Retreat

~ Pleasant Street ~ 4 Comments

Packing heavy
sorting all of it
in the front room
at the moment of departure
taking one bag
and the sandwiches
leaving the rest
for something bigger
that does not function well
with heavy baggage

Destination away
via untraveled trails
rough divots and fences
new green smells
old-timey feeling
I encountered
when I was ten
and still had grandparents

The skies
remain the same
with the absence
of street lamps, and
strip malls
a better fate than shopping
when you find you do not
need anything else

No sleep
no inclination
to count the days
measuring quality of life
sucking up remaining air
reclining
sucking up oxygen
and strawberries

In pursuit of solitude

~ Pleasant Street ~ 17 Comments

For someone who is alone as often as I am, I shouldn’t be seeking for more isolation. But I often do, dealing with old feelings (and some new ones) in the best way I can. Sometimes I do my best, and sometimes I do not.

At times, I just want to be alone with my books and my dishes and my wiping up and cooking, and my movies and music. I listen, I pray, and I write, while something or another bubbles on the stove. This is four days out of five for me. I have an east-facing window that makes mornings delightful when sunny, and revealing when wet, but always the blinds are open now, because of the plants I have adopted. I should have learned to care for plants long ago–perhaps I would have conquered my depression sooner.

I want to write this to you to say that sometimes I do not want to talk. I always read, listen, care, and watch and observe. But sometimes talking is difficult, so I am quiet. That is just how it is. I would go deeper, but I won’t make you my psychiatrist, just my acquaintance and or friend. After all, how are you feeling today? Maybe this is something that you relate to. So I will streamline my thoughts to this conclusion, and tell more another time. There is this one interesting event that keeps happening, and I wanted to share it. On days such as the one I spoke of above, sometimes I even avoid people on the elevator, taking the stairs, or vice versa. I walk another way, because I do not want to hurt someone’s feelings if I am quiet, and sometimes I am avoiding face-to–face meetings.

In the process of this avoidance, lately, almost without fail, I will end up face to face with someone new, or someone else that is quiet, and perhaps lonely. I greet them, ask a question, find some sort of charming, maybe even funny thing to say, then walk back to my apartment. When I get home, I realize that I was just social.! In fact, I think I made someone feel better. I have been healing and growing and this is the result–that I might actually have something to give to someone else. I like that.

Check out the moon–isn’t it lovely?

~ Pleasant Street ~ 7 Comments

Some people spoil it all, because they cannot let go of something. They want to pound it into your head until they wear you down, or maybe just to make you look foolish to others. They spoil the fun by making their opinions more important than camaraderie and friendship. Some folks spoil the party by bringing the elephant into the room, not because they have some good cause, then we would respect them, but because when they brought in the elephant twenty times already, and paraded it around, they did not get enough attention, so they take the elephant and try and feed it to you, one bite at a time. Some people act like friends, but really they just want something, and when they do not get it, they make you feel small, or try to. They belittle, and bring others on board to emphasize their opinion. Some people just won’t find the middle ground, and forget about the common opinions, which are just as true as the uncommon ones. But it is never enough, because not every one agrees, yet, with every single solitary point. They tire you out so bad that you almost wonder if they are right. They will drag that elephant around, until the poor thing’s legs are nearly lame. Some people lie, and call you friend, but really they just want something. Some folks lie. They don’t even like the party. They just got bored. Some people spoil the fun by being disingenuous about their intentions and expectations. Some of us are tired. Exhausted with the analysis and explaining. Not everyone has the strength to talk so much, or have to explain themselves. They have their own set of issues, like loneliness, grief, debt, discouragement, and fear. But they are doing their best. They want to agree, or at the least, find what they do agree with so some folks will calm down and be content with the bit of common ground that is there. But they are tired, scared, or afraid of social conflict. Some people spoil the fun, and some folks who are tired or scared or bereft, are just too tired to fix it.

Another dark sky
the moon trying to be full–
something far away howls

At dusk–summer

~ Pleasant Street

At dusk–a breeze of relief
skims over shoulders
light losing its grip on ambition
as dreams take over their domain–
strictly business as usual.
Your longings, open one page at a time
and the fireflies fluttering
where bees spent the day foraging

Smoke signals from a passing car, and
the restaurants hawking their wares
smell like longing, and leftover
Christmases never used up.
Wake up, heart!
Give up your spot in line, and
do not be afraid, when
night falls with its treasure