like we think they will.

I want Lil M to know that I am "Mommy" for always and forever. I will help fix the booboos and take as much hurt away as God will allow. And my prayer is that she and I always have that closeness. That she just knows that I'm her rock (me and her Father God), and her support.

Last night, we went to the movie after dinner. Lil M curled up on my lap and watched most of it. Just the way she curls up on me and hugs me... it's the best feeling in the world. And like this morning, I was able to give her the option to stay home with T today... or go to school (daycare). She said... I want you to stay here with me Mommy. :) Now, I know it wasn't 'cause she didn't want to hang with T. She ended up doing that... but she chose me. That makes my heart sing.

I praise God, through whom all blessings flow, for the life I lead. God gave me my heart and my heart needed to go down a different path than most. But for me, it's just natural. It is the right way.

Anyway, I could wax eloquent all day... or something like that, right?!!

Peace.

Aquileo | Goings on

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 00:37:00 +0000

Let's see... T is 21 weeks 6 days pregnant. Definitely showing... we got a lot done around the house today, nothing big... just the standard kind of chores. We're doing well at the moment, for which I'm super thankful. :) Lil M is, too.

Lil M doesn't seem to like soccer as much as I thought she would, which she started 3 weeks ago. Not sure what I'm going to do about that. My friend MK suggested I take her out of it, and I might do that. She might just not be ready for it. This program has something like 70 kids... and I think it is a bit overwhelming for Lil M and her two friends (Aria and Becky). The three of them seem to get run over by the bigger kids most of the time. I haven't decided if I'm going to give it one more week or not. She's at the age where I don't want to force her to be miserable... if she likes it, great. If not... oh well. The coach was kind of snarky to me, so that's a deterrent, as well.

She IS darn cute in her soccer clothes, though. :D

I had to get a new AC/heat unit last month. I also had some back taxes to pay (crap). And I had to get a new washer. Good news is that I can pay payments on the AC/heat thing... Thank God.

My little family here makes me very happy. We've made the downstairs office into a baby room, and we know T will have a boy... named Gabriel (Gabe... or baby G). Nope, no M name for him... darn!! LOL

Random picture goodness from the past couple of weeks...

T from today sporting, G, the Baby Bump
Labor Day weekend cutie patootie
Labor Day weekend, just us girls. :)
Lil M on her 'camping' cot...

Aquileo | My baby's growin' up!

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 14:28:00 +0000

Today my little punky-pie is FOUR YEARS OLD!

Happy Birthday Lil M.... Mommy loves you more than you can imagine... more than you could hold in the whole sky and overflowing into the ocean below. May your days be filled with happiness and may you be blessed all your days.

We are having the big birthday party tomorrow. It's going to be a blast, I think. :) I will post pics and details from the weekend. :)

It's been a long couple of weeks... AC went out, washing machine broke... Lil M started soccer. T found out what the baby is (a boy)... those are the highlights. lol

Peace.

Aquileo | What's in a Name

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 14:08:00 +0000

I've been asked, shockingly, to write some articles on my experiences with adoption. This is the first one I wrote... it's for an adoption experiences website, and I'll let y'all know when it's posted. Feel free to let me know what you think. :)

Peace.

.....

When I was in my late 20's I somehow realized I might not end up married with children like my twin sister did. Or any of the women in my family before me. I, as mean as it sounds, thought that if I had to be married to some of those men I'd rather be single than to be married and procreate with them. Egad. No wonder many in my family divorced multiple times before getting it right!

And, at that time, I didn't feel like having a baby on my own was the right answer either.

But, adoption felt right.

I knew then that I would likely adopt one or more children into my heart and into my family.

It took me all of my 20's and into my 30's to realize that if I wanted the family that I dreamed about, I would have to strike out on my own. Perhaps, I'm a late bloomer in that area. Or maybe just smart. :) Whatever the reason, I decided to pursue adoption on my own when I was 33 years old.

And on a beautiful May morning over two years later, I got the call.

An amazingly beautiful 8 month old girl from China was to be my daughter! Six weeks later my sister and I were on our way to meet her. When they placed her in my arms she was calm. She observed. She was quiet. I couldn't quite tell if she was happy or sad, but she was mine.

So, I named her.

Traditionally it is the parent who names the child. It was the first thing I could legally do as a parent, and so I did.

My daughter came to me with a name, but it wasn't from her first parents. And because I didn't give birth to her, I wanted her to have something like me, my initials. A name similar to her Mommy and others in our family. So, I didn't keep her first given name from her orphanage. There are a lot of days that I wish I would have. I should have at least added it as a second middle name for her, but so far I haven't legally changed it. At the time, I just wasn't sure what to do.

I decided to listen to others who said she would be an American now and that I didn't need to keep her first given name. Logical. And her name is fairly long now (well, her middle name), and I thought it might be more difficult if I added another middle name. Difficult? Whatever. How often do we use our middle names?

I've almost talked myself into seeing what it would take to change her name legally to add her Chinese name.

I want her to be proud of where she came from. And I want her to know that Mommy loves where she came from. It is part of who she is. I want to honor that. I should have realized that to begin with, but I was being a selfish first-time Mommy and I wanted her all to myself. Well, she is all mine... but she came from someplace special, and I want her to know that I love that part of her, too.

Our children need additional reassurances that other children do not. Our children will be questioned throughout their lives about their families and how they feel about their pasts (and their "real" families). They need to know that we love and respect them, and that their past is valuable to who they are. That we, as their parents, aren't threatened by their first families. That we know and show that we are truly family in every sense of the word, and just as real as their past was.

In the past 3 years, I've learned a great deal about loving a child that wasn't born to me but that I call my own. I love her with all of my heart. I do not want to cause her pain, yet I know I will make mistakes along the way.

What I didn't know at first was that it wasn't just about giving her a name. It was about allowing her the possibility of holding onto the one tiny little piece of China that she could take with her anywhere.

It's not just about me.

It's about being a Mommy who knows how to train her child in the way she should go. Not the way the world tells me, but the way that is true to the child whom I get the pleasure of walking through this world. And, if I had it to do all over again, I'd add her first name to the name I gave her.

Because, she gets to call us all... her own.

Peace.

Aquileo | Parent Night - Dance

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 01:51:00 +0000

Lil M had parent night at dance class tonight. She had fun. :)

Peace.

Aquileo | Goings on

noreply@blogger.com (Mama Melissa) — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 13:19:00 +0000

...and happenings...

Let's see, August is the month of my daughter's birth... she will be 4!!! Wow. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. I still am not quite sure what to do for her birthday party, but hopefully, I'll figure that out by early next week.

T's school starts back this month, too. She's reading "In Cold Blood" (Capote) as her summer reading and that has to be done by the first day of school.

I just finished a fairly sad book called "Damaged" by Cathy Glass. It is about a girl who is in the foster system. She was horribly abused by her parents before entering the system and she suffers very disturbing behavior(s) after being placed with her 5th foster mother. Cathy, the FM, tries all she can to help, and Jodie lives with her for over a year. But in the end Jodie's problems require intensive round-the-clock therapy, and the state decides to move her. But the book describes in detail her tantrums, hitting, biting, night terrors, defecating, learning disabilities, and split personalities that emerge from the abuse.

I didn't think I'd get through it; this book was sad. It shows the extreme behaviors that come from abuse... even from a very young age (hers started at 18 months or younger). Children can be so very broken by things that their parents and/or other adults do to them. It's scary. Actually, maybe all would-be parents should read this!

The thing I noticed is how lonely Cathy felt while going through all this. She didn't have any real support, except from her other children. She didn't have any support from her social worker either, and it surprises me she managed to keep it together for so long. She also felt like she wasn't helping Jodie, and after all the time they spent together she realized that Jodie didn't attach to her. I can relate to those feelings of "am I really helping here?", albeit on a much, much smaller scale. Her situation was beyond amazingly difficult.

Anyway, I'd recommend this book. It would be a bit frightening of a read for someone who didn't know what all can happen to children... but it's a great story of determination and even though she didn't feel like she helped Jodie, she at least tried. So many people won't even dare go that far.

Peace.